This was like 9 years ago when I was still a retail newbie.
I had an old man walk up to my counter with his whole fuckin' fist in his mouth. He pulled out a TOOTH, and set it on my counter and said, "You can have it, I don't need it anymore."
I had no idea what the fuck to do. Then he wanted to use my pen to write a check, and still had mouth stuff (saliva, blood etc.) on his hand.
I gave him the pen of a girl who I hated, and I ended up finding a better job a few weeks later.