This actually started out after the event with the bitch and her ID, but when I submitted the story, I thought it was over.
Never have I been so wrong.
A few hours after the incident with the bitch, I’m just getting calmed back down. My new coworker has already left for the day due to hour cuts, so it’s just me and Leeroy. This man comes in with a ‘SWIFT’ brand cigarette roller. You put the tobacco in it, put a blank tube in the nozzle, work the lever and BAM! You’ve rolled your own cigarette!
The problem with this brand is that the lever is plastic and EASY to break. Especially since most customers decide they have to use it as hard as possible.
Sure enough, he’s done just that it seems, and he wants to return OR exchange it for a working one. Knowing how frustrating this is, since my mom has tried rolling her own, I ask him if he still has his receipt.
It was from February 24th. Our return-slash-exchange policy, WHICH IS CLEARLY LISTED and all workers are trained to recite on items that are frequently returned, is that you have FIVE days to return them in. I explain it to him, and he just gets this pathetic ‘Kicked Puppy’ look and asks if there’s anything I can do. I go back to my shift leader and explain the situation.
She tells me that she’s not comfortable breaking policy even though on an event like this, easily broken merchandise breaks fairly quickly, we’re allowed to. Ask him to come back tomorrow and talk to the manager.
So I go back out, and say “Terribly sorry, sir. Because it’s out of the range of dates for a return, we can’t process it without getting in trouble. However, if you come back during [First Shift Hours] and ask for [Manager], I’m sure she’ll be able to do something for you.”
Customer: But I have to roll cigarettes TONIGHT!
Terah: I’m so sorry, I know this machine is flimsy and breaks easily. I honestly try to talk customers out of buying this one and get one of these.
I showed him a smaller, hand model. It works exactly the same, but instead of a nifty lever, you slide it by hand.
Terah: I’ve been getting people to buy these for going on seven years, and I have never had a single person come back and say they didn’t like it or that it broke. I mean, if they stop using it, it’s usually because they quit smoking, or they just got tired of rolling their own.
He wants to buy it, and I ring it up. It’s not even $9, but he only has a five on him. He curses and storms out with his broken machine and the receipt.
I got home, submitted my post about the cigarette bitch and went about my business.
The next day, I get in earlier and was talking to PinkGirl, when WildWoman (An awesome coworker, I love her to death) calls her up. I began telling Tex about the cigarette bitch, when PinkGirl comes back a couple of minutes later.
PinkGirl: Who worked in the cigarette store last night?
Terah: Me… NewGuy… and…Leeroy?
PinkGirl: I’ve got a guy up here with a busted up cigarette machine-
Terah: Oh, yeah, I’m the one who spoke with him last night.
PinkGirl: Okay, he’s saying you were a rude and unhelpful bitch, and that you said you refused to refund his cigarette machine and to talk to the manager. But I saw his receipt, and it was for February 24th and told him we couldn’t do anything about it. Terah, I know you’re not stupid enough to be a ‘rude bitch’ and then tell someone to come speak to [Manager]. I’ve worked with you long enough. I told him to leave.
It ended well, but two crazy assholes in one day? I blame the weather.
--Terah The Gas Slave

Wait, they sided with and were loyal to you, rather than genuflecting at the customer's feet? Miracles really DO happen!
As for that Unholy Roller, I can suggest several places where he can stick his busted machine. You were polite in letting him know that you personally couldn't break policy, but let him know who might be able to help him, and when they would be in next. You also suggested a higher-quality product that would solve the circular issue of purchasing and break the crappy model. Dude had no right to call you a rude and unhelpful bitch. Please know that I am sending him a virtual middle finger, just for you. Take comfort in the fact that we got your back, Terah.
Posted by: CoG | Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 12:51 PM
Jesus, what an asshole! He was probably venting his frustration about the broken roller and the replacement one being out of his price range, but he had no right to go behind your back like that. Good for your managers for knowing you're not stupid enough to be rude to someone and then refer them to your managers. Who would do that, honestly? I hope that bastard didn't get his return and had to sink even more money into that new roller, and that he had to purchase it elsewhere because he left out of embarrassment of getting caught in a blatant lie.
Posted by: Mollywobbles | Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 01:16 PM
Going back later and accusing the employee of being a bitch usually works for getting managers to replace shit for free at Walmart, and this guy sounds like he frequents Walmart.
Posted by: Nocturnesthesia | Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 10:00 PM