Retail Hell Underground

Custy Ask's Shoe Salesmen For Medical Advice On Toes

Hello all!

Yeah, I've been lurking more than I should, but work at Legume's is taking more of my time and that's a good thing! The powers-that-be have increased my hours, so that means mo' money, mo' money, MO' money!

I'm going to take Freddie's advice about keeping work rants on the down-low, because I really like this job.

Buuuuuuut, something happened recently that I just have to share with y'all...

Just yesterday, two 60-ish Asian women were browsing the shoe department. After some minor language-barrier problems, I brought out several pairs of our lightweight hiking boots.

That's when the older of the two ladies took off her shoes and socks and I saw that the tips of her toes were black! (and not with dirt!)

She said something to her companion and the companion asked me, "What cause's that?"

In my head, I scrolled down the list of possible responses:

("Diabetes")

("Wearing shoes that are too tight")

("Long periods of inactivity")

("Frostbite")

and

("EEEWWWWW!")

But I settled on: "Ma'am, I'm not a doctor, but I think your friend should get that checked out...soon!"

She relayed that info, they both nodded and took their purchases up to the registers. Meanwhile, I'm thinking "Why would you POSSIBLY let a condition like that just slide? And why ask a shoe salesman for a medical diagnosis?"

I'm still shaking my head over that one.

...and the dance goes on.

Peace.

--Joe the Cigar Guy

 

Annoying Shit Crustys Say

From Bitterbookaddict:

 

ME: Hi, how are you.

CRUSTY: I’M ONLY LOOKING!

(I know you’re only looking but I’m only being polite, please be polite back)

*    *    *

ME: Hi, how are you?

CRUSTY: (doesn’t even acknowledge my existence)

*    *    *

(This happens all the time when I’ve been super nice to a crusty that comes in needing some random book desperately and they need it NOW. I’ve looked everywhere, called other stores, checked online sites and even called publishers)

ME: I’m afraid it seems that we don’t have it at the moment at this location but you can try to.......

CRUSTY: (interrupts me) Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m not in that much of a hurry.

(Could have fooled me, WTF?!?!?!?)

*    *    *

(There used to be a restaurant on the level above that closed recently so this has happened at least 5 times a shift)

I’m in the middle of serving someone else when somebody yells at me from the door.

CRUSTY: Is the restaurant up stairs really closed??

(No, we’re just kidding, GOT YA........ The elevator is not only not active there are two racks of postcards and books in front of it, same goes for every staircase in the building)

ME: (I have to be rude to the customer I’m already serving and deal with the yeller) Yes, it moved to *other location*

CRUSTY: Where is that?

(Seriously, I’m helping someone else, be polite and wait for fu***** 5 seconds)

ME: It’s next door to *well known local place*

CRUSTY: Where is that?

ME: Do you know where *bar* used to be?

CRUSTY: Yeah

ME: It’s there.

CRUSTY: (walks away without saying thank you or anything)(or says, I’m sorry I’m from out of town)

*    *    *

There is a Tourist information centre on the second floor in the summer but the sign hangs on the house all year. So when tourists come in and ask for the tourist centre and get mad at me for deceiving them. I don’t own the store, I want the sign down but it’s not my decision. I get really tired of telling people where to eat dinner or lunch or giving directions to sights around the city.

*    *    *

CRUSTY: Hi, I’m looking for a book written by some guy.....

(No shit Sherlock, this is a bookstore could you narrow it down a bit??)

ME: Ok, do you have the title of the book or the authors’ name?

CRUSTY: No, can’t you look it up in your computer.

ME: not without a title or authors’ name. Do you know if it’s new and what genre it’s in?

CRUSTY: No, you guys don’t anything!!

(Gets mad at me for not knowing anything and being stupid)

 *    *    *

Another version of this is:

CRUSTY: I’m looking for the book that was on *local TV show about books*

ME: Do you remember the name of the book or author?

CRUSTY: No, it was on about 30min. Ago didn’t you see it?

(No I didn’t see it I was working)

ME: no I’m afraid I didn’t, do you remember anything about the book?

CRUSTY: (gets mad at me because I don’t watch TV at work)

*    *    *

CRUSTY: walks to the register while on the phone, doesn’t engage me just keeps talking on the phone.

ME: (I have the rule that if someone is on the phone I don’t talk to him and if there are other people waiting I serve them before the talker)

I handle the transaction as no one was waiting.

CRUSTY: gets his product, receipt and everything in a bag. Still stands there talking on the phone not moving, 5 minutes later he ask if I put a gift sticker on his book.

ME: no, you didn’t ask for one.

CRUSTY: You’re supposed to offer, I shouldn’t have to ask.

ME: (I put a gift sticker on the book) Well even if i had you were on the phone and according to company rules I should have waited until the call was over to serve you.

(He still got mad at me for not offering him a gift sticker, he didn’t hear me when I tried because he was on the phone but it’s still my fault)

*    *    *

ME: Would you like to keep the receipt?

CRUSTY: Sorry???

ME: would you ..........

CRUSTY: yes. (stares at it for a few seconds, can you throw this away for me/ leaves it on the counter)

ME: (STOP WASTING PAPER!!!!)

*    *    *

(where I’m from we use Good day and not Hi, how are you to greet people)

ME: Good day

CRUSTY: Good EVENING!!

*    *    *

(I work inside, it’s always bright for me and I know social conventions say that after 6 we change from good day to good evening but as I say; I’m inside and I don’t have my eye on the clock)

CRUSTY: Is this marked down?

ME: No, I’m afraid not

(if it doesn’t have a sticker on it advertising a lower price then no, it isn’t marked down!!)

 

--Bitterbookaddict

 

Adventures in Retail: Hilarious Animated Web Series Nails Retail Life

 

RHU welcomes an LOL animated mini series called Adventures in Retail by Suzy Berhow. I will post new ones as she makes them!

 

  

 

    

 

   

 

  

 

 

 

 

Dancing With An iPod in Public For Valentine's

 

 

Retail Hell Memories: Horrifying Abusive Mom Encounter

Red Rider here.

I haven't posted in quite some time (Bullseye's majorly cut my hours since I go to school part time and there's all the holiday noobs to snatch them up). I've had a few custy encounters, but instead of sharing those I've decided to blow the dust off of this lovely old story from my time at the ultra-hellish JC Penis. This one's a long one, but the awfulness was pretty outrageous. 

I believe I've already mentioned that I could (and did) do almost every job in that store, except run registers. At the time this story takes place, they had me on the pricing team almost full time but were still throwing me in with sales support occasionally. (Sales support was a group of mostly big burly men who dealt with all the heavy lifting, so my scrawny 95lb teenage girl self was fairly out of place among them.) On the day in question however, I was working pricing and marking down the last of our swimsuits from that season. 

In walks this older lady with what I assume was her husband and 3 grandchildren. I'm intent on my markdowns, but I overhear her snap at 2 of the kids to find a couple of shirts while she helps their "fat-ass" brother find some jeans.

The boy she called fat was about 7 or 8 and a little on the heavy side, but I was shocked that she'd say something so cruel and demeaning right in front of him. It really was none of my business though, any good little retail slave would just bite their tongue and stay out of such a personal matter so I kept my mouth shut and busied myself with those swimsuit markdowns.

Next thing I know I hear "Hey! Hey you! Hey!" spewing from this disgusting woman's mouth. Now, I know no one would be rude enough to attempt to get the attentions of a complete stranger in such a manner so I assume she's talking to one of her kids and continue working. "Hey you, girl! Hey! What are you, deaf?!? Get over here and help me!"

No such luck, looks like I've got to help her. I sigh to myself and resignedly walk over to see what she wants. 

As soon as I get over there she mutters something about terrible service (...real nice lady) and demands that I find her a pair of kid's 18 husky jeans, because her son is "too fat" to fit into regular fit jeans.

I turn around and grab her a pair (it's not hard, they were right on the jeans wall in plain sight). She orders her son to try them on, and he starts to walk toward the fitting room. She explodes.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going? You can get changed right here!"

That's right, she made the poor boy drop his pants right there in the middle of the store and try on the new pair which are obviously too big, they're practically falling off. The kid looks so humiliated I feel bad for him. I offer to get her a smaller size, but she responds that these are fine and "The brat can just wear a belt."

The kid then makes a fatal mistake and asks if he can get some skinny jeans since they were really cool at the time. Now I'm not a fan of skinny jeans on small children, but this woman's response was just sickening.

She bellows: "NO KID OF MINE IS GONNA WEAR SKINNY JEANS LIKE SOME FUCKING FAGGOT!" (There was more, but I feel no need to repeat her bigoted spew.) 

My jaw hit the floor, I was so offended and felt so bad for this boy that I wanted to cry. I asked if there was anything else I could help her with and then turned to get the fuck away from there.

As I was leaving though, I noticed an outdated sign. It was for kid's jeans "Buy one get one 50% off" which meant if you got one for full price the other would be half off. The current sale was that all kid's jeans were half off (a better sale since you're actually saving money). Since I was doing pricing that day, I could get in trouble if the signs were incorrect and someone complained so I corrected the mistake. Bitchy McCuntface saw and went apeshit. She was convinced that I was trying to rip her off by changing signs on her. I attempted to explain that with our current sale she would actually be saving money, but she was convinced BOGO was a better deal (which it almost never is). Our exchange went pretty much like this:

Cuntface: "You think you can just rip people off like this?!? You will change the price back for me!"

Me: "Ma'am, with this sale you're actually saving. See with the other sale, you were paying full price for one pair and half for the other. With this sale you're paying half price for both pairs."

CF: "What do you think I am, stupid? I know 50% off is better than half off! Change the price you little bitch!"

Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, I don't work registers, but if you explain to the cash..."

CF: *Cuts me off* "NO, you will change it for me!"

Me: "I don't have the authority to do that. I could lose me job. I'm really sorry..."

CF: *Leans close threateningly* "Listen here you little shit, I'm not asking you I am telling you. YOU...WILL...CHANGE...IT...OR ELSE! Got it?!?"

Thankfully right then one of my coworkers who was also a department head (so she actually had the authority to do price changes) came by and told the lady that she would change the price for her.

I was given a smug look by Cuntface as well as the snarky comment that "At least some people are fucking competent in this shithole."

I just gritted my teeth while Cuntface continued shopping muttering just loud enough for me to hear about how she'd have "whooped that stupid dropout bitch's scrawny ass" if I hadn't changed the price for her and about her "dumb fat-ass faggot" of a son, and consoled myself with the fact that this dumb cunt was pleased as punch to pay more money for some already overpriced kid's jeans.

That's all I can stomach for now. Here's hoping my hours pick back up soon, I really need the money.

--Red Rider signing off!

 

 

 

 

Custy Rejects Destroy Kmart Scanner Sign

From NumismaticNerd: Packed so tightly with rejects, the K-fart price scanner sign breaks and folds in defeat!

 

 

Store Trainer Rant: Frustration With Getting People To Training

Allrighty y'all!  

I know I've not submitted in eons...partly due to most of my write-worthy shenanigans about the workplace I have felt are too specific to my particular location or individuals thereof and could unhinge my anonymity...and also due to the fact that I've been medicated for a while so more things just waft past my existence without being acknowledged.

HOWEVER!

There are some small, irritating things that have accumulated to the point that I can bear them no longer! I think of them rather like gnats of mosquito's...but really they're just careless coworkers.

Some background for y'all...my prime directive is the training and informing of all the associates and new hires. Whenever corporate tosses down a new absurd policy or procedure, it's my responsibility to make sure that everyone is up to date on what they need to know.
A lot of this involves computer training programs or simple on-line acknowledgments. Not complicated or stressful...though they can be time consuming and VERY boring. Most of the programs are less than 10 minutes long...so not really all that bad. Plus they're done in the back part of the store, away from customers, and you get to sit in a moderately comfy chair to do them.

And yet I get consistant and increasingly argumentative flack from the associates when I ask them, ever so politely, to take the five to ten minutes to work on their required lessons. I understand that they're all busy and that they only have X amount of time to Y amount of work done...but yanno what? The lessons are part of the weekly requirements too. They are expected to be completed just as much as pricing or straightening shelves.

I try so hard to work around their daily duties, trying to catch them right after their break, since the training room is right next door, so they don't have to walk back to that area twice...leaving them a clearly typed note with instructions and a list of requirements so that they can get it done without my assistance when it's most convenient for them, in case I'm not there when they would be most able to do it. I ask nicely, I remind gently, and if it's a longer program I try to arrange for them to work on it in segments over several days instead of needing to take a full thirty minutes to an hour out of one shift to take a longer lesson.

And yet most of the responses I get are an exasperated sigh and a roll of the eyes at the nicer end of the spectrum and flat out refusal to do the work at the worse end.

Yes, that's right, I've had associates flat out refuse to do their lesson work....required by corporate...because they "knew they wouldn't get written up for not doing it"

So I think I'm going to make that all change. They wanna be pissy little babies? So be it...mama's pullin out the Whoopin Paddle and goin old school on y'all.

It is my intention to have a frank discussion with the store manager, and if need be, the district manager (next time they're visiting) and try to put in motion a policy that the associates who don't finish their training by then end of the designated time will receive a write up...three consecutive write ups being grounds for termination. (exemptions being any associates on leave of absence or are away at school for the semester)

I don't' see why so many people are so against doing the training. It doesn't take all that long, ya get to sit down and relax and be away from customers and noise, and, if you ask nice and clean up after yourself, I'll let you take a drink or snack with you...so it's sorta like getting and extra break!

But NooOOooOoOo...they gotta be all grumbly and snap at me for letting them know what needs to be done. And I'm not meaning that they snap at the third or fourth reminder...they snark at me at the first mention of the lesson plans.

And getting department managers involved isn't any help...they refuse to do their training every bit as much as the associates. And I'll ask them to remind their associates of how important the training is and to incorporate it into the daily tasks list, so that it's directed by their manager, rather than by mously little Spritzy, and they never do...I get no help from management (not even the store manager) nor supervisors in enforcing the requirements and then the managers grouse at me when the training reports are incomplete.

It's always so amusing when a manager asks me why the training isn't complete and who needs to finish it, then I look at the list and tell them "well...YOU do...for one" and they can only stammer and mumble that they'll do it later.

So, yeah.,..AaaAaAArrRRrUuUghhhh!

I really hope that the store manager takes my concerns to heart and implements the policy...cause I;m sick of not getting any cooperation and being trampled all over for something as mundane as this.

Peas, Louvre, and Shoulder Cats

--Spritzy

 

One Dumbass N.A.T.'s Chaotic Escape Attempt

Hello, everyone. Tis I, Book Wench, back again to share more tales of Wastings. 

It's been a while since I last wrote in, for which I apologize. I've been dealing with a nasty wisdom tooth infection and all of the family arguments resulting from that, and combined with the utter soul-sucking grind of work, I haven't really had the energy to do more than go to work, come home, and fall asleep on the couch listening to Jon Stewart. (Note: nodding off to the Daily Show, coupled with a liberal dose of hydrocodone, results in very peculiar dreams. Try this at home!) However, we had a little incident a few days back which I really must share. An attempted robbery... with a side of carjacking!

Because our general manager has the short-term memory of a goldfish with Alzheimer's, problems that we bring to his attention are almost never addressed. He's very apologetic about it, and he will change things (poor scheduling, etc) if we nag him enough, but when it comes to anything that involves having to talk to corporate his powers of recall vanish almost entirely.

As a result, our security cameras have been in shambles for over a year, with no word from the head honchos as to when/if they will be replaced. We know this, the NATs know this, and we know that they know it. 

Naturally, one of the broken cameras is located directly over an area of highly valuable merchandise! And naturally, we are so short-handed that the lone associate assigned to this department  (which includes roughly a third of the store) can't spend all their time in that one corner of Highly Valuable Shit, even if they wanted to. We lose hundreds of dollars of merchandise every single month from this area, because GM doesn't have the balls to talk to corporate and get us another gorram camera. 

Last Friday, as I was tidying up the book department toward the end of my shift, I heard a ruckus coming from the front end. Walking up to the registers to see what was going on, I beheld half a dozen cops, an extremely angry Curmudgeon, and a woman holding an ice pack to the back of her head.

The story, as it fell out, was this:

Our awesome video manager, K-Pax, had noticed a skeevy-looking fellow circling around our corner of Highly Valuable Shit. K-Pax finds a reason to loiter in the same area, keeping an eye on him, but gets called away to assist a customer. The minute K-Pax leaves, skeevy guy pulls out an empty grocery bag, jimmies open the case, and fills his bag with HVS. He then attempts to leave the store, and here's where things got weird. 

We have three doors in our store. One opens up onto the mall, and by that point in the evening is closed and locked. One is the entrance, and only works as an entrance; consequently it is not equipped with any theft detectors. The third door can only be reached by passing by the front registers, and thus passing through a detector; it too only works one way. You can leave by it, but you can't come in.

Our would-be NAT takes off running for the entrance, only to smack face-first into the door and knock himself over.

He gets up and runs around through the registers, setting off the theft alarm, and drawing the attention both of the girl at the register and of K-Pax, who immediately recognizes him and vaults the goddamn counter in order to chase him. 

NAT gets outside, bumps into Curmudgeon returning from her dinner break, drops his bag of HVS and takes off across the parking lot, K-Pax in full pursuit.

Register Girl (she'll get a nickname if she survives a month here) tells Curmudgeon what's going on and Curmudgeon calls the cops, and all the while K-Pax is chasing after this NAT.

The NAT jumps into the backseat of a completely random car and starts smacking the driver on the back of the head, telling her "DRIVE, BITCH! DRIVE! JUST FUCKING DRIVE!"

At which point K-Pax shows up, drags the NAT out of the car, and tries to march him back to the store.

NAT tries to punch his way out, succeeds, and vanishes into the bushes across the street. K-Pax brings the driver inside, gets her an ice pack, and convinces her to file a police report. 

The best part?

When Curmudgeon opened the bag, it turned out that our NAT had inadvertently taken only used things from our case of HVS. He tried to rob our store and carjack a random stranger, for a total cash value of maybe $150.

The day after, of course, we all got a stern talking-to by the GM about how we must never, ever accost a customer, even if it is obvious that person is stealing from us... maybe we should just disable all the damn cameras, then, if we're going to let merchandise just walk out the door!

We have the dubious distinction of being the worst Wastings in terms of theft-related losses out of the entire chain, and we can't do anything to fix it. 

I need to find a job that lets me yell at people for being stupid, RHU.

--Book Wench

 

Funny Custy Tales: Sugar Baby Needs Cash

OMG Y’ALL!

I just had an Anna Nicole Smith encounter!

She’s not dead people but merely reincarnated into another body of some Sugar Baby ! Here’s how it went down.

After the holidays, most retailers have dip in sales with January being the slowest month of the year so all things were quiet on the retail front.

I was manning the counter as usual but who should come in but Sugar Baby and her satchel of gifts given to her from her meal ticket.

Knowing the drill, she drops her bags on the encounter and requests a return. After throwing her receipts at me totaling close to $1000, I begin to process her request.

Normally, I ignore such rudeness from custys and avert my eyes while I finish the job at hand but some voice in my head told me to look up.

To tell you the truth RHU, I shouldn’t have because the moment I gazed at Sugar Baby she turned into Medusa from Clash of the Titans! I mean she turned me into the stone by having me transfixed on her appearance. Okay, have you ever seen a really bad car accident on the road that you could not help but stare at it? Well this was one of those times! Sad to say, Sugar Baby had some really, and I do mean really, bad plastic surgery!

The woman was nipped, tucked, pulled, and implanted to the point that she looked like a space alien getting off the mothership. Put it this way, Sugar Baby made Joan Rivers and catlady socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein look normal. My eyes burned as I stared into the eclipse. Solar flares were shooting out her eyes causing me to believe that 2012 was happening early As I began to process her return, the alien began to speak.

Sugar Baby: I bought these for son but he obviously does not like them. I want to return them for cash. (Translation: Take me to your leader Earthling or else I will anally probe you.)

Me: No problem. Receipt is here. Check. Tags attached. Check. (A thousand dollars worth of designer stuff that your spoiled Hellspawn does not want. Check.) Okay, let me take care of this for you.

I start to do the return when Sugar Baby gets on her cell and dials her Sugar Daddy. Oh RHU this is when Anna Nicole Smith starts to bust out of the alien’s body. (Where’s Sigourney Weaver when you need her?)

Sugar Baby starts to speak in a baby voice for her Sugar Daddy. I shit you not! It was this high pitch infant voice the appeared too paranormal for words. (Perhaps it was some alien language like Pig Latin or a Kardashian.)

Sugar Baby: Oooooooooh Honeeeeeeeey! This is your Sugar Babeeeeeeeey! My son does not like any of the stuff you bought him. (Pouts.) I’m sorry to bother you in your meeting. I know you’re really busy. Look I have to return them because I don’t have any cash on me. (Starts to whine.) Your Babeeeeeey does not have any moneeeeey! I need cash babeeeeey because I’m hungreeeeeey. I need to eat Honeeeeey. I’ll see you later. Okay love you. (Makes kissing sounds on her cell.)

I finish the return and give her a large wad of bills from my register. Apparently, Sugar Daddy does not feed his Sugar Babeeeeey. Sugar Daddeeeey, take note. Feed your Babeeeeey so she doesn’t have to carry a large wad of moneeeey and get mugged like some dummeeeeeey! Honeeeeeey, that would be a tragedeeeeeey!

On the upside, the alien can now use her new elastic skin as weapon to whip away potential robbers or wear it as a designer belt accessory!

--Queer Geek

 

Retail Hell Story Time 2-Fer: Awkward Custy Moment and Mistaken Custy Identity

From Duke Of URL:

Here's a couple of  short anecdotes that are too short for a submission on their own.

The first one is from back when I was working at a computer store in Ogden, UT. I was in the back room where the computers get repaired. The daughter of one of the owners, who was then about 10-12 years old, came in so I greeted her in my customary fashion for greeting children I'm familiar with: "Hey shorty! (not that she's short for her age, it's just a thing I say to kids)"

Unbeknownst to me, there was a customer just on the other side of the door.

This lady was of small stature.

Luckily, she's a longtime customer and understood that I wasn't talking to her, since I didn't even know she was there.

*    *    *

The second one is much more recent, from a few weeks ago. A fellow associate came up to me at work and asked if I knew how to get fish from the aquarium.

Being that the pet department is one of the most understaffed in the entire store, most or all of the folks in the adjacent departments, especially the garden center, are trained to get fish, too, and I'm no exception. I wasn't sure which department he was in, but I took him over to the fish tanks.

There was a customer there - this detail is important. I proceeded to show him how to prepare the bag, which tools to use and where they're located, all that good stuff, and have him get the fish and put them into the bag. I demonstrated the procedure to tie it up in such a way as to leave a bunch of air at the top, then wrote in marker on the bag to identify the type (UPC) and quantity of the fish, then handed him the bag.

Well, as it turns out, the fish were for him, and the customer at the tank didn't even want anything. So in essence I just made a customer, who happened to also work at the store, get his own fish!

He wasn't upset about that, and I inquired about his fish's well-being a few times after that.

--Duke Of URL

 

Stormtrooper Protects Salvation Army Volunteer During The Holidays

   Although clever on The Salvation Army's part, they are useless against the Jedi mind trick of pretending to drop 20's in the bucket.

 

T-Shirt Sponge Escapes From Retail Hell

Good news everyone!

You just read that in Professor Farnsworth's voice!

But seriously.....

I have quit Old Slavery!

That's right, I officially cast off the shackles of retail slave oppression!!!!!

My last day was Dec. 23! I didn't even have to work Xmas Eve :D.

Why you ask?

Other than the fact that I value my life and sanity, I do have a pretty serious medical condition, mostly a bad allergy, combined with chronic sinusitis and the dusty underbelly of a clothing store just wasn't right for me. I wasn't going under the knife again just so I could keep changing Supermodelquins :)

I found a new job, just seasonal - TAX SEASONal. H&R Chock - The Chock stands for Chock Full of Fucking Acronynms, they use them for ERRRYTHING! I'm going to be a receptionist, starting in January, so basically smiling and answering phones. They warned us about how crazy it gets but really....there's no scaring me now.

In all honesty, I'm going to miss the Slavery dearly. When you get past the crazies and the BS, I loved my job and *coughmostcough* of my coworkers. The company actually has this really cool policy where I get to stay employed, but off the schedule for 90 days, and at the end, if I work 1 shift, the 90 days starts over. So I can keep my job (and my DISCOUNT!) in case I need to come back :) Much love <3

My last day was SO CRAZY! Xmas week was busy as fuck, you guys. I had to process a bin as tall as I m (which I guess isn't saying A LOT, but still), and the ENTIRE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE FITTING ROOM was PACKED full of accessories that needed to go back. Like just stuffed in every bin, basket, or bag we could find. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but I forgot my phone :\. It was madness.

Luckily, a coworker got a picture of the fitting room, stuff that needed to be processed and go back, at the end of the day the 23rd. Keep in mind, there's no mirror in this picture that they're leaning against, it's a ROOM behind these clothes. Full of MORE CLOTHES. >.> I felt so bad for them.

All in all, a successful holiday I think.
Hope you all survived :) I hope I still have some interesting stories for you in the months to come.

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

 

Walmart Santa Hell

I hope he's wearing earplugs!

 

Holiday Shopping Hell In Full Swing: Customers Are Losing It

Hello all!

What in the name of the dread Dormammu is WRONG with people? 

In just the past few hours, I've had:

- women come up to the register and empty their entire suitcase-sized handbag onto the counter, looking for their gift cards/coupons. Take into account they've been waiting IN LINE for several minutes! Or (here's a shocker) they could have made sure they had the cards before they left home!

- "low-talkers" by the dozens. "Hello, did you find everything you needed", I say. "mmm-uuu-hh-mm--return-mm-hhh-gift card-mmm-lost-ggg-hhhhh-mmm", they say.

- people put shirts/pants/coats on the counter, lean AGAINST the counter pinning said items between themselves and the counter and give me the stinkeye when I say "Excuse me" and try to pull on them.

- people try to return items they bought at one of our competitors. "You're all part of the same parent company, aren't you?"

- a guy who wanted to exchange a jacket. The problem arose when he thought he could just drape the old one over the nearest rack and walk out with the new one.

- folks who are shocked (SHOCKED!) that we can't guarantee that items they want monogrammed AND shipped will be delivered before Christmas.

- legions of storytellers. "I'm gonna be honest with ya', see my mom bought this stuff for me while I was in college and I put in my closet and forgot all about it and now I'd like to return it but instead of putting it back on HER credit card 'cause her cards got stolen I'd like to have it all put on THIS credit card but I don't have any I.D. 'cause my cousin took it to buy beer the other night and didn't give it back and he got arrested and I really wanted the BLACK jacket but y'all stopped making it or somethin' and I'm going to Canada next week so will that be in American money or Canadian money?"

- people who think the roped-off area in front of the registers with the sign "LINE STARTS HERE" is for lesser mortals. They just walk up and start talking. When called on it, they offer up "I'm parked in the FIRE lane!" or "My children get out of school in TWENTY minutes!"

- couples who are so busy bitching at each other they put a sour taste in my mouth:

"Why are you buying the TAN ones? They'll look RIDICULOUS on you!"

"I'm a GROWN-ASS man! I'll buy what I WANT to buy! It's MY money, goddammit!"

"Well, if you want to throw your money away, go ahead! My mother was right: you ARE an idiot!"

and lastly...

- the guy who brought back a TWENTY(!) year old jacket held together with DUCT TAPE(!!) and wanted the original purchase price in cash. As my son would say, "That's classy with a capital K."

...and the dance goes on.

Peace.

--Joe The Cigar Guy

Holiday Bitch Encounter At The Big Fancy

From Slave To The Big Fancy:

This happened to me on 12/9/11:

Last night was the night from HELL @ the Big Fancy. 

Two minutes AFTER I walked in the door to begin my shift in the handbag department I had a bitch scream at me for 15-20 minutes because we didn't have the $40 cheap ass, faux silk clutch she wanted.

She was screaming and causing such a friggin scene and told me that she can't wait to move away from MA in 2 months and that her broke ass spends thousands and thousands of dollars in our stores and The Big Fancy I work in has the absolute worst customer service she's ever encountered. We are pushy, rude, unprofessional and treat her like a second class citizen (don't forget that the whole 1st floor heard this courteous, polite BITCH screaming this at me but WE are the rude and unprofessional ones). 

I was told that the people who shop with us are rude and stuck up and she's had it. Her and her husband can't wait to move to the Adirondack Mountain home they own in NC (more like a mud hut with a straw roof, a dirt floor and dirty off white sheets for doors and window treatments), oh and did I mention she spends thousands and thousands of dollars at the Big Fancy?

Oh yeah I did and so didn't this dumb, wrinkled, Costco moisturizer wearing, kitten heeled wearing (I HATE kitten heels), Issac Mizrahi for Target handbag carrying (VOMITT), Sears Mom jeans wearing BITCH FROM THE DEPTHS OF Lowell about 15 times!!!!!!! Now during her insane rant, I've basically blocked her dumb, ignorant, think she's entitled ass out and I was singing that song by Three Days Grace "I Hate Everything About You" in my head over and over and over wishing I could just drop kick this bitch in her back to give her something to really scream about.

After all was said and done she left with no clutch, her mom jeans were in a twist and whatever dignity she might've had when she entered the store?

I tossed it into our NQC bin which is the bin for damaged, non repairable goods.

Tis the season everyone!!!

--Slave To The Big Fancy

 

Queer Geek On Custys Who Accuse Couriers of Ruining Christmas

This is in resonpse to Coffee Slinger’s post on the custy who claimed the retail slaves ruined her X-mas.

First off all, let me say this is a public forum and everyone has a right to agree or disagree with the poster on RHU but when it comes down to name calling, berating and bullying then I have to say something. Calling Coffee Slinger a cunt or an ass a few times in the comments section is not exactly getting your point across and makes the commenter look like exactly like the words he/she splashes the on the site so in defense of Coffee Slinger, "I’m Rubber You’re Glue..." Coffee Slinger, it get’s better so give a finger to your RHU bullies!

With that said, I want to rant about the whole "you ruined Christmas" on behalf of the all the courier services. Look X-mas is the busiest time of the year and we all know the shipping companies have their work count out for them. Mishaps and mistakes happen! CUSTOMERS GET OVER IT! It’s just material things! Isn’t Christmas about spending time with love ones? Holiday spirit? It’s better to give than to receive! That is why there is a Christ in Christmas. I highly doubt Jesus wanted his birthday celebrated with Black Friday sales and holiday retail discounts!

Being someone who deals with packaging, I can’t believe the number of custys who rip me a new one because something unfortunate happened to their package.

ME: Hello. Queer Geek speaking.

CUSTY: I’M UPSET! THE PACKAGE I ORDERED FOR CHRISTMAS IS NOT HERE YET!

ME: Let me see what I can find out. (Look on the computer.) I apologize but due to weather conditions in your area packages have been delayed. I’m afraid the package won’t make it by Christmas. 

CUSTY: WHAT KIND OF SERVICE IS THAT? YOU BETTER FIND SOMEONE TO DRIVE THROUGH THAT SNOWSTORM AND DELIVER MY PACKAGE! I’M EXPECTING TO SURPRISE MY DAUGHTER WITH DESIGNER BOOTS! YOU’VE RUINED MY CHRISTMAS AND HERS!

ME: Again I apologize but weather conditions do affect delivery. I would gladly refund you the shipping you paid and even will cancel this order since we cannot guarantee it by Christmas.

CUSTY: NO DON’T CANCEL IT! JUST REFUND MY SHIPPING! I’M GOING TO CALL THE COMPANY AND COMPLAIN! I’M NEVER SHOPPING WITH YOUR COMPANY EVER AGAIN! *CLICK*

(Phone rings.)

ME: Hello. Queer Geek speaking.

CUSTY: I’M ANGRY! THE DESIGNER HANDBAG I ORDERED HAS A DEFECTIVE CLASP! It’S A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR SOMEONE!

ME: I’m sorry about that. We can replace that for you and send you another one. However due to the fact we have reached the shipping deadline to guarantee package delivery by Christmas it will arrive a few days after.

CUSTY: THAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I PAID #### DOLLARS FOR THIS AND YOU SOLD ME A DEFECTIVE ITEM! I SPEND #### MONEY WITH YOUR COMPANY AND EXPECT YOU TO PERSONALLY FLY THIS PACKAGE TO ME BY PRIVATE PLANE!

ME: Again I apologize but that is not something we can do. I can refund your money or send you another one but I’m afraid that the new item will not get there in time.

CUSTY: IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL SERVICE? YOU’VE RUINED MY CHRISTMAS! YOU CAN STICK THIS BAG UP YOUR *&%! *Click*

(At this point I’m now become an automaton. Phone rings.)

ME: Hello. Queer Geek speaking.

CUSTY: I want to order this designer dress but I need to get it to the person I’m giving it to by Christmas.

ME: We can certainly process your order but because we are now down to the wire this season our package delivery won’t make it by Christmas.

CUSTY: *snorts* SOME COMPANY YOU GUYS TURN OUT TO BE. YOU SUPPOSE TO BE KNOWN FOR EXCELLENT SERVICE AND CAN’T EVEN SHIP THINGS BY CHRISTMAS. I’LL SPEND MY MONEY ELSEWHERE WITH A STORE THAT DOESN’T RUIN CHRISTMAS FOR It’S CUSTOMERS. *Click.*

Somebody shoot me! When did X-mas become only about consumer superficiality and material stuff?

--Queer Geek

Retail Slave Ruins Christmas

From Coffee Slinger:

As the holidays are fast approaching, I thought I'd share this gem with you all about how one coworker ruined it for some ungodly crusty.

At HHFail, we allow customers to order items on willcall. This is done if an item is not in our back stock room, lock up in the back, or the front cages where we keep some of the more stealable items like cameras and gps units. Not only do people put televsions on willcall, but also washer, dryers, refridgerators and even custom sound systems. This store is around a dish washer.

Said crusty ordered a dishwasher for will call weeks ago, asking for it to be here off of our truck by the first week of december. That was the easy part. However, when we call, she wanted to be sure we ask for “Idiotcrusty” and leave a vague message, not to just tell whoever picked up the phone that the dishwasher was in because she was ordering it for her daughter. Kind of a strange present but whatever.

Well Black Friday came and went and we just plum forgot due to our paid open order report (that's POO for short), going from 8 pages to 27. So fellow worker Hollyberry was going through one day and TRYING to catch up with calling for all willcalls so people will come get their shit, forgot to be vague for Idiotcrusty and let the cat out of the bag.

I was in the next day when she called to complain, saying that we have completely ruined Christmas and she hopes we're happy with ourselves. Her entire holiday is in shambles now due to our inattention and that we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Manager G relayed the story to myself and the others at the information desk, smirking the entire time.

So I ask you RHU, have you ever been accused of ruining someone's holiday/birthday/etc?

--Coffee Slinger

 

Piggy Shopper No Longer Thirsty

Half-ingested Dr Pepper. I would've taken and either thrown it away or given it to a nearby slave, but the boxes were leaning on it... Local Hellmart

--NumismaticNerd

 

Christmas Hell From The Land Down Under: Horrible Mom Uses Store Santa For Disciplin

Hi, all!

Summer is approaching and the Christmas decorations are already up all over the place down here in Australia; there’s fake snow in windows, “Winter Wonderland” is blasting from shopping centre speakers, and poor men dressed in heavy, made-for-freezing-temperatures red Santa suits are expected to go about their business in above 30˚C heat.

Yes, it’s ridiculous, once you think about it. Allow me to say that my family and friends enjoy a Christmas where all our meat is cooked outside on the BBQ to save the oven heating up the house; where our Christmas lunch is usually cold, fresh salads with tropical fruit and ice-cream to follow, that our Christmas tree this year is a small eucalyptus gum sapling and that we go for a swim at the local river after opening our presents; but the fact remains that apparently many people, and most corporations, haven’t yet caught on to the fact that it’s summer and so they stick to their “Traditional” Christmas no matter how ridiculous doing so may be. Oh well, C’est la vie. 

I mentioned Santa, and my story today comes from several years ago, when my sister worked as a Santa Photographer in a certain fashionable department store in Sydney’s CBD. This particular place is well known for their Christmas displays, and they’re arguably the most popular place in the city to have your spawn get their photos with the big man himself. Not exactly retail, per se, but I figure it fits with the holiday retail hell anyway.

Big Sis used to get all types coming in for photos in Santa’s Cave, but most common were the snobby rich business people. You know the ones; always on their phones, always wielding something expensive (Whether that be clothes, shoes, cell phones, whatever) and often the snobbiest, rudest of customers. So when a woman came in, on her cellphone (This was a time when mobile phones were only just starting to really boom) and talking about some business deal or other, the only unusual thing about the situation that Big Sis could see was that the child was quiet and very well behaved, very different to the hellspawn she was used to. But then his eyes didn’t light up when he saw Santa, he just placidly went to sit on Santa’s lap when he was told. Hint 1 that something was off.

They started the pleasantries, and the boy answered in very short sentences, always immaculately polite and unemotional. When asked what he wanted for Christmas, he refused to answer. Eventually, Mum seemed to realize that there was something going on, looked up and said “Oh, tell them what you got for Christmas last year!”

This little boy, no older than 6 and easily the most well behaved child she’d seen all day, looked up at my sister and said: “I got a lump of coal, because I was naughty.”

“And you’re getting another one this year, because you were naughty again, weren’t you?” said Mum.

“Yes,” said the boy, still utterly unemotional. And then he didn’t say anything else.

Since they didn’t know what else to do, they took the picture and let the woman leave, and then the three of them (Two photographers and the Santa) stood around looking at one another in shock.

You can’t report a parent for neglect or abuse if all you know is that the child didn’t get Christmas presents, but by the child’s attitude they thought he had probably been subjected to much worse than coal on Christmas morning. Santa even thought he’d seen a big bruise on the child’s back when he’d climbed up on the seat next to him.

They took a break, and Santa went to talk to the supervisor about reporting the woman to DoCS using the info she’d left for them to mail the picture to. Apparently they did send in an official report later that day, but my sister never found out what happened afterwards, as it was her last year of 4 working in Santa's Cave.

Not all the stories from that place were bad, though. There was the gay couple and their adopted baby daughter who came in and showered the photographers and Santa himself with a basket of home-made baked goodies. There was a bet among the photographers that resulted in one of the Santas actually legally changing his name (However briefly) to Santa Clause.

And there was the awesome supervisor who gave all the Santa Photography people special personalised gifts at the end of the Christmas season, and the Christmas party they had on Christmas Eve at a local pub, which ended in hilarity when everyone decided to turn up in their costumes. So it wasn't all bad. It's just that, after almost 10 years, this one story is the one that still sticks in everyone's mind. 

Tell me, RHU, have you ever encountered anything like this? Ever had to report child abuse or neglect, or do you know of anyone who gave their children coal for Christmas, deserved or not? Any Santa stories to tell? Or, conversely, for those of us living outside of America or other wintery countries; what is your Holiday Retail Hell like?

--KitschBitch

Epic Tale of Double Trouble Coworkers: Whiner and McBitchy

Hola RHU! It's Sparkle Slut here to regale you with further stories from my stint in the hell that was the Macy's jewelry department.

My department manager, whom I shall name Smiley (since I really couldn't gage his true emotions but couldn't fault him for being a generally upbeat person) regularly checked the online customer feedback comments. And from my early days on the job I learned that he had two good reasons to do so.

My fellow co-workers, Whiner and McBitchy were a source of constant trouble with each other as well as our customers. These ladies embodied the definition of frienemies. They were best friends one minute and nearly at each other's throats before you could bat an eye. To say that working with them was unpleasant would be a huge understatement.

Whiner loved to complain about everything under the sun (hence the name) and I learned that showing any hint of empathy would only make her complain louder and longer. It was such a drain on my mood and the general morale of others that I had to pretend that all I heard when she opened her mouth was white noise. Whiner also did everything in her power to avoid working.

On a particularly slow night she wandered over to cosmetics and had her makeup done while she was on the clock. I was annoyed mostly because she got to sit down and shoot the breeze while I had been doing all of the cleaning and recovery by myself. After being on my feet for 8+ hours I was more pissed that she took a paid "break" that lasted 2 hours.

McBitchy wasn't much better. She would bite your head off for no reason other than that she "wasn't feeling well" which was pretty much the theme everyday.

After a particularly heated arguement I suggested that she go to the doctor to get a prescription to help with her constant PMS. That didn't go over very well. But the combination of these two is what really made working in the department difficult. When McBitchy was on good terms with Whiner they would go off on long lunch breaks together, clock back in and wander off to different departments to chat with other employees leaving me all by myself.

These little "chit-chat circles" that the store manager railed against were notorious in the jewelry department and they were the source of constant complaint from customers. For the record I am not against socializing at work. As long as cute little anecdotes don't transform into long philosophical debates it's fine by me. When there is a slow period it is nice to be able to have a conversation with a fellow slave. More often than not it lifted my spirits when we exchanged horrible crusty stories. But when there are customers around it doesn't look good. The assumptions that the employees are lazy and getting paid to stand around begin to form in the custy's mind which become fodder for the rage-fueled feedback reports that Smiley (our manager) would later read.

After a number of similar complaints about jewelry department employees ignoring customers and chatting with co-workers Smiley and the store manager decided to conduct constant surveillance of the department in order to 'fix' the problem.

I was initially happy since I would no longer be abandoned to work alone until I learned that I couldn't make a peep to my fellow slaves at all. During the insanity of a one day sale (which is actually two days long) I was reprimanded for socializing with a co-worker when I was actually telling her how to ring a particular coupon (arrrg! f*cking coupons). For the remainder of the day, whenever the store manager walked through our department she always managed to catch me during a moment when I was giving direction to/asking questions of a co-worker.

Due to our department's reputation the SM was assumed that I was socializing saying that I "needed to focus on helping customers and not catching up on the latest gossip." What I really wanted to say was "I am up to my eyeballs with customers who are too stupid to figure out the discount signs or find their own asses with a flashlight and a map to ask Slave Suzie how her weekend was going."

It took so much self control to smile and say "yes ma'am." I wanted to round-house kick her in the ovaries.

I became so paranoid that I hardly talked to any of my co-workers for the remainder of my time at Macy's. Oh and to top it all off-- Whiner and McBitchy didn't get in trouble as far as I knew. Go figure.

Till next time! Stay strong retail slaves!

--Sparkle Slut