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"saying she didn't know us and we had to let her go"
WTF does that have to do with anything?

"Thelma is trying to console Louise, giving us death stares like we are the biggest assholes in the world"
Gawd, how DARE you make a caught thief cry (over a personal matter)?! You guys are the WORST.

"Now Stacy and Lela were both really tough on shop lifters, but the second I explained what was up, everyone's demeanor changed. We sat down and told Louise we knew the story, and that we were sorry."
Why? You had no idea about her personal life, why should you apologize for a very common faux pas that occurs, because of that very reason? Personally, I think there was no reason to apologize for not knowing.

"Because he's a boy. I know you're my dad and I was afraid you wouldn't want me talking to boys."
...Christmas is not, you know, an uncommon occurence. Buy the gifts early or save money.

Kai Lowell

I'm not crying, you're crying.

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