Theater Writer back again with a short quip before I'm off to travel to The Big Easy for a conference. I'm presenting a paper! ^_^ Hurray, being an English grad. student!
This past weekend at BND, my movie theater, was excruciating! I'm fairly confident nearly every person that walked in was either on a pill that made them rude or stupid, sometimes both.
Wingtip Workhorse again with another ridiculous corporate conundrum.
At our store, anytime a new debit/credit card is swiped a prompt pops up on the pin pad asking for the customers phone number. These numbers then go into our stores database so that we can harass said customer about upcoming sales etc. The company has conveniently placed a skip option on the prompt as well. As most of you are probably well aware, very few customers actually want to give this information up let alone get solicitation calls.
Because the company allows the customer to skip this step, it's now our fault as the associate that they are utilizing it. They began sending out mass emails to all associates asking us to tell the customer that we ask for it for security purposes... So now I'm being asked to lie to my customers so that I can harass them. I don't know about you but my mother taught me to be an honest person and hell if I'm going to lower my personal morals to satisfy a company that sees me as perfectly expendable.
Like a good little retail slave, I upped my efforts to obtain these precious phone numbers and thought I was doing better. That was until today. I just left my store managers office and they have a new problem with me and the phone numbers I've obtained. Over half of them are invalid and that's somehow my fault... Ok... What??? How is that in any way in my control? What would they like me to do now? On top of lying, do they want me to hover over them as they type it in? How am I supposed to know when they aren't valid.
In my many years of retail, this is by far the most ridiculous corporate expectation I have ever encountered... I'm at a complete loss for words...
Anyone else had something even more outrageous expected of them from the higher ups?
Until next time,
--Wingtip Workhorse
How many slaves got fired over that one. "You're not moving the watermelons! You have not given away one watermelon today! Our store is behind in the region by 30!"
Hi everyone!
It’s my first time posting here and you can call me.. um... bilingual nice girl :) (ok I'm no good with names, if you know a better one let me know!)
Well I’ve come to tell you about my horrible experience at a store that rhymes with “Holes” that I hated working at and looked forward to leaving.
Our managers would always be pushing us to get more “credits” = credit cards. If we managed to get one, they would say “good job with the credits!” *high five*
RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMERS!!
I always felt uncomfortable when they did that cuz it was like “great job getting this sucker to sign up!” =/
And they would just STAND THERE looking at us making sure we asked everyone. Even when it was really busy and we needed them to help out.
We weren’t supposed to give discounts if customers weren’t approved, but since they counted toward the daily quota, our managers would encourage it- except when Corporate was there and had to pretend that we gave discounts only to approved customers.
I was one of the people who got the most “credits” for a while and was the favorite, because the more credits you got, the more you were liked. Then new people started working there, and were desperate to kiss ass and it became a competition between the other cashiers.
Now the amount of discount you got changed and there were huge signs above our registers saying how much of a discount you got for signing up- the max we ever gave was 30% discount. One of the new girls got in trouble for giving 50% discount.. and our registers only go up to a 30% discount! She must have given them a 30% discount and then another 20% discount. The customers must have known that 30% and then another 20% off of that wasn’t the same as a 50% discount, and she would have had to void it and call a manager- and that’s probably how she got in trouble. That didn’t stop her from giving big discounts.. she would still give 30% to people even when we were only supposed to do a 15% discount (again- there were signs above us that said how much the discount was!) and I would nicely tell her, “Oh we aren’t doing a 30% anymore, it’s a 15%” and she would just say she forgot and continue. Of course the managers loved her for getting so many credits.
I got so tired of getting people to sign up for the credit cards (and the managers being ungrateful and asking for me to get more and more even when I had set my personal best for one day) and stopped putting so much effort into it since I knew I was going to move and quit soon anyway.
So then I left and was happy :) the end!
--bilingual nice girl
From Caper:
I have another rant / story about the store I work at that I've decided to refer to as 'the basin' , since it directly relates to the store's name and it's easier. Anyway, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this rant.
This rant is about the dreaded in store 29.99% interest rate credit card.
*DUN DUN DUNNN*
Not only do people NEED to sign up for this, but we also have to practically BEG them to use these things. Our "credit blends" are watched very closely - which is how many customers out of all transactions you do, use their card. Every time the blend falls low we get spoken to. I think my blend is supposed to be around 48% a day, but last time I worked, mine fell at 9%.
The other day, I was called down to the office and I received a write up for not getting enough people to sign up and use their cards! In the description of my violation notice it said that our stores credit is very important and I must get people to use and sign up and it's non-negotiable.
Now, what pisses me off the most about this is, when I was first hired, they never told us anything about how much our jobs depend on credit. No. This is something they saved to spring on us after about two weeks of working there.
I almost feel the same as when I worked at the call center. If you could sell you were treated like pure gold. If you weren't a seller, you were treated like shit. But that's a story for another day.
--Caper
Hello, RHU! Videogame Geisha here.
I was HEP G, last time I submitted, but I feel that this moniker is more appropriate. Anyway, I’ve finally moved up in the world of Game Mart! I was promoted to ASM at a new location. The bummer is that my new location is in a mall. My old store was located in a strip mall, and thusly we did more business and had far fewer ‘just-browsers’.
At the mall, you have to put up with the pointless foot traffic of mall rats and children whose parents think we are a daycare center. And we’re still expected to drive sales like the strip stores. Basically, mall stores are a type of purgatory for Game Mart peons. And the funny thing is that we all know it. I’ll call my new staff Team Purgatory.
Team Purgatory is awesome though, if not much smaller than my old staff (about 6 people compared to the 13 at my old location.) There’s Bite Sized Rage, my new SM, the top of the totem pole. BSR hates the mall and pretty much everything else, but at least he’s fun to work with. There’s me, VG, the first mate. There’s Head Cold, the third in command who’s constantly ill but a hard worker all the same. There’s Lip Ring, who I’ve yet to work with and I don’t know much about. There’s Brazillian Accent, who’s hilarious and has a lot of potential, and then there’s Quiet Guy who I’ve also not had a chance to work with.
The three things that our particular district is striving to improve right now is pre-orders, subscriptions to our discount card, and positive customer reviews on our online survey. At the mall, they’re basically asking us to turn water into wine. As far as pre-orders go, (reservations on games coming out in the future) basically everyone has a Game Mart closer to where they live and so they’d rather pre-order that new Gears in Space game there. Mall stores also tend to get screwed on payroll, and so we can’t usually do any cool events like tournaments or midnight launches. We basically have no bargaining power with people when it comes to preorders.
Selling our discount card isn’t as hard, but it’s still harder at the mall than anywhere else. Selling to regular customers is a cakewalk, usually, but we don’t really have any regulars exclusive to our store. I’ve seen lots of my regulars from my old store, but they were just visiting. So basically you’ve got to pitch the dang card to everyone, regardless what they’re buying. (side note, the discount card only saves you money on pre-owned stuff, so imagine how hard it is to convince some stuck up yuppie who only buys new games that they want the card.)
And then there’s the customer reviews… You know that generally people only do the online surveys to complain, so convincing the people who actually had a good experience in our store to do the survey is tough. Additionally, we’re expected to ‘engage’ everyone who comes into the store. Usually, we say “Can I help you find anything?” At a strip store, that works just fine because generally if you’re going to get in your car and drive to a Game Mart, you are in fact looking for something. At the mall, asking someone if you can help them gets you some form of the phrase “Shut the fuck up and leave me alone.” Why? Because 90% of the people in the store ARE JUST LOOKING. So I instituted a ban on the phrase “Can I help you find anything?” and now we have to ask something totally different. Like "What's your favorite game?" or "Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or Master Chief?" or "What's your favorite color?" It's hard.
What’s really stupid about this is sometimes I go up to people and ask “Hey, what have you played recently?”
And they still say “I’m just looking.”
–FACEPALMHEADDESK-
I usually just stare at them for a second, and then say “I actually didn’t ask you that, I was wondering what games you’ve played recently.”
And then they look at me for a second and then it clicks that I’m not trying to sell them something. Morons.
Or another one of my favorites is:
“Hey! Played anything good recently?”
And they say “No.”
So I say, “Just crappy games then? That sucks, you should get some better ones.”
And then they either tell me what they’ve actually been playing or they wander away in a confused daze.
So yeah, RHU. I’m looking for suggestions from anyone who’s worked under similar circumstances. How do you succeed at a mall?
Until next time,
--Videogame Geisha
Hello all!
Way back in the olden days, after Man had been created, the parts of the body had a bit of a disagreement.
The Head said, "Well I'm on top AND I've got the Brain and most of the sensory bits. I should be the Boss."
The Heart said, "I pump life-giving Blood to every one of you guys. I should be the Boss."
The Stomach and Intestines said, "We digest all the chow. We should be the Boss."
The Legs said, "We carry all you guys. We should be the Boss."
And then the lowly, little Asshole spoke up and allowed as how he should be the Boss. All the other body parts thought this was hilarious and started laughing. This made the little Asshole angry. So he clenched up tight and didn't let a single bit of poo pass. After a few days of this, the Head was throbbing with pain. The Brain couldn't think straight. The Heart was beating faster. The Blood was full of toxins. The Legs grew weak. Needless to say, the Stomach and Intestines were well and truly screwed as well. They all finally agreed that, for the greater good, they should let the little Asshole be Boss. He promptly loosened up and let all that nastiness pass. The status quo reigned, proving yet again, that you don't have to be strong or smart or magnanimous to be a Boss.
You just have to be an Asshole.
I mention this little parable because of a run-in with my manager at Gord & Raylor. Mostly she's been a real stand-up kind of person. But lately, she's really drunk the corporate Kool-Aid and turned into a, well, y'know.
Whereas she would have secretly laughed at some of the corporate pronouncements in the past, everything now is carved in stone and MUST BE OBEYED! I'm not saying she let stuff slide or that the work didn't get done, but there was a sense of fun to the day that now is gone.
Being friendly, selling an average of $1000 a day, putting up new stock, keeping an eye out for shoplifters, answering the phones, dusting and polishing, resolving custy complaints 38.5 hours a week isn't good enough anymore. She now insists that I get every customers' e-mail address and get them to sign up for a company credit card (24% APR!!!) When that doesn't happen, I hear, "These are job REQUIREMENTS! You could be FIRED!" I have to take my break at exactly the assigned time. When I can't, due to dealing with customers, I hear, "You snooze, you lose!"
I guess my main complaint is that the corporate world has a way of taking extremely competent, affable, human beings and turning them into burned-out, hollow-eyed little droids. I've seen it again and again and it pisses me off! Thus endeth the rant.
...and the dance goes on.
Peace.
--Joe the Cigar Guy
From Risu-Onee-Sama:
Okie-dokie McJokies! I would like to recognise outright that the company that I work for is a collective of complete morons.
That is not to say that the individual employees are morons...as I am a individual employee and to call myself a moron would be most hurtful. However, those running the company and making all the decisions at the corporate end are, in my opinon, of lower inteligence than that of fermented bean curd.
A year or so ago we started a program to allow the customers to earn shopping points which could be used as credit toward their purchaces once the points had accumulated to value.
Corporate doesn't seem to realize that after a year of hard promotion of this program, that a signifigant amout of our clientelle already participate in the program.
In the last couple weeks they've increased the required percentage of new program members from 10% to 15% and now 30%. They seem to not understand that the percent of daily new signups will go down, not up, as more and more people become members.
Part of the adverage associate responsibility is to spend a part of the day threatening...er...I mean encouraging the custys to become members. Most of us only have to do it for 30 minutes a day.
But today I was assigned to it for 2 hours...in a day that I only worked for 4 hours.
And THEN the supervisor called me up fifteen minutes early so that the person before me could run a register, that meant that more than half my day was to be spent lying my ass off to convince people they need this program.
I was basically telling them they couldnt get stuff on sale without the program, which is partly true cause some sales are program members only. But all the company seems to care about as of late is new signups...so as long as I get those hapless person's personal info, no one seems to care. I don't like lying, but I don't like being cursed out for not getting enough signups in a community that is already saturated with members. Heck, some people have even been signing their dogs and goldlfish up with the program just to reach our impossible quota. Gotta do what we can to get new members I guess. For without it their livelyhood would be worthless, the world would descend into chaos. All right in the world would not be complete without this program.
This program is what holds the universe together and any who do not comply with The Collective and join the Program Borg shall be cast eternally into eternal dispair. All hail The Collective!!! *bzzt*
oop...sorry there, the sub-cranial chip they snuck into my brain took over there for a minute.
Aaaaanywho...so yeah, they had the expectation of me spending more than half my shift forcing the program on people and still get my daily tasks done. A major part of my daily tasks is making sure that all the employees are up to date with their training, their monthly training is due to be complete at the end of the month and at this point it's only about 70% done.
So I've got three days to get about 55 employees to do their training. and I've only worked two half-shifts this week (post-holiday cut backs) and more than half of todays shift is wasted with this program.
And if I don't get it completed, the usual course of action is that I get chewed out for incompletion.
I tried calling the store manager to plead my case and all I got was a lecture on how important this program is. (apparenly more important than employee safety training or even proper customer service)
In one half hour I had about 30 people walk thought the door, I asked all of them to sign up. 25 already had it, 3 didn't want it (and two of them didn't speak english so I think it was just that they didn't understand me...) and two signed up....and apparently that wasn't a good enough ration and I shoulda tried harder to convince those three who didn't want it that they needed it.
What was I supposed to do about the people who didn't speak english? yo quero program card? If they suddenly expect me to be bilingual then they're gonna have to pay for Spanish classes, also Polish, Vietnamese and Indian...as a few of our custys speak those languages.
I just know I'm gonna get my ass chewed out in four days when training isn't done, and that being tied to the membership desk for half my shift isn't a good enough excuse.
And to make things worse, someone stole the training ID book a few days ago, so I had to waste my last two days of work looking up everyones training ID's and resetting everything. The book didn't contain any private personal or company information, the only thing anyone could do with it is to do other people's training work...which at this point I wouldn't mind who did it, just as long as it was done.
Damned if we do and damned if we don't. Ugh.
--Risu-Onee-Sama
RHUers Arthur and Banned Anna alerted us to this news story:
The lovely princess to the left is 22 year old Christina Cifaldi of Cape Coral in all her mug shot glory.
Christina is suspected of urinating on clothes at a Walmart Store in Cape Coral.
Yes, you read that right.
URINATING ON FUCKING CLOTHES!
Retail Slaves from the store told officers they saw Christina take $163 in clothes off the racks and go into a fitting room.
According to the slaves, Christina then urinated on the clothes and left the store.
But Christina was a Dumbass Custy.
Stupid bitch left her wallet and driver's license in the fitting room along with the urine-drenched clothes.
SNAP!
Looks like Christi-pissy pants wasn't too bright during her quest to pee all over Wally World clothes.
Police hunted down Christi, arrested her and charged her with criminal mischief and property damage.
She was released from the Lee County Jail after paying $500 bail but she is due back to face the judge on May 11th for the criminal mischief charge.
Too bad it won't be Judge Judy.
-- Freddy
Hello all, long time reader/commenter, first time poster (I can't
believe it's taken me this long)!
Just call me Magical Shrimp.
I work at a store commonly referred to online as the Canadian equivalent of Target, and it is getting ri-god-damn-diculous with these fucking store credit cards.
Seems the store manager wants a raise, so all the higher-ups are on everyone's asses to get/force/cajole customers to apply for the card.
They are also on us to keep our "blends" up (i.e., harrass custys into paying with their card whether they want to or not because it makes the store manager look good).
Now, when I was first hired two years ago, I knew there was a store card, but I was not told that my job was dependant on how many apps I got. This wasn't mentioned in training either; in fact the card was hardly mentioned at all.
But the nagging has gotten progressively worse. The last two weeks have been so ridiculous I'm seriously considering quitting without another job lined up, and I'm not the only one.
Last Friday, we all get a paper to sign (which many have refused too, myself included - I "lost" my copy), explaining that now we get written up a certain number of times if we don't get X amount of apps.
After that, we have to go to "meetings" about it.
After that...you guessed it, fired.
Not for doing a poor job as a cashier, not for being unhelpful or rude, but for something that, in the end, is completely up to the customers and out of our hands!
So I was some pissed off that night.
On Saturday, I get a paper saying that not enough people use their credit cards on my shift (which is up to me how?) and I need to write out 3 ways to improve this, because apparently this is grade school. Today I get "helped" (read: watched and nagged) by a superior while working, to make sure I am harrassing customers. As if I am being trained like a newbie, which some customers thought I was. Basically, they seem to think that by nagging and humiliating us, we will magically make the recession go away and more people will suddenly sign up for a credit card they don't need.
--Magical Shrimp
What the hell is going on with you greedy retail corporations?
Things are not changing!!! Do you not get it? People are cutting back on credit.
Two years ago RHU posted this:
Zellers Fires Retail Slave Because Customers Aren't Using Their Credit Cards From Peach:
So I've been reading over some of the stories on here, and finally decided I needed to contribute. So here is a tragic story of the stupidity, pretentiousness, and impolite behavior we all face on daily basis, all rolled into one.
I was having a pleasant day at the bookstore I slave away in for 20-30 hours every week. I was at the registers, doing my thing, when a woman comes up to my reg empty handed. I smiled and asked what I could do for her, and looking back, I'm wishing I had just walked away. There was no way for me to know this would be the longest transaction in the history of all transactions.
She says: You put a stack of books on hold for me a week ago.
CPB: Well, what books were they?
I
am speechless. I figure I must not be understanding the question. She
can't possibly expect me to remember what books SHE put on hold a week
ago. That can't possibly be it. I stare blankly at her for a moment
while I try to grasp what other possible meanings that question could
have.
I lie and tell her that I do in fact remember, but that this does not change the fact that our policy is that we only hold books for twenty four hours and that I have never told any customer anything different.
At this point, she is enraged. Why she can't remember a single book from the pile she had me put on hold is beyond me. Why she expects me to remember them if she can't is another story. I've held it together fairly well and, while I've lost my sugary smile, I am still calmly and politely dealing with her douchebaggery.
She grudgingly decides she will go look for the books, and with a sigh, I am content that the ordeal is over. Oh how I was wrong.
Me: ok, great! Can I see your card so I can scan it please?
Me: Well, I don't have the number on me, and our other associates are rather busy. If you'd like to start the process to start a new card, we can do that for you so that your future transactions will go much more smoothly.
Me: *staring blankly* ...ma'am I can't remember a sixteen digit number that we looked up a week ago.
Me: The process for looking up card numbers is very time consuming, and technically, we're not even suppose to do it. It's against our policy. We did it for you last time because we understood that you recently lost your card, however, it's not something we can do on a regular basis, and considering I can't remember sixteen digits from a week ago, I'm afraid I can't give you the discount.
CPB: -blah blah clinic of blah blah city-
After spending ten minutes sifting through possible matches to this company, she reads off the name of the company on the card, and the name of the holder.
I ask the woman if this is her name, and she glowers at me impatiently.
CPB: Why didn't I get a discount on *some fucking item*?
Today at work I thought to ask the question...has hell frozen over?
Why no! Of course not! I'm just stuck at the front entrance all day hawking reward cards to every hapless soul who stumbles in the door.
Mind you all that this is Northern Illinois...in December. Today's weather called for a cheerful and balmy twenty degrees with a wind chill of seven degrees all topped off with a good 3-4 inches of blowing and drifting snow...snow that likes to drift right in the door and collect at my feet.
To the customers I encountered today, some etiquette and training for you.1. Do not...I repeat...do NOT stand in between the automatic doors causally talking with your cohorts in-person or on the phone...the doors will continue to stay open for that amount of time and the snow will continue to collect around my feet. My feet don't like snow.
2. To the children of these customers: The entrance is NOT an ideal place to throw a tantrum...kicking and screaming in the middle of the doorway will, yet again, cause the door to stay open and collect snow around my feet. Maybe someone will just walk up and snatch your spoiled rotten butt and then you'll REALLY have something to complain about.
3. Yes...it's cold standing at the door...please don't point out that fact to me for the 47th time...I kinda figured that out from my shivering and loss of feeling in my fingers and toes.
4. For that matter...don't you dare fucking complain to me that you're too warm. YOU are wearing a full length down lined coat, a wool hat, and fleece gloves and will be standing at the entrance for all of five minutes. I am wearing a light sweater and have to stand at the entrance for six hours. If you're too warm then I suggest we trade places for a couple hours.
5. No, I am not promoting a credit card...for once...thank God. Don't complain to me that you won't be able to get approved for the card...it's a damn points card...you get the card right away and it doesn't cost or charge you anything. Open your ears and listen.
6. No I do not care that these reward card programs are "secretly a
covert-ops way to steal private personal information to be sold on the
black market to terrorist funded programs" Cause it's not...go build
yourself a tin-foil hat and keep your propagandist theories to
yourself...I just work here.
7.Yes, I know that the sign-up form asks for a birthdate...don't get all huffy about it. I don't care how old you are. We don't have a "Wall of Old Farts" in the breakroom to mock the over 50 set (though maybe we should) it just asks your birthdate so the computer knows you're over 18.
8.No, your 6 year old cannot sign up for the card so they can have a pretend play credit-card, your kid prolly has enough damn toys that they don't need a frickin square of plastic.....
9. To those customers with children again...do not use me as your weapon or threat...I will not beat your child for you...I will not take away their toys or treats...and I will not steal them away from home forever...Your child is a snot-nosed brat and I want nothing to do with it.
10. Unless you're hearing impaired please give me the courtesy of at least acknowledging that I spoke to you...one of these days I'm gonna start offering free $100 bills just to see how many people blur right past me without even making eye contact.
11. If you do acknowledge me, please be nice about it. If you don't want the card then just say "no thanks"...don't scowl at me, don't bark a rude "NO!" don't interrupt me after two words to say you "don't want whatever that damn thing is"...trust me...I wouldn't be bothering you with it if I didn't have to do this and I don't care if you don't want it anyway...the polite people however, do keep my soul from freezing.
12. If you think that my purpose for standing at the door is to be propositioned or harassed you have obviously gone to the wrong place. This is a store entrance not a street corner... plus you're 73, fat, and smell like cat-pee...get the fuck away from me. Next time I'm packing a tazer.
-- Spritzy
Zellers is officially on RHU's Store Shit List! For those of you that aren't familiar with this store, it's Canada's version of Target. Here's the message we got from one of our Retail Slaves who is also an RHU Contributor:
I was fired today. But listen to this shitty reason. Our store has their own credit card. Every time we get a customer we have to ask, "Will this be on your HBC credit card today?" If they say no; "Would you like to save 10% and apply for one?" If they say they already have one "Well we can give you 5,000 bonus points if you do."
But if they still don't want to use it. That's not our fault.
So, today my manager asks to speak with me. I ask her what's going on and she tells me that she has "Bad news." I figure it's something like ,"Your shifts are going to be shortened." Or something. But here's the conversation:
Manager: We've decided to no longer continue your employment here.
Me: ... Why?
Manager: Well, your blend [Blend is the thing that shows what percentage of your sales was made with the store's credit card] has been very low.
Me: So it's my fault that people don't want to use their credit card?
Manager: It proves that you're not asking them!
Me: .. No! It proves that they don't want to use the 29.9% interest HBC credit card.
So, I got fired today because I can't warp people's minds into using the fucking credit card.
I'm never shopping there again. Oh, and I left my locker a mess. And when my Manager asked for my shirt back. I threw it at the fat cunt. Just to be immature. So fuck Zellers. And fuck they're fucking credit card. When my step-mom heard what happened, she cut her card up.
This is such Retail Hell Hideousness we are speechless. We are all under a lot of pressure to open credit accounts for our stores, but to be blamed because they are not using them and saying our low "blend" proves we aren't asking them? FUCK THEM. They are going to end losing a lot of good Retail Slaves because their numbers will continue to plumment. What are they going to do fire the whole store? We have something to say to you, Zellers...CLICK HERE.
Hey Retail Slaves! I'm Freddy, Crypt Keeper of RHU! Retail Hell Underground Blog is for anyone slaving away in a service related position who wants to rant, tell their story, blow off steam, or just have a chuckle about the insanity of working in the 10th Circle of Hell! I'm also the author of Retail Hell, the funny memoir about life as a handbag sales associate at an upscale department store!
