1. Aww look at that - she’s thrilled that dinner is a succulent blood-clot on toast
2. This girl doesn’t need cereal - she hungers for your soul
3. Not so much a child, more a 40-year-old Tory/transgenic pig hybrid
4. This murderous moppet should not be allowed a sharpened knife
5. Not appropriate, mister ad-man. Not. Appropriate.
6. “It’s easy to DIE DIE DIE…”
7. Slogan: Pears Soap will turn your baby’s bath time into an unimaginable horror
8. “Dear Mom, I hope you die soon”
9. The first rule of parent club is that you don’t let the baby shave itself
10. There is no reason for this kid to be naked but for a fedora
11. You know what other meat tastes exactly like pork? This kid knows...
Oh God, he KNOWS...