My boss "Miasma," (recent winner of 2012 RHU Douchebag of the Year, against very stiff competition) has become BFFs with a recent hire, the incompetent and insane cashier, "Dyslexa." Weird relationship - on the basis of being a manipulative suck up to the emotionally insecure passive-aggressive store manager "Miasma," "Dyslexa" appointed herself imaginary Assistant Manager.
She doesn't do her own job, but bosses everyone else around. It's created nothing but problems for the rest of the employees, because, basically, there are two sets of rules - company rules, and the ones which "Dyslexa" chooses to follow and "Miasma" enforces in her case. When I talk to her as supervisor, and you have to take my word I speak to her politely and respectfully, "Dyslexa" will just walk away from me, or refuse instructions, saying she only has to listen to "Miasma."
The other day, "Dyslexa" told another supervisor, "Superdoopervisor E" - "I don't have to f***ing listen to you!"
This supervisor complained to "Miasma," who just said, 'Yeah, that kind of swearing has to stop' - and that was the end of it.
"Miasma" is dealing with "Dyslexa's" inability to get along with others by working all of their shifts together. Besides, these two partay gurlz have so much fun together! When they work together, they hang out, shop online for makeup, watch YouTube videos, joke around, and of course gossip and complain about how the rest of us don't do our work. Meanwhile, the two of them are the bitchiest backstabbing micromanagers of other employees. "Dyslexa" always has an excuse, or blames others for things she does wrong - like let a dead hamster rot in a cage on our sales floor for at least two days, when I eventually discovered on my shift when I walked past and noticed the stench of death.
Boss's BFF "Dyslexa" shows up so hung over she can't function, doesn't do animal care, stands around looking out the window for hours, lets customers wait at the register for the privilege of spending their money at our store, messes up register transactions, texts so much on the job that she wears down her battery and has to keep her iPhone plugged in at the register, but, ironically, she is hypercritical of her peers and supervisors. It's not enough for her to say, "Please take care of this;" she has to send someone on a downward shame spiral - :"LOOK AT THIS MESS! This is ri-dic-u-lous. Don't you pay attention to your work? You need to understand that I brought this to 'Miasma's' attention and she is very, very, v e r y disappointed in your performance. What do you think we pay you for?" It's absurd - totally ass-backwards.
I came in today after two merciful days away from this bullshit, having left 'Miasma' to "talk" to her BFF about "stuff." On a fairly busy Saturday, they were hanging out in "Miasma's" office watching "Hansel and Gretel" on YouTube. Then they blasted this really loud and obnoxious music out of the front office, which is right by the cash register area and the front door of the store. If that wasn't bad enough, they were loudly singing along, yelling across the store to each other comments about lyrics, and doing little dance routines. What an adorable pair! They're such cute comical cut ups!
Another employee, "Snake Guy," took me aside today and said, 'This is out of control and has to stop.' He said the day before, when he arrived, they were watching child beauty pageants on YouTube. Manager "Miasma" complained to him about what a terrible job another employee had done, and he said he would do his best to get caught up. He then heard loud music and whooping and woo hoos coming from the front of the store - they were carrying on like it was a party. He said they paged him to come to the front of the store, and asked him what special moves he knew, and he said he really didn't have any. They said, hey, watch what we can do!! - and proceeded to goof off for him by doing head stands and cartwheels. He said there were customers in the store, and in and out the door, and that it was embarrassing. The Store Manager, and the Controversial Cashier Everyone Hates, folks! "Snake Guy" also said he was talking to "Superdoopervisor E" today, and "Miasma" walked by and said, "Less talk, more work, please." Wha? Is she on acid? Does she think we're all on acid and have lost all powers of observation?
I gave "Miasma" weeks to talk to her darling pet, and despite her assurances to correct the serious problems, "Dyslexa" remains a poor performing and insubordinate bully. A week ago, "Superdoopervisor E" went so far as to talk to the owner about "Dyslexa." The owner who knows "E" well and what a superb employee she is (in fact he told me he wants her to become the new manager) - and he is concerned - in fact he said right out "Dyslexa" should be fired - but is waiting to hear what progress she made with trying to get "Miasma" to deal with it on a managerial level before he gets involved.
Here's hoping one of the customers who were in the store when they were doing head stands and cartwheels calls to complain. At this point I feel duty bound to tell the owner about the loud music and the monkeyshines. All the other employees are prepared to complain to the owner at this point, because clearly "Miasma" has an inappropriate relationship with "Dyslexa" which is effecting her judgement.
"Dyslexa" thinks it's good strategery to advance her own career with the company by pissing off all the other employees, and suck up to a manager who is quitting this May. Ooops. Here's hoping both these bitches get fired this week.
--Polo-Necked Strip Mall Monkey