So, I work at a big, green themed coffee shop, but only as a little barista. It was a normal day, long, but nothing major. No huge crusties or anything, til literally the last few minutes of my shift. The supervisor was counting some tills in back, and the other barista was working on drinks, so while I was on register, there wasn't a line, as I had just rang every one through. Then the phone rings.
I hate answering the phone. I really do. It's not the customers that make me anxious, it's just the phone itself. I'm an anxious guy, but, hey, I like my job enough that I'll suck up the immediate anxiety a phone call brings, especially considering I was the only one free for it.
I was in a pretty good mood as a whole, and I answered with the usual "Hi, thanks for calling, I'm Agent, how can I help you?" almost with a sing-song voice. Like I said; last five minutes of my shift.
The first thing the guy says is, "Can I talk to something who DOESN'T have a dick in their mouth?"
I freeze, stunned and flounder silently for a minute. I thought it was a joke, so I finally stammer out a "W-what?"
"Yeah, so about coffee. What's the biggest size you sell?" I was convinced by that point that it was a joke, so I just answered with "Well, a large. 20 ounces."
"That's it? Now, really. Get me somebody who doesn't have a dick in their mouth."
I was peeved. I was almost gone, and this guy is being really perverted as well as bigoted. I may be a little flaming, but really, if you're in a good mood, don't you want to sound like it? "Sir, there's no reason to talk like that. Yes, the largest is 20 ounces."
He repeated his refrain, but changed it juuuuust slightly; "Right, get me somebody who doesn't have a dick in their ass."
I sighed audibly (I even heard the echo). "I suppose we do have the bulk ones, if that's what you're looking for. Holds enough for a small business meeting."
So, this time, more firmly and irritated, I reply, "Sir, stop this. There's no need for this rudeness. I answered your question. If you say it again, I WILL hang up on you."
"Yeah. So, get me--" Hung up, right then and there.
Turned to the others and the supervisor who just walked in, and set the phone down. They look at me a little funny when I check the time, then just shake my head. "Nope. I'm done. It's 3 after."
They agree, but wonder, and I explain to shocked audiences. Thankfully, all of them supported me. I was even told that I could have been a lot more rude, and a LOT less tolerant and I would have been fine. I never heard whether he called again, though I am a little curious as to who pissed in his Cheerios.
Anyhow, I hope this was a good first story. <3
--Agent, over and out.