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In my experience the male-female team is the more common Fund Feuder, and might be classed as a sub-species. In this pairing the male-female team is mosty typically a couple shopping together for what may or may not be shared goods. Arguments are, again, unlikely while shopping and rarely come up at the register. Typically the problematic argument occurs when the male half offers to pay for the female's items when she intended to purchase them separately. The feud is then provoked and said male (and anyone in proximity) may then be treated to a long diatribe about "sexist pig men oppressing the female gender with archaic patriarchal notions of female inferiority I work 40 hours a week and can afford..." May the divine have mercy on your soul if you are a non-employee male within visual range of now provoked female half as you are likely to be accused of being a sexist pig as well.

Bored at the Bookstore

In the bookstore environment, Fund Feuders quite often seem to be mother/daughter teams. Mother will choose books, generally by the arm- or basket-ful, while daughter ferries them to the desk or totes the shopping basket. When said crop is gathered, the dispute will begin. The Retail Slave/Custologist may inadvertently trigger the phenomenon by innocently asking, "All together, then?"

As the purchase is being rung up, Daughter will slyly make her offer ... "Let me get these for you, Mom!" and step forward, credit card in hand and firmly extended.

Mother will immediately counter with, "NO! After all, you drove..."

Daughter will cleverly respond, "But you paid for lunch! Let me pay for the books, we'll both be reading them anyway!"

Mother will then reach into her Giant Handbag of Wonders, pull out her wallet, and flourish cash at the Slave. Faced with the ominous cash/credit, Mother/Daughter choice, the wiser Custologist with carefully pause long enough for one to win ascendancy - usually Mother, due to familial seniority. When one is sure the matter is settled it will be safe to complete the sale, bag the books, and smile in relieved farewell as the duo depart, arguing amiably about who is going to pay for the ice cream at their next stop.

Please remember to study for next week's quiz...


Unfortunately, I am a Fund Feuder. I'm not too bad when I'm with my parents because it's already been established before we go to the store who is going to pay; but sometimes we forget. But when I'm with my brother he pays because he either A) Thinks it's chivalrous/charming to pay for my items which leads to B) It's really a way to make me pay for more expensive items for him later. Example: He pays for my $20 groceries and later at the liquor/video game store wants me to pay $30-$50 to make us even. So I will argue with him at the grocery store so I won't have to spend more money on him later. Sorry to the slaves, but it's not fun for me either.


Now that I'm done laughing, I must admit myself guilty as charged for this category. Several years ago an ex whom I am still on good terms with and I went to a Hell-Mart to get supplies for her son's birthday. At the time I was making excellent money and I knew she was tight, so I tried to pay. While the poor register slave looked on in astonishment, we fought until she BIT my hand hard enough to draw blood. While I scrambled for the card I dropped. My ex-girlfriend promptly swiped her card and grabbed the bag. Reading this now, I wonder what went through the mind of that poor girl on cash...


Me, my whole family, and almost everyone I know XD

@Kitai why the straw feminist? I have this argument with my boyfriend all the time ("argument" being used loosely to refer to a meek exchange of "you don't have to, I can get it!"). It's not ever a man-hating tirade, it's just a reassurance that he is not expected to pay for everything, and that I'd both can and feel the wish to treat him in equal measure. I can't imagine you actually see that often O___o

The Last Archimedean

I used to be like that. Now my GF and I settle in advance who's paying, by which I mean we hash it out before we leave the house. Then when we get to the store/restaurant/theater, we don't hold up everyone and make a scene.


I remember seeing this in an episode of Father Ted. Mrs Doyle and her friend argue over who will pay and if I remember correctly they end up physically fighting. I never thought something like that actually happened though.


I'm part of the subset who at restaurants will sneak up to the counter or flag the waiter/waitress down out of sight of the table and ask to pay, without the others ever knowing.

I started doing it this way after one attempt at grabbing the receipt resulted in my grandma threatening to stab my hand with a fork (good naturedly, of course).

Miss Red

The place I work at really wants people in and out as quickly as possible, so I deal with Fund Feuders by taking the payment of whoever gets it to me first. Partner that with a smile, and a, "Well, fastest one wins!" and that usually settles things at my end. I figure they can duke it out later as to who pays for what after they are out of my line.

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