Retail Hell Underground

Cashier Pet Peeve

MOBEAM! The Supermarket Musical

 

Useless Parent Lets Sick Child Touch All Over Registers

From: Banja

Today I have a story about the hells of flu season.

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning my register when a woman came bustling up with a sick-looking child. The woman dropped her things on my register, telling me to hurry it up because her daughter was sick.

Her attitude kinda rubbed me the wrong way, but I said "Sure!" and rang her up.

She had a few items, like soup, air fresheners, and makeup. I reached for her makeup, only to have her pull it away and tell me it was separate.

I thought it was odd, especially since she claimed to be in a hurry, but when I saw she had an EBT card, I thought "Okay, it needs to be separate. That's fine, it doesn't matter."

As the woman swipes her card, she casually says, "Sorry, but my daughter's been throwing up all day, so we just came for soup," and her kid FLOPS bodily onto my grocery belt.

My stomach turned a little. I stammered out something like "Oh, I see," and quickly tried to ring the other things out.

Meanwhile the girl, still flopped over on my register, begins to grab at the card reader, getting her hands all over it.

I finished ringing the two of them out and as soon as they were gone, I wiped down the register with disinfectant. I even offered a customer my hand sanitizer since she grabbed the card reader before I could clean it. All of my other customers were really nice and even thanked me for cleaning the belt for them (and the sanitizer).

I didn't care that her kid was sick. I sort of wanted to know why she took the time to pick out makeup if her kid had been vomiting all day, but I really wanted to know WHY she wouldn't tell her kid not to flop on the belt.

Oh, and I got sick a few days later, too - from a GI bug.

Stay healthy,
--Banja

Winners of Walmart

 

From Walmart Bitch

 

Holiday N.A.T. Encounters in Grocery Hell

From Banja:

Hi everyone!  I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season.

Things were a...tad crazy at the grocery plug last week.  Long story short, two days in a row we had shoplifters.  These were my first shoplifters, too, and I was pretty at a loss for what to do.  These are long, so I apologize...

The first came on a Thursday.  In the morning, I had a friendly custy come through and buy some drinks and snacks.  We chatted, and she explained that she was at the nearby clinic with her nephew, and they were just waiting for him to finish there.  I said that I hoped her nephew felt better, and she said that she would be back later.  I bid her a good day, and went about my business.

A few hours later, my manager came up to me and asked if I had sold a certain type of perfume in the last few minutes.  I told her no, and she looked quite upset before all but running off.  Not long after that, my first customer came back. She was all smiles and had her nephew and another woman with her.  I began to ring her purchases up, when suddenly my manager and the grocery manager came up and blocked my lane.  My manager softly asked the woman to open her bag.

Suddenly, the customer's attitude changed completely.  She snapped, demanding to know why.  My manager reminded her that we have a policy that states we are able to check bags, and the woman growled that we weren't checking anyone else.  The grocery manager assured her that she was not the only one who we had checked, but that wasn't good enough for her.  I quietly suspended the order, feeling that this wasn't going to end well.  When she was informed that we were missing some perfumes, the customer suddenly stormed for the door, yelling for her family to follow.  My managers tried to ask her again to open her bag, but she bodily shoved past them, screaming that we couldn't hold her and that she was going to call the police.  I think she even managed to elbow my manager in the ribs!

I didn't actually see what happened next, but I heard pieces of it later and put the story together.  The lady continued to make a beeline for her car, while my managers followed (never touching her, though).  The lady, still screaming that she was going to call the cops, suddenly yanked her bag off of her arm, opening and revealing the missing perfumes.  My manager quickly reached in and snatched them back, the grocery manager got the license plate number, and the police were called.

The story has a bit of an anticlimactic bang.  While the police were at the store, the phone rang.  The lady was trying to call and apologize!  When asked if she wanted to apologize to the police, she quickly hung up.  What a strange story.

...

The next day, I was covering for a coworker.  The same manager from the previous day came up to the cashiers, warning us that she had seen a man switching prices.  The man and hisgirflriend came into my line, and my manager came up to me to "bag" my order (really, to check the prices).  The couple were chatting away as I began to scan things.  It quickly became clear that there were many things that the man had switched prices on, and he wasn't even very subtle about it.

For example: 

- There was sticky residue on one box where the old sticker was
- Frozen meat was marked down to two dollars
- My personal favorite: a box of grape tomatoes (normally with a green produce sticker) suddenly had a plain grocery sticker.  The price change?  50 cents.  Seriously, was it worth it?

The woman quickly realized that we were checking almost everything in their order.  The woman sneered at me before saying to her husband that we could put everything back because they were leaving.  As I suspended the transaction, my manager followed the couple outside and told them that they were no longer welcome.  When the woman demanded to know why, my manager told her to ask her companion.  She told them that she had caught them switching stickers, and the man simply threw his hands up in defense.  The only thing he had to say?  "Whoops!"  Before turning and running off.

So it's been a strange week at work.  I was almost afraid to go into work after that, lol! 

Thanks for letting me vent, RHU, and I hope you're all doing well!

--Banja

 

Furniture Store Custy Doesn't Want To Wait In Line

From Herdis:

Have a few good ones for you today - I work at a small chain store that sells food and drink from other countries, plus a BOATLOAD of furniture. I'm in charge of the furniture. This involves a lot of lifting, moving pieces around, building new pieces they send me, signing and displaying it...plus unloading and loading furniture from customers cars.

Inevitably, I hear these at least once a day: 

"Wow I didn't expect a girl to lift that!"

"You're too small to lift that, let me." (I'm 5'7", not skinny or hourglass in the least)

"I'm sure it will fit." (regarding 8 foot library bookshelves, or large sectional sofa's...inevitably they don't fit in the customers compact-suv)

"Can you hold it for me until three weeks from now when I come back from vacation?"

Just bitching, or looking for a witty reparte that won't get me complaints. 

*    *    *

It's the Saturday before Christmas, and all through the store people are lining up for our four ancient registers from the 70s. We've always had four registers, and while its obviously not enough for our massive holiday season, there's obviously no room for any more registers without blocking the exits/entrances. Customers are lined up halfway back the store. We're even busier than black-death Friday. 

Entitled uppity lady with entirely too much perfume approaches me. She asks for a manager right off the bat, which you all know whats about to come. Our store manager is on lunch. Two of our managers are on the incredibly busy tills, helping out the cashiers. I'm not technically a manager, but I have a nice fancy title that makes it sound good, so I decide not to bother anyone else with Uppity Lady. "I'm the furniture head, what can I do for you?" 

"I've been waiting in line for a half hour (probably likely, its the Saturday before Christmas, and you're shopping across the street from the mall.) I'm a regular and spend a lot of money here. I finally got to the front of the line and one of your other managers started counting all the cash in the drawer! I can't believe I had to wait even more. Do something about this." 

Ode to joy. "I'm sorry, but the other managers are counting the money when a cashier leaves for the day after their shift. We've been having problems with theft and counterfeits, and this keeps the customers with the right change and protects us." 

"I don't care, I shouldn't have to wait. This is absurd." 

"I'm sorry. There is nothing I can do. They only change the drawers when someone leaves for the day. We have four cashiers on the four tills, and at no time is one unmanned. The drawer changes only take a minute or two."

"I shouldn't have to wait, who cares if the drawer is right or not. I can't believe you're doing this with so many people." 

"This is our loss prevention procedure. There is *nothing* I can do for you." Finally, she got the hint...hopefully this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. It probably will...

- Herdis

An RHUer Has A Question About When A Cashier Doesn't Recognize Check; Rings It Up Wrong

This is a story with a question at the end - and I am the custy in this situation. I will not be Little Slave in the Big Northwoods for this caper, I will be playing the part of Big Shopper in the Big City!

It's Thursday afternoon and I need to run to my local grocery store for some stamps. I have been purchasing stamps at this location since 2005 and have always paid with a $45 business check (it even says freight & postage on the stub). Sometimes they ask for my license number, sometimes they put on the phone number, but most of the time, they just give me the roll of stamps and put the check in the drawer. Well, not this time.

I knew I was in trouble when the AWESOME little old lady who normally works was not there. But I think to myself, it's just a roll of stamps, I'll be okay. NOTE: anyone who is not the awesome little old lady takes wayyyy longer to do anything at this desk. I waited in line as Customer #1 purchased his $20 worth of scratch off lottery tickets - he rolls away and I look at clerk lady waiting for her to say "Next" or "Can I Help You" or even "What do you want?" She just looks at me blankly so I step up to the plate.

"1 roll of 100 stamps please." - hands her the check. What happened next is still a little foggy, still a little "HUH?!"

She looks at the check, up at me, back at the check and kind of cocks her head to the side - like dogs do and says: "Um, I don't know what to do with this? (to co-worker) Do you know what to do?" Perplexed looks are exchanged betwixt the two. I myself am mighty perplexed at this statement.

She gave me the "one minute" finger and leaves the cage. She walked out the door, took about 10 steps, stood there looking at the check, then scanning the front, then down at the check, more looks around - then turns around and comes back in the cage and said, "I don't know what I was thinking" then proceeds to run the check through a little electronic scanner.

This scanner was unlike any other check scanner I have seen before. It looked like a receipt printer. Next thing I know she says to hit ok on the credit card pad. I am surprised at the mention of the pad. Now, here is the issue: the total on the screen was $50, not $45 but I did not notice it until I had already hit the green button but before I had signed for it. I piped up and said "Wait that was $50?"  Sure enough, it was, and the transaction could not be cancelled, it was through.

As this is my fault for not looking, I stay quiet as the clerk is saying, "I don't know what I was thinking," and "Why did I enter 50?!"

Hitting buttons, trying to get the info back do not help. Her solution was to just give me $5 back ("Is that okay?" was asked twice). Which, if it was cash, or my money, I wouldn't have cared. However, this is a cash basis business and I have a check written for $45, not $50 - that is embezzlement chicklets.

I did kindly and nicely ask if it was possible to refund and re-run as I had time to wait and the counter was not busy. That is when the manager arrives to see what is going on: No, nothing more can be done, no, there is no refund, can she give me $5 back (Is that okay was asked so many more times I lost count at 5). Keep in mind I think I have now said 1 sentence in total.

I accepted the $5, receipt (with my notes on it), and then asked if I could please have my stamps now; which I finally got.

My question is, is that normal? Can check machines not be corrected at all even with the manager there? I didn't want to get pissy because we all know that feels, but, why did she put in $50?

The only half-assed, kind of apology was from weird clerk lady saying it's been a long day as she was handing me my stamps. Out of this entire situation, this is not really what bothered me because I explained the entire situation to my boss, who promptly laughed his ass of for at least 10 minutes, then we fixed the accounting error. All in all, I kept my mouth shut, said thank you when I was done, and proceeded to walk over to the bank where I had to re-tell the story and we all shook our heads in confusion. You see, our bank has a branch within the grocery store and they had been expecting me to come over and make a deposit - they waved when I walked in the doors - then they watched me at the service counter the entire time.

This final paragraph has to do with the phrase "Is that okay?" I understand why people ask this; I totally understand and have been trained to ask the same question in order to make sure the customer is alright with what has happened or is happening. But, when you ask this multiple times, and the same solution is offered, and when I have already stated that this particular course of action is not okay, STOP ASKING! By the time I left to walk over to the bank, I wanted to scream it at them - NO IT"S NOT OKAY, STOP ASKING ME THAT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! But I didn't. That's all, now back to my cell, I mean cubicle.

--Big Shopper in the Big City

Retail Balls Award: Bad Mom Gets Told In Unique Way

Dweazzle gets a Retail Balls Award for how he dealt with a bad mom:

I think I told Y'all to call me Dweazzle the last time I posted, but that was forever ago and I don't remember.

Anyhow, after hearing and reading about recent Black Friday craziness, I wanted to share a sweet memory of an experience that happened while I was working at Old Slavery. It wasn't Black Friday, but it was during a particularly heavy holiday rush.

A woman came in with a gaggle of rotten crotchfruit who proceeded to do their level best to mess up, wreck, and otherwise make an unholy mess of every table they could reach, all while being loud and obnoxious as their mother obliviously rifled through the clearance section. Not long after their arrival, I got called to the registers to back up our overworked main cashier. I had been there for twenty minutes or so and had just finished ringing someone up when a customer tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Um... That little boy is peeing..."

What.

I turned around, and sure enough, one of the aforementioned rotten crotchfruit had whipped it out and was urinating on the security sensor gate. The kid was five or six years old, clearly old enough to know better. By this time everyone in line was staring. Shaking my head, incredulously, I turned back to my next customer and reached for my radio to report the offense. 

Sometimes, the Retail Gods have pity on us poor slaves. Heaven knows it doesn't happen often, but when it does, friends, savor the moment and wring every last drop of satisfaction out of it you possibly can.

My next customer was the little pissant's mother. Who didn't know that I knew that it was her kid. And who had witnessed the whole thing. A warm sensation spread through my chest, and with a feeling like a conductor about to conduct his greatest masterpiece, I began.

Me, in a calm, conversational tone: "Oh, good Lord. What is wrong with that kid's parents? It's like they didn't even attempt potty training. What kind of horrible, irresponsible parent would let their kid do that? Utter failures, that's what."

Increasingly Embarrassed Woman, in a small, embarrassed voice: "Maybe it was an accident."

Me: "Nah. There'd be a stain on his pants and he'd be upset. He knew what he was doing. He whipped it out and everything. If he's allowed to do that in public, I wonder what his house is like. I bet it's like living with a big, incontinent puppy. Bathroom's probably sparkling clean, though. I wonder why his parent's aren't doing anything about it?"

IEW: (Says nothing, just gets redder and redder)

Me: "If he was my kid, I'd be mortified. I'd beat his little butt, too."

We finished the transaction and she hurried off, snatching up the offending hellspawn and his siblings and exiting the store faster than I had seen anybody leave before or since. I called the supervisor on the radio and made arrangements to have the mess cleaned up.

The exchange left me with a satisfied feeling and a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

--Dweazzle

 

Stewie's Gift To Hot Topic Custys

Things My Son Says While Shopping = Kill Me Now Moments

I think my kid wants to kill me with embarrassment.

Seems like every time we are out in public, usually the store or something, he says or does something that makes me want to go "That's not my kid!" But it seems to get the retail people smiling, so I guess it's not soooo bad.

First, we were at the library. He had already picked out a book to take home, and I was browsing the shelves. He would randomly say, "Hey mommy, what's this word?" or "What's this?" I was reading the back of a book that looked interesting, when he says, "hey mooooooom." I asked him to wait for a few seconds so I could finish reading the back, when all of a sudden he just yells "Mom! I got to pee and poop!!!!" Top of his lungs, in the quiet library, with at least a dozen people nearby. Eesh. We left shortly after he was done in the bathroom.

Second, we were at the store, buying some pancake mix cause I wanted pancakes the next morning. The cashier was a younger girl, with a boyish haircut, but well, she was rather large breasted. (I may have made the mistake of confusing her for a boy if it weren't for that.) Next thing I know, my son is asking, "Mommy why does that boy got big boobies?" Even though I was very red in the face and apologizing to the poor slave, she was laughing her butt off. (I'll never forgive my ex for teaching my son the word boobies years ago.)

Lastly, in a different store, stocking up on some bathroom essentials. (ie: toilet paper, soap, tampons - face it, I'm a girl, it happens, deal with it.) While ringing out, my son decides to get all curious and start asking what tampons are for. My usual "you'll know when you are old enough to know" answer wasn't enough for him. He asks, "Do you stick it in your ears?" then he went through mouth, nose, belly button etc. Til it dawns on him, "Oh no! Does it go in your butt?!" Red faced mommy again, trying to hush him going "Nooooo!" I pointed his attention to candy and he quickly forgot, but the cashier sure was giggling from that.

Next time I go out, I may just put a muzzle on him. (Okay, not really, but maybe I can introduce the quiet game to him.)

<3 Karebear

Majuba Shares Some Behavior Guidelines

Stole this off a workmate because I thought you might get a giggle from it!

A Guide To Conducting Yourself Respectfully and Responsibly Within A Supermarket

Entering the store:

There are certain things you should observe upon entering a supermarket.

1. Appropriately Dressing for your grocery outing.

Two very important things to remember...

A) Less is more

B) Deodorant is indeed a part of an outfit.

Men: If you’re a bit larger than your average man... or a dirty junkie. Shorts that at least go to your knees nothing worse than a fat man in speedos thinking he's heaps hot and everyone else seeing the tackle he hasn't been able to find in years.

Any man: A shirt... You could have abs of steel courtesy of the "If you've got a door, you've got a gym" dude... doesn't mean that you shouldn't be wearing a shirt in a public shopping center where they serve fresh food. You can't work in a restaurant without a shirt on... Why should you be allowed to lean over produce with your sweaty, shirtless torso?

Women: Fat or not... it's not okay to wear the skirt you found in the cupboard that just barely covers your vagina. No one likes to see you vagina while you're trying to work out whether you want full cream or low fat milk. Also don't wear the shirt that just covers your nipple and shows your stretch marks. Please do wear a shirt.

2. There are signs designating a specific entry point.

Don't push your way past other customers who are loading groceries onto checkouts and give the cashier a sheepish ‘I'm sorry I'm a lazy dumbass’ look just because you will save 2 seconds by entering the store this way.

A) It's rude, especially when you leave all sense of moral at home and act as if the person meant to be there is in your way and

B) You're probably fat so the extra 2 meters won't hurt you... but I wouldn't count on it helping either.

3. Bringing children into the store.

As much as I hate parents putting children on those stupid leash backpacks. If you cannot control your little fuck trophies... cage them.

By cage them I mean shove them in the trolley and don't let them out... if they scream and cry I recommend the use of this amazing thing called duct tape... failing that use plan b... no not the morning after pill (it's a little late for that if you have them in the supermarket)... Don’t scream at them... You screaming along with them only makes everyone else think that you can't hold your shit together and besides, child abuse in supermarkets is underrated these days.

Now you've made it past the entry and hopefully you’re doing well so far. Now it comes down to:

Behaving appropriately within the store.

1. Think of the supermarket like a roadway.

In Oz we drive on the left. Now if we were to apply this to a supermarket you would push your trolley to the left hand side of the lane. Not leave it in the middle in the way of everybody else, or sideways blocking the whole aisle... we know you’re an asshole who has a sociopathic tendency to believe the world revolves around your ego. You don't have to prove it by holding up 5 other people because you don’t know what right of way is.

2. Again don't hold up the aisle

Don't procrastinate about what type of tomato sauce you want. I'll let you in on a secret; Fountain and Heinz taste the same. Other people behind you need that stuff to and they probably can't see it because your fat ass and your family's fat asses are in the way.

3. If you "accidently" knock stuff off a shelf, pick it up and put it back on, or if it breaks let a staff member know.

 The last thing we need is some old bitch slipping on the jam jar you broke. Also if you do tell a staff member, don't stand there and apologize whilst we clean it up... it's annoying and after the third time it sounds insincere.

4. If something is not in stock, staff cannot magically pull it out of their asses for your convenience.

It would be handy but I'm pretty sure pulling a kilo jar of Milo out of their ass would hurt. Come back the next day after a delivery has been made and get it then or better yet if it's on special ask for a rain check... then you have a whole four weeks to stew about the fact that it wasn't in stock when you wanted it.

5. A trolley is not an automobile.

Don't try to zip around the aisles like your Casey Stoner in the Moto GP. You usually end up ramming it in to people (i.e. ME). If that happens, apologize don't stare at the person as if it is their fault. All you had to do was open your mouth and utter two words... pretty easy to figure out even with the standard low IQ of most shoppers.

6. If you need to ask a question about a product... don't walk up to the person wearing a uniform and packing a self and ask "Excuse me, do you work here?"

Nope they just got really bored that day and thought "You know what, Fuck it, I might pack some shelves for the fun of it today instead of doing my usual day job."

Also don't just say the name of the product and expect to get an answer... I like vegemite too but I don't walk around screaming its name to unsuspecting people.

7. Act like you have class.

Domestic disputes can be so much fun to watch, especially for the staff that has been cooped inside for 9 hours. However, they then have to deal with the fall out of every other customer complaining about the feral couple screaming at each other.

8. Write a list of what you need.

Don't put something in your trolley then decide at the last minute you don't want it. It creates unneeded work for the people who are already understaffed and it makes you look like an indecisive jerk.

Leaving the store.

Okay, so now you've navigated your way through the aisles, dodged the Brogans and their fuck trophies, destroyed the evil aliens and leveled up. You’re ready to proceed to the checkout.

1. General rules for using a serviced checkout.

A) When greeted by the cashier, greet them back... they don't like you either but at least they're polite about it. There is no reason to look at staff as if they stole your first born to use as a virgin sacrifice at a cult meeting. But by proxy when staff asks how you are, they don't want to know that you contracted syphilis in the 60's whilst dropping acid in a VW before you found Jesus and now donate every spare cent to televangelists.

B) If you have green bags hand them over before you start unloading your groceries... don't give them surprised face after they've scanned and bagged all your groceries and then hand them over and expect them to repack. You’re a dumbass and it doesn't work that way.

C) If you’re a little OCD and want your bags packed a certain way, staff is usually more than happy to oblige... on a condition. Group them accordingly... don't put your fruit and veg on the conveyor neatly then put the zucchini right at the end... we know you’re not buying it for a food purpose but that doesn't mean it is a separate category.

D) The express lane is for a specific amount of items. Don't line up with a massive trolley and then wonder why people are giving you dirty looks and the cashier tells you politely to fuck off to another register.

E) Money goes in the waiting hand... not underneath it on the counter. It's just rude and makes staff want to punch you in the nose.

F) Unpack your own basket... It is extremely uncomfortable to unpack a full basket on an overloaded conveyor and no matter how much you argue that it isn't an OSHA issue... it actually is, asshole.

G) If a register has a closed sign, a trolley and no light...how about you take a random guess at what's not gonna happen there.

And when staff is taking down a closed sign, removing a trolley and turning on a light...guess what... I'll give you a hint... it is a slight variation on the name of an old British comedy about a group of people working in a department store.

ALSO don't point at the register next to the one we just opened and offered to serve you through and say "So it's this one, right?".. Nope, but you are IQ challenged, right?

2. General rules for using a self-serve

A) Green means GO... Red means STOP

B) There is no such thing as a stupid machine just stupid people.

C) Yelling at a self-serve checkout doesn't work... No matter how loud you scream and cuss at it... But I'm sure if you go to A Current Affair it might be shamed into working for you.

D) Don't complain about s/s taking people's job's... Trust me they don't. So long as there are people fucking them up there will be jobs for people who need to fix them up.

E) Money goes in the money in slot's not the change slots... face/palm

3. General rules for going through any checkout

A) You don't need a plastic bag for one item... that's what your hand is for and having a plastic bag for a chupa chup isn't like buying extra-large condoms for your tiny penis... no one thinks big of you.

B) We don't care how much things cost back when the pound was still the current form of currency.. Back then all you had for entertainment was a stick, a wheel and a couple of tumble weeds too.

C) If you’re in a hurry avoid the supermarket at all costs... especially in the afternoon or during lunch time. You whining and whining about how slow staff are doesn't get you served any faster... it just makes you look like a wanker.

D) Think about your "dad" jokes before you say them..."That's the year I was born"... "You want money do you?" etc. Nope we don't want money but I would like to punch you in your smug unoriginal face.

E) Don't practice "reserving" registers. You know where you load up all your groceries and then wander away to find the last 5 items on your list. It's rude and if it were allowed I'm sure 95% of all staff would push all your shit back into your trolley and then hide it on you and make you go find it.

F) Don't procrastinate...when you’re in a supermarket you need to be decisive... make up your mind quickly and then move on, fucker... shopping should take an hour...tops... any longer and you’re a fucking nut case who needs a psych evaluation.

In closing.

Time and time again when I think I've seen the stupidest the world can offer I'm surprised by something so utterly mind blowing that I want to sterilize half the population so stupidity can't breed.

Half the people who shop are the reason blow dryers have "do not use in shower" stickers.

--Majuba

Cashier Rant: Demeaning Custys and Coupon Abusers

Banja gets a Retail Balls Award for how she dealt with abusive coupon custys and not letting them getting away with it:

I'm not nearly as steamed as the last time I posted.  

Now, I'm just tired.  

I worked yesterday for 8 hours and today for 7 - I can almost hear some of you laughing at me; I know that's not a heavy load.  I attend classes when I'm not working, so it's just a bit more than I'm used to.

Yesterday, I had a customer completely trash my goals in life.  

I know I shouldn't have even let it come up in conversation, but sometimes I can't help myself.

I try to be friendly and I talk and sometimes it slips out.  

Here's how it went down:

Custy: "You guys are finally playing some decent music!  Can you hear it?"

Banja: "Not really..."

Custy: "It's [group].  Listen real hard!"

Banja: "Oh, I don't recognize them."

Custy: "You don't?!  What the hell are *you* listening to?"

Banja: [Completely without thinking] "Most of the things I listen to aren't from this country..."

Custy: "What do you listen to?"

Banja: [On a stupid roll tonight] "Mostly video game soundtracks and J-Pop..."

Custy: "What the hell is J-Pop?"

Banja: "Japanese pop."

Custy: "Why the hell do you listen to that?!"

Banja: "Because I want to live there and teach English someday."

The custy proceeded to go on a rant about how it's an awful place to live and they hate Americans, and how I'm going to get stabbed by needles over there (wtf?!), and rawr rawr rawr I stopped listening and just finished his order.  

I shouldn't have been surprised.  Most customers who find out (I told you, I try to talk to everybody and it comes up) are very friendly and think it's an awesome goal. But this customer reminded me that for every person who thinks it's great, there are twice as many who think I'm a horrible person for wanting to leave America.  So that left me quite down for the rest of my night.  

I privately spoke with a head cashier and she gave me permission to leave register if he comes in again, as long as we aren't too busy.  Right after that conversation, though, he reappeared and went on this rant about the new season of Dexter and how it's great and blar blar blar.  We have no clue why he came back in.  One of my coworkers thinks there's something mentally not right with him, but I just wish he wouldn't go to my register...he kept cursing at me and it actually made me a bit uncomfortable.  As I have a bit of a sailor's mouth, that's impressive.

*    *    *

The second big issue I had this weekend was with COUPONS.  

I work at an outlet store, which means that we often sell slightly damaged goods at a lower price.  We accept a few coupons, though we have rules on them.  Namely, that you cannot use more than three on any item.  This rule works like this: Three coupons per item per person per day.  This means you can't exit and re-enter our store and use your other coupons.  Simple, right?

The problem with foolproof rules is that you always have the fool to prove them useless.

We sell these microwaveable chicken nuggets (nasty pieces of shit) for 99 cents, and some of them have coupons on them that are good for an immediate 55 cents off.  I had a customer who wanted to use a bunch of them yesterday, but one of the head cashiers explained why we couldn't accept them all.  There was the obligatory custy grumbling, but she left without much fuss (dumping it on my register to make me put it away does count as a 'minor fuss'), and I knew how to handle the problem if it came up again.  I just wasn't expecting to deal with it so soon.

Today, a family of crustys was going through the line of one of the new girls.  She hasn't been there long, so I try to keep an eye on her and she feels comfortable asking me questions.  I saw the man of the family with about nine of these microwaveable nugget packs, and saw that he was pulling a bunch of the coupons off.  I know that the new girl doesn't know our policies yet, so I spoke up politely.  Maybe it was being nosy, but I wanted to help her.

Banja:  "Sir, just so you know, we can only accept three of these coupons at a time."

Crusty: "Why?!"

Banja:  "I'm sorry, sir, there is a rule that states "three coupons per item per customer per day"."

Crusty: *grumbles something*

Banja:  "I'm sorry?"  (I admit.  My voice got a fraction less friendly.  I don't appreciate you talking crap when I'm standing right there.)

Crusty:  "Oh, nothing~  We're just going to beat your system."

The man sent his son to another line with the nuggets, and I went to the head cashier's office and quietly informed her of what the customer was doing.  She thought for a moment and told me to leave it go for now, but if he did it again to let her know.

Not five minutes later, the jackass sent his wife to a different register.  So, I knocked on the door once more and told her what was going on.  She came out, asked me who the person was, and pretended to be busy bagging for the cashier, but as soon as the crusty's wife approached she informed her that we could not accept their coupons due to the abuse of the rules.  

I'm a terrible person, but it made me feel all fuzzy inside to watch them leave knowing they couldn't rip us off like that.

Seriously, guys, the nuggets are 99 freaking cents.  It's not like they'll break your wallet.

But now, after much grumbling, some good news!  The head cashier who's always rude to me for no reason is leaving Saturday, which means her position is opening!  Though my hopes aren't high, I left a note for my manager saying that I am interested if the position is available.  Maybe I'll get it!

Sorry for talking your ears off, but thank you for letting me rant!

Oyasumi nasai,

--Banja

 

 

 

Retail Balls Award: Walmart Custy Defends Cashier Against Mob

From an RHUer:

Today a friend of mine  was in Wal-Mart, and apparently snapped in defence of a poor cashier.

She shared this on facebook, and I thought it might be worth sharing with you. If I had been this poor cashier, I would have hugged her.
 
"The lines up in Walmart today were insane.
 
As I was waiting in line, a frazzled cashier in the lane next to me was attempting to close. The light was off, but regardless, people kept going in her line. In a last ditch effort, she hung a "lane closed sign" on the end of a woman's cart. Two middle aged women approached, and seeing the crazy line ups elsewhere, went in the line. The woman in front of them told the two that the line was closed, to which one of the lady's responded "No it's not" and removed the sign and put it on the end of her cart. The crowds around them took this as initiative to go in this line as well.
 
Unable to contain my disgust and rage any longer, I turned on the crowd and snapped "What the HELL is wrong with you people? Can't you see that the lane is CLOSED?" People began murmuring "Oh, we didn't know", to which I responded "Obviously you can see! You can all WAIT in line like the rest of us!" Shame faced and silenced, the crowd dispersed. The two middle aged women who had started the mess removed the sign from their cart and left the closing lane, lining up behind me.
 
But the one bitch wasn't done. "Looks like somebody is going to start a riot" she muttered to her friend.
 
 At this point, I had zero fucks to give. I spun on the woman and sneered "If you had ANY respect for that cashier you wouldn't have even TRIED to sneak into her lane. So shut up and BE QUIET."

They did not respond, and instead looked at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Fucking people. Go die."

 

 

 

Custy Questions Authenticity of Grocery Store's Gatorade

This story happened not to me, but to my co-worker, who I will refer to as Captain 'Murrica.  

He had just clocked out, but a customer, whom I shall refer to as Confuzzle, stopped him and asked where the Gatorade was.

Not an unusual question, as we have just finished up a full store remodel and reset. Captain 'Murrica says that the Gatorade is back in the beverage area, and as he was going to get one, he'll take her along.  

Confuzzle says she looked there but couldn't find it.  Fair enough, the common naive soul might say.

They arrived in the aisle, and he showed her the Gatorade, and proceeded to pick out one for himself.  She looks, doubtful, then asks, "Are you sure that's Gatorade?  It just says 'G' on it."

For those of you who may not be familiar with Gatorade's packaging, the bottles do have a "G" on them that is about 2" wide by 3" tall and totally dominates the label.  But they also say, in smaller print, "Gatorade" on the label.  In a couple places.

Captain 'Murrica shows Confuzzle where it says "Gatorade" on the label. 

"But, are you sure this is really Gatorade?  I'm going to therapy and I need Gatorade."  It seems at this point she is going to the wrong kind of therapy.

Captain Murrica says again that yes, it is Gatorade.  She decides that maybe A-Head is telling her the truth, and decides to take a bottle.

The two take separate paths to get to the front end, the doubting Thomasina arriving at the registers first.  When Cap gets to the registers he hears Confuzzle asking the cashier, "One of the employees said this was Gatorade, but I'm not sure..." 

Not only does she not believe either Captain 'Murrica nor the cashier, she actually talks the cashier into not being sure herself whether or not it was Gatorade. 

Now there are two people who can not determine whether or not THE BOTTLE THAT SAYS "GATORADE" CONTAINS GATORADE.

And how does this second interaction end? 

With Confuzzle wandering off, saying "I'll find someone else to ask..."

I feel sorry for her therapist.

Stay classy RHU!

--Riferous

 

 

Retail Balls Award: Albertson's Employees Rescue Child From Kidnapping and Tackle Abductor

From Hiedi: This happened not to far from where I work- Another news station reported the boy was taken to a local ER to be checked out and luckily is only shaken up and sustained soft tissue injuries.  The store manager is glad his employees did the right thing.

--Hiedi

Via KomoNews:

BURIEN, Wash. - A stringy-haired man who tried to abduct an 11-year-old boy in the rest room of a Burien supermarket Saturday was tackled by employees and held until police arrived to arrest him, says King County Sheriff Steve Strachan.

The drama unfolded Saturday at about noon when the boy and his parents were shopping at the Albertson's store at SW 128th Street and 1st Avenue South in Burien.

The boy went to use the store's rest room, and shortly afterward a man with long, stringy black hair entered the rest room, grabbed the boy by the throat and threatened to kill him, Strachan said.

There was a struggle, and some nearby employees who heard the commotion went to see what was going on.

As they approached the rest room, they saw the boys' fingers stuck in the door. He was struggling to pull himself out of the bathroom as the suspect held the door shut tight on the boy's fingers.

The employees then banded together and pushed the door open to let the boy free.

The boy ran out to find his parents, and the suspect also bolted from the rest room toward the front of the store to run outside and get away.

At that point, five or six male and female employees then tackled and "hog-piled" onto the suspect, Strachan said, and stopped him. The suspect was partly clothed but his pants were down.

The employees remain piled on top of the suspect until deputies arrived and took him into custody.

Strachan described him as a white male in his 30s, about 5-feet-7-inches in height, 150 pounds, with long, stringy hair. The sheriff said he had no weapons but some used and dirty syringes fell out of his pockets when the employees tackled him. He also had possible illegal drugs.

It's not clear if the suspect lives in the area. He now faces possible charges of felony assault and attempted abduction. Strachan said.

The 11-year-old boy was shaken up and sustained minor injuries to his fingers in the assault.

One of the store employees was also bitten by the suspect, but the bite did not break the skin, Strachan said.

He said the family always does its grocery shopping at this Albertson's store and has never had any problems there before.

Strachan highly commended the store employees who took the initiative to rescue the boy, tackle the suspect and hold him until law enforcement officials arrived at the scene.

via www.komonews.com