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See also tech support... at least with a derp customer in a store, you can point at things.. .there's no telling what stupidity they're getting up to when you can't see them. I've literally had someone go close the glass-filled hole in the wall when I told him to 'close the window'... :P


May I share some of the loonies that we get in. I work on the sales counter of a plumbers merchant, and if I didn't have short hair, I would be bald by now.
‘I brought a bath from elsewhere but it has handgrips, would you exchange it for one without them?'
'I've used a wire brush to clean the lime-scale off my toilet, and it's left some deep scratches, so do you sell some sort of spray to repair it or would a bath rubber fix it?'(a bath rubber is, as the label says, a rubber for removing light scratches from baths and porcelain)
'If the marks had been light a bath rubber would had worked, but in this case we recommended (which got backed up by a waiting plumber) that they called in a professional company to repair the damage, or cut their losses and replace the toilet'.
‘Do you sell chipboard?’.
'No, you need a wood merchants'.
'Do you sell wooden dowels because I want to make a rail for my towels'
'No, that'll be the wood merchants again'.
'Do you sell light bulbs?.
(losing the will to live at this point),
'That's three no's, you’re not through to the next round and we don't sell light bulbs'.
Do you sell windscreen wipers?
‘Do all your prices include fitting?’
‘No, that's just to supply, you'll need a plumber with and a separate price to have it installed.’
‘My boiler is 4 years old, do you sell extended warranties?’

Thank you for listening, and yes, some custy thought it was a good idea to go into a plumbers merchant and ask if we sold windscreen wipers.


Once spent over an hour with one "guest" who wanted a charger cord only (not attached to charger) for her phone, that did not have the "fat part" (usb side)to charge in the car. She only wanted the "skinny" side that attached to the phone. The worst part is her daughter, son in law and very young grandkids were there the whole time and absolutely no help. Finally after an hour her husband shows up to figure out what's been keeping them, called her an idiot and bought the exact frigging cord that I had told her she needed in the first place.


For the guy with the lime in the toilet, I feel the pain; the water here is so hard I have to wear a helmet in the shower to keep from getting a concussion. Pop didn't have the hand strength to turn the slightly worn out valve completely off and when he went into the hospital for the last time, he went in as kind of an emergency and nobody noticed the water was leaking slightly, for several months. I've seriously considered dynamite.

But not a wire brush on enamel. :P

Sandy: "Sorry, lady. Physics prevents me from selling a cable with only one end."


Toilets aren't enamel, they're vitreous china, which to say, basically, glazed porcelain. It's somewhat more scratch resistant than enamel. But not much.

The correct way to the lime scale off of any fixture is with a scale removing chemical. There is *no* other way that will not damage the surface.


Yes, but the bathtub I was talking about is enamel. :P


Sandy: *Grabs wire cutters and clips off the other end of the cable* "There you go, Ma'am. May I remind you that you are now obligated to pay for the cable and the sale is final. Let me walk you to the registers, and remember to shop Smart. Shop S-Mart!"

TT, I had the exact same thing almost happen. In my case the guy told me he had no windows open since it was the middle of winter. To be fair, he caught himself after a minute or so, and realized I meant windows on the computer.

Another guy called in because he couldn't connect to the internet. Had him check the router, no lights, no nothing. As I'm having him check the plug to make sure it's plugged in correctly, guy says "Hey, I just realized I've got the power off to this part of the house while I'm doing renovations, do you think that might be the problem?"


When I was in AOhelL, I had someone call in who wasn't able to log in. The usual nonsense ensued, until the twofer...the power was out, because of Hurricane Ivan, which had also knocked a hole in the wall and it was raining on his modem.

But it's AOL's fault.

Tech Support Survivor

Yup, when they can't get online, it's always the ISP's fault. Even if they haven't paid a bill in 6 months. Or had their house struck by lightning. Or their dog ate part of their rented modem.

I don't think I was able to hit mute before I broke out laughing at that last one.

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