Darn it if my last post didn’t make me remember some of the good times at Old Slavery. They were few and far between, but they did happen. Like this one. It was a little far to go for a joke, but oh, so worth it.
Back in the day (’06 or ’07, I think) Old Slavery didn’t have much of the licensed merchandise they sell now. The designs on their “graphic tees” looked like someone force fed whole milk to a severely lactose intolerant person and had him squat over a blank shirt. They were awful. Every so often, after the poor lactose intolerant soul had come up with a new design, possibly by wiggling, corporate would send us a small shipment to see if anyone would buy them. These were called, with a straight face…
Wait for it…
I know, right? Had I not been a retail veteran when I learned this, I would have been unable to believe that anyone would slap such a label on a product without smirking and giggling like a 13 year old boy, but, y’know. Corporate, ass-finding, both hands, map.
I had helped the GM organize a table of the above named items and had gone about my usual business for most of the shift. Towards the end we had an incident where we were forced by our spineless “Loss prevention” policy to let merchandise walk right out of the store because God forbid we should actually prevent some loss.
Immediately afterward, the GM, another employee, and I were standing next to the table of horrible shirts, and I was complaining about being unable to do anything about shoplifters.
GM: I understand how you feel, but its policy.
Me: Because Old Slavery doesn’t have the cojones to do anything about it.
GM: …I guess.
Me: (Having a sudden, wicked inspiration and pointing) but we do have test tees!
GM: …Wow. I’m going to go wash my brain out now.
Coworker: *Falls over laughing*
To this day, the memory of the look on the GM’s face makes me smile.
Stay sane, my friends,