This story was originally posted on April 28, 2010.
I had a thoroughly awful custy today involving, a porn stash and a condom discovered inside underwear after I washed them.
It made me come up with this list:
How to Hire a Maid
You'll get more "little details" that are just nice to have, and you'll be happier, because your maid will be happier.
Do put away porn, damp tissues and lotion.
Do stay out of the way.
It's your house, I get that. But if you want me to clean the bathroom, take your shower before or after I arrive.
Do be reasonable.
You hired me for 3 hours. You are a slobby pig, and I cleaned your kitchen, did your dishes, floor and bathrooms. You live in a 3 story house, don't be shocked I didn't have time to make the beds. I don't work for free.
Do be polite.
This is a job I chose to do, and I like it. I am an intelligent person, and I am also a single mom who chose a job that let's me get off in the afternoon so I can take my 4-year-old to the park most days. Stop acting like I am beneath you.
I am not going to do it and it's gross. What is wrong with you?
Don't expect me to care for your pet.
I am not going to touch dog feces, or any feces for that matter. Nor will I walk your pet for you. It's your pet, hire a dog walker or do it yourself. Please don't tell me "but Fifi is so cute!" I don't like dogs. That is why, I do not own one, and ergo, do not walk them or pick up after them. See how that works?
Don't ask me to clean your eaves and/or outside windows.
Hire an eaves cleaner for it. It requires special equipment, and more bravery than I have.
Don't ask me to stand on a rickety old chair.
I will gladly get up on a chair to clean high places. But it must be stable! And for the love of holy, it needs to have all four legs!
Don't "forget" payment.
I am not leaving until you pay me. I use that money to feed and care for my son. I earned that money and I will not leave without it.
--A friendly reminder from your Happy Maid :)