Greetings everyone once again from my tiny circle of hell.
Terah had a story about a collection agency call that reminded me of one too that I felt compelled to share.
I understand being a collection agent is a shit job, but the same rules of being a decent employee/human still apply, which is what got me so cheesed off at this guy. Let me take you to yesteryear when I worked full time at the frame shop.
I was informed by a coworker I had a phone call on Line 666. While several of us do get the occasional phone call from a loved one who needed something quick or a customer who particularly liked one of us, it was rare, so I was already skeptical and nervous.
Me: Framing, this is <Framed>. How may I help you?
Non-listening collection agency dude who will now be referred to as Dick.
Dick: My name is Dick, I'm calling to collect on your large unpaid balance for <credit card>.
Me: I don't have a credit card with that company.
Dick: Of course you don't anymore, you got shut down for non-payment. That doesn't mean you don't still owe the money. Are you stupid?
Me: Thank you for the condescension, but I mean I don't have a credit card with that company, haven't in over 3 years after they screwed me over one too many times. The balance was completely paid at that time.
Dick: No, you didn't. You still owe <ridiculously large amount>, so I'm getting payment from you now.
Me: No you aren't. Let's start again. Exactly who are you looking for.
Dick: *mumbles something that is close to Framed... but sounds like it's Ch-Framed*
Me: That was not a yes or no question. Let's try it again. <Framed> or <Ch-Framed>?
Dick: Yes, dammit, I'm looking for you, you stupid little miscreant!
Me: Again, not a yes or no question. There was a girl who worked here years ago, and her name was <very close to Ch-Framed>. I believe you have me mistaken for her since our names are similar, and the person who answered the phone probably assumed you just suck at pronouncing my name. So, once again, the name of who you're looking for, but let's add the last name too, this time, hmmm?
Dick: <Ch-Framed Different last name>
Me: Thank you, my name is <Framed Last name> and you have the wrong person. The person you're looking for is no longer employed here and hasn't been employed here for over 3 years. Your information is painfully out of date.
Dick: You little b****, I know it's you. You can't hide from me! Just make a payment and I'll go away.
Me: Ok, now I'm annoyed. I'll not be making payments on things I haven't spent, I've been pretty nice considering what you're calling about while I'm on the clock at work, and I've established you're talking to the wrong person and you have been rude and profane. I was going to give you her updated cell phone number (my mgr and I had hung out with her outside of work a few times... she deserved the harassment honestly) but now I think I'll stop helping you and make you do your job correctly. If you call back here and harass me, I will be filing lawsuit. I'm hanging up now.
Dick: WTF YOU CAN'T HANG UP OF ME YOU DIRTY PIECE OF----*click*
May all your customers be pleasant, or at least cuss out the correct person.