Abby received a Retail Balls Award in April of 2010 for how she handled a psychotic Hell Spawn and what she eventually said to him. Enjoy:
I've been a waitress now for 5 or 6 years.
Restaurant hell sucks. Between bad management and bad customers, good coworkers and nice customers are a rare treat.
This happened to me very recently, and it's still pissing me off:
I'm working swing shift, and it's about 8:30ish or so on a Saturday night. These four women come in, one of them has a young boy. I guess he was about 12.
From the way the four women were acting, it was a "girls night out" but one of them is stuck with a kid. I figured mom had to bring the kid along because her sitter canceled or something.
I can deal with it. It's only one kid, right?
I was dead wrong.
The kid wants a ginger ale. Everyone else orders cocktails. I go to the bar to get the drinks and ginger ale, but the ginger ale, being soda, is in a different glass than the alcohol.
He wolfs it down in about two seconds and demands another. This time, "In a glass beer mug that says 'bud light' with no scratches.' "
This kid was starting to piss me off, and I had a very lovely time explaining that one to the bartender.
The kid looks at the glass and says, "There is a scratch, bring it back!"
I take a deep breath, look at mom, who does nothing.
This kid was being demanding and rude!! He could have at least said please and thanks. I ignore him and bring back another beer mug for him.
Finally, they order food. It's Saturday night and the place is very crowded. I ended up with seven other tables besides them. Another table, with 5 customers that I get, ends up seated directly across from them, within earshot.
After I put their order in, I come back to the 5 newly seated customers and begin to take their drink and food order.
The kid from my first table screams at the top of his lungs "YOU CAN'T WAIT ON THEM! YOU'RE OUR WAITRESS!" and proceeds to roll around on the floor throwing a temper tantrum, screaming about how I should be paying attention to them, and only HIS table.
Mom and the other adults at the table do nothing to the kid.
Ignore him completely. The 5 customers who are trying to order were very awesome and nice about the screaming kid. Mind you, the kid having a screaming fit on the floor looked/had to be at least 12.
Finally I bring out the food. Part of the kid's order has chicken wings on it. I leave. I return a couple minutes later to do a check back. The kid looks up at me and says, "I know these wings. These are the wings they give kids to get them hooked on marijuana. You're trying to get me hooked on drugs!"
I'm standing there totally speechless.
The mother kinda shrugs, and tells the kid he's wrong, but doesn't tell him to keep his voice down.
I offer to get more wings if there is something wrong with those and he keeps going on about pot in his chicken wings. He asks for another ginger ale.
I had enough. I leaned over so my face was inches from him and said, "Well, sweetheart, you're not a very good customer. Be glad your not my son. If you were, I'd would have turned you over on my lap and been beating you with my belt in full view of God and everyone else in this restaurant. So I guess we're even now."
He looks at his mother, waiting for her to give me a piece of her mind.
She just shrugs and ignores both of us.
As the ladies are leaving, I over hear the mom saying “I just realized I forgot to give him his medication before we left the house. I didn't think we'd be out this late."
Medication or not, that kid needed a good talking to. Or spanking. Or a time out. Or to be taken out to the car. Something.
I just hope mom remembers to give her hell spawn demon child his drugs before letting him back out in public.