RHU QUESTION: How Do You Deal With Coworkers Pushing Religion

Hello RHU

I am ...well...I go by nubbinz on the internet a lot.

Because I have one arm. So this is important to the story.

I work at an rv dealership. It's not bad, there are a few instances of NATS, and I don't have to handle crusties. So it is my coworkers that stump me. Particularly Superjesusman or SJ for short. I have no problems with people believing in religion it is the extremes he takes that weird me out.

I took this job because talking to people makes me uncomfortable. So when SJ first meets me he is AUTOMATICALLY MY BESTEST FRIEND EVAR! Because he is missing a finger so he understands me. Yeah. I know.

He goes on a rather long kick discussing how he understands and how he will pray for me and if I pray too Jesus will show up in my room and will regrow my arm and how glorious the day will be when I'm healed. I've never had my arm as I lost it as a tiny child so really I wouldn't know what to do with one if I had it.

He has cornered me several times since then to specifically talk about faith and I'm tired of it. I respect he has his opinions but the very idea that I'm "broken" and need "healed" is kind of insulting. I am what I am and maybe I was put here to help those who are in the same situation as I am but got there through less gentler means adapt.

I've tried telling him I'm fine and happy but he won't listen he still insists he will pray for me.

Can anyone else think of a way to tell him without getting into an argument over his faith or the fact I think he's freaking ridiculous?

Because I can't spend all day hiding on the lot anymore.

--Nubbinz

Comments

[zacharyhildenbrandt]

Something that may penetrate his thick skull, in terms he might understand:

FROM A RELIGIOUS STANDPOINT:
Healing is more than just physical. There is also the heart/spirit. From the sound of it there is wound in your mind, in that are completely on terms with your situation--that there is NO further "healing" to take place. By the grace of God you are healed in mind, so that it is unnecessary that you be "healed" in body.

Also, God made you the way you are for good reason. You have no problem with that. Apparently, it seems, that your imperfect coworker has a problem with a perfect God's perfect plan. Although you appreciate his concern, you are content with your (physical) situation, like the Apostle Paul, (by the grace of God) came to be content with his situation in... I forget what book. Sorry.

Hopefully, this will allow him to understand what you have previously stated. And hopefully make him quit pressuring.

[Kristina]

The next tie he brings it up, tell him thanks, but no thanks and if he continues to harass you about this(and this is harassment) you are going to file a complaint.

As Zachary put it the issue is with SJ and his own feelings of being imperfect/broken/wtfever than anything with you really.

And for the ruffled feathers version, "Look SJ I don't know what your problem is but the fact is I don't need to pray for a miracle. 1. God/Jesus despite what some cults think is not a reptile and thus so are we, so this isn't just going to regrow. 2. Don't fix what ain't broke and I am far from broken."

[puella magi madoka mapquest]

beat him over the head with yr nub arm, this is the only true answer

scream "hail satan" whilst you do so

[Queer Geek]

The bad advice: Tell him you're an atheist. (Just kidding.)

Politely explain to him that you appreciate his concern and his prayers but you would prefer not to discuss religion at the job place. Then suggest he make those prayers at home and that God will hopefully heed them.

If he continues to push the issue, then at that point it would be supervisor or HR situation.

[random retail slave]

Thankfully we have very few extremely religious co-workers where I work. And for the most part they have left me alone on the religion topic. When one of them have tried to discus religion with me, I have told them as kindly as possible that there are a 3 topics I feel very uncomfortable talking at work: religion, politics and sex. I will listen to the first two topics, but not comment; but will not listen to discussions on the third.

I used that during this last election year too when in the break-room someone would want to know who I was voting for etc...

I don't know if it is too late to do that with this co-worker, but it might be worth a try. At leas let him know you are uncomfortable with religion in the work place. Whenever one of my co-workers would try to force the issues with me I would just tell them that I felt that the work place should remain neutral of religion or politics to keep the peace.

But as others have said, you may have to go to HR if he keeps it up.

[AmigaTech]

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that you just sorta put up with it the first, probably the second, possibly the third time(s)...

It's a bit late now, but you can still do it:

Be an ass. Tell him in no uncertain terms to stop it. If he persists, tell him where to shove it, and then get management involved.

The 'no uncertain terms' part is important. You don't have to explain why - don't explain - but you do have say, in as few or fewer words, "Stop talking about this to me. I don't want to hear it. Go Away."

Weaseling around with phrases like 'maybe later' or 'I'm not so sure' or even 'I don't think so' will get you nowhere. When it has bothered you enough to post to RHU, it's pretty obvious that more subtle hints to knock it off aren't going well. Be very blunt and obvious.

Yes, that'll make the workplace quite uncomfortable for awhile. Think of it as 'tough love' - A little harshness for a lot more smoothness later on.

Best of luck,

--AT

[Jim]

Tell him that when Jesus regrows his finger to come back and the the two of you can chat.

[trekkiebabe]

I agree with Zachary, it really sounds like he's not content with the fact that he lost his finger and so he's transferred his pain and frustration to you. Be sympathic but tell him that you're honestly okay with it, and maybe this happened to you so that you can understand what other people who lose limbs go through.

[Sammi]

To Jim - love it!!!

To Nubbinz - like others said, the time to be polite is over. In a letter (I hate confrontation) to your manager, tell him/her that you are having issues with your coworker and you feel uncomfortable, as the working environment has become less than wholesome.

In the meantime, when your coworker starts on his tangents, put your hand up (I know, rude) and say, "not interested," and walk off. If you are stuck at your desk, start working (real or imagined) and just ignore them.

Good luck!!!! Keep us posted

[nubbinz]

Thanks guys. Its usually pretty easy to avoid him by going out on the lot and cleaning but he is pretty persistant.

I managed to turn down his offer of joining his church in prayer yesterday.

I will have to get to the boss if this keeps up. I have social anxiety and while bossman scares me SJ ....its annoying

[AmigaTech]

You'll have a lot more social anxiety before this is over. Welcome to the wonderful world of trying to be nice in a world where everyone else is an ass*ole. It's not much fun.

--AT

[Hellbound Alleee]

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't tell him of your own religious viewpoint, even if you are an atheist (no kidding). If he has a right to corner you and talk about his views on Jesus, you have a right to respond.

But it depends on what the owner or the boss thinks. A lots of the time, the owner or the boss is going to be of the majority religion. This is where I wish my christian friends would listen and realize they are not persecuted.

The chances are that the boss will be of the majority religion, and will have no sympathy for those--not of a minority religion (sometimes), but of no religion. They think "well, at least he believes in God." But if he doesn't believe in a god, that's a different story. Suddenly, there are some really bad associations with that. Suddenly, he might shoot up the place. Suddenly, he would as soon kill you as to look at you. You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. That's how people in my community see people like me. And it's just plain ignorant. People like me deserve the same chance at employment as anyone else, as long as we show up, do the job, and kiss the boss' ass. And I'm not exaggerating on that last one.

So this is when I say, if you know how your boss will react, change your speech to fit what you think your boss want to hear. Unfortunately, most bosses don't want to hear any trouble, but there's that. You can always say, "So-and-so is taking away my work time with non work-related conversations. I can't seem to get him to stop." If that doesn't work, time to display your rights to equal opportunities.

I wish you luck.

[The Last Archimedean]

My response is usually "Get away and shut up, I'm trying to work. Go do your job and leave me alone."

And that applies to conversations about other topics besides religion. If I'm on the clock, unless it's work-related don't talk to me.

[Nicktheking]

Your best bet is try and convert him. Seriously being a complete asshole too. It works. I had the same problem once and took things into my own hands. So I threw it back in their face and tried converting this assclown to Scientology (mostly just to really piss this person off). Afterwards, free and clear to go about my day.

[NC Tony]

Tell him all about the wonders of the Mighty Thrognar (and his enchanted RF gun Bob).

Or... just take the above suggestions, if telling him off politely isn't working, just tell him in no uncertain terms that you're tired of hearing it and to just stop, because if he doesn't you're going to go to the boss.

[lamer]

Want to not deal with the religious talk while also not getting in to your politics?

Say one simple phrase: God made me this way and I'm happy with his decision. I'm sorry you're not.

[teaqueen]

Tell him your gay and that he is kindof cute. He will leave you alone.

[Nubbinz]

I'm a girl teaqueen but i have done that before.

It would be so much easier if he was a sexist. I've delt with sexist people. I can give a strongly worded eff you to an asshole.

SJ is all sickly sweet polite...

yuck. Anyway i think he is off next week so i'll have some time to think.

[Kel]

Nubz be firm with him tell him to stop.

I myself am religious. I am also very sick.

The church I attend used to have some crazy ladys who would walk up to me and touch me every sunday to try and pray over me. I don't like being touched. I finnaly snaped at them and I said, Look, step back, I appreciate the thought but you are creeping me out. I don't need this every sunday. You want to pray for me fine do it over there.

This coming from someone who does be leave in the power of prayer. But seriously hate it when people invade my personal space.

[Chicajojobe]

Tell flat out that you don't feel comfortable discussing your arm or your religion at work.
Even when he argues, "Yes but...blah blah blah"
"As I said, I don't feel comfortable discussing this."

If he doesn't stop report him to your boss or HR. I get the social anxiety, but you need to be able to stand up for yourself.

[Skittles]

You could always tell him you sure wish Jesus would hurry up so you could finally do the "little teapot song" with the accompanied dance properly.

But in all reallity Queer Geek has probably the best advice so far. Part of it could be that SJ has a bit of a crush on you as well. I find that lots of people who are heavy into religions of one sort or another try to convert people as a means of making them more acceptable for dating. You would be the best judge of whether or not that is the case. If it is or might be a part of he issue, include giving him the cold shoulder as well, in other words make it absolutely clear you have no interest in him.

[Evie]

You could always try Matthew 6:6 on him -- "But you, when you pray, enter into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly." Of course that might backfire, but I find that verse useful when overzealous Christians get in my face.

[Framer_fatal]

Super to the point: "sj, I don't need prayer to be fixed because I'm not broken."

[Kittyfoster]

Keep saying to him: I appreciate the thought but I'm not interested. If he starts again, repeat the above, until it sinks in that YOUR NOT INTERESTED.

[Comet]

Don't you just luuuuuuve when these type of people--or any misguided sort---seems to feel that THEY and they ALONE have some sort of direct "Line" to some "Higher Power" who can FIX all of YOUR problems?

Somehow THEY always seem to have WAY more problems than I do!!!!

One would think that IF their prayers were THAT effective that they would be HEALED FIRST.

AS a double amputee I get told ALL the time that random strangers are going to "Pray for me"--I rarely inform them that altho Jesus started out as one of MY TRIBE---I am Jewish---that sadly he has been co-opted by terrorists recently and PLEASE DON'T PRAY FOR ME.

No I am not brave for just getting up in the morning and going about my day.

Brave is some guy under fire. Brave is some little kid or parent realizing that no the cancer is NOT going to go away from prayer or science. Brave is NOT me climbing on a motorcycle.

I would take this guy aside and tell him that if he feels the NEED to pray that YOU be healed YOU will find the NEED to go and pray with the local HR or Human Rights Rep that HE be cast out among demons--ie--FIRED for using his position of power over you to force HIS religious views down your throat.

I would then say that if this doesn't work that you THROTTLE him--but hey that would be like me trying to run and tackle someone. Sad when our unhealed physical limitations get in the way of our deep need to kick the shit outta someone.

[Jason Thorn]

Most proper Christians know when there is and isn't a good time for this sort of thing.

If he causes too much trouble, quote John 6:44: "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him."