I have a bad cold and needed to get medicine, so I stopped at the local drugstore chain this morning to pick some up. It's a slow time of day, so they only have one checker. I'm next in line when the customer in front of me starts pitching a fit about how her coupons aren't all being scanned.
Cashier [resigned tone]: Ma'am, you can't combine these two offers. This coupon says clearly "not valid with any other offer."
Customer: Bullshit! Gimme my fucking discount, you bitch!
Cashier: I can use either of these two, but not both of them. This one is for 10% off your entire purchase, and this one is for 20% off [one specific item]. The 10% off your entire purchase will save you more money but it's up to you which one you want to use: you can choose either one and use the other one next time you shop here, provided you do it before February 1. Which *one* of these coupons shall I scan for you today?
Customer: BOTH of them, you dumb cunt!
Cashier: I can only scan one, ma'am. Please choose which one you want to use.
Customer: You will scan them both, you fucking asshole-eating dyke!
Me [sick, tired, and wanting to get the hell out of there with my cold medicine]: Lady, shut up and pay for your crap! [my voice sounds like I'm at death's door, even though all I have is a cold]
Customer: Butt out, dickhead!
Me: If you don't shut up and pay in the next 15 seconds I'll come over there and cough on you.
Customer: Use the 10% off coupon. [She beats a very hasty retreat after paying as quickly as possible]
Cashier [as I'm paying]: Thanks. *giggling* Try not to breathe in my direction.
--The Last Archimedean