All right RHU, I have worked in my little rinky dink gift shop now for a few months and built an awesome rapport with my coworkers all of whom we treat each other like family. With this close knit of a bond, we’ve become so comfortable with one another that we can communicate with biting sarcasm and wit in the form of politically incorrect humor whether to each other or toward an idiotic custy. Please note RHU that the people I work with are ethnically, sexually, and gender diverse so we tend to push the envelope when it comes to those sensitivity training manuals they make you sign in those employee training manuals.
Quite frankly, we do everything that the employee handbooks tell you NOT do! Here are just a few what I’d like to call “Oh snap” examples that make an outsider cringe, but we’ve somehow found humor in. (Be forewarned, it might not be for the faint of the hypersensitive.)
My African American coworker Naomi is folding some shirts on the table when a stupid custy in an attempt to be funny and to pick her up says the following statement, “You know you’re really good at folding shirts. Maybe you could come home with me and fold my shirts at home.”
At this point, my Latin coworker Rosa defends her. “Sorry sir, but in this day and age, slavery is illegal!”
Naomi looks at the man and gives him a “Mmmhmmm, Master.” Stupid custy backs off.
Oh Snap Example 2:
Everyone knows I’m out at work and it’s no big deal. We have an obnoxious security guard at our building who comes in regularly to flirt with Rosa. Stupid security asks me the following question.
“Queer Geek, you’re a player,” he says. “You get to be around so many fine ass women.”
“Absolutely,” I reply. “But I’m a gaysian and I bat for the same team.”
Rosa jumps in. “Yeah, he love you long time.”
I grin as the security guard backs away. “Give me five dollah! I make you hollah!”
My African American coworker John got dirt in his eye and he’s rubbing it as it turns red. I notice this and ask him, “Are you crying?”
John shakes his head to which my other Latin coworker Pilar jokes.
“He’s crying because he just watch Roots!”
Oh Snap Example 4:
If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m of Asian descent. Well an obnoxious Asian couple comes in hounding me for a discount on already sale items. I refuse and they leave disgruntled with their purchases. African American John witnesses this and laughs.
“Maybe you should have reasoned with them,” he giggles. “I mean you both speak the same language.”
“Both Asian,” I correct him. “Different culture.”
“Well it’s hard to tell,” he jokes. “You all look alike.”
I cluck my tongue, hand him a stack of boxes, and point to the high shelf. Then I return the favor with a witty comeback. “Here you’re tall and can reach the high shelves without a ladder. It should be a breeze for your people! You’re all good at basketball!”
My Latin coworker Pilar is full figured and is getting into comical argument with John about her make-up. John is teasing her about how much she has on and I reassure her that she looks fine.
“See! Queer Geek thinks my make-up is fine and he’s qualified to know!” She sticks out his tongue at John.
“He would be on your side.” John rolls his eyes. “That’s not fair. He’s one of the girls.”
“That’s because he loves me,” Rosa jokes. She sticks out her behind and smacks it. “If he were straight, he would sooo want this juicy booty!”
“If I were straight,” I joked. “I’d be a douche and I’d send you back in the kitchen, bitch!”
Rosa face palms me. “Awww hell no! I’d be wearing the pants in the relationship so you can go back to digging into your Chinese food!”
John interrupts with a snappy comeback of his own. “That’s because she’d leave you, Queer Geek. She lost all her proper documentation so immigration has to cart her away!”
OH SNAP! Yes folks, this is the kind of political incorrect humor we share at my job! Yeah, we’re all going to hell but I’m sure I’m not the only one who pushes the HR boundaries. Anyone else brave enough want to share theirs?