RHUer gets conspiracy theorists at library

Some days I like my job.

And some days I wish I was thin and pretty enough to have married for money.

I normally don't work Thursdays, but I agreed to work three hours extra this week on Thursday - the slowest hours at the library. Sadly that was also when a man we all call Loud Mouth showed up with a friend. His friend was a full blown conspiracy theorist minus his tinfoil hat. The first thing Tin Foil did was come up to me and invite me to see his "private library" of "declassified FBI files." He prattled on to me about Nazi experiments on Plum Island conducted by the American government on mind control. How Presidents George Bush Sr and Bill Clinton both received large shipments of cocaine via airplanes while in the White House and how they both used White Water to launder the money. He'd walk away for a bit and I'd try to engage other patrons in conversation to keep him at bay.

Finally one of the librarians noticed what was going on and sent me to the back room until both Loud Mouth and Tin Foil were gone.

Today I received a phone call from Loud Mouth. He wanted to check the due dates on his DVDs. One of them was a non-fiction DVD that he instantly began ranting that he returned. I did a shelf check, it's not there. He started in on me about how someone in the library is out to get him and there's a "conspiracy against him" and how this always happens when he puts things in the outside book drop. Our phones time how long you're on the phone. It took 5 minutes, 39 seconds to calm him down and get off the phone.

Not two seconds pass and he's calling me again to check his due dates again. Then starts in about the DVD and about how people can look at his record. I mentioned that unless you pay for an item for any reason the second something is turned in it's erased off one's record for privacy reasons and no one can look up your pass check outs unless you were billed for them.

He INSTANTLY began giving me a lecture on how the American government can look into one's check out records. (Which is NOT true. What I said was right and anyway even if they could they have to get a subpoena first, and headquarters would still have to approve of it - librarians won't let the government pry into people's records willy nilly.)

By this time I was so upset with the guy and had so many more important things to do I put the phone on the desk and let him rant to dead air until he hung up. I put a note about everything on his records and told my supervisor all about it once she came back from her break.

He not only upset me, but I could see other patrons around me get upset and give me sympathetic looks. That's right, this guy is called Loud Mouth for a reason. Even over the phone he can be heard by everyone.

I seriously need to find a way to shed 110 pounds, get plastic surgery, and become some rich man's trophy wife. Or get one of my YouTube videos to go viral so I can be discovered. Either will do. I just want to be wealthy enough to be able to tell Loud Mouth to go do the world a favor and check into the nearest loony bin because he needs professional help.

- The Singing Library Clerk

 

Comments

[hardwarenutz]

I had that happen at my old hardware store, but it involved one of the new EPA valved gas cans. This woman carried on for a good five, maybe tens minutes(in front of the regiesters mind you) about how it was a conspiracy between the government and big business. Thankfully the cashier got her cashed out and on her way to get more tinfoil for her hat.

[CoG]

The second line of this story is the best thing EVER. Thank you for that :)

[Book Baby]

We have the same people come into MY library!

I dealt with one woman who, when I called to tell her she had left her wallet (full of $!) in the reference department, went balistic. I pulled her record up using her LIBRARY CARD and called the number SHE had provided. She started ranting and raving about how we got her number how we knew her name, etc. Her NAME? Good LORD, it is on her library card, her driver's license, her credit cards...you get the picture.

What is really funny is that one never knows when a wacko will walk in the door and it is impossible to guess which ones are nuts by how they are dressed or how they smell. I have had wackos who looked like GQ models and very articulate, mannered folks who were dirty and who smelled beyond belief. It is truly a crap shoot as to what will walk up to the desk.

[Skittles]

Did he never think to himself: why on earth would the government care what i read? Although as far as government experiments go you might be surprised at what our government has done. Their was an experiment done trying to teach dolphins to talk, it did in fact involve at one point a dolphin recieving handjobs. The government has done experiments not specifically on mind control but more in advanced interogation techniques that involved slipping people large doses of LSD without their knowledge or consent. Spoiler it did not work.

[Chicajojobe]

@Skittles,

You're right it never seems to occur to conspiracy theorists that they might NOT be important enough for the government to want to spy on.

[The Singing Library Clerk]

Now I'm daydreaming about making friends with a FBI agent who I can have write him a letter saying, "Sir, frankly we don't care if you check out every book on bomb making in the entire Library Of Congress. You're simply not important or threatening enough to bother with. Also, keep your voice down. It's a library."

While mind control experiments might have been conducted combine it with the cocaine shipments and Nazis, plus just the way Tin Foil was acting and his constant "I want you to come see my private library," "You need to come see my private library" and you had one scary guy.

[Boho]

Of course the gov't can check into library records; haven't you seen Se7en? It helped them catch a serial killer.

And, it COULD be useful. Could be. But, yeah, I'm sorry, if those stupid ass people don't want to be a part of the library because it's too prying, then don't join the library. Easy enough.

Honestly, the power wielded by the government is extremely vast and overhelming. I do try to keep under the radar as much as possible, but it's pretty much impossible to stay under the radar in this day and age.

[InSecurity]

Only thing worse than a tin-foil hat custy, is a tin-foil hat co-worker. Also, don't give them your e-mail address, they tend to be forwarders. *twitch*

[Bitch Boy]

You don't have to be rich or a beauty queen to deal with tin-foil hatters...

It's really simple:

"Of course we know where you live sir/madam, we ALL know where you live..."

Then walk away.

[The Singing Library Clerk]

The government cannot look into your files. Not without a court order. And even then we fight it.

I don't always agree with it considering we have pedophiles that hang around. But there it is. Your library records are safe from the American government.