This story was originally posted on: December 04, 2012
I saw the call for Christmas stories, and I had to share mine from the Porn Store! I worked there two Christmases, and my first was definitely the most memorable! I thought it would be dead on Christmas Eve. I was sure, 100% positive that I had dodged the retail bullet: the last minute gift shoppers. Boy, was I dead wrong...
Not only was the store busier than normal, so were the booths. I had regulars coming in left and right, along with people that were just buying last minute gifts for their significant other. I had one big sale after the next. The Store Manager had bought giant stockings, and the counter was filled with little "stocking stuffers." I had run out of stockings halfway through my shift! The sales that night were so good that I got the highest sales for the month because of that night alone, meaning I won the cash prize for the month of December.
My night was going swimmingly... until Bitchface walked in. Bitchface started bitching immediately because we didn't have carts, not even hand-carts. It was a damned porn store, and a smallish one at that. We were used to people just coming in, grabbing a few items, and leaving. So, she brought everything she wanted to the counter, one piece at a time, complaining each time she did it. All she was buying were gag gifts, which were all on the same section of the wall.
She started counting the loose dick straws, when she turns to me and screams, "There's only 45 here! I need 50!"
Muttering to herself, she picks up the box of cheap straws, and all the boxes of more expensive straws (they had a more realistic look to them, and were sold in packs instead of individually.) She puts them on the counter, goes back for a few more items, and then demands that I ring her up.
As I'm starting to ring her up, she turns to me, and says smugly, "You are going to ring those boxes of straws up as the cheap straws because you didn't have all the straws I needed."
Now, had it been one box, I would've done it (and not gotten in trouble for it). Had I done all the boxes, I would've gotten fired for theft. I smile and tell her that I can, indeed, ring ONE box of the more expensive straws up, but not the five she had picked up.
She went BALLISTIC. Over a few packs of 3 dollar box of dick straws. She finally settles down, agrees to one box, when she spots the hand blown glass dildos in the case on the counter (ha, handblown dildos). She immediately demands that I unlock it so that she can come behind the counter (um, no) and handle them all to see which one she likes best. I tell her I can't let her behind the counter, but I can hand her each one she wants to look at.
I hand her the first one she wants to look at, and she promptly drops it. It didn't break, fortunately, but she smiled and apologized for her butterfingers. I politely tried to assume it was an accident, even though something told me it wasn't. That's when she took the second one, and threw it against the floor, watching it shatter. I mean she threw it at the floor. She smiles at me, tells me to finish ringing her up, after I witnessed her throw a $300 dildo onto the floor. I canceled the transaction.
One of my regulars, C, came in during the beginning of the tantrum. C works at a prominent Fortune 500 company, and is a big wig. He's also a boother. Staring at the woman, he says a name. Bitchface spins around, and she turns white as a ghost. As he explained to me later: he's her boss, the straws were for the Christmas party she was hosting that night that he was to attend. (It wasn't the company party. It was a personal party and he was a friend of hers.) He pretended that he was there, solely to buy a "gift for the hostess" since he knew the party was X-rated. I, of course, played along, not revealing his secret.
"Sir," She said, her voice barely above a whisper, "I can explain..."
"No, you can't," C said, matter-of-factly. "Even if the cashier was treating you poorly, which I saw that she wasn't, you had no reason to smash that glass piece. You are lucky that it's Christmas and I won't fire you on the spot if you do what I tell you to do."
"What can I do?" She was crying now, and I could see her shoulders were shaking.
"You are going to apologize to the cashier, pay for your items, including the glass piece you broke. If you do not, this young lady will call the police and report it. You will walk out of here, and you will never return to this store again. Don't think you are completely off the hook, either. We will be having a discussion about how you act in public reflecting upon the company. Understood?"
She nodded, tears pouring down her face. She apologized to me, paid for all of the straws and the glass piece. I was even still nice and gave her the discount I had offered earlier. It was Christmas Eve, after all.
When she walked out of the store, so did he. He told me later that he informed her that he was so mad that he didn't want to attend her party that night. In fact, he just wanted to chill out and look at the cute guys coming into the store (and there were indeed cute guys coming in.)
After they both left, the local delivery boy from the Chinese restaurant walks in with a big bag of food. All my favorites, actually. When I explained to him I didn't order, and I didn't have the money to pay him, he told me the order had already been paid for, including his tip!
When I asked who paid it, he looked at the receipt and said, "Mr. C." C was there so much, and so often, that he remembered what I ordered when I got Chinese for dinner/lunch. When he came in again, about an hour after the incident, he apologized for her behavior, and told me Merry Christmas before disappearing into the back.
And the glass dildos: They are a popular product, and they are usable. Everyone I know that has one LOVES theirs. While the handblown ones are expensive, it's like buying any handcrafted artisan piece: It's expensive because of the work put into it. They also have cheaper, mass produced glass pieces that look and feel the same. The ones in the case just had more detail, like colored swirls. My favorite one to look at when I was sitting there all afternoon was blue with golden stars all through it.
May your Customers be full of Cheer instead of Piss and Vinegar,