Retail Hell Underground

House Blend

So true...

 

 

 

 

David Beckam's Package Gets Serviced By Billboard Workers

From World of Wonder Blog:

A couple of New York City billboard painters had a most enviable job today – brushing up thisclose to David “Golden Balls” Beckham’s package as they lovingly, tenderly put the finishing touches on the full-length shirtless, pantsless portrait towering over Madison Square garden, the soccer god wearing only a pair of his signature H&M briefs. Reports the Daily Mail: “It’s hard to tell from this distance, but colouring in Beckham’s bulge brick by brick could make anyone a bit hot under the collar.” Even a blue collar.

via worldofwonder.net

Melissa McCarthy Wins Retail Balls Award: As A Waitress She Chased Down Drunk Custy Skipping Out On $1800 Bill

Melissa McCarthy from the show Mike and Molly was one badass waitress before she became an Emmy-winning TV star. She told one of her tales to People.com and I am reposting here and giving Melissa a Retail Balls Award to go along with her Emmy!

When Melissa worked as a waitress she chased down a 6'4 drunk douchebag and made him pay his $1800 bill. Management of the restaurant fired her for yelling at a customer. I guess that's how they say thank you for saving our financial asses. Look who had the last laugh. Way to go Melissa! RHU loves you!

Here's the People story:

She may be Hollywood royalty now, but even Melissa McCarthy was on the receiving end of a pink slip before getting her big break.

The first time she was fired was from a restaurant in New York City, McCarthy, 41, tells Access Hollywood, after she chased down a drunk customer who skipped out on a very big bill.

"Some guy that was incredibly bombed left like an $1,800 bill," the Emmy winner recalls. "Security was supposed to catch him, but they didn't. I went and found him two bars down, still drunk."

RELATED: Melissa McCarthy Shares Her Entertainment Weekly Cover with a Corgi

McCarthy said she brought the patron back to her restaurant and made him pay the bill.

But, despite the fact that he "was, like, 6'4" and he was screaming down at me," the restaurant showed McCarthy the door.

"They fired me for yelling at a customer," she says.

via www.people.com

If you missed her on SNL, check out this hilarious sketch where she plays the horny coworker from hell:

 

And here she with a Ranch addiction during an taste test panel:

 

 

Maria Shriver Does Back To School Shopping

Hopefully she's saying "Patrick, get your ass out of that cart before I beat you with this binder."

 

Abercrombie & Fitch Wants Clothes Off Jersey Shore -- And They'll Pay For It

Apparently Abercrombie and Fitch is worried that the Jersey Shore kids will ruin their image, so they are offering to pay them NOT to wear A&F clothes! WTF??? Seems somewhat ridiculous to give Snooki and Situation THAT much power. I think the Abercrombie execs have jumped off the deep end. They didn't seem to have a problem with it last summer when they hijacked Jersey buzz words and phrases and sold t-shirts attempting to capitalize on the show's popularity. Jersey Shore isn't gonna hurt A&F's overall sales, making crappy t-shirts and bad buying will....

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Teen clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Co has offered money to get away from what it sees as an undesirable Situation.

The preppy retailer has offered to pay cast members from MTV's popular show "Jersey Shore" to stop wearing its clothes, it said in a news release late Tuesday.

The company is "deeply concerned" that Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino "could cause significant damage" to the brand's "aspirational nature."

"Jersey Shore" features a cast of twenty-something Italian Americans partying, tanning and complaining about their jobs at a beach-front T-shirt stand.

The offer could be considered an abrupt about-face for a company that previously sold T-shirts emblazoned with the wording "The Fitchuation."

While seen as more of a publicity stunt than anything else, the offer was mentioned in notes on Wednesday by Wall Street analysts.

In a report titled "Jersey abs not welcome here," an analyst noted that on the latest episode The Situation "proudly (and loudly) wore a pair of neon green A&F sweatpants."

"No love for 'Jersey Shore!'" Nomura Securities Analyst Peter Lejuez wrote.

Abercrombie also reported earnings that beat analysts' expectations on Wednesday, prompting Wall Street Strategies analyst Brian Sozzi to write: "Management may be correct in asking (and offering to pay) the cast of 'Jersey Shore' to stop donning its logo-wear. It doesn't need the infusion of MTV and side-job dollars from the 'Jersey Shore' crew, if 2Q11 was any indication."

Sozzi said he found the offer to be "counter to everything the company stands for."

"They have half-naked teenagers standing in front of their store," he said, adding that the attention would help sales for the back-to-school season.

The Abercrombie release came from the company's Brand Senses Department and was also on the company's corporate website. The company did not immediately return a phone call or email request for further comment.

via news.yahoo.com

Glenn Beck Creates Discount Rat Retail Hell At Bookstore

via www.mediabistro.com

Conservative radio host and author Glenn Beck caused confusion and conspiracy theories at one Barnes & Noble store after he announced a 50 percent off deal for a new book.

As you can see by the radio show clip embedded above, Beck announced a special one-day deal for Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell 25–the first book published by his new Mercury Ink imprint. However, Beck didn’t clarify the online nature of deal. The post later clarified: “Tuesday’s 50% off special of Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell 25 is only available as an online pre-order, not in stores.”

One bookstore employee recounted the chaos at his store: “We had a slew of people coming in to the store, expecting to get the book 50% off (a one day online only offer) but being told that we couldn’t sell the book to them until next week. We got told by several people that this was a liberal conspiracy to suppress this book. Also, we only received 9 books, and there were none in our warehouses, and a very very small number at a supplier’s warehouse. So, underprinting, artificial scarcity and pre-release hype. Also, manufactured controversy in some customers minds about the fact that we didn’t have their book. It’s all very diabolical and brilliant in a way, even though they are gaming the system.”

 

Monopoly Live: Hot Seller Or Markdown?

What do you think RHU?

Will it be a holiday sellout or on a fast track to the dollar store?

 

Monopoly Live is coming this fall and selling for $50.

Stephen Colbert did a hilarious Threat Down bit on Monopoly Live, calling it the number one threat in America. Start video at 4:58.

 

 

Jimmy Fallon's Jersey Shore Bottled Water

 

 

Swedish Prime Minister's Son Says A Little Work At McDonalds Will Be Fun

Swedish Meatballer of the Day: The 18-year-old son of Swedish prime minister Fredrik Reinfeldt took to Twitter yesterday to announce his surprising new vocation: Flipping burgers at the Kungsgatan, Stockholm, branch of McDonald’s.

“A little work will be fun! Feels really good,” tweeted Gustaf Reinfeldt, telling his followers to “drop by and have a hamburger.”

Reached for comment, a spokeswoman for McDonald’s told Nyheter24 “[i]t doesn’t matter who you are or what you are called. He is a team member and we don’t comment on these thing.”

via thedailywh.at

 

Justin Bieber Cone-ing And Being a Dumbass Return Custy

This makes my gay heart puke. It's obvious the douchetard has no respect for Retail Slaves. I guess the cone-ing is harmless, but what was that shit about him returning a drink from Wendy's? WTF??? Did he think it would be LOL hilarious and everyone would just adore his playful teenage antics? Barf. Justin, RHU sentences you to 6 months of graveyard drive-thru duty at the 24 hr Wendys right off Hollywood Blvd.

I'm curious Fast Food slaves, has there been a rise of custys playing pranks in the drive-thru because of so many viral videos and media attention?

 

 

Red Bull Energy Douche With Mandy Moore

 

Fake Security Video Spoof Shows Obama Buying Cigarrettes

 

And yes there are people who think this is real. I love the cashier slave looking up at the camera at the end.

Mariah Carrey Acts Nutty Peddling Her Accessories On HSN

 

 

Kim Kardashian Sues Old Navy Over Commercial Spoof

Puke. Poor little rich girl feels taken advantage of. What do you guys think? Does she have a valid complaint or is she being a greedy spoiled bitch?

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Kim Kardashian wants Old Navy to stop using a lookalike to advertise its clothing.

The reality show starlet and model on Wednesday sued the clothing store and its parent company, The Gap Inc., in a Los Angeles federal court alleging their ads violated her publicity rights with ads that feature a woman who looks like her.

A video of a broadcast ad featuring a smiling, dark-haired woman who bears a resemblance to the real Kardashian has been viewed more than two million times on Old Navy's YouTube channel.

Kardashian's lawsuit claims consumers may be confused by the ads and the model's actual endorsements, which include her own clothing store and shoe line. A commercial, titled, "Super C-U-T-E," began airing in February and Old Navy is still using some of the promotions, the lawsuit states.

The case cites all the benchmarks of modern celebrity: her eight million followers on Twitter, more than five million fans on Facebook and ranking as one of the most searched-for celebrities on the Internet.

Kardashian "has invested substantial time, energy, finances and entrepreneurial effort in developing her considerable professional and commercial achievements and success, as well as in developing her popularity, fame, and prominence in the public eye," the lawsuit states.

Louise Callagy, a spokeswoman for San Francisco-based Gap said the company has not yet seen the case and had no comment.

Kardashian, 31, has rocketed to fame in recent years after gaining prominence as a friend of Paris Hilton and for having a sex tape. She appears along with her family on the E! Entertainment Television series "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" and routinely graces magazine covers.

Her lawsuit is seeking unspecified damages and wants a federal judge to prevent Old Navy from using a Kardashian lookalike model in its ads again.

The model in the ads, Melissa Molinaro, is not named in the lawsuit. She expressed exasperation that the resemblance was being pointed out again. "Were (sic) still talking about this," she posted on Twitter, noting the ad ran five months ago. "Some people have too much time on (their) hands."

via news.yahoo.com

 

 

 

The Bieb Gets Marked Down

From NC Tony: Mrs. NC saw this at work and snapped the pic. I still think it's too much.

 

Fans Enjoy Justin Bieber Someday

...and stalkers are born.

 

Liquorville With Timberlake and GaGa

 

If your retail hell is being a character or billboard on the street - you would surely want these two as your coworkers! (And GaGa was one of us, a waitress!) Happy 4th of July RHU! Enjoy your liquors today!

 

 

The Hoffsicle: Hot Seller or Markdown?

Do you all want to lick The Hoff? David Hasselhoff thinks so. And so does Del Monte! They've just come out with a smoothie flavored popsicle shaped like his image. What do you guys think? Is it headed for nationwide distrubution? or will it be sent packing to the dollar stores? I have to say, if they came infused with vodka or whiskey, I would definetly lick a Hoffsicle. Either way you'll enjoy his hilariously cheesy promotional video.

 

 

Lindsay Lohan's Crappy Beezid Commercial

 

Ugh...Beezid must have cash to burn...

From Huffpo:

Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest right now, but that doesn't mean she's taking it easy. Lohan has just filmed a new commercial for auction site Beezid.com from her Venice condo, reports TMZ. At first Lohan was offered $25,000 for the gig and turned it down, but the company was able to entice her with an undisclosed amount and a $10,000 shopping credit for the site. Over $25,000 for an 18-second cut? That's talent.

via www.huffingtonpost.com

A Brush with Fame on Canvas of Hell

Hey guys~

Ashy-Boy reporting in from the bitch seat.

For all of you non-biker folk, that's the seat behind the driver of the bike. Not to be confused with the humiliating side-car, mind you. In any case, Queer Geek's latest post about his brush with an irritating and bitchy celebrity reminded me of something I needed to share.

Get this, my fellows! Not all celebrities are pieces of trash to us lowly minimum wage slaves!

Take a gander at this picture. On the left, looking rather hideous and trying not to cringe at the thought of working in two minutes, is your faithful Ashy-Boy. Danny Bonaduce is on the right. :D

Danny was there for our 'Harley Days of May' event. He comes every year, so I've been told, along with 94 WYSP, who he does a radio show with. Pretty damn cool, if you ask me. The whole time he was there, he was polite and nice to everyone. He didn't turn down a single picture, he hugged people, he shook hands. He was happy to talk to those of us who worked there, and what he did for me was...pretty awesome.

See, my mother happens to be a fan of his radio show. She was going to come up so that she could meet him, but she had surgery the day before, and was unable to attend. So when I explained to Dan what was going on, I don't know what possessed me, but I said: 'Do you mind talking to her for a second?'

He said he'd love to! So I called her at home on my cell phone, handed it over, and let them talk. Nobody at work will stop talking about it! It was seriously the coolest thing ever, and it really made her week. I really hope he comes back! He's apparently always been this nice to us in the past. So not all celebrities are balls-off-the-walls insane and nasty.

But with all good things...

I know, what I do isn't exactly retail. I just find it somewhat hard to leave you all alone. I'm creepy and annoying like that.

In any case, here are a couple of the more irritating sorts of calls I've gotten recently.

1) 'I'VE BEEN CALLING FOR SERVICE FOR [x amount of days] AND NOBODY'S CALLED ME BACK OMFG'. I always, ALWAYS get these calls after Service CLOSES FOR THE DAY. That'd be around 4:30 p.m. My standard response is that the caller can leave a message for them to grab the next morning (or, if this happens on Saturday, the message gets picked up Monday, since Service is closed on Sundays) and recite the hours they are open, every fucking day. Eight A.M. to four-thirty P.M. This doesn't change. Ever. So my big question is, after I hang up the phone and tear out another chunk of hair, is why these people STILL CALL AFTER 4:30 P.M. when I KNOW one of us, the receptionists, have been telling them this for [x amount of days] that they've called after this time. You seriously can't forget that fact every fucking day.

2) This poor guy kept calling in with a phone that wouldn't hold his call. He wanted our sister store, who I also answer calls for, and each time I would page their clothing department, his hold light would blink off, showing that the call had been dropped. Clothing and I were irritated, but I couldn't help feeling bad for the guy, especially since he called in, three hours after he called ten times to do this, to apologize for the trouble. At least he did that much, y'know?

3) Crank/Prank calls. I literally had two of these in a day. The first was a girl trying to poorly imitate an Asian woman. "I WAN ROOK AT BIKE. YOU SELL ME?!" And so on. I asked her if she wanted new or used and she told me: "I PAY YOU FIVE DALLAH" which was the point when I hung up. Don't waste my time or the sales team's time.

The second was a guy who sounded intoxicated. We've had drunks in here before, so it's no big deal.

Drunk Guy: ..Yo...I was...was looking at this advertisement on this video...wanned t'see 'f it still...still worked.

Ashy-Boy: Well yep, this is Hairy-Dickson's! =D What're you looking for?

DG: ...Well...I'll...I'll tell you what I'm...what I want...Cause [garbled]

Ashy-Boy: I'm sorry, sir, who can I put you down to? Would you like to speak to Parts?

DG; I want you, baby. I want your Parts on my Parts.

Ashy-Boy: >_>

In the end, he told me he DID want to speak to the Parts department, but I was still pissed off about it. There needs to be a drunk-proof phone ap for some of these people. It'll detect if they're sober or not and shut down the phone accordingly.

Other than the fact that one of our sales managers were fired two days after one of our financial people was also fired, (for 'relations', if you catch my drift), nothing of importance has been going on. We'll be renaming our company, soon, but that's about it.

Peace, Love, and Shiny Pokes-

Ashy-Boy~