I’m happy to see you and glad you came, but if you are going to tip me poorly like usual (because I’m your friend, you can get away with it, or something?), then I would rather you just not come at all.
Newsflash, your two dollars (if I’m lucky maybe three) are not going to pay my bills, and neither is the ridiculous amount of time of mine that you consume while you are here. Most likely you’ve interrupted the table rotation with your “special request,” as you usually do, and I missed my chance to actually make any money.
I know you don’t tip this poorly all the time, due to that time you complained/worried for half an hour because you thought you under-tipped the lady at the Chinese place and you thought she was going to hate you forever, so what gives?