I remember when this stupid Cosmo advice came out. I have a funny story from a friend whose daughter works in a store in the mall.
Apparently, some Crusty came in with a return and tried to use this line. "I spend a lot of money here and blah blah blah!" The entire store seems to have read the same thing and was prepared.
Retail clerk begins to wail. "OH NOOOO! You mean you'd take your business elsewhere??? Oh NOOOOOO!!!! WE SHALL BE FOREVER WITHOUT YOU ASKING FOR RETURNS??"
Now she is on her knees crying and wailing, and another clerk joins her and they wail together, "OH NOOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T RETURN YOUR PURCHASES ELSEWHERE!!"
The way they tell it, they had 6 clerks, an assistant manager and the store manager all carrying on and crying as they escorted her (and her return) from the store; wailing and waving goodbye to her the entire time.
As soon as she was out of the store, the wailing stopped, and customer service began. The Manager stepped up to the counter and asked loudly (but politely),"Does anyone else have a return without receipt?" When no one spoke, they just went on with business.
The custy never returned.