« Garbage Truck Hell | Main | No Lemon Today »



The finger snapping would be the worst for me. I'm sorry, until you learn to use your big boy words, you get to wait.


In before bitch-Kat.

To explain the first one; Guinness takes a long time to pour properly from a tap, because it doesn't work the same way as a 'normal' beer. It's not just complaining about Guinness, it's a good idea to order it first to get that started while he works on the other drinks.


I hate to say this but... some of us are teatotal, but want to go out wih friends, so we'll order coffee or tea. While I try not to be rude about it, the answer to "Why are they even at a bar?" is because we've sorted out somewhere that everyone's satisfied: The teatotal can have coffees and teas, and the non-teatotal can have alcohol, and a good time is had by all.

If the bar didn't sell things for everyone, we wouldn't be there in the first place.

It's also probably why the bar has a coffee machine in the first place.


That said, I usually order tea, as it seems to cause less work. Still, seriously? If you aren't ordering alchohol "Why do [you] even exist?" Fuck you.


the first bar I ever went to on the regular had this lady, a lifer, who was there almost every time i went. The Annoying Laugher. Didn't matter where you were in that place you could hear her every few minutes: HU-AH-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII.


Order a coke if you don't want to drink. Don't make someone make you a coffee in a bar. That's just weird.


Some of us cannot stand the taste of coke.


Seriously, if there were other acceptable options, I'd get them. But if you can't drink sodas because they make you feel a bit sick, and would feel weird ordering free stuff while taking up space, that basically leaves the... drinks the pubs make available by having the machines there for making them?

If the pub didn't offer it, that'd be one thing. But saying that you shouldn't buy a product sold by your business is far more weird.


Seriously, if you don't like making it, ask for it to be removed from the list of drinks. But this is breaks down to not wanting to do part of the actual job description, due to prejudice.


hm...it depends, if it's just a bar/club, then yeah, a coke's a good idea. If it's a bar/restaurant..then coffee's cool, just...it's be strange if one was at a nightclub....ordering coffee..

Joe the Cigar Guy

Seriously Einar, go back and read the entry: "11 PM" at a BAR!


I'm with Einar.
Think "Designated Driver", for example.


I'm with Einar as well. Someone has to be the Designated Driver. It's part of your job so just suck it up and do it. I'm with the OP on the rest of it. I can't even imagine the crap you have to put up with working in a bar.


I don't think it's about the non-alcoholic choices, I think it's about the specialty coffees specifically. The OP stated that making a cappuccino takes forever, but I'm sure we all know that pouring a Coke is as easy to pour as a mixed drink. Tea, however, seems easy enough. If you're flying at 50 mph making drinks and serving customers up and down the bar, you're going to be used to slinging the booze bottles and shooting carbonated shit into tall glasses. It comes down to rhythm and time taken to get the orders out. TechTyger mentioned that Guiness is a pain in the ass to pour because it takes longer. I think that complaint was mostly aimed at the time constraints of having to pause the system to make that coffee drink.


A lot of pubs have shut-off times for coffees (though they usually keep doing teas), and that's fair enough. But to belittle people for choosing coffees in the first place is a step too far.

If the complaint was "I can't believe management expects us to make cappucinos in the middle of the drink rush" that'd be fine and reasonable. But when it's attacking people for coming to a bar and ordering something "on the menu", as it were (I've rarely seen pubs with physical menus), that leaves a rather ugly taste in the mouth.


I'm thinking, nay hoping, that the OP works someplace with the humongo-chino machine for doing specialty coffees, and that's why they say it takes forever. Place I tend at, we've got a 12 cup drip carafe that'll be running from 6am til 3am. Sometimes it never gets shut off. The brass monster gets shut down when we stop serving off the regular menu at 10pm.


In my personal case #5 is NEVER a problem. Our usual bartender (and by usual I mean he works EVERY Friday goth night by his request) knows what "the usual" means depending on who asks.

Me? Vodka and cran heavy on the vodka.
My friend D? Rum and coke no ice.
Art friend? G & T.
and so forth.

We also socialize outside of the bar so yeah we are friends. Hell he's personal trainer to several of the regulars.


Black coffee is fine. Some people drink a few sodas in between a couple beers. Even a little bit of cream in the coffee is fine. Or someone may be the driver. Personally as a former bartender I never had a problem making a coffee in the middle of a busy shift, just when customers get snipy that it's taking longer to make their latte than their buddies bloody mary.

Da Rat Bastid

I agree that most of these actions are in quite poor taste. However, there are a few with which I disagree:

3) Like others have said, there is the matter of being a group's designated driver. There's also the person who goes to the bar alone, has several drinks, then switches to coffee for a while in order to get at least somewhat sober before leaving. If someone went to a bar alone, AND ordered ONLY coffee, that would be weird.

11) Why can't there be even one bar within 50 miles--just one, damn it--where that sort of PDA *is* allowed or, dare I say it, even encouraged? Don't give me that "but the rest of us don't wanna see that" crap, either. There are bars catering to every niche demographic imaginable...except, apparently, this one. (sigh)

15) Cannabis use *should* be allowed. "Should" being the key word there--and, no, I'm not a user. (smh)

6) I saved this one for last because I'm someone who probably has some form of Asperger's Syndrome, and therefore, am someone for whom a normal person's social interactions often don't make sense. Allow me to elaborate in the context of Item #6 here:

I'm a single man, walking into a bar. In the bar is a female bartender, Jane Q. Barkeep. Over the course of having a few drinks (but only a few; I never get falling-down drunk), I engage the bartender in pleasant conversation whenever she's not too busy. I happen to find her attractive, and since she isn't related to me and isn't obviously married, I'd like to see her again socially sometime, preferably when she isn't working. How would I see her again when she's not working, though, if we have no other means of communication (thus, a phone number)? If she's not interested in me, that's okay, I suppose, but in the context of this list, it'd make me out to be an asshole for even daring to TRY to get to know Jane better. What gives, normal people?


I'm not normal by any stretch of imagination, but look at it from the bartender's perspective. YOU only see one of HER, but SHE sees hundreds of you per day. How many of them are going to be hitting on her?

Whether or not your intentions were honorable or not (and I'm perfectly willing to believe that they are), she's a captive audience for whoever wants to creep at her. I'm sure, unless you're the type to stare at her unblinkingly and lick your lips every time she looks at you the entire time you're in there, she has nothing personal against you, but sees it as creepy. Bar patrons are fair game, they can leave whenever they want, or throw a drink in your face or whatever. The bartender can't, lest she lose her job. If you're not being overtly handsy or something, she can't even reasonably call the bouncers and have you removed.


ordering a coffee (or irish coffee) when there is a visible coffee machine that appears to be 'on' and functioning is one thing. trying to order an espresso or a latte or some shit at a bar (without it being advertised) at 11pm is just ridiculous.

it's like bloody marys...they're available (in one form or another) from just about any bar. but, it's an unspoken rule that you do not order one after 5PM unless the bar is absolutely empty or there's some sort of advertised special for them. they're complicated, have multiple steps, and usually only run an extra dollar or two more than a well cocktail.

if you don't drink alcohol, and you still wanna hang at the bar, you should understand the limitations of whatever establishment you end up at. hell, most of the independent coffee houses in the greater milwaukee area do specialty spiked drinks in additional to their standard offerings. if you, the non-drinker, for whatever reason(s) get 'dragged' to a club/bar, then you should be prepared to order water/club soda/soda/mixer juice and be DELIGHTED if they also offer tea/coffee.

btw: tea takes more time/effort than coffee, because the server typically has to bring out lemon wedges and sugar/honey and a plate/dish to throw the bag and they may even have to drag out their assortment of teas. used tea bags drip water EVERYWHERE, unless they're thrown out immediately. meanwhile, drip coffee would require maybe some sugar packets and shelf-stable creamer cups at the ready.


...Yeah, um... coffee and tea are really different in Britain. Cream and creamer are pretty much unheard of (milk for everything), lemon is not unheard of, but never by default expected, and both come with a saucer under them. One is generally expected to put the teabag on the saucer. Also, drip coffee machines are really rare; it's generally either instant or fiddly complex latte machine.

And, as I said, I can completely understand hating a fiddly machine. It's the abuse hurled at customers who see the (generally very visible) machine, and ask about it that was going a bit far.


But, honestly, I'm not sure the argument's worth having any further; I'm pretty sure I hit "Overreacting" a few posts earlier.

The comments to this entry are closed.


Become a Fan