I heard this story from a coworker, about her husband. It happened before they even met, but I thought it was kind of funny, despite how it went down.
Mr. PJ and a couple of his friends got drunk one day, and decided to go to the well-known sex shop in town and look around. Now, at this place if you go in with a purse or any kind of bag, you leave them at the counter and get them when you leave. As they decided to head out, his female friend asked for her purse back.
And the dude said ‘no’.
Now, Mr. PJ didn’t stop to listen if there was a valid reason behind the ‘no’. As he later explains, for all he knew, there was a legitimate reason behind the ‘no’ and the dude was about to continue explaining something that made a lot of sense, but all Mr. PJ heard was ‘no’ and he didn’t like the fact they weren’t giving his female friend her purse back as she asked for it.
He grabbed the nearest item he could find, which happened to be a very large dildo, and smacked the man across the face with it, threw it down, grabbed the purse, and bolted.
He’s now banned from the store for life for it.
So I wonder, would that count as SEXUAL assault and battery, or just REGULAR assault and battery?
I saw the call for Christmas stories, and I had to share mine from the Porn Store! I worked there two Christmases, and my first was definitely the most memorable! I thought it would be dead on Christmas Eve. I was sure, 100% positive that I had dodged the retail bullet: the last minute gift shoppers. Boy, was I dead wrong...
Not only was the store busier than normal, so were the booths. I had regulars coming in left and right, along with people that were just buying last minute gifts for their significant other. I had one big sale after the next. The Store Manager had bought giant stockings, and the counter was filled with little "stocking stuffers." I had run out of stockings halfway through my shift! The sales that night were so good that I got the highest sales for the month because of that night alone, meaning I won the cash prize for the month of December.
My night was going swimmingly... until Bitchface walked in. Bitchface started bitching immediately because we didn't have carts, not even hand carts. It was a damned pornstore, and a smallish one at that. We were used to people just coming in, grabbing a few items, and leaving. So, she brought everything she wanted to the counter, one piece at a time, complaining each time she did it. All she was buying were gag gifts, which were all on the same section of the wall.
She started counting the loose dick straws, when she turns to me and screams, "There's only 45 here! I need 50!"
I turn, smile, and say, "I'm sorry, ma'am. If we only have 45, we only have 45 until next Thursday."
Muttering to herself, she picks up the box of cheap straws, and all the boxes of more expensive straws (they had a more realistic look to them, and were sold in packs instead of individually.) She puts them on the counter, goes back for a few more items, and then demands that I ring her up.
As I'm starting to ring her up, she turns to me, and says smugly, "You are going to ring those boxes of straws up as the cheap straws because you didn't have all the straws I needed."
Now, had it been one box, I would've done it (and not gotten in trouble for it.) Had I done all the boxes, I would've gotten fired for theft. I smile and tell her that I can, indeed, ring ONE box of the more expensive straws up, but not the five she had picked up.
She went BALLISTIC. Over a few packs of 3 dollar box of dick straws. She finally settles down, agrees to one box, when she spots the hand blown glass dildos in the case on the counter (ha, handblown dildos.) She immediately demands that I unlock it so that she can come behind the counter (um, no) and handle them all to see which one she likes best. I tell her I can't let her behind the counter, but I can hand her each one she wants to look at.
I hand her the first one she wants to look at, and she promptly drops it. It didn't break, fortunately, but she smiled and apologized for her butterfingers. I politely tried to assume it was an accident, even though something told me it wasn't. That's when she took the second one, and threw it against the floor, watching it shatter. I mean she threw it at the floor. She smiles at me, tells me to finish ringing her up, after I witnessed her throw a $300 dildo onto the floor. I cancelled the transaction.
One of my regulars, C, came in during the beginning of the tantrum. C works at a prominent Fortune 500 company, and is a big wig. He's also a boother. Staring at the woman, he says a name. Bitchface spins around, and she turns white as a ghost. As he explained to me later: he's her boss, the straws were for the Christmas party she was hosting that night that he was to attend. He pretended that he was there, solely to buy a "gift for the hostess" since he knew the party was X-rated. I, of course, played along, not revealing his secret.
"I watched you scream at that cashier," C said, with a stunned look on his face, "And I watched you intentionally smash that glass piece!"
"Sir," She said, her voice barely above a whisper, "I can explain..."
"No, you can't," C said, matter-of-factly. "Even if the cashier was treating you poorly, which I saw that she wasn't, you had no reason to smash that glass piece. You are lucky that it's Christmas and I won't fire you on the spot if you do what I tell you to do."
"What can I do?" She was crying now, and I could see her shoulders were shaking.
"You are going to apologize to the cashier, pay for your items, including the glass piece you broke. If you do not, this young lady will call the police and report it. You will walk out of here, and you will never return to this store again. Don't think you are completely off the hook, either. We will be having a discussion about how you act in public reflecting upon the company. Understood?" She nodded, tears pouring down her face. She apologized to me, paid for all of the straws and the glass piece. I was even still nice and gave her the discount I had offered earlier. It was Christmas Eve, after all.
When she walked out of the store, so did he. He told me later that he informed her that he was so mad that he didn't want to attend her party that night. In fact, he just wanted to chill out and look at the cute guys coming into the store (and there were indeed cute guys coming in.)
After they both left, the local delivery boy from the Chinese restaurant walks in with a big bag of food. All my favorites, actually. When I explained to him I didn't order, and I didn't have the money to pay him, he told me the order had already been paid for, including his tip!
When I asked who paid it, he looked at the receipt and said, "Mr. C." C was there so much, and so often, that he remembered what I ordered when I got Chinese for dinner/lunch. When he came in again, about an hour after the incident, he apologized for her behavior, and told me Merry Christmas before disappearing into the back.
May your Customers be full of Cheer instead of Piss and Vinegar,
I happened to work at an adult novelty shop chain (think: adult toys, lingerie, movies) and for those of you that have never worked at a shop like that... it sucks worse than regular retail. Not only do you get entitled custys, but we also had to deal with some of the most disgusting things while being paid bare minimum wage. A few examples:
1. We usually had a sales competition going on in between the employees at any given point. BESIDES the fact that no one ever won anything, I usually pulled to the top sales week because, well, you find strange talents in strange places. Mine was selling plastic dicks.
There was a regular that would come in about every two weeks and buy about $600 worth of toys for him and his woman. I guess being nice to him (gotta get those sales!) made him think I was interested... because he started showing up, parking, and waiting until he made sure that I was working to come in. He started calling the store when I was working and then hanging up. Calling. Hanging up. Calling. Hanging up. My manager had warned him to stop or he would get banned. He finally got banned when he whipped out his cell phone for me to play 'identify this toy I saw online.' And it was him and his woman in a compromising position. Nothing quite like seeing a 300+ lbs good 'ole boy and his similarly large wife stark naked.
There is not enough eyebleach in the world.
2. We rented movies out and I'm sure I don't have to tell you the condition some of them came back in. Generally, we warned the customers that next time they would have to pay for the entirety of the movie if it came in with lube/etc. on it again. I have had people literally scream into my face that I must have put that there and that it was 'something in their pocket' when, uh, no, it was on the INSIDE of the case. Quit being disgusting and return your movie cleaned.
ATTENTION PREVIOUS CUSTYS: We did NOT put those months of late fees on your accounts. You literally did not return 'Big Booty Bitches 4' for all those months. It also makes you look like a jackass when you say you've returned the movie and scream at the underpaid porn shop worker that they must've lost it, then come back a week later and slam the movie down on the counter.
3. I can't tell you how many times people actually tried to return toys. You read that right. I have all kinds of excuses ranging from 'I don't like the color anymore.' when they've had it for 3 weeks to 'the beads aren't long enough to...'
Besides the fact that it's against federal law to return things that have been used... uhm, EWW. What the actual fuck? I can understand trying to return a lingerie top that doesn't fit you, but toys?? Also, it doesn't fool anyone when a customer buys a stack of movies and then takes it home, and then comes back in three hours to return them. I know that they copied the dvds. I'm not stupid.
4. There was a scam going around the last Christmas season that I worked which, I will admit, did get me. Customers come in, usually in a pair, pay for something small (or ask for change) and then, since our counter is unbelievably high, take the money in their hands where you can't see it, 'count it,' and say they were given the wrong change.
The first time it worked on me. I was young and naive, what can I say? I gave them $10 because they said I only gave them a $10 when their change was a $20. Lo and behold, I was ten dollars short on my drawer that night. I got written up for it and trained on how to handle it next time.
Christmas Eve we were still open and they pulled into the snowy parking lot in their beat up pick up truck. This time they didn't even bother to turn off the truck! At first I didn't recognize them since the old man was the one that ripped me off to begin with, but this time he came with a man and a woman- both wearing similarly stained white t-shirts. I kept a close eye on all of them because we got a lot of thefts around the Christmas season. They all kind of just milled around for a bit, did not really look at anything just made a loop in the store- at which point the old man left to get into the truck and the other two approached my counter. They asked for change for (large amount) and I give it to them. They do the same thing the older gent did previously and take the money where I can't see it, and this time claim that I did not give them something like $40.
As per my manager's training, I tell the gentleman that I am sorry- that means that I will have to count my drawer and, if I am over my mark, I will give them their correct change.
The two look at each other and the man asks "Well how long will that take?"
I reply with, "5 minutes."
At this point they know they have been caught and he gets into my face screaming that they don't have that kind of time. He snatches his 'incorrect change' out of my hand, and launches a container of lube at my head screaming "MERRY F*CKIN CHRISTMAS" and they take off, peeling out of the parking lot.
I did count my drawer after they left; the drawer was even.
Thank you for reading! You guys keep your heads up, it does get better! I think that all my karma from being a retail slave must have paid off, because now I work for an awesome company.
Hello fellow RHU'ers! Arch Guy here with something that has to be seen to believe. I was looking at a Facebook post from one of my local radio station, and what is it I find? A Justin Bieber Sex Doll! When I saw this I literally think my brain shattered into 1 million tiny pieces.
From E Online:
Ever wanted a piece of Justin Bieber? An enterprising adult store now wants to make sure you get every last inch of him.
Naughty Beliebers, behold: the Justin Bieber blow-up sex doll!
Or, rather—cough, cough—it's the "Just-in Beaver Love Doll," which bears an uncanny resemblance to the pop star, minus his trademark tattoos and plus, well, a whole lot more.
The item, which is being hawked by Pipedream Products, retails for $26 and sports a box that proudly blares, "I'm not gay! (OK maybe a lil')" while imploring, "I wanna be your boy toy!"
On it, a bare-chested Biebs look-alike puts on his best come-hither look while rocking a cocked baseball cap.
The product's description itself defies any G-rated excerpting, but we can tell you that the manufacturer promises that the "Beave-ster doesn't have this effect just on women–he turns straight men gay faster than you can peel his skinny jeans off."
There you go: a product with broad market appeal.
We've reached out to Biebs' camp for comment, but you can bet the product won't stay on shelves for long: It comes from the same folks who created a similar Miley Cyrus-inspired sex doll, which was quickly, ahem, yanked.
Kudos to adult store Adam and Eve for posting this holiday hours notice in their stores. If only other companies saw it this way. If they weren't open, people would show up in mass on Friday. But stores staying open on Thanksgiving is nothing more than another example of competitive insanity caused by greedy machine-like corporations....and unfortunately, entitled discount rat custys with no life are buying into it.
Greetings Curious Scroller,
If you've never landed in this part of cyber space before, you have taken a hard, fast plunge into the fiery depths of work hell. RHU is dedicated to giving the service worker a voice. If you are an angry customer, a corporate suite, a homophobic race-hater, and you don't like skull masks or swear words, this blog isn't for you. Click away now, before your ears bleed and your eyes explode.
I'm Freddy, Crypt Keeper of Retail Hell Underground RHU -- a place for service slaves to have a voice, tell their story, support each other, or just have a chuckle about the insanity of working in the 10th Circle of Hell! I'm also the author of "Retail Hell," the funny memoir about life as a handbag sales associate at an upscale department store! The sequel, "Return To The Big Fancy," has just been released in hardcover and e-reader and is available wherever books are sold!