Drunken Custy Crashes Through Table At Wedding

Hello, all! It's KittyKatzchen!

I haven't posted in a few months shy of forever, but I have a story! So, last night I was at a friend's wedding with my lovely hubby. It was in the mini-ballroom of a nicer wine bar that is also attached to an ungodly expensive furniture store. I don't know why they're smooshed together, but there's not much space for building in Hawaii and some things just get clusterfucked.

Anyway, things were going well at the reception when all of a sudden we hear a huge crash and a couple of screams from the dance floor. There are thick chunks of glass all over the floor. Me and several other people looked up, thinking maybe something had fallen from the ceiling. Nope.

When I went to check on my friends (who had screamed) and help them brush off glass, I got the full story. Apparently, one rather -ahem- shitfaced guest had seen my friends looking somewhere in his general direction and decided, "Hey, they want the cock."

Blocking his inebriated path was a poor glass table. In an attempt to step over the table he somehow, through drunken physics, managed to stand on top of the table...which caused it to shatter into a hundred chunks of 'Oh, shit.'

No one was seriously hurt, the drunkard was 'escorted' out of the party (The advantage of having most of the attending members being Marines), and the bride took a few chugs of wine from a flask and was fine. When I came back into the ballroom from checking on slightly bleeding guests, I saw that everything had been pushed back and a couple of slaves were sweeping up the mess.

I'm ashamed to admit that it only then dawned on me how shitty this was for them. Not only did the serving slaves have to wade through tipsy (or full on drunk) guests, balancing stacks of plates as they wove through the crowd, and make sure the ever moving water glasses were always filled, but they then had to clean up a shattered and probably expensive table because of one slosh's horn dog hunt.

I don't know what's worse: If this was their first shitty experience or if this constantly happens to them. Not the broken table, per se, but you know what I mean. Also, let it be known that the bride and groom have full intentions of paying for the table, no arguments, by tearing it out of the drunk guest's backside.

May all your custies be as serene (and sober) as a cat,

--KittyKatzchen and Company

Comments

[The Last Archimedean]

I don't even know where to start.

How in Zeus's name do you get so drunk you fall through a glass table?! I have been drunk off my @$$ before but never done anything like that.

I'm glad the bride and groom are making jerkface pay for the damages. But... yikes. Broken glass everywhere. If they miss a tiny piece it could cut open someone's foot, or the workers could get cut cleaning it up [when a light bulb broke on my floor recently, I had both things happen despite being quite careful in my cleanup.]

I'm thankful no one was seriously hurt. That could have been so much worse...

[Kabe]

Unfortunately, yes, stupidity happens all too frequently. The most fun is when a guest gets hurt on our property because of their own asshattery and then sues US!

[KittyKatzchen]

@TLA: By the Goddess, I have no idea. I've never been drunk, so I don't have much to compare it to, but still.

@Kabe: He'll have no chance of suing because there were about 50 witnesses who thinks he's an asshat. If he tries, we'll take him down.

[Liquor Lady]

I worked catering a few summers ago, and I was more amused than anything by the drunks. They never really did anything serious, though, save one lady who accidentally lit the menu the bride and groom provided on fire in a candle. That was interesting. >_<

In fact, one of my favorite customers the entire summer was an excessively drunken groomsman. He caught me on my way past the head table and said "Hey! You look like someone who can get stuff done!" and when I asked what he needed he held up the champagne bottle the groomsmen were sharing and said "It's EMPTY" like that was the most horrifying thing imaginable. I told him I'd take care of it, went to my manager to see if they had more to serve, and when they did I got it and brought it back to the head table. Well, as I was pouring it, the drunken groomsman looked astonished and said "I don't have a GLASS!" which was easily fixed. I got him situated with a new glass and then he grinned at me and said "I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. I KNEW YOU COULD GET STUFF DONE. HIGH FIVE!" Well, I laughed and gave him a high five, then went about my business. For the rest of the night, every time he saw me, he loudly announced to whoever was listening that "THAT LADY KNOWS HOW TO GET STUFF DONE. HIGH FIVE!" It was like having my own little cheering section in a job that was usually soul crushingly awful, but managed not to be that night because of Mr. Drunken Groomsman.

Usually, the job was pretty annoying though because it was a very high end venue for weddings/events (I think it was $12k just to rent the place, not including food or drinks, and that was if you didn't mind possibly sharing it with up to two other functions) and a LOT of the people I served were hoity-toity and thought they were better and more deserving than some poor, worthless server. Ugh. At the time I was in graduate school in the seventh best program in my field in the friggin' world, and I just wanted to beat them over the head with my previous master's degree. Because working retail does not automatically make you an idiot, it makes you someone who needs money to pay rent and eat.

[Chicajojobe]

My guess is this kind of thing happens all the time at weddings. A colleague of mine described attending an engagement party that almost ended in a brawl when the groom-to-be and bestman (who hated the bride-to-be) got into a screaming, argument that escalated into a fist drunken fist fight.

They were probably just happy that the wedding party took care of it themselves instead of expecting them to give Lushy McKlutz the bum's rush.

[Chicajojobe]

Yikes! Epic typing fail. Sorry about that.

[NC Tony]

I've been drunk, and I've even been literally fall-down-drunk a couple of times. Luckily, I didn't break anything (property or bones), but even then, I still retained enough rational thought to go around any object that was in my way.

[Hawkeye]

I had a wedding guest literally flip a table at my wedding. At the time, I was horrified. Security escorted her out, she almost had the police called on her, and she lost her phone. Luckily, the reception hall was able to remove the melted candle wax from the floor, and we were not responsible for any damage. My hubby and laugh about it now, but no one expects that.