Retail Hell Underground

Pet Store Closing Hell

Hello again fellow RHUers! 

It's been a long busy summer during which I've really neglected to share any tales of terror from the Little Pet Shop of Horrors.  However, it's not without good reason.  So allow me to bring you this slimy little number, which in fact will be the very last that I'm able to share from the wretched hell of my former job. 

Yes, I said former job.

You see, after sixty years in business, the Little Pet Shop of Horrors has been euthanized.

I was suprised when it happened, but only for a minute, because I realized that it had been pretty obvious what was going on for a while.  Basically, the owner just ran out of money and had to declare bankruptcy.  I don't know why this didn't occur to me when the store stopped receiving shipments of inventory (dog food and pet accessories) replenishment... ...or when my boss--who is salaried--had to start working sixty hours a week... ...or when the thirty puppies that regularly filled the kennels dwindled down to only seven. 

Customers regularly said things like "oh, it's so empty in here, are you going out of business?" and I immediately got defensive, telling them "no, it's empty because we're SO BUSY and we sold everything."  Really, if I hadn't disregarded the inquiries (just because they came from stupid customers) and actually considered the observations, it probably wouldn't have been so surprising to arrive at work one morning to find the owner waiting with moving boxes. 

We didn't open for business that day.  

My co-worker, my boss, the owner, and I packed up the store into boxes, and packed up the few remaining animals into carrying cases.  I'm the only one who didn't start crying.  I did yell though, a LOT. 

Because the store was in a mall, as soon as the rest of the mall opened for the day people started swarming at the gates like parasites.  Are you closing?  What's going on??  I ignored them, since I technically no longer had a job and therefore no obligation to deal with them, but none of them took a hint.  You'd think the three adults crying would be enough to make them keep a polite distance, but no, not even in business any longer and I had pushy, rude, disrespectful custies hounding me. 

"What about all the dogs, what will happen to them," and old hag asked, more than once, oblivious to the fact that she was being ignored. 

I told her politely that she was being incredibly insensitive, that she was looking at a full-time employee who lost his four year job, a man who was dealing with closing his family business that he inherited from his father, and my boss who was due to have a baby in only two weeks... ...and whose boyfriend was also an employee of the pet store, meaning that her family officially had no income.

The hag's response to this information was, "but the dogs will be okay, right?"

My response, was to tell her that she was a soulless, compassionless, disrespectful cunt.

Another guy actually had the nerve to say that he was glad to see the store going out of business.  I threatened to beat him up.

Eventually I called mall security and told them that if they didn't send someone to keep customers away from the store front that I would attack the next one that bothered me.

After that no one bothered us for the rest of the afternoon.

I can't remember the last time that I was so ashamed of human beings.  I've seen customers do some pretty rude, dehumanizing, disrespectful things in the past, but that afternoon as they blatantly disregarded my coworkers' suffering was one of the times that I've hated them the most in my entire retail existance.

Thankfully I won't have to deal with them in that setting ever again.

I'm sure a lot of people are glad to hear that the Little Pet Shop of Horrors has closed.  I am too, to be honest, but not for the same reasons.  Having a job that puts you in the middle of a social issue that people think they feel strongly about is really hard.  People automatically associate all pet-stores with animal cruelty and unfairly treat employees of pet stores like they're minions of Satan.  Working a job where people that are ignorant to the real issues behind animal welfare openly condemn you on a daily basis breaks your spirit.  Especially when you are a person that cares about animals, enough to know where the real issues are... ...because while my store may have closed, animal cruelty didn't suddenly end that day.  It still exists, and the laws governing the animal industry are still a fucking disgrace.

Closing every pet store in existance still won't change this fact.

I've moved on though, I didn't waste any time looking for a new job. 

I did end up finding one that seems (so far) to be a pretty good fit for me.  I started not too long ago so once I'm settled I hope to bring you some new tales of terror.

--Cujo

 

 

Shopping Carts Are Better At Parking

 

From Cujo: I live in a huge vacation area and there's something about the tourism industry... ...it's almost like the second that people cross the state line they realize we forgot to pack our brains!  And the second that the ocean comes into sight it becomes well we're already almost there, no point in turning around and going back for them...

This picture makes me wonder:  If the SHOPPING CART is smart enough to park inbetween the lines, then how is it that the out-of-state driver is somehow not able to?

--Cujo

 

Cujo to RHU: What makes a Custy Miserable?

Hello again RHUers!

I don't have any horror stories of pet store travesties today, I actually just had an idea for what I think may be a fun activity.  It requires participation, so I hope that anyone who is up for it will contribute.

Before we get started, I'm going to tell you about one of my old clients from many years ago:  Maryanne. 

Maryanne was my client at a salon that I worked at when I was a teenager (prior to being a puppy pimp I have done many many different things, one of which was cosmetology) and she came to me to get her hair colored and cut for a few years until I eventually chose to end our professional relationship due to the fact that she was such a difficult client.  Actually, let me correct myself if I may: she was a wretched bitch. 

Despite keeping her hair long and blonde she always wanted something different, some variation of what she already had.  Each appointment was accompanied by a picture of a hairstyle that she wanted to emulate.  It was always a picture of a famous news anchor, or an actress from Friends... ...one time it was even Britney Spears (back when Britney Spears was still someone you would want to look like).  

Each time I saw her the picture would come out, and we'd discuss how to make her hair look more like the picture, as she told me that it wasn't quite right last time, and maybe it should be more gold, or less whispy around the face, or something.  To this woman's credit, I will admit that she had awesome hair.  It did anything that it was supposed to, and her requests (add bangs?  Okay...) were simple, unlike her satisfaction which was too complex to be dissected enough to be earned.  Working on her hair was awesome, it ALWAYS came out exactly like the picture with pretty much no effort.  If I could have had the hair without her attached we would have been in business. 

But they came as a package deal. 

She was never EVER happy, always asking me why I couldn't get it right, or yelling at me that I just didn't get how to do it.  She even threatened to find someone else to do her hair (PLEASE!!  I would have paid for the appointment if someone else would take her) saying that she didn't look like the picture, that the way I had done it made her look OLD, or made her face look FULL.

The problem I realized, was that she looked old because she was old.  Her face looked full because it was full.  I know now that these are the things that she wanted to change, and by thinking that if she had the hair she believed she would be more like the women in the pictures:  young and thin and sexy, and pretty... ...talented, accomplished, well-liked...

No matter how much she yelled at me and complained about the hairstyle I gave her I knew that it had nothing to do with the hair.  It didn't even have anything to do with me.  The hair wasn't really the problem and neither was I. 

What was really the matter was that she wasn't satisfied with who she was (which I might not necessarily have guessed since she dealt this with issue by YELLING AT ME CONSTANTLY.)

Working with the public we get exposed to all sorts of hideousness. 

While a lot of the times the bitching about stupid stuff like getting the wrong order, or having to wait too long in line or whatever isn't terribly complex, sometimes it's more.  Those times when you haven't done anything except deliver service that is good or great, and someone responds by antagonizing you or screaming or swearing for no apparent reason, it makes you have to ask yourself, and maybe them:  What's really the matter? 

Because you know that when some person you barely know is threatening to have you fired or attempting to rip you apart as a human being simply because you can't accept their expired coupon, the coupon is not the issue.  Something else is.  Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with you, and it has nothing to do with the situation you're in. 

So this is where the participation comes in. 

For fun, list any reason why a customer might be miserable... ...to the point that they punish the world.  Any reason at all that you can think of. 

What' REALLY the matter?

I'll start: 

1 -  Upset about not looking like Britney Spears.

Anyone who wants to contribute please do so, numbering your reason (if you submit one) as we go along (I did reason one, whoever comments next would be reason two, and then reason three, and so on....).  Please submit as many as you want to, the community could benefit from the insight. 

If you have an anecdote to accompany your reason by all means feel free to share it.

And until next time, PERSEVERE! (because it's probably not your fault).

--Cujo

 

     

Educated Woman yells at Metro North Railroad Conductor

 

From Cujo: I love watching this so much, the more I see it, the more it makes me giggle, to the point that I can barely say "who the fuck does she think she is???" After you see it, walk around and do her voice, it's so fun! "No! Do not tell me to go to customer service. I am not a crazy person, I am a very well educated person!"

Cujo: Pet Store Misconceptions

Hello again fellow RHUers! 

I present to you, for your reading entertainment, a furry little number from the Little Pet Shop of Horrors. If you're not interested in hearing tales of retail terror from a pet shop I will understand if you choose not to read any further... ...Burger Bitch is to your right, or you could use this opportunity to get caught-up on what those wacky shopping carts have been up to lately. 

This particular installation takes place on a typical Saturday.

While attempting to navigate the crowd to bring a puppy to a customer I'm abruptly stopped by a beastly troll of a woman who has no regard for the fact that I am already helping someone, as well as two obnoxious screaming children.

"We're going to see the Toy Fox Terrier," she tells me rudely, jabbing her bony little finger in the direction of a kennel.

Oh are you? I think. That's an unusual way to ask permission...

"Actually he was just visiting with a family so he'll need to stay in for a short rest," I tell her before explaining that the newest puppies to the store are on a strict schedule with frequent breaks from visiting. This is to insure that they don't start developing anxiety from too much handling while they get used to crowds of strangers, and to insure that they won't get hypoglycemia from too much exertion (new puppies that weigh less than three pounds have to be watched carefully to make sure that their kidneys aren't over-worked.)

"That's stupid," she tells me indignantly. "You'd rather leave him in a cage than let him be out playing??"

YES! I would. If it means keeping him from possibly DYING, absolutely.

But as we all know, customers won't respond positively to being told they CAN'T DO SOMETHING. They don't understand anything that prevents them from getting what they want, no matter how obvious the reasoning behind what you're telling them. This is if they even listen, which they don't. Usually they listen only for key words and screen out anything else. What she probably heard me saying was: blah blah blah... "No" ...blah blah blah blah blah, a suspicion she confirms by asking me why I won't bring the dog out for her, something she would already know if she had listened to what I was saying.

As I attempt to explain the risk of hypoglycemia by whoring him out too much she illustrates my point even better by interrupting me to ask "that dog is sick?? It has hypoglycemia?" Wait, what? Were you paying attention? "That's why I would never buy a dog from a pet store."

I start to correct her, but it occurs to me...

"If you would never buy a dog from a pet store, then why are you here?"

"We come to play with the puppies."  

It's hilarious the way that people who claim to hate pet stores have no issue with visiting them to scavenge for the free fun that they offer. I really don't mind people coming just to play with puppies, but somewhere along the way they seem to have left their manners at home (next to their brains) and gotten the idea that they are allowed to JUDGE me based on the misdeeds of the industry that I work for.

And there seems to be a lot of that today: people judging me for the misdeeds of the animal industry.

One guy informs me"Yeah, I don't like these places," while his wife and kids visit with a puppy. And why not? Well because of the Puppy mills! he tells me. Everybody knows that pet stores use puppy mills! I assure him that not every pet store does and that it might be just a little unfair to make such broad generalizations.

"People say a lot of things about pet stores, and there's stuff on the internet. Can you really blame people for thinking that?" he asks.

And really, I can't... ...it's easy to believe something without actually investigating any further, especially when it's about something that is commonly thought of as bad. But choosing to believe only bad things about something when there's available information to the contrary is ignorant.

Because a lot of chain clothing stores have used child labor does that mean that all clothing stores employ sweatshops? Or that because some Walmart stores have underpaid their employees that all corporations do?

I can't really be sure how this man behaves in other stores, but I' willing to bet that he doesn't speak to them the way that he speaks to me. I'm guessing that he doesn't lecture employees at the Gap, telling them "I don't like shopping here because everyone knows places like this use child labor... ...now ring me up you tool of the devil." And despite the terrible things that people habitually say about Walmart I bet that he's one of the millions of people that keep them in business by disregarding the many claims, probably doing so without telling the cashier "I hate coming here, your company is terrible."

I just ask him flat-out: "Why are you here? Is it because you really do know deep down that not all pet stores are not bad? Or is it because you do believe that all pet stores are bad and you just don't care?"

His answer, which is the typical defensive incoherent rambling response, changes pretty drastically when an hour later he lets his kids talk him into buying a Shi-A-Poo. 

So a question that I pose to you, RHUers and retail slaves:

What are some of the common beliefs or misconceptions about the place that you work (or the nature of the work that you do for a living) and how do they affect you?

Do people automatically assume that because you're waiting tables that you must be an actor, or that because you're serving coffee you're in college still? Do people assume things about you because you work at Hooters, or at Borders, or at Target, or wherever?

Tell me...

--Cujo

 

Meet Cujo and His Pet Store Peeves

I would like to invite you all into my world, the Little Pet shop of Horrors.

Basically, I'm a puppy pimp.  Yes, you may call me Cujo, the puppy pimp. 

My time is spent retrieving baby dogs from cages and parading them around like it's the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show for trashy families in the hopes that they can be persuaded into paying too much money for them.

I work in a mall, so there is no shortage of trashy people.

Don't be fooled by the nature of the industry I work in:  It is still retail.  I may be selling beautiful living creatures, but make no mistake that to the hoards of disgustomers, animals are merchandise.  And because I am the one selling the merchandise, I am degraded, mistreated, and dehumanized in the same way that I have been at every single retail job I've ever had over the past fifteen years.

I would like to say that the advantage of being around cute baby dogs all day makes it better, or at least in some way different... ....but it doesn't.  It's still a retail job just like any other.  The only thing that's different is the name of the business I say when I answer the phone.

It seems like the fact that I work in a PET STORE would come across pretty straightforward, but it doesn't.  My store gets mistaken for a lot of other things, none of which fall under the category of 'legitimate business that should be respected as such'.

So here is a short list of places that I DO NOT WORK: 

A Petting Zoo

I work in retail, meaning that it is my job to SELL MERCHANDISE, which in my case is cute fluffy little puppies.  Despite popular belief, dogs don't sell themselves; in addition to hard work, persuasion, and forfeiture of a significant part of my soul, it also takes TIME to actually get someone to shell out two-weeks pay for a dog.  That said, I can not stand the fact that these few resources that I have to do my job with are perpetually depleted by IDIOTS who think that my store is a Petting Zoo.  I don't mind if people want to play with a puppy with no intention of purchasing one; it's not a crime.  During the week when it's really slow I'm even thankful that people are willing to visit with the dogs, just so they can get out of their cages for a while.  But when I am busy I don't need to be plagued by entitled grubby bottom-feeding leeches molesting my animals and further traumatizing them while taking my time away from my actual customers. 

A Day Care Center

When I am not caring for the thirty-or-more puppies housed in my store at any given moment, I am attempting to care for the thirty-or-more obnoxious unattended children that get left in my store for hours at a time.  One job is easier than the others; I'll let you guess which.  I hate unsupervised children, especially where I work, since they're not allowed to touch the animals without a parent (a rule that I have no desire to break since the type of children that are left to be raised by mall-employees while their parents shop are inevitably savages).  So they get dropped off, and they sit.  And sit.  And ask annoying questions.  And continually ask for the forty-seven millionth time if they can hold a dog.  And then they wander into the visitation rooms (where customers can spend time getting to know the dogs) and intrude on the families that are trying to shop and they latch onto the dogs that I have left in the care of other people.

If I had extra cages I would lock all of them up.  Seriously, I would.  I honestly believe I would get away with it... ...I don't think that the type of person that leaves their parenting to the strangers at the mall-store would take issue with their child being put in a cage.

A Puppy Mill

What's a Puppy Mill, you ask?  A puppy Mill is an evil place where dogs are turned into little baby-factories that spit out piles and piles of puppies that are housed in an atmosphere that is so hazardous and disgusting that it makes Auschwitz look like Disney World!!  They're terrible and they exist only to supply pet stores with malnourished in-bred abused dogs that will eventually attack children!!  Every animal at a pet store comes from a Puppy Mill!! 

But not really.  This is just what ignorant and stupid people have been told by other people who are equally ignorant and stupid.  From there they have never bothered to research the subject themselves (electing to believe what they want to) and slanderously repeat it to anyone who will listen.

Actually there's no such thing as a Puppy Mill, it's just a generic term for any breeder that vaules profit over the welfare of their animals.  Unfortunately the term has become propaganda created for idiots to make them aware of something unknown and scary to them... ...and to feed their fear and cause unnecessary panic.  A better word for 'puppy mill' is 'boogey man', or 'the Japanese.'

Yet on a daily basis I have to combat this ignorance and educate the general public on my industry.  It sucks having to dignify stupid allegations from grown adults who still believe in the boogey man.

The seventh circle of hell where cute little fluffy puppies are euthanized for NO REASON

I was not aware of it, but I am apparently Satan's suck-bitch.  Did you know this?  I didn't know this!  But if you ask any person who enters my store they will tell you about the horrible things that take place there.

In addtion to the ridiculous Puppy Mill PARANOIA, there also seems to be a lot of confusion about how a pet store is run in regards to what happens to the dogs that are not sold.  I can only speak for where I work, but the owner of my store marks down the dogs until someone takes them, insuring that they all find a home.  Apparently this logic is inconceivable to most, as I hear people whispering amongst themselves about what happens.

So exactly what happens?

It is somehow a common belief that all the unsold dogs get euthanized (my word: my customers wouldn't know what it means so they use the world 'kill' instead) due simply to the fact that they don't sell.  And yes, I did say COMMON belief.  An abundant amount of people have admitted to me that they are actually stupid enough to believe that a store in the mall kills healthy animals simply because they have gotten old.

Trust in the fact that if there was any killing taking place in my store by my hand, the animals would not be the ones on the receiving-end.

That will be it for today, the Seventh circle of Hell needs me back.

Until next time...

--Cujo