Urban Dictionary Words We Love: Hellspawn Alternatives

Linoleum Lizard

Term for someone else’s children who scurry around, dart underfoot, and may give you the heebie-jeebies due to the unpredictable way they move like a lizard across a linoleum floor. May be applied to your own children depending on how you’ve raised them.

Frank: “Geez, what was that thing that just ran between my legs?!”
Larry: “That was Jim’s little linoleum lizard. He just turned two.”
Child: HSSSSSSS!!

Crotch Goblin

A child. Also known as crotch spawn, or runny nosed shrieking brat. Essentially, a baby or small child that is a whining little hell demon. Elementary schools and daycare centers abound with crotch goblins.

"Someone shut that screeching crotch goblin up!"

Demon Spawn

A term used to describe an unruly child who gets in everyone's way. They cause tons of chaos and destroy everything in their path. Their parents seem to think that this is somehow "cute", and get pissed off if you try to tell their child to shut up. The parents are usually pro-life, so intelligence is lacking on their part.

"God damn it! Will those parents shut their Demon Spawn up?"

Ankle Biter

A toddler. A child between the ages of 1 and 4.

"Yeah, she's all married an' got a buncha little ankle biters runnin' around"

Rug Rat

A toddler or a young child who is not yet old enough to walk so crawls using all four limbs instead. A newborn baby or children under one-year old are sometimes referred to as rug rats.

Tom and Angela's little rug rat is only ten months old and he'll be walking on his own any day now.

Maniacal Midget

A hyperactive child. Usually a child hyped up on a movie, sugar, or exciting event that then rampages around leaving a trail of destruction.

Manager: Sorry about the mess Joe, we had a maniacal midget loose in the store.
Joe: How did he get footprints six feet up the wall?!

Comments

[Jami]

Cute but I disagree with the pro-lifers part of demon spawn. 99% of the demon spawn I personally known are parented by pro-choice people. Especially ever since some idiot wrote a book saying you should never tell your child "no" or otherwise disapline them. Most pro-lifers I know spank their kids when they act like demon spawn.

[NC Tony]

Demon Spawn and Maniacal Midgets are the kind of kids I don't feel bad about "accidentally" tripping. Not that I've ever done that.

[The Last Archimedean]

I've cut off demon spawn and maniacal midget paths with my cart before. Not at the last instant, but in such a way that if they don't look and don't slow down, they crash into it about 5 or 6 seconds later. Most of the time they dodge the obstacle and give me a dirty look, but a few have taken a tumble. That is followed by me saying, "You okay, kid? You need to be more careful where you're going."

[Queer Geek]

I've known people who have had crotch goblins before. However, we refer to call them "crabs".

[Skittles]

@Jami You must know some spectacular pro-lifers cause most of those folks couldn't find their own ass with both hands. Frankly it's a wonder most of them can figure out how to even get prego.