It's Cosmetics Hellhound again, and I have a 3 stories that are quite amusing today!
This first one is not about just one customer but about a MULTITUDE of them and how fucking idiotic they can be.
So there is only one exit in my store due to security reasons since we have millions of dollars of cosmetics sitting by the ENTRANCE ONLY which it clearly states both coming in and out.
There's a fucking huge sign that says DO NOT ENTER when they try to leave.
But everyday we have to deal with swarms of people trying to exit through that door. Here are how a few of them act:
Idiot Crusty No. 1: This guy is my fondest memory because he literally spent about 5 minutes stepping back and forth, waving his umbrella, hands, etc in front of the sensor trying to make it open with me saying over and over again "Sir, you can't exit that way", "The exit is actually by the front," just completely ignored me. Finally,he turns to me and asks "Can't I exit this way?"
YEA SURE YOU FUCKING CAN THAT BIG SIGN THAT SAYS DO NOT ENTER IS JUST THERE FOR FUCKING SHITS AND GIGGLES!!!!
Idiot Crusty(s) No. 2: There are so many of these ones, I see them coming from the front of the store with their bag in one hand, receipt in another while I say "Oh sorry the exit is actually by the front over there." Of course they don't fucking listen and literally just fucking WAVE AT ME and keep walking only to turn around and ask "Can I not exit this way?"
DEAR GOD HOW STUPID CAN YOU FUCKING BE. Or the ones that I ask "Are you looking for the exit?" and they say no ... but guess what THEY FUCKING ARE LOOKING FOR THE EXIT. Yea, I realize my job is to sell makeup, and you may be afraid that is what I am talking about when I approach you so you shut off your fucking ears BUT YOU'RE FUCKING DUMB IF YOU THINK THATS ALL I DO. PLUS I'M HERE TO FUCKING HELP UGH.
Idiot Crusty(s) No. 3: These are the angry ones, the ones that make an angry *SIGHHH* when they realize they have to turn around and walk half a block (NOT EVEN) to get out of the fucking store. Yea, cause its SO FAR am I right? Fucking lazy fuckers. Or maybe the ones that scream at me and threaten to "never come back" even though I see them a couple days later.
Idiot Crusty No. 4: This crazy old and decrepit woman LITERALLY ABOUT FUCKING 85 comes to this door every single fucking day and says we always let her our and complains and screams. She called me an idiot one time and literally PUNCHED THE FUCKING DOOR OPEN AND BROKE IT and kicked the outside door to get out. Fucking insane old bat.
Idiot Crusty No. 5: The ones that suddenly have a limp, sore backs, are cringing and walking in pain when they realize they can't get out this way ... OK SERIOUSLY IF YOU WERE IN THAT MUCH PAIN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME OUT TODAY?! AND WHY WEREN'T YOU FUCKING LIMPING 3 MIN AGO!?!?!?
There are so many other ones but none quite as amusing as those 5 people/types.
So when my store first opened we had LP Officers in plainclothes walking around (There was this one that was just crazy amounts of hotness), and I was talking to him in the Beauty Boutique. I heard some interesting singing noises and peeked around the corner. What met my eyes was just ... well it was just fucking amazing.
There was this short, fat, greasy bitch with blue eyeshadow up to her eyebrows, thick liquid eyeliner all around her eyes, HUGE FUCKING BOTOX LOOKING LIPS with BRIGHT RED lipstick and racing stripe blush. She was singing and dancing down the aisle. I couldn't help myself it was just such a sight so I ducked back around the corner trying to stifle my giggles so she wouldn't hear me. I quietly told the LP what was going on and he looked around the corner and giggled too, her singing suddenly stopped so I peeked around the corner again and she was standing right there in my face sneering at me.
WHAT CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH NEXT WAS JUST THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. She literally said to me "You're just jealous," and turned around and walked away. Oh my God I couldn't help myself, I started laughing and had to run into the boutique so she wouldn't hear me full out laughing.
Anyways, a little while later she came up with a $3 eyeshadow ... Bright Purple. She looked at me, and then looked at my manager who was on (We were both by the counter with our Bare Minerals Rep) and said to her "I don't want him ringing me up he was very rude and I'm a nurse."
We all just stopped for a second and stared at her. She went on this long rant about how she "Didn't want to get me in trouble, but she can understand why I would be talking about her in a rude manner because everyone is just jealous about how beautiful and amazing she is and how she has an amazing job saving lives as a nurse."
At this point our Bare Minerals Rep had to turn away and start laughing because this woman repeated about 6-7x that she was a nurse.
And I love how she thought I'd be upset about losing a $3 sale haha ... That's barely any commission ... pennies in fact.
I heard later that she used to go to my co-workers old boutique and tell all the workers there that they were jealous, and accused them of shortchanging her money cause they weren't as pretty as her ...
I absolutely hate it when people don't believe me since I'm a guy, granted more often than not people prefer me helping them because I am a guy and they tend to believe us more (in cosmetics) than a woman.
I had this one woman the other week that stopped me after every single thing I applied on her to ask "A woman's opinion," and kept getting my coworker to comment on it. Such a fucking piss off when I have 2 years of training behind me when that girl only took a small course. I kept telling her that I was trained and she told me "Oh I know sweetie, but I just want to make sure it actually looks good."