Retail Hell Underground

Weekend In Amusement Park Hell: Entitled Custy Antics and A Big Time Nightmare

Hey there RHU!

Damien here!

Well, the past few days have been absolutely fucking ridiculous, to the point that I don't even have the patience for violent video games.

Saturday:

I was on the grill and it was average-busy. Our little stand (2 people, 1 register) made about 1700 (not bad considering our park isn't the largest ever).

People generally weren't too bad, but there were a couple customers that made me want to disembowel myself with my spatula.

Fuckstomer #1:

It was still early in the day, so we hadn't completely covered the grill in overpriced burgers yet, so when this lady ordered one, we were like "okay, it'll be like 10 minutes."

Her: Okay, I'll just go get some drinks from -pizza stand- and be right back, okay?

Us: Okay!

-2 minutes later-

Her: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BURGER I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 20 MINUTES!!!

Us: It's only been a couple of minutes, it's still cooking.

Her: THIS IS TERRIBLE SERVICE, I AM NOT AT ALL IMPRESSED WITH THIS PLACE, GET ME YOUR MANAGER.

So I called over our awesome manager -name omitted to protect the badass-
manager (after hearing her rant): Well, I can give you two things. 1) Here's your refund, 2) Advice: check your watch next time.

Fuckstomer #2:

We were slammed at this point, and he came up to the side of the counter with no register, only condiments.

He then said "Hey, guys, gonna help me any time soon?"

We asked him to wait in line so we could help him in order. His response?

"I don't want to wait in line, just ring me up now."

Bitch, does your entitled ass not see the huge line of people?

Sunday:

Oh my fuck. Words cannot describe the shitstorm that was sunday.

The band Big Time Rush was here, and here is how we knew we were going to be fucked with a nail-gun:

The entrance to our parking lot was backed up all the way to the highway (about a mile and a half) bumper to bumper with people trying to get to the park.

We filled 3 parking lots within 2 hours. There were 2 times as many people in our park as a usual busy day.

My shift started at 11, and as soon as I got there, I noticed we already had 8 full pizzas ordered, and about 15 plates of nachos. The wait time to get to the register was about an hour, and that was with some of the fastest people available on register (I was supposed to be on register as an opener, but i switched with one of the cooks due to her having a schedule problem [thank fuck, her register alone made 4 grand in 1 shift]). It was this busy all day, and we were constantly running out of EVERYTHING.

We ran out of ice by 1 pm.

We ran out of cheese by 3, and again at 5.

We ran out of taco meat about 30 minutes until close.

At one point, I had to run out to another stand to make sure they had everything they needed. As I was walking there, a random guy pulled me aside and told me "to do something about the lines, this is bad service and he paid good money to come here today."

I just said "Dude, next time don't come on the busiest day of the year."

Our little area (5 registers open that day) made over 20 grand in sales, in 8 hours. The Panda Express in our food court made over 36 grand in 1 day, with only 1 register. I can't even begin to comprehend the shit that those poor slaves went through.

At the end of the day, our supervisor wanted me to go to the entry way stores and stay until close (about 2 am is when I would get out). I had to work the next day at 10 am, so I more or less said "lolno."

Whatever, my last day of the season is Saturday, so this park can bite my underpaid ass.

Peace, love, and days off,

--Damien

 

 

Amusement Park Hell: Holiday Beer Custys Go Crazy After Being Asked For ID

Hey RHU,

Damien here. 

Good news everyone! LOLJK, work has been shit lately :D

I swear, every day that passes my customers get worse and worse. Today's rant is a long one, sorry about that. Here are some stories of customers that I had over the weekend:

Saturday:

I was grilling that day, and at the end of my break, I was walking back to my stand when my friend JS called me over. She was cashiering at the bar, but she's only 17, so she couldn't pour beer. Her pourer was in the bathroom, so she needed me to help real fast. I poured, and was getting ready to leave when another beer-seeking customer came up. She asked for his ID, he didn't have it. Rather than just going to get it, he threw a tantrum that would have made a 2 year old embarrassed.

Him: YOU WILL SERVE ME A BEER, I AM 47 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!

JS: I'm sorry, I know it's ridiculous, but we get fired if we don't ID every one every time.

Him: YOU ARE FUCKING INEPT AND I WILL HAVE YOUR JOB YOU STUPID FUCKS!!

At this point, he threw his souvenir glass at JS. But we had the last laugh, because

1) We have his $10 souvenir cup. 

2) We had security find him, and we called the other beer stands, gave them a description, and told them not to serve him.

Sunday:

Sunday was absolutely fucking ridiculous. My coworker L was supposed to be cashiering with me at the grill, with me cooking, but she called in due to having the flu. My supervisor S texted me to grab a till for the grill, and we would bring in someone from the catering department to cook.

First customer of the day:

The dude came up, ordered a Mike's Hard, and handed me a 20 (this is important) but didn't have his ID. He started walking away to grab it, when he paused. He came back up to the counter, ripped the 20 out of my hand, and yelled at me for "Snatching his money."

He even threatened that if his daughter wasn't there, he would have "had to come over the counter and teach me a lesson."

Good luck with that, you're slightly drunk and I have 6 years of martial arts training, and a spatula that's been sitting on a grill for an hour.

Now, when O (the dude from catering) went on his break, I took over both cashier and cook. Usually, this isn't too bad, but literally 5 minutes after he left, we got slammed. This was one of the worst rushes I've ever seen, and I've been there for 4 years. We had 1 cash register on this stand, and there were about 28 orders on the grill at any given time. Our park also has VIP service, with waiters that run and grab food from stands for people who pay for the service.

Now, they were sold out on tables, and all of their customers wanted food from the grill. For example, we had this on the grill at ONE time:

24 burgers

7 hotdogs

10 bratwursts

When O got back from his break, he started helping, but he kept giving out orders to whoever was closest, resulting in people who ordered first not getting their food first.

This in turn, resulted in 2 complaints against me personally for the wait times. I don't even know. Also, even with both of us putting down plates and buns for the food, we had to rush to get things off the grill like a (insert pop culture reference here). This ended up in O getting 2 complains for "overcooking the food."

But the cunt of the year award goes to the person who complained about ME personally that the lines were too long, and he had to wait for his food. Um, here's a thought, don't get in a line if there are 25 people in front of you if you don't want to wait? Or is that too complicated?

Today:

Today wasn't too busy, due to 50% chance of rain. We only had 1 absolute terrible customer. It was the end of the day, and my cashier JM and I were cleaning the stand while we waited for it to be closing time.

She came up, and wanted a beer refill. JM asked for ID, and surprise surprise, she didn't have it. She then went on a rant that "her husband had come up to this stand like 10 minutes ago, and she was going to ask him if he was ID'd, and if he wasn't she was going to have our jobs."

Okay cuntzilla, calm down. We all know you're lying.

Here's how:

1) She said her husband had come up to our stand 10 minutes ago, but we hadn't had any beer refill sales in over 2 hours.

She can go fuck herself.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

--Damien

Damien's Strange Custy WTF? Tales

Hey RHU, Damien here

So, I've got 2 custy quotes and a WTF story to tell you.

First off, the custy quotes:

I was working the bar, and one of the kegs was running low. I apologized to the custy, and said I was going to run to the back and use another tap to get him his beer. his response: "It's okay, you're only working here because you're a drop out, anyways."

Wait, what? No, fuck you with an unlubricated chainsaw. I'm at this job because I enjoy having spending money when I'm at college, want to see my transcript? That's what I thought, dick.

Second quote:

I was working the grill as a cook, and as such I don't have to interact with custies unless I want to. I was frying a burger for a guy with a shirt for a band I like, and we were talking about them for a second. His food is done, and he walks off. This 40-ish lady walks up and tells me "you know that music makes you a bad person, right?"

What the fuck?

I replied "Yes mam, I'm the big scary metalhead that likes kittens and donates to the make-a-wish foundation."

She gave me a dirty look and walked away.

And now, the WTF story:

I was out with my girlfriend, and we needed to run to the grocery store because her dad needed us to pick up a gallon of milk. She goes off to wait in line to pay, and I go to a separate line to pay for an energy drink i picked up (i need my caffeine, don't judge me). There was a massive line at the self-checkout, so I jumped in the express lane. The custy in front of me turns around, glares, and says "you're going to need to go to the other line."

Me: "what?"

Him: "Go. To. The. Other. Line." *look of absolute hatred*

Me: O_o *goes to other line before dude pulls a Dexter on me*

And the fucker had a shit load of items, and was in the express lane. I don't even fucking know.

And since all the cool kids are doing it, my twitter is @seasonsinabyss1

Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life on this planet.

--Damien

 

Amusement Park Hell: Dumbass Custys and Asshat Managers

Sup, RHU?

Damien here.

Okay, this past week can bite my beer-stained white ass.

I've been stuck doing cash register for about a week now (despite the fact that I'm hired as a cook), and fuck me, I already want to disembowel someone.

Wednesday:

My supervisor S asked my to work an ice cream stand in the middle of the park due to that area being understaffed. S is awesome, so I said yes. Now, I was unaware that this stand would have 25 MINUTE LINES THE ENTIRE DAY. Those lines were even with another ice cream stand not even 100 feet away. Fucking lazy people.

Add to that people are fucking idiots, and you have for a day full of magical fun, unicorns, and fucking rainbows. *sarcastic statement is sarcastic*
The sizes are displayed on the front of my stand, as are the menu and prices. 20 people in a row asked me about all 3 of those things, with my personal favorite going like this:

"Are you out of anything?"

"Yeah, we ran out of cookie dough and banana split."

"Okay, I'll take a large cookie dough."

"I'm sorry, we actually ran out of that."

"What about banana split?"

*Headdesk*

That exchange took place 3 times.

Today:

I was pouring some customers a beer, and I thought I'd been doing a damn good job, due to numerous people telling me that I should be a bartender. My department head had a different idea. He walked by as I was pouring, and he noticed that *gasp* A LITTLE BIT OF BEER SPILLED!!!!

He bitched at me for ten minutes for "wasting money," because apparently spilling a bit of beer is a capital offense.

So for the next beer sale, I did things his way, and, lo and behold, the customer bitched at me for doing my job wrong.

*    *    *    *

Our park has wristbands you can purchase that can be loaded with money. The incentive to use them is you get 10% discounts on everything but alcohol when you use them.

Now, I had one guy come up with one, and I said it would be a minute, because I needed to grab a supervisor to do the discount. (We have to have supervisors authorize all discounts with a password on the registers).

His response: No you don't. Everyone else can do it. You're just incompetent.

Wait, wait, what? You're being a douche to the guy responsible for pouring your drink and getting your food? That's smart.

He continued to insult me all the while I was yelling to the back for my Supervisor P. When P got to the front, the guy complained about my "incompetence."

Luckily P knows me, so he was just like "yeah. okay. I'll deal with it."

So I gave the dude a drink with a TON of fizz, and the oldest pretzel we had left >:D
Victory in my mind.

And I work consecutive shifts until next Friday. Fuck me with a rake.

--Damien

 

Returning To Amusement Park Hell

Hey RHU!

Damien here!

I write to you tired from being bent over all day, and my hands are sticky. Shut up, I know what you're thinking, and it's not that.

So, today I had my season training (they make us all do it and orientation every year, regardless of how long you've worked there for). However, some interesting shenanigans occurred.

First off, the other day, I got a call saying to be there for training at the check-in office at 8 AM. This is important. So, I drag my ass out of bed, and get there at 7:45. I get there, and I say I'm there for training. The lady looks at me funny, grabs a radio, and begins calling around, trying to get a supervisor to tell me where I'm going. None of the high level supervisors answered, so a passing Food Supervisor grabbed me and had me help out at the park's food court.

At about 8:30, the higher level supervisors radioed back, saying "Yeah, training's not till 3 PM"

MOTHER FUCKER I THINK A SMACKING IS IN ORDER!

GOMU GOMU NO PISTOLE! (+1 to anyone that gets the reference)

The guy in charge of Foods said "well, he's clocked in, and he's worked here before. Just keep him until 3 and then send him off."

So, I stood in the food court grabbing cups and filling up drinks for about 5 hours (hence the bending over and the sticky hands).

Fail custy of the day:

Me: "What would you like to drink with that?"

Them: "Yes."

Me: "What kind of soda? (thinking 'I wish we had a product called "yes" so i could give it to these people...')

Them: "I said yes."

Me: "Fuck me in the face with something made of concrete." (Not really)

Also, the HR department (where we get our uniforms) ran out of Foods shirts, and badge clips. So they gave me a shirt for the retail department, and I ended up making a badge clip out of paper clips. Bitches don't know bout my McGayver skills.

By the end of it, I'd been in that park for about 8 hours more than I needed to be. And this is only the first day O_o

Happy trails!

--Damien

 

Complaining Custys Who Turn into Stalkers

Hey RHU! Damien here!

Bakery Slave's recent story reminded me of something that happened a long time ago in a shithole far far away....

Now, usually the park I worked at had a separate parking lot for employees that was a mile away and there was a company bus that brought you to the place where you clock in at. but sometimes, this parking lot was closed, so we had to park in the main lot on those days.

Now, one of those days, I had just finished a 10 hour shift and was finally on my way out. I was about halfway through the parking lot when some random lady came up to me. What did she want?

If you answered that she wanted to complain about wait times for rides, then congratulations! Ten points to Gryffindor!

What? I'm in the parking lot?!?!? Fuck off!

Anywhom; I just pulled the smile-and-nod-and-pretend-to-give-a-flying-fuck act, got into my car, and tried to go home. what'd she do? SHE STOOD IN FRONT OF MY CAR! WHAT THE UNHOLY FUCKING FUCK?

So I unrolled the window just enough to let sound go out (she was still yelling at me about shit I had no control over) and turned up my speakers until the sounds of Cannibal Corpse drowned her out and she let me leave.

That was 2 years ago and I still have no idea what the fuck that lady was on (probably enough drugs to scare Charlie Sheen).

What would you guys have done?

I don't even know anymore,

--Damien

Hated Customer Lines: "You Must Be New"

Hey RHU! Damien here!

I was at a bank today, and I heard a lady in front of me say my personal least favorite custy phrase of all time, "You must be new here."

This reminded me of one particularly asshatish custy I served over the summer.

*cue flashback*

Okay, some background. Last year the park got new registers with touch screens, laser scanners, improved credit card swipers, etc. Now, typically, half of them crashed every other day. If we were lucky, the wouldn't crash, they would just lock up, reset, or give us error messages. (Damn things were running the 2005 version of windows xp)

Now, on to the cunt-plunging fuckface:

It was a relatively slow day due to it being cloudy with a chance of rain. A lady came up to my register, ordered a pizza and a drink. No problem so far, she was polite and even said "please" (i thought i was going to die from the shock of it). When the order was in the system, i pressed the Pay Now button, and lo and behold, the register Blue Screened.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I politely told the lady that i needed to grab my manager because the register was having issues. She replied with the kind of voice you'd use to talk to a baby or puppy, saying "it's okay, you're just new is all."

What? I don't even...

Listen bitch, I've been in this shithole for 3 years, it's not my fault these registers are about as reliable as a Jersey Shore cast member (Seewhatididthere?)

Does anyone else get annoyed by this phrase?

Peace, love, and rock and roll,

--Damien

Signage Fail?

...or are they just trying to be helpful to those dumbass custys?

Pic from Damien.

 

 

 

Damien Recalls Dumbass Vending Custy

Hey RHU!

I was reminiscing about my job at the amusement-at-the-expense-of-employees park, and I remembered this gem from my second year there.

It was my last day of that season, and I was cleaning up my stand. This upset, raging lady came up to me and started yelling at me about "technical difficulties."

I asked what was wrong, and she led me to the vending machine about 10 feet from my stand. She pointed to the price, and it read $99.99.

Now, this machine takes cash or credit, and she apparently swiped her card for a bottle of Dr. Pepper. She was freaking out because she'd not read the price, and had been charged 100$ for a bottle of soda.

Now, of course, being an employee, this is obviously MY fault, so she demanded I open my register and give her 100 dollars in cash.

My department head happened to be in the area, and he had a reputation for being a spineless anus-kissing fuckwaffle, to put it nicely. He however is insanely paranoid about losing money though, so he told the lady he would call the Pepsi company.

This was not good enough for the dumb-as-rocks custy, and she demanded that we compensate her for her her lack of an ability to read prices.

He told her to go talk to customer service (being about as spineless as a sea cucumber, of course).

I'm not sure what ended up happening, nor could I care less because at that point I just wanted to go home and kill shit on Call of Duty to take out my rage.

Have good helliday RHU!

--Damien

 

Damien: Dining Hall Custy Rant

Hey, RHU!

Damien here, with some things that my fellow dining hall custys should avoid doing.

(note, I do not work in the dining halls, I am merely a custy there)

1) Nobody, repeat NOBODY cares how wasted you got last night, stop yelling your conversations on your phone and tell the poor slave what you want to eat.

2) There is a 1-entree at a time limit. Deal with it. Do NOT bitch to the slave giving you food to "give me another bowl of food, or I will talk to your manager. You should have posted signs."

There are signs everywhere saying "1 at a time" and the managers enforce this rule. Shut the fuck up already. It's not that hard to go put your stuff down and then come back up and get more. trust me.

Also, do NOT steal half the pizza when the slave isn't looking.

This is rude as fuck to the people in line (My friends and I) who were pumped to eat that pizza, and now we have to wait 10 minutes before another one is made.

3) Do NOT cut in line. This doesn't piss off the slaves as much as it pisses off everyone in line behind you. Wait your turn like everyone else, or i will stab you with a fork.

4) (I only include this so I can tell this story) If you accidentally drop your tray, DO offer to help clean. DO apologize to the slave that has to clean up after you. Do NOT scream, blame the nearest slave for tripping you, and then run out of the dining hall screaming and swearing. Granted, I would rather teabag a bear trap than drop my tray of food, especially when the entire dining hall claps and laughs at you, but shit happens. Get over it, and go get yourself another slice of pizza.

5) At the place that calls out a number for whose order it is, don't steal other people's food. The other day i was waiting for an omlette, and my number was called, i was walking up to get it, and this kid comes out of nowhere, steals it, and leaves the dining hall. FFFFFUUUU-

/done ranting,

--Damien

 

Damien: What I Really Wanted To Say

Hey, RHU!

Damien here!

I don't have a rant for today, but rather, a random story that happened to me:

So I was at the grocery store, and this little old lady (will be referred to as LOL) came up to me and asked, "Excuse me sir, do you work here?"

uuuuh....

I said "No, sorry."

But what I really wanted to say was: "Yes, dumbass. Me with my jeans, slayer shirt, and black hoodie on."

Even though all I said was sorry, she huffed "Well I NEVER" and marched away.

I don't know either....

Have you had a custy encoutner where you had to answer one way, but were thinking another?

Tell us WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED TO SAY! Leave in comments or send to RHU!

--Damien

 

Crazy Religious Psychopath Encounter

Hey RHU!

Damien here!

So I'm starting to think that I'm a magnet for psychotic religious people.

Seriously, every other time I go grocery shopping one of them starts yelling at me. I was at the store, and I while browsing through the frozen pizzas this OLD (85+) lady came up to me and told me, in no uncertain terms, that I'm going to burn for eternity for my sins.

What is this, I don't even...

She starts badgering me asking why I haven't embraced the "good lord" (seriously, I need to stop wearing death metal band shirts when I go shopping...)

She asks me like 1000000000 questions about Jesus (I was expecting a shopping trip, not a sort of Spanish inquisition), and I'm just trying to tune her out.

Instead of realizing that she's wasting her time trying to convert me to whatever church she was in, she raises her voice until she reaches a very shrill, irritating tone.

Seriously, please don't force your beliefs down my throat. You don't see me trying to convert people left and right, do you?

After like 5 minutes of her pestering me, I just turned to her, and in my best demon voice (think death growl) tell her:

"I don't believe my lord Satan would be pleased if I talked to you."

Judging by her expression, I think she shit herself. 

Sincerely confused,

--Damien

 

Rollercoaster Slave's Alter Retail Ego Damien: Shopping In Egypt

Hey, Slaves!

Rollercoaster Slave here, but since I'm done with working at the park, I've changed my name to Damien, from The Omen :D

Sorry about posting again so soon, but I've meant to write this for a couple months now, but have been too lazy to actually get off my ass and write anyth-*cough* I mean, I've been so busy!!!! yeah, let's go with that xD

Back in the beginning of June I went to Egypt on a school trip (hot as FUCK in their summer, it hit 110º F once O_o) And I experienced a VERY different kind of Retail experience.

Here are 5 things that took a while to get used to:

1) Haggling: When we shopped for souvenirs, we were actually encouraged to haggle for things we wanted. This ended up in me getting ripped off a few times, as I had no idea what I wanted to pay for things xD

2) Shopkeepers hitting on custys: There was a girl in our group-o'-friends, and whenever she went shopping with us, half the shopkeepers hit on her, asked her out, or proposed to her in the store. This actually worked in her favor, because she could get them to haggle the prices crazy low (she got a guy to lower the price on a statue from 50$ to 10$)

3) Street Merchants: They were mainly little kids or old men, and they would wave their wares in your face trying to sell you multiple items for cheap prices (most of their stuff was fake though, the papyrus wasn't real, and the statues were plastic)

4) The Hospitality: Egyptians were some of the friendliest people I've ever met, even if you didn't buy anything from them they wished you well.

Story: I bought a papyrus from a guy, and to thank me he gave my friends and I each a bottle of Coke. (The good stuff, not the corn-syrup crap we have)

5) "Gifts": I put gifts in quotations because as you walked into a temple, some store keeper would give you a free scarf or stone scarab, but on the way out, they'd grab you and make you pay for them, and you couldn't give them back to them, otherwise they'd ask for a 'handling fee.'

I was actually ok with this, because usually they just wanted a dollar or 2, and they can feed their families for a couple days off of that, so I payed them for their "gifts"

--Damien