"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. (Beware of Sleep Styling! It's the next step up from sleepwalking!)
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. (That good looking guy has the stinkiest eyes I've ever encountered!)
"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. (But I always drive by Braille!)
"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. (How else can a germophobe clean their teeth when they lose their toothbrush?)
"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. (How else can I spice up the bedroom activities?)
"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. (Uh... maybe I'll just doggie paddle.)
"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. (I'll worry about dropping it after i figure out how to pick it up...)
"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. (I think pressing charges is going to be a wee bit difficult.)
How about these two.
On a Superman Cape -- Warning: Use of This Device Does Not Enable Wearer To Fly
From a Pop-Tart (TM) box:
Warning: Pastry Filling May Be Hot When Heated"
Posted by: Tatiana_Silver | Monday, December 03, 2012 at 08:15 PM
On a laser pointer.
Do not point in eye.
Do not point in remaining eye.
Posted by: TechDeath | Monday, December 03, 2012 at 09:44 PM
actually the hair dryer one is because some people like to feel the heat against parts of their bodies while they sleep. They lay it on the bed and then it can cause the house to burn down.
Posted by: Crazy Cashier | Monday, December 03, 2012 at 10:23 PM
If there isn't at least 10 videos that make that warning on curling irons necessary, then this isn't the internet I know and love.
Posted by: Skittles | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 12:37 AM
From another one of those bluntcards:
"I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people... I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out."
Posted by: TechTiger | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 02:28 AM
Best one I heard of was on a chainsaw:
'Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.'
Posted by: Zmidponk | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 12:45 PM
The hairdryer thing I heard was because this couple was using several hairdryers to keep their bed warm and what the the covers being over the hairdryers the bed caught on fire.
Posted by: Jami | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 02:48 PM
Well, some people like the sound of white noise and the hair dryer could work for that while they sleep.
I hate that I know these things some times (conversations with old college friends can be so random).
Posted by: Fellow Slave | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 05:28 PM
ok i know that older people can take kids meds, but on all the childrens cough syrup it states -"do not drive or operate heavy machinery." Like what 5 yr old is getting ready to back-ho a swimming pool or make some table legs on a lathe saw?
Posted by: Womens Retail Slave | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 10:36 PM
1 more I promise....
at work we have stainless steel wipes which "are not for personal hygiene use"
Posted by: Womens Retail Slave | Tuesday, December 04, 2012 at 10:37 PM
On a jar of peanut butter: "CONTAINS PEANUTS"
You don't say! And all this time I thought there weren't any peanuts in my fucking PEANUT butter!
Posted by: Wmdkitty | Thursday, December 06, 2012 at 02:58 AM
I had a prolonged, involuntary shudder after reading the toilet brush one.
One of my favorite things to do is see what a wide variety of products are for "external use only", though if the internet has taught me anything is that for any given object, somewhere, someone has video recorded themselves with it jammed into an orifice.
Posted by: Nocturnesthesia | Thursday, December 06, 2012 at 08:03 PM