The girl on the other end of the Phone.
You call me asking to fix your computer because it has a virus on it, and you have no idea why. You swear up and down that you bought it from us and just “misplaced” the receipt, but not to worry because it’s only a couple weeks old right?
But I know exactly how this conversation will end, just like a song stuck on repeat. I’ll ask how I can help you in such a traumatic time, when all I really want to ask is how can people be so dramatic. Since we sold you this computer it is of course our fault that it has a virus. Absolutely nothing to do with that fact your thirteen year old son looks at shameful material all night.
When I ask if you have any virus protection on your computer, I can tell that I have clearly crossed some imaginary line that you drew and didn’t tell anyone about, because your computer already has one installed on it. I should know this because not only do I answer your phone calls I also read minds. Clearly I can’t help you out because I don’t know anything about computers because it’s such a simple problem in your mind; you need my manager to tell you that you’re incapable of using a computer.
Kill them with kindness is all I can think, after all my thoughts that would lead to jail time, of course you can talk to me like that. I’m just another voice on the other end of the phone. My voice, as sweet as candy, can only offer so many solutions; one being not to click the box that says you have a virus from 2012 if you bought your computer a month ago.
Yet I know being on this end of the phone that you’re not angry at me but at the situation in which you put yourself in. Providing a free therapy session for anyone who calls in and wants to yell because it’s a lot harder to actually deal with your problems, has become a routine where I can remind myself that at least I’m not that guy.
As ridiculous as you think it is that we make you pay for our services because as a business we have a strange concept of making money and paying our employees, yelling at the person on the other end of the phone is not helping your situation.
So when I say “I’m really sorry you feel that way,” what I really mean is “I’m so sorry I picked up this phone.”