Right now we've got a promotion going on to get any espresso based specialty coffee for $1. We try to promote this but usually people can't resist getting their large double espresso latte in the morning and stomp away with boon in hand.
However, last night during my shift a group of kids come in. They're pretty regular, come in once or twice every day, they order and sit in the corner where I'm not cleaning. It starts out normal, one coming up to check the prices now and again, maybe ordering something and sitting back down, they stay for a good hour and half before this happens.
One of them walks up and let's just call him Idiot, the following exchange happens while he's at my till:
Idiot: Can I have an espresso love?
Screaming Off Key: Sorry?
Idiot: An espresso love, the one for $1
Screaming Off Key: *Apparently clues in* Do you want an Americano, mocha, latte, cappuccino or an espresso shot?
Idiot: No. I just want the espresso love!
Screaming Off Key: But that's not a drink...
Idiot: Nevermind!
He proceeds to walk back to his friends and loudly rant about me being a bitch. One of his other friends then very loudly responds with "You're a fucking idiot!" He proceeds to take Idiot's money and come up to the till and this exchange occurs:
Friend: What is the espresso love?
Screaming Off Key: Well that's actually a play on words, it advertises the specialty coffee drinks for a dollar..
Friend: What kind of drinks can I get?
Screaming Off Key: American, mocha, latte, cappuccino or an espresso shot.
Friend: Well I'll have the cappuccino, do you have flavours?
Screaming Off Key: Yup! We have vanilla, sugar free vanilla and caramel.
Friend: Well put vanilla in it please.
Screaming Off Key: Sure thing, $1.05 please.
Friend: Thanks.
After I make the drink and hand it over, he goes back to the table and hits Idiot. Idiot proceeds to complain that maybe I have a crush on his friend or something. They leave after another buys a hot chocolate and I get on with cleaning.
May all your customers have listening skills.
--Screaming Off Key
The really sad part about this story is that the other teenagers all got it. If they ALL were equally confused you could write it off as either the coupon being confusing or their school not putting a brain in their heads, but when all but one of them understands what's happening it's clear he's the lone moron.
Posted by: The Last Archimedean | Tuesday, February 12, 2013 at 11:28 AM
Yeah. We go to the same high school...
And the one that actually understood? He was high off his ass.
Posted by: ScreamingOffKey | Tuesday, February 12, 2013 at 02:19 PM
I honestly thought: oh this must be in the UK. Sadly it took me a few minutes to realize he wasn't asking for an espresso and referring to you as love.
Posted by: Skittles | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 at 02:03 AM
Haha!! Same here. I thought the weird thing at first was that he'd called the OP 'love'. Oh, England. :)
Posted by: PoetryOtter | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 at 01:55 PM