Questions! So many questions!
Our Amish barbecue stand has added a new item to their menu: turkey kielbasa sausage. They already sell turkey-based meatloaf, ham, and bacon. These products are hideously awful. But apparently the very special snowflakes who are our customers in this upscale farmers market prefer food made from white meat turkey, and not meat which actually taste good because it is made from pigs!
Seriously, turkey scrapple? My Amish grandparents are turning in their graves.
So today the barbecue stand had a banner saying “Try our new turkey kielbasa!” And here are some of the questions which I heard while I was passing by at various times during the day.
“What is the difference between pork kielbasa and turkey kielbasa?”
“What does the turkey kielbasa taste like?”
“Why do they call it turkey kielbasa?”
“What part of the body is a kielbasa? Is it the neck?”
At closing time, I went to the barbecue stand to pick up a rotisserie turkey breast that I’d ordered earlier in the day. I struck a pose and said, using my whiniest, most grating soccer-mom voice:
“What is this turkey made of? Does it have pork in it? Was it cured with nitrates? Is it hormone free?” … and continued asking questions until I was pelted with leftover dinner rolls by the waitstaff.