Retail Hell Underground

Deli Dept Hell: Devil woman and the birthday girl

 

From kmooey, Tales From Retail:

I work at a deli at a company run supermarket. Employees at our store make the most of retail hell, we have strong morale because we joke around with each other and customers as well. Our staff are supportive and have each others backs. Our demographic are mostly regulars we see everyday and a handful of crazy.

Anyway it was my birthday a couple of days ago, I chose to work the day as I'm in my 30s so I'm happy to celebrate after work, no biggie. So I'm doing my thing in the deli usual thing, when I get the most ridiculous birthday PA from let's say Sam one of the other departments.

Sam "We'd like to wish our junior Kmooey a sweet 16, sweet 16 never been kissed, she is one of our juniors in the deli departmeny, just training, timid and shy so make sure you go down to the deli and wish our Kmooey a happy birthday" it went something like that but much more hilarious.

Anyway the whole time this announcements going on everyone is laughing and im super embarrassed, hot in the face and laughing. Im chuffed they made an effort. A couple of regulars came up afterwards and wished me a happy birthday and teased me if ive been kissed lately.

But this would not be a worthy story with out devil woman. Straight after the announcement DW storms up to the deli counter with a face scowl like a dogs bum. Looks at me, looks at my name tag.

DW "well he carried on"

Me " haha well hes a great guy, hes priceless" Thinking that she was relating to my embassment.

DW "geeeeeze (eyeroll) who HONESTLY cares".

I stood back with an 'Are you serious?!?' look on my face and stared at here for a while. I was amused at the Audacity! She is speaking to the birthday girl. What a devil woman.

I stepped back into customer service mode and asked her how I could help. She lists off this out of the way order for 'freshly' shaven processed meat that we have already prepared shaven in the case.

My coworker steps in "Oh we are out of stock with that product thats what we have left" (I'd usually be happy to freshly shave a product but I would have the same response at this point)

DW "well I guess you can't help me" storms off.

Staff wished me a happy birthday throughout the day and how funny Sam was on the PA. I brought up how the customer DW reacted, everyone thought her crazy reaction was hilarious and how horrible her existence must be.

--kmooey

 

 

 

 

Retail Hell Memories: "Just take one out, I'll finish cooking it at home"

 

From Iownfish, Tales From Retail:

I used to work at a big supermarket chain in the UK. We had a chicken counter, deli counter, cheese etc. The whole shebang!

The chicken counter opened at 9am, we could serve you before that but it'd mainly be chicken pieces, sausages and smaller items that didn't take too long to cook. The whole chickens would be cooked for 8:50am and bagged and in the counter for 9. This was just the way it was done in this store.

One particular day a lady came up to the chicken counter wanting 3 whole chickens, it was 8:15 am, they were nowhere near cooked. I explained to the lady that there was no possible way for her to have any of the whole chickens, I'd be breaking the law to sell her a part cooked chicken and I wasn't willing to lose my job over it. (I was 16, working part time in my first real job).

This ridiculous woman then started to demand the chickens. Screaming at me that I was ruining her weekend and she didn't have another 45 minutes to wait for them to cook so she would finish cooking them at home.

She then went to the customer service desk and told them I'd refused to serve her. A manager came over and I explained the situation to him, he reiterated what i'd already told her and directed her to the raw chickens. She stormed off in a huff.

My manager stayed and spoke to me and not 5 minutes later the woman returned with 3 raw chickens and asked me to cook them. By this point there was only 20 minutes left on the oven timer, my manager explained that we couldn't cook anything from the store and if she waited the 20 minutes then she could take home 3 cooked chickens.

Her words "I don't have the time to wait another 20 minutes, just cook these ones for me instead"

Absolutely mashed my head that woman did.

--Iownfish

 

 

 

Easter Tales: I’m gonna faint so I’m stealing this banana

 

From  ItsMildlyAdequate, Tales From Retail:

 Easter has struck again at the deli/produce.

This happened on Sunday, the deli was as dead as hell because everyone shopped on the Saturday so we had barely anything to do.

I had started to clean the case while a mate was cleaning the slicer. (Banana lady = BL).

(BL walks up to me) Excuse me.

Me: Hello.

BL: So I was absolutely starving and there wasn’t anything to eat so I’m just eating this banana (at this point it’s already half eaten and she eats in slowly in front of me).

Me: (I literally stare at her at a loss for words. My coworker stops cleaning and stands across from us also unable to talk)

BL: How do I pay for this?

Me: Well the bananas are based on weight so you’re eating it without paying for it.

BL: I know but I was just starving and there’s nothing to eat.

(There’s a self serve snack bar you can go to and you weigh it up and you’re allowed to eat it so long as you bring the bag up as it’s already priced. Keep in mind she can literally pick up a bag of food, pay for it then continue shopping again).

BL: So do I just go up with a banana peel and tell them that I ate one?

Me: Well they’re all different weights so they can’t really do much.

BL: Well they can just make me pay for more bananas right?

Me: You still ate a banana without paying for it? Maybe just don’t do it next time?

(I’ve never had this happen and I didn’t know what the hell to do).

BL then shrugs and walks off. What. The. Hell.

-- ItsMildlyAdequate

 

 

 

 

 

Deli Counter Hell: The Knotty Lady

 

From SnarkySunshine, Tales From Retail:

Female customer walks up to the deli counter today.

Me: Hello. How can I help you today?

Lady: I want 250g of that ham there at the back.

I grab the ham, weigh it, ask if everything is alright and then wrap it up and hand it over.

Me: Here you go. Anything else today?

Lady: No

Me: Ok. Thanks for shopping with us.

I walk off and do deli other stuff.

I turn back and the lady is still there.

Me: Was there anything else I can help you with???

Lady: It's disgraceful! You didn't tie a knot in this.

If you don't tie a knot in the plastic it goes off quicker!

She then proceeds to rip the paper off and ties a knot in the plastic bag before wrapping it up again.

Lady: I'm going to make a complaint about this. You should always tie a knot in the plastic

How is it supposed to stay fresh otherwise?

She then storms off.

Jokes on her though, just last month the whole deli team had a step by step refresher on how to wrap product correctly. Pictures of each stage were included.

Knots were not.

--SnarkySunshine

 

 

 

 

Grocery Store Signage: Sweet Dreams Are Made of Cheese

 

From Droolings

 

 

 

Grocery Store Hell: Is the 'fresh salmon' "fresh"?

 

From Tritefull, Tales From Retail:

So, I work at a grocery store in an upper-class area of town. Sometimes I'm a clerk, but I also work extensively in the fisheries section of our dear shop. The other day a gentleman approached the counter and I was the only one working.

"Is the salmon fresh?" he asked. I replied that it was. Perplexity consumed his face. "Surely it can't be, it had to come on a truck didn't it?" "Yes, but it was caught this morning!" "But it isn't salmon season." At this point the shell-shock kicked in and I thought to myself 'like what in the hell does he want?' "No, it isn't salmon season but it was caught this morning from the salmon farm down the road see." "OH!" he puffed, "well it isn't friggen fresh is it then!?" Then I lost my temper. "Well, sorry but we haven't a lake out back where we haul the closest, pinkest actinopterygian that swims at me!" He turnt red and trotted away with the salmon in his hand.

I realise that I probably shouldn't have reacted like that, but this actually has a happy ending. The next day, when my manager was in, he called me laughing and told me I made his day because apparently the chap was a real pain up the backside.

You really learn how to sense all the different types of neurosis when you're a university student working part time at the grocers.

--Tritefull