So last night I was helping close up the deli in the grocery store I work at, and normally we're supposed to get off at 9:00 but we were running a little behind as we were taking our time and we got a few customers late. Around 9:10, an old lady shows up to the counter.
Old Lady: Is this a bad time?
Ok, if you have to ask that question, the answer is almost a universal yes. Me, in being nice and not wanting to get yelled at by upper management, decides to help her out. She was interested in some ham, so I showed her some of our sliced ham. We wrap up our deli trays at the end of the night to prevent the meat from drying out overnight, and I'm usually fine with getting some off the tray if someone asks as it's real easy to undo and redo the saran wrap. I let her know that we can get her whatever we have in the case, but is having none of it.
Old Lady: See, I want it sliced as thick as dinner slices.
Context: We usually start shutting down our last slicer (read: cleaning them so I don't want to use them) around 8:30-8:45, with our other two usually shut down much earlier when traffic slows down. Slicing meat on them at this point means I have to spend time recleaning them, something I'm not fond of right now. So, naturally if you were to look at the little guy inside my head he'd look like a rabid dog at this point. Also, did I mention she wanted two pounds of ham? It means something later.
So, in being nice (and not wanting to get yelled at by upper management, direct manager would have supported me so we're good there), I slice up some ham and you would think that would be the end of the story, but it isn't
Old Lady: This looks like it may have too much fat in it. Do you have anything better?
Yeah, no. My boss would not be happy if I opened up another ham, not to mention upper management for wasting product.
Me: That's the best we got.
Old Lady: I just don't want it to have too much gristle so it's easy to chew.
Here's where the quotes may be muddled as I was using every bit of energy to not lose it.
Me: If you put it in the oven for a little bit it shouldn't be too tough.
Old Lady: I plan on cooking it with pineapple. How long should I put it in the oven for?
So, about pineapple: it will tenderize meat due to some proteins present so it'll be even easier to chew.
Me: I'd say about an hour or so.
So I start slicing up the rest, and show her EVERY SLICE (it was about four slices, it was just the inanity of the request) so she can see the marbling. So I get her one pound of meat (it's easier to bag it that way) and then I go slice up two extra slices for the next pound. Turns out she now only wants 1 and a half pounds, so I bag up a half a pound and throw half a pound away (can't really slice it up, I'm not hungry).
AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Although, not as bad as the time I stayed a half an hour late the time I did tech support doing a password reset.