Retail Hell Underground

Cherry: English Journalist Liz Jones Fails At Secret Shopping

Hello everyone, it's Cherry IScream.

I'm still looking for a job, but when I was shown this article, I just had to share it!

Liz Jones, a woman well known for being completely ridiculous at the best of times, went around British High Street shops and scored them by the most absurd standards.

Among the things she demanded where:

- Shop assistants being able to tell her size just by looking.
- Trying to return a bra SHE WAS WEARING
- Expecting a high street shop to alter a pair of trouser for her.

And then the story gets a little better.

On both the Daily Mail Website (no stranger to controversy due to it's very biased opinions) and Etiquette Hell, Ms Jones has been thoroughly ripped to shreds. Almost every comment has been to inform her that she is living in a dream world if she expects shop assistants to act as her slaves.

There's hope for us all yet.

--Cherry IScream

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1346991/Fed-surly-shop-assistants-care-Youre-We-unleashed-LIZ-JONES-investigate-just-Britains-served.html

Cherry's Updates From The Calendar Kiosk

Here are some nifty status updates I made from my phone while I was standing idle at the kiosk:

Wednesday November 3rd @ 2:05 PM ::

I just love it when a group of black guys stare, make obvious statements (i.e., DAAAYUMM!) and flirt with me from far away.... 

Wednesday November 3rd @ 1:41PM ::

Killing the last hour and 20 minutes by making an xmas list. everyones getting books, calenders, gag gifts and dildos this year

Wednesday November 3rd @ 11:34 AM ::

My gauges smell like my ex-best friends pussy

Wednesday November 3rd @ 11:01 AM ::

70 year old mallrats make me lol

Wednesday November 3rd @ 10:50 AM ::

Some foreign lady just came up to me and started talking about her cat

Monday, November 1st @ 1:47 PM ::

Some weird christian dude with a lazy eye started preaching his shit as i was reading the witches datebook, i giggled inside when he asked if i was a christian.

Monday, November 1st @ 1:17 PM ::

3pm cant come any slower -.-

Monday, November 1st @ 11:59 PM ::

Just organized all the drawers in my kiosk...thats how bored i am :P

Friday, October 29th, time unknown ::

These hotties walked past my kiosk and I just had to get a picture of them ;)  http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs464.ash2/73706_165384903479929_100000252616812_466277_225240_n.jpg

Friday, October 29th @ 1:56 PM ::

My job is to sell you calenders, not give you directions or help you with your halloween costume

Friday, October 29th @ 1:43 PM ::

Some lady just bought $136 worth of calenders,holy fuck

Wednesday, October 27th @ 9:18 PM ::

1 hour then im outta here!! i could totally go for some food and a god damn blunt right now, i never thought sitting in 1 place could be so stressful T_T

Wednesday, October 27th @ 6:52 PM ::

Wish old men would stop trying to look down my shirt from upstaIrs, if i yell "36C!!!!!" will you go away??

Wednesday, October 27th @ 6:10 PM ::

I love customers that make my job interesting

--Cherry

 

Mall Hell: The View From A Calendar Kiosk

RHU!....iiiiiiiit's CHERRY!

What's good guys, after a year and a half of being laid off I am FINALLY back on the books and working in retail (only til January though).

I have the most boring job in the world: sitting on my ass at a calender kiosk, wooohooo!!!

My first day was pretty wild though, as soon as my partner went on break I hear someone screaming like a bitch and a huge mob of people following the sound.

Everyone stopped right in front of my kiosk, people from the upper levels gathered around the railings to see what the fuck was going on, some worried black woman exclaimed "Y'ALL BETTA CALL DA POLICE, HE'S MAKING THREATS AGAINST HIS KID SAYING HE GON' SLAM HIM AGAINST DA GROUND!" to a group of guys who looked about my age.

Some fat 10 year old kid with a cell phone (who the fuck had a cellphone at 10 years old?) being escorted by either his dad or undercover security was screaming for help, yelling "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" blah blah blah.

I thought he was getting kidnapped and taken to the slaughter house by the way he was screaming.....yummmm child burgers <3 

There was some official looking guy (dressed like an H&M store manager or something) at the top of the escalator holding the arm of some older looking kid in handcuffs saying something that I couldn't hear over the screaming, oh I'm sorry, squealing.

A group of kids past the kiosk and said "were you scared?"

I said "no what the hell just happened?" and they said that the kid shoplifted and was freaking out, and that it was fucked up because he was only like 10 years old.

In the same hour that my partner was gone, I hear more screaming but this time between two guys coming from the middle of the mall.

I see people gathering toward that section of the mall looking up.

Turns out they were fighting and one guy spit in the other's face.

All this shit on my first day, there will definitely be more!

--Cherry

 

 

Cherry Wronged By The Deli of Doom

RHU Blogger Cherry Carnivore has this to report about her Deli Hell:

Cherry Got Owned:(

So guess what? I just got kicked out of my house, lost 2 best friends and then some over something really stupid, I don't have a car anymore, and now I got fired from the Deli of Doom.

2 weeks ago they started giving me more hours during the week (WOOHOO IT'S ABOUT TIME I STARTED WORKING SOMETHING OTHER THAN WEEKENDS!!!) and I was doing great, I was working more efficiently than I had been because I was so happy...then after I got dropped off at work yesterday I looked for my timecard and couldn't find it. The store manager told me to come into his office and said "I'm sorry but business is not doing so good, so I'm going to have to let you go."

I was fucking distraught...yay I finally got out of that shithole but did it really have to be after I lost everything else in my life? Blahhhhh :(

Anyway, fuck that place... they used to have something like employee of the month, but it was more like "which employee should we try to fire this month" oh and there was NO tip jar! HOW THE FUCK are you going to make poor helpless human beings slave away at $7.50 to $8.00 an hour and serve food to asshole commuters and tourists without at least just giving them a tip jar?

Also, who needs coworkers who don't mind their own business, gossip on the job and talk about sex in the back while they make ME stay up front and fill the cooler with 50 grab and go sandwiches? I've got enough shit going on, I don't need that too.

We're sorry to hear that Cherry, but you are better off...here's a message for your Deli of Doom Asshole Store Manager:

New Year's Resolution

A New Year's Resolution from Cherry Carnivore....
to find the perfect recipe to prevent bitchy customers from coming in!
What's yours?

Durrrrr Speshull Shiny New Years Eve Hat

...when you have to work at the Deli of Doom.

Cherry Carnivore's Answer to Holiday Hell at the Deli of Doom

Boredom and cooking with Vodka!

Been a long hard shift at the Deli of Doom!
Cooking away Holiday Hell with vodka.
One shot for the recipe, one for us!



JUST KIDDING!
It's for cooking only (yeah, right).
However, my Deli Co-Slaver wrote this message on the back...



"For Drink Only
For fast release from problem customers/bad days. Comsume until irritation stops. If anger/depression more than 48 hours, consult your physician."

Have a Merry, Happy, whatever you celebrate!
And throw in a little vodka...

xoxoxo
Cherry

Deli of Doom's Princess Customer

I've been planning on celebrating my 6 months in food retail by giving you stories of coworkers and customers. Well, here's the tale of PRINCESS CUSTOMER!

So I was with one other person helping them close. Two hours before we were supposed to close, there was a mini rush. It was BRUTAL!

Then after the rush came a miserable man, his wife and about 4 or 5 maybe 6 kids. They ordered "kids meals" which everyone fucking HATES because they take wayyyy too long and it's just a huge pain in the ass to get everything together.

So here I am trying to fry/grill/put together everything as fast as I possibly can, and my coworker says "Hurry up, Cherry. He's getting huffy." So I'm running all over the place while my coworker cleans up from the rush...and then he asks for a maple honey turkey sub.

So I put everything together, the slicer is broken so I couldn't make the god damn meat thinner than paper without shredding it. I give him the sandwich and I go back to get the rest of the kids meals. As I'm walking out front, my coworker said "He just kind of opened the sandwich, said 'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!' and stormed out." I was NOT happy...

I go in the back, the guy's wife must have yelled at him and the kids must have been hungry because that little bitch swallowed his pride and walked right back in. He demanded that I make the sandwich again, so I did. Exact same way as before. I told him I'm trying my best to manage with a broken slicer, he wanted to speak with our manager...manager wasn't in. At this point he looked like he was about to CRY, and he said "There's not a single manager in this place?" We both shook our heads no. I finished the sammich and he snatched it from me and took his shit and paid up front...fuckin bastard...

And that is the tale of the PRINCESS CUSTOMER with a penis...or DOES he? :P

Deli's Black Sunday

My hell was Sunday - Black Sunday! It was fucking SWAMPED...since I work at a rest area, we had mad people going home from Thanksgiving vacation. Ughhhhh I was BEAT! They were all mostly assholes too, figures. So I made myself feel better using my art skills:

I LOVE BLACKS




The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar >:P

Deli Fun and Retail Hell

Thought I'd share with you some of the fun we have in the deli >:D

Start your morning off with some cock :D

A note we wrote to our manager

I found this tonight while I was in Target

We don't have a Dunkin Donuts in or around the mall either :/

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!
The uberly awesome bitchy customer eating snapping turtle >:D

muahahahahaaaaaa...

<3 xoxo
Cherry

Cherry Carnivore's Deli Retail Hell

Bringing us a new slice of Retail Hell is Cherry Carnivore and her Deli of Doom. With her first blog revealing the blood and guts of Deli Life, Cherry has lost her patience with a certain customer demographic:

You wanna know what I really hate?

Those fucking people who tell you EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING THEY'RE DOING AND WHY. Seriously, I can figure it out on my own. I don't need someone to hold my hand while my mind processes shit like a normal human being (every now and then). Here's a perfect example:

Me: Hello, can I help you?

Old guy: Yes I want this sandwich with this on it but not too much because my wife doesn't like too much of that.

(makes sammich)

Me: Here you go, would you like to pay here?

Old guy: Yes, but hold on, I need to get 2 bags of chips and a soda.

(which brings up another thought...I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT when people tell me what they're getting, thinking I can bring it up on the fucking computer or some shit)

Me: *ringing things up* Your total is (insert amount here).

Old guy: Okay here I'm going to give you a 20, and then I think I have a nickel in here. No, so I'm going to give you a 20 and 5 pennies instead

Me: (trying not to smack the shit out of him, putting money in register)

Old guy: Now you need to give me (insert amount here) back.

Me: (lots of rage inside) I know sir, the cash register tells me how much to give back to you.

Old guy: I am leaving now, have a great day.

T___T; I HATE OLD PEOPLE! The worse part is, we get like 80 year old senile people who come in by themselves or with their almost dead spouses. AND THEY DRIVE :( We get tons of them too man, I can't wait til the day that one drives through the business...muahahaha...

Keep the old people coming!

New Way to Merchandise Eggs?

...naw...just a thoughtless, irresponsible move from some Piggy Bitch Customer who decided to instantly cut back on their cholesterol while shopping for a new wallet. WTF?! RHU Blogger Cherry Carnivore spotted with eggy injustice at a Wal-Mart and took the pic. We love how the price sign under the eggs is upside down. Let's hope no one purchased them...

Jacked Up Wal-Mart Vest

This one is from RHU Contributor Cherry Carnivore! Just in time for the CSI premiere!

If you want to send us your own Wally vest, CLICK HERE.

Retail Hell Bling

Cherry Carnivore, our Deli Retail Slave, found this pic on the net. We think the rings would make a perfect defense against a Fucking Bitch Customer. BAM!