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Aagh aagh aaaagh! The flashbacks! Especially the bluetooth shitheads! The worst is, in fact, not when they give you the "one minute" signal, it's when they try to talk to you and the voices in their heads- I mean, the person on the phone- alternately, with no breaks or signals to let you know which of you they're actually talking to!
"Blah blah blah my colonoscopy blah the state of fashion today blah a size 6 in this? Hello? Do you work here?" Yes, I work here, you idiot, but how the hell am I supposed to know you're suddenly talking to me?

Also, a turned-off bluetooth is not a fashion accesory! Thank yew.


gah- that should be accessory.

The Last Archimedean

#4 on this list is definitely the worst. We need a cellphone-zapping device sewn into the associatte's uniform, only functioning within the store, that automatically deactivates all cellphones within 15 feet of the associate. NC Tony, want to add that to your Slave Wish List?


UGH! Thrognar save me from the Little Blue Ear Cockroach! No, I can't fucking SEE it, I think you're talking to ME, which is why I expressed confusion. Don't scowl at me and tap it - turn it the fuck off so we can finish this transaction like civilized human beings!


Little Blue Ear Cockroach! I am so stealing that line to say to one of my friends.

Arch: I'd just want one that puts an increasing amount of static or feedback (think of what it's like when you put a microphone too close to a speaker) into the phone, the closer you get to any employee. And if it finds one of those Ear Roaches, it screams in your ear, at maximum volume.

Book Baby

I HATE cell phones in restaurants. A few months back, DH and I went to a local place for some much needed QUIET time and a simple dinner. Did I say QUIET TIME?? Nope, no way, no how, nuh uh. There was some jerk nozzle on his cell during the entire time we were there. He was sitting by himself talking to someone the entire time he was eating! I was soooo stressed by the tie diner was over. I would have had a more relaxing dinner inside one of Mickey D's ball pits.

Book Baby

"TIME" dinner was over. Edit, Book Baby, before you post!

Trucker Bitch

Umm...I actually do have to wear one of those bluetooth devices for work. As a truck driver, my cell phone is the only way for my dispatch to reach me and since it's pretty much against the law everywhere to use a hand held cell while driving...

Though since I changed to a larger bluetooth headset, rather then one of those tiny little ones, I don't wear it outside the truck.

NC Tony

TLA: Way ahead of you.

From the very first Retail Slaves Wish List:
Cell Phone Killers: These will be installed in cash registers. When a customer is within five feet of the register the signal will start to break up, if they have not gotten the clue, then at two feet the signal cuts out altogether dropping the call, no matter what carrier you have. There is no app for that.

Actually, I've covered a lot of these in my Slaves Wish Lists.


Trucker Bitch: I think people have less problems with you using it to communicate with your dispatchers than they do with the person in line at the register who calls their friend to say that they're "just checking out now, and will meet their friend at Cheesecake Factory in two minutes."
My mother's second husband drove big rigs for a living, and he would call her and his friends to talk during longer stretches of his drive to from getting bored. His using that hands-free device wasn't bothering anybody, unlike those people who go into retail stores and announce to the world their business, just because we can hear them as clearly as the person they've called :P

Trucker Bitch

CoG- I do see what you're getting at. I will admit that back when I had one of the smaller style bluetooths, I would wear it outside the truck nearly all the time. Though when I would get called at those times, I'd generally put one hand to my ear in an unconsious "I'm on the phone" gesture. So at least I hope I wouldn't look like an insane person, like in the Cellphone Shitheads.


@Trucker Bitch,

This post probably isn't about you. As long as you aren't one of those who glares at the cashier or snaps "I'm on the phone!" or just generally makes other people feel like idiots for the, rational, assumption that you were talking to them, you're fine.


My dad is #3 on that list, the ticking time bomb.
I absolutely hate shopping with him.

Yesterday after I was done with work he called and asked if I wanted a ride home cause he needed to pick up a few groceries. I met up with him at the store, and stupid me went in the store with him. He complained about there being no cases of diet coke. It's the end of the day and there was a sale, of course there's none left. He grumbled about having to pick something else. I grabbed some other stuff we needed and headed to the self check out. There's a club card thing were you enter your phone number & you get discounts. He had to enter it 5 times, kept hitting the buttons too fast. And then there's the airmiles card, he scanned that but did it before the machine asked for it so off course it glitched and said 'item not recognized'. He's so impatient, things would go so much quicker if he was calm but no he got fed up. Then he tried to cancel everything, machine goes 'please wait for cashier assistance', he roars and swears and calls the machine 'tit-less cashier' and 'brainless machine'. He wanted to just leave everything there and leave. I was like "you are being rude and we can't just leave the stuff here, gotta put the milk away at least." Eventually he calmed down enough to buy the stuff. I told him he needs to slow down, he was then sarcastic/snide and said "the machine is fast enough to take my money."

ugh he gave me a headache. i'm glad he went to see a friend after he dropped me off at home so that i didn't have to put up with him for longer. sorry about the long post, guess i needed to vent.


Was at a restaurant once a long time ago, with some asshat on a cellphone using 'cell yell'... as in hold the phone at arm's length and shout at it so everybody can see how cool you are for having a cellphone. It wasn't cool back then, and it isn't now... especially with a table full of people you're sitting with, and everyone else in the restaurant who you're slopping your inanity on.

I got tired of it and started joining in the conversation, and after a couple of dirty looks, got "This is a PRIVATE CONVERSATION!" Someone on the other side and a couple of tables farther away said "No it isn't." and he lit up red and hung up.

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