From Burial4TetThomYorke: The Starbucks barista misspelled my name, Johnny, in the worst way possible.
From Burial4TetThomYorke: The Starbucks barista misspelled my name, Johnny, in the worst way possible.
Someone once tried spreading the word around that you can piss off a Starbucks barista by ordering "small" instead of "tall" etc.
Well, I am a Starbucks barista and I have been for six years. I’ve never been pissed at someone referring to a middle sized drink as a medium. Or any other obvious size name for that matter.
In fact, Starbucks encourages us to go along with this, especially since its common sense.
To act snobbish as though a tall coffee was somehow different and much more classy than a small, is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. So if this is happening to you guys and gals out there, sorry your Starbucks sucks so bad and hires hoity-toity douchebags.
Now something that does piss your Barista off, is when you walk in to a Starbucks during peak hours, roughly five minutes before you are scheduled to be at work, and huff and puff around the store because your baristas “aren’t working fast enough.”
Bitch please, at the end of the day your barista is still just flesh and bone. We don’t deserve to be pushed and drilled to work harder and faster for some dick like you, who can’t grow the fuck up and get out of the house on time.
Okay, here’s a tip from a certified barista for those of you who are confused about the whole drink-calling order thing. The order generally goes: Decaf, Iced, Number of Espresso Shots, Size, Number of Pumps and Type of Syrup, Milk, Other options (like extra hot, no whip, two Splendas, etc), and finally type of drink.
Obviously, if you’re ordering a “default” drink, like a tall latte, you would just call it a “Tall Latte.” If you want it nonfat, it’s a “Tall nonfat latte.” If you want it decaf and nonfat, it’s a “decaf tall nonfat latte.” So, a “complicated” drink (and the kind that makes the baristas grind their teeth) would be something like, “decaf iced quad grande two-pump raspberry two percent no whip one raw sugar white mocha.”
If you think this is asinine…you’re probably right, but look at it this way... Even new baristas loathe this precise method as they struggle to learn it. Sbux trainers have special “dice” with the modifiers on them that you can practice rolling and arranging in the correct order. It usually takes weeks to months for a barista to become confident in “correct drink calling.”
And while some baristas will get all smug as they correct you, most use the “system” simply because their co-workers or bosses will politely get on their case if they don’t. However, even seasoned baristas will occasionally (or frequently!) call a complicated drink incorrectly.
And since you’re probably wondering if there’s even a pretense of a reason for the “system,” here’s the idea behind it: better communication between the barista at the register and the barista at the bar. Say you order a decaf tall caramel nonfat extra whip mocha. When the barista makes the drink, they will first “pull” the espresso shots, (hence the importance of specifying decaf first), and while the shots are grinding they will select the correct cup (size second), pump the syrup into it (flavor third) and add the shots, then add the steamed milk (milk fourth), and top with plenty of whipped cream (misc. modifiers fifth).
It’s not a perfect system, but if the way drinks are called is standardized, there’s much less chance of forgetting a modifier, or disappointing the customer. As a barista punches in a grande nonfat mocha, he will mentally run down the “list” and when he gets to the misc modifiers “box” he will remember to ask the customer (who is obviously calorie conscious) if they still want the whipped cream. Or if the person at the bar has had a drink called to them, they will repeat the modifiers in the same order, which makes it easier to tell if they missed something.
And as far as the whole short/tall/grande/venti thing goes, I worked at Starbucks and I still think it’s rather dumb. But, I tried to call the drinks correctly simply because I knew I would be chided if I didn’t.
Yeah, I basically sold my soul for a paycheck.
After three years of ordering No-fat, No-whip Grande Mochas… I have yet to understand what the proper order sequence is.
It seems, no matter what order I order the mocha in… the Barista repeats it back to me in a different order.
Me: “No-fat, No-whip, Grande Mocha.”
Barista: “Grande No-fat, No-whip Mocha.”
Me: "Grande No-fat, No-whip Mocha."
Barista: "No-whip, No-fat, grande Mocha."
Me: "No-whip, No-fat, grande Mocha."
Barista: Mocha, grande, No-fat, No-whip."
Argh! *face desk*
Because Sbux has the best customers...
Dedicated to: Those customers who hand me balls of money.
There is no need for the customers to hand me their money like it's been through the wash a million times and is now in balls.
Do you realize that I then have to straighten the mess you made for me and how much I dislike you at that point in time!?
I often want to hand back their change in a similar ball of mess and when they say, "It's not professional for you to hand me money like this!" inform them that this is how they just handed me money. After all, I was just helping you for the next poor pathetic soul you plan to give money to, because I shouldn't be the only person that should hate you.
But of course I cannot do that, and so I don't. But I can't help but wonder how their money got like that in the first place. They didn't get it from the bank like that, they didn't get it from another store like that. How did you manage to mangle your money like that, oh new favorite customer of mine?
Dedicated to: the wonderful customers who stare at the cup with a label facing them and ask "What's this?"
Background information: We have a deaf partner. In order to compensate his inability to hear orders being called out, we got this new sticker system. We don't call out drinks anymore, and the drink prints out on a little label that is fun and exciting. Best of all, customers can read this label to see if this is what they ordered.
With that now known, why on earth would someone need to ask "What is this?" Then, after being instructed to read the nicely printed label on the side, they say, "I didn't order this."
No shit, genius you know what that means? That means it doesn't belong to you, so step away from the drink and wait two seconds.
But no, they need to continue with their intelligence and ask, "I don't think he has my drink."
Did you pay for it? Well, if you did, then just freaking wait with the other nine billion people in line! He does not have superpowers.
Also, when you realize he sounds like he can't talk well, and says "I'm deaf," then realize he's not going to hear you. Stop trying to talk to him, and ask one of the other five people around him instead.
He can't hear you, nor does he want to with that anal, high pitched, nasally whine that creeps into your voice when you repeat yourself nine times. If he doesn't answer you and we do, don't ignore us and yell your question at his backside again.
Dedicated to: Children of Starbucks and their parents.
Something I always am bothered by is children who come into Starbucks and get drinks.
When I rule the world, I plan on making a law that in order to purchase a beverage at Starbucks which contains any coffee or caffeine, you must be 18 years of age or older. If I never get to rule the world, then when I do become a parent, I will not be one of these dumbasses who allows their children to get Frappuccinos because caffeine A) stunts growth and B) makes hyper children, and I hate those.
Now for a little secret about decaf coffees: there isn't that much less caffeine in it than regular coffee. Just because you ordered a decaf white mocha doesn't mean a damn thing.
Your children will still be inhaling a crap load of caffeine. Just don't do it. If you must have something blended, we have an option of blended cream beverages which have NO caffeine what so ever.
Dedicated to: Yet another customer who orders yet another cappuccino
Okay, I know I can't blame them completely for this, but when the ninth customer in a row orders a cappuccino, ITS REALLY ANNOYING!
Not only does it annoy me, but it annoys everyone else online who wants a drink after you! I have to foam milk for your millions of cappuccinos, and honestly you aren't worth my foam.
What I can get angry at the customers about is when they hand back the drink and say it's not dry enough... This means I have to REMAKE THE DRINK.
YOU suck the most. THERE IS A LINE! TAKE THE DRINK! FOAM WILL NOT MAKE THE DRINK TASTE ANY DIFFERENT, COCK FACE.
Dedicated to: The customer who expects us to read their mind
If you want decaf, yeah, you're going to have to tell us before we make the drink, because we can't read your mind. Don't expect us to remake the drink because we don't really HAVE to remake it for you. We made you the drink you ordered, now you want something else. Pay for it, jerk.
Dedicated To: Customers with really loud obnoxious children.
Hey lady! Can you please remove your child from the table, and leave our flowers on the table alone?
What parent allows their child to sit on the table and putz around with everything? This will make your child a horrible, miserable older child to deal with.
General rant: also don't come to Starbucks with your child if they are having a temper tantrum. I don't want to listen to your child, my co-workers don't want to listen to your child, and other customers don't want to listen to your child.
Dedicated to: The people who get mad at the person on the register because she doesn't know your drink.
Excuse me, did she take your drink order? No, she didn't. Do you realize how ridiculous you look? SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU ORDERED! SHE WAS BUSY WITH ANOTHER CUSTOMER. Yes, she was helping someone else who was not you... Sorry, you are not the center of Starbucks' attention, jerk face.
And to the Venti Cappuccino dudes wife, Venti Soy No Foam Latte Lady... Thanks for sucking and being a royal bitch today! Make a note to yourself: DO NOT COME TO STARBUCKS WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING LATE.
Thanks a latte!!!
Dedicated to: The lovely ladies who can't shut up long enough to order their drinks.
Ladies, we do not have all day and there are other impatient customers behind you, so please shut up.
I'm not asking much of you; just two seconds of you to stop bullshitting and order your drink. Pay attention to us for two seconds so we can serve you, and then you are free to go back to talking about Johnny's birthday party, and how you don't like little Johnny's mother.
Dedicated to: Assholes who think the deaf guy will hear you if you speak louder.
I don't think you realize it, but no matter how much louder you talk, the deaf guy will not hear you. This is because 'deaf' means HE CANT FREAKIN' HEAR YOU!
It's not an act, jerkoff... He just told you that he is deaf and can't hear you. He's not lying; he really can't hear you. And after you screaming like that, I wish I was deaf too because your stupidity hurt my ears.
Dedicated to: Douche Face on the phone.
Please get off your freakin' phone long enough to listen for your drink to be called.
If there is a drink that is on the bar and you didn't hear it called, TOUGH SHIT! Don't mouth to me "Is this mine?" with your phone still plastered to your face, because I don't know what you freaking ordered, and I don't care.
Pay attention, get off the phone, and stop being a douche.
By: Sydney McAuliffe
We love it and our banks accounts hate it. It’s the largest coffeehouse in the world, infamously known for overpriced drinks, the newest acoustic music tracks and workers who misspell our names.
Starbucks, however, is much more than just a coffeehouse. For when you buy a drink from Starbucks you are buying into a lifestyle. Your regular drink order, or “your drink,” reveals more about you than you may think.
Chai Tea Latte-
You are laid back and open minded. Chances are you are heading home after your Vinyasa Flow yoga class taught by none other than your favorite instructor. You are most likely sporting the newest Lululemon yoga fit pants, which you’ve strategically paired with your favorite cardigan. We even know about your late night beach Instagram posts, with of course, no filter.
Also orders: Orange Mango Smoothie
Can also be found at: Spin class and Pilates
You are trendy and enjoy your frequent trips to Starbucks. You like the culture of Starbucks but often times feel overwhelmed by the abundant menu choices. When the seasonal drink “pumpkin spice” makes its first appearance on the menu, not only are you excited to be the first of your friends to try it, but you also are relieved that you now have a fast and easy choice to resort to in line.
Also orders: Cinnamon Roll
Can also be found at: Home making fall craft books and baking seasonal recipes.
You are most likely the diva of your friend group who thinks you are actually ordering “coffee” when in fact that “frap” has more whipped cream than it does actual coffee. Chances are your friends are constantly making fun of you for asking for extra caramel syrup.
Also orders: Bistro Box
Can also be found at: Any shopping center with valet parking
Black coffee – Americano
You are likely wearing a crinkled shirt, already five minutes late to school and subconsciously hoping that your peers have forgotten about the fedora you tried to pull off last week. As you finish your Starbucks order, you slyly pull out your breath spray— an essential you never leave the house without.
Also orders: Double Shot Espresso
Can also be found at: The media center (after hours)
You think that you are too cool for coffee and casually scoff at your friends for drinking their mainstream Frappuccinos and seasonal drinks. Though you think by ordering Tazo tea you are setting yourself apart from the rest of those stereotypical Starbucks consumers, the second you post that Instagram picture of your drink, you are just as guilty as the rest of us.
Also drinks: Starbucks Refresher
Can also be found at: Green Market
You are globally minded and make sure everyone knows that you are definitely doing a study abroad program in college. You easily buy into campaigns guaranteeing to help the environment or better yet, children in Africa. Your favorite shoes are your pair of TOMS, which you explain to your grandma, is not your boyfriend’s shoes but actually a company dedicated to helping change lives.
Also orders: Coffee beans from Ethiopia
Can also be found at: Animal Shelter