I used to be a barista. I was, and still am, a boss at whipping up coffee drinks. However, don't for the love of Christ tell me use one half 1%, one quarter 2%, and one quarter heavy cream for your latte. You know what you're getting?
All whole milk with a spit chaser.
It's fucking coffee. Stop for everything that's holy on this earth making it complicated! I will judge you. I will openly laugh at you when you leave. All the other customers who heard your asinine order will be praying that you run over a nail while swilling your unnecessary fancy coffee drink.