Because Sbux has the best customers...
Dedicated to: Those customers who hand me balls of money.
There is no need for the customers to hand me their money like it's been through the wash a million times and is now in balls.
Do you realize that I then have to straighten the mess you made for me and how much I dislike you at that point in time!?
I often want to hand back their change in a similar ball of mess and when they say, "It's not professional for you to hand me money like this!" inform them that this is how they just handed me money. After all, I was just helping you for the next poor pathetic soul you plan to give money to, because I shouldn't be the only person that should hate you.
But of course I cannot do that, and so I don't. But I can't help but wonder how their money got like that in the first place. They didn't get it from the bank like that, they didn't get it from another store like that. How did you manage to mangle your money like that, oh new favorite customer of mine?
Dedicated to: the wonderful customers who stare at the cup with a label facing them and ask "What's this?"
Background information: We have a deaf partner. In order to compensate his inability to hear orders being called out, we got this new sticker system. We don't call out drinks anymore, and the drink prints out on a little label that is fun and exciting. Best of all, customers can read this label to see if this is what they ordered.
With that now known, why on earth would someone need to ask "What is this?" Then, after being instructed to read the nicely printed label on the side, they say, "I didn't order this."
No shit, genius you know what that means? That means it doesn't belong to you, so step away from the drink and wait two seconds.
But no, they need to continue with their intelligence and ask, "I don't think he has my drink."
Did you pay for it? Well, if you did, then just freaking wait with the other nine billion people in line! He does not have superpowers.
Also, when you realize he sounds like he can't talk well, and says "I'm deaf," then realize he's not going to hear you. Stop trying to talk to him, and ask one of the other five people around him instead.
He can't hear you, nor does he want to with that anal, high pitched, nasally whine that creeps into your voice when you repeat yourself nine times. If he doesn't answer you and we do, don't ignore us and yell your question at his backside again.
Dedicated to: Children of Starbucks and their parents.
Something I always am bothered by is children who come into Starbucks and get drinks.
When I rule the world, I plan on making a law that in order to purchase a beverage at Starbucks which contains any coffee or caffeine, you must be 18 years of age or older. If I never get to rule the world, then when I do become a parent, I will not be one of these dumbasses who allows their children to get Frappuccinos because caffeine A) stunts growth and B) makes hyper children, and I hate those.
Now for a little secret about decaf coffees: there isn't that much less caffeine in it than regular coffee. Just because you ordered a decaf white mocha doesn't mean a damn thing.
Your children will still be inhaling a crap load of caffeine. Just don't do it. If you must have something blended, we have an option of blended cream beverages which have NO caffeine what so ever.
Dedicated to: Yet another customer who orders yet another cappuccino
Okay, I know I can't blame them completely for this, but when the ninth customer in a row orders a cappuccino, ITS REALLY ANNOYING!
Not only does it annoy me, but it annoys everyone else online who wants a drink after you! I have to foam milk for your millions of cappuccinos, and honestly you aren't worth my foam.
What I can get angry at the customers about is when they hand back the drink and say it's not dry enough... This means I have to REMAKE THE DRINK.
YOU suck the most. THERE IS A LINE! TAKE THE DRINK! FOAM WILL NOT MAKE THE DRINK TASTE ANY DIFFERENT, COCK FACE.
Dedicated to: The customer who expects us to read their mind
If you want decaf, yeah, you're going to have to tell us before we make the drink, because we can't read your mind. Don't expect us to remake the drink because we don't really HAVE to remake it for you. We made you the drink you ordered, now you want something else. Pay for it, jerk.
Dedicated To: Customers with really loud obnoxious children.
Hey lady! Can you please remove your child from the table, and leave our flowers on the table alone?
What parent allows their child to sit on the table and putz around with everything? This will make your child a horrible, miserable older child to deal with.
General rant: also don't come to Starbucks with your child if they are having a temper tantrum. I don't want to listen to your child, my co-workers don't want to listen to your child, and other customers don't want to listen to your child.
Dedicated to: The people who get mad at the person on the register because she doesn't know your drink.
Excuse me, did she take your drink order? No, she didn't. Do you realize how ridiculous you look? SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU ORDERED! SHE WAS BUSY WITH ANOTHER CUSTOMER. Yes, she was helping someone else who was not you... Sorry, you are not the center of Starbucks' attention, jerk face.
And to the Venti Cappuccino dudes wife, Venti Soy No Foam Latte Lady... Thanks for sucking and being a royal bitch today! Make a note to yourself: DO NOT COME TO STARBUCKS WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING LATE.
Thanks a latte!!!
Dedicated to: The lovely ladies who can't shut up long enough to order their drinks.
Ladies, we do not have all day and there are other impatient customers behind you, so please shut up.
I'm not asking much of you; just two seconds of you to stop bullshitting and order your drink. Pay attention to us for two seconds so we can serve you, and then you are free to go back to talking about Johnny's birthday party, and how you don't like little Johnny's mother.
Dedicated to: Assholes who think the deaf guy will hear you if you speak louder.
I don't think you realize it, but no matter how much louder you talk, the deaf guy will not hear you. This is because 'deaf' means HE CANT FREAKIN' HEAR YOU!
It's not an act, jerkoff... He just told you that he is deaf and can't hear you. He's not lying; he really can't hear you. And after you screaming like that, I wish I was deaf too because your stupidity hurt my ears.
Dedicated to: Douche Face on the phone.
Please get off your freakin' phone long enough to listen for your drink to be called.
If there is a drink that is on the bar and you didn't hear it called, TOUGH SHIT! Don't mouth to me "Is this mine?" with your phone still plastered to your face, because I don't know what you freaking ordered, and I don't care.
Pay attention, get off the phone, and stop being a douche.