Retail Hell Underground

Retail Slut On The Verge

December 27

Hi there all! It has been a while!

That's because I slammed my head in a fitting room door and knocked myself out!!

I am here to complain about the nasty rude ass bitches we call customers!

If I hear one more person tell me its my job to clean up their fucking mess I am going to flip dick!!

I have never wanted to beat a person to death so bad in my life! I am not here to be a fucking maid to your ever so widening ass!

So tonight I am cleaning out the fitting room.

I walk in minding my own business and I pick up a pile of cloths that someone has decided to piss all over... I have never wanted to walk out soooo bad in my life.

Fuck I don't get paid enough for that shit!!!

Then I am walking out of the fitting room with both hands full of shit and I politely say excuse me to this wanna be biker...

Can you believe this asshole just stood there like a fucking douche bag!

So as I walked passed him I was like Well you can just stand there too!

These fucking people! I will go fucking postal SOON!!

Black Friday Scheduling

November 28

So we have made it thru yet another Black Friday!!

I have only one question for you guys!

What kind of fucking mental midget schedules one person to close?

I have the answer for you..

My DOUCHE BAG manager who hates my guts!

She has 3 cashiers and one fitting room attendant work today that I understand...

Couldn't one of them come in a little later and stayed until at least 10?

So it was left to me to ring out customers check fitting rooms and recover the floor.

THAT STUPID BITCH!!

Black Friday Contemplation

From the Retail Slave who exposes JC Penney's hell in Diary of a Fed Up Retail Slut.

Hiding under a rack. One tired Retail Slave.

If I wrap the legs of these pants around my neck, will it all go away?

Bullshit Black Friday!!.....If you see that a Penney's associate went fucking nuts and slammed a customers head in a fitting room door in Ohio......
THAT WAS ME!!
And what crazy mother fucker wants to stand in line ALL NIGHT to get some stupid sale item?
Don't they have computers? Cant they order it on line?
Cyber Monday is coming...

Fitting Room Grossness

November 21:

Greetings all! Guess who!?

So I have a rather jacked up story for you!

Wednesday night I was closing the store.

I was doing one last fitting room check. I walk into the last stall and there are these nighties on the floor.

Well I have seen this before.... So I go out to the register bay and grab a bag and pick them up.

Wouldn't you know that under said garments is this monstrous PUDDLE of jiz.

Yep you heard me JIZ!!!

What kind of inbread piece of shit would have the fucking balls to leave their busted nut on the floor of a fitting room?

Talk about fucking rude! Its not even the fact that they had sex in the fitting room!

Dude you don't leave your gack on the fitting room floor for some innocent person to rub their hands thru!

What in the hell are people thinking?

Oh update on the water retaining sea cow.... Well, she still FAT!

Holding Back the Retail Rage

Monday, October 6th:

It's been a while... I HAVE KEPT MYSELF MEDICATED AND DRUNK SO I COULD DEAL WITH THE ASSHOLES WE CALL CUSTOMERS!

SO HERE IS MY STORY FOR THE WEEK!

ON A FRIDAY NIGHT I WAS WORKING IN WOMENS BY MYSELF. WE HAD A BIG SALE GOING ON.

SO I TURN TO A CO WORKER AND SAID, "YOU KNOW I AM TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER THESE FUCKING PEOPLE!"

SO, THIS BITCH COMES OVER AND SHE'S LIKE "WHATS YOUR NAME?"

SO, I TOLD HER MY NAME AND THEN ASKED WHY? SHE'S ALL, "WELL, I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID AND I TOOK OFFENSE TO IT.
"

WELL, YOU KNOW ME BY NOW SO I LOOKED AT THIS BITCH AND SAID, "WELL IF YOU AREN'T THE ONE BEING A FUCKING SLOB WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?"

MAN I WANTED TO THROW HER ON THE FLOOR A CHOKE HER TO DEATH WITH THE CLOTHES SHE HAD IN HER HAND!

Retail Slut Fed Up With Asshole Customers

Monday, August 25:

So I HATE stupid asshole customers!

Today I was helping a customer look for a pair of pants... Well this WHORE was in the isle that I needed to go down.. So I said in the nicest retail voice I could muster "excuse me."

This stupid BITCH looks me up and down and said "Um you could have walked around."

I looked at her and said "YOUR A FUCKING BITCH" and went about my business.

I walked up to a fellow associate while looking at this DIRTY ROTTEN CUNT and said to her "Umm you see that woman over there? Don't help her shes a Fucking BITCH."

Oh, did I mention she was looking at me while I was saying this!

So she takes her happy clearance shopping ass over to another cash wrap..

Are you ready for this....... She tried to pay with a fraudulent American Express Travelers Check.

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE!

Retail Slut Diary: Dumbass Nasty Ass Thief

August 10

So here I am again Slaves!.. I know you guys are getting tired of me and my complaining but this one is a good one.....

So I'm working my big 3 hour shift(man I spent more in gas getting to and from than I made), and one of my fellow co-workers walked up to me laughing.

So, silly me I asked what she was laughing at. Her reply was as follows:

Me: What's so funny?

Her: We had a shoplifter.

Me: Are you frickin serious?

Her: I think she left her keys in the pocket of the clothes she left behind!

After further investigation we discovered that she sure as shit did! This dumb bitch had left her CAR KEYS in her old clothes!

So we told her when she came back for her keys we would trade her old clothes and keys for our new clothes that she took!! Can you in=magine the look on her face??? I bet you cant!

Back To School Retail Hell Heats Up

July 21:

HI THERE!!! Guess who!? So I wanted to share yet ANOTHER stupid situation!

Picture this if you will....

It's 10 in the morning and the store just opens and that dreaded first customer walks in...and this 3 watt light bulb asks the dumbest question I have ever heard in my life........

.....wait for it!!!!!!!

"ARE YOU OPEN???"

Are you for fucking real?? You dumb ass, did you not just walk through the unlocked doors?? HERE'S YOUR SIGN.

August 1:

So here I am contemplating the destruction of all of those slobs we all call teenagers....and who to my greatest displeasure walks in with her barn dwelling family.... you guessed it the water retaining sea cow....

Just when you thought back to school shopping couldn't get any worse, the pig farm comes shopping...

I seriously think this woman is stalking me.... What are the odds of her coming in every time I work? Does she get some sick enjoyment out of me swearing at her - not so under my breath? And not only are her barn dwelling kids about the same size she is, they take after the giant sloth and try to fit in clothes that we all know wont fit...

And here's another funny story for you:

Wednesday night we had these two girls come into the store and shoplift... and since we didn't have LP there we couldn't do a damn thing about it.

So I go into another town by our store yesterday and who do I run into???? Yup the two bitches that stole from our store. You should have seen the look on their faces when they saw me... I think they wet their stolen underpants!

August 2

To all of the back to school shoppers out there...

I want to express my gratitude for your need to leave the fucking clothes you have tried on all over the floor in piles in the fitting room, left for me to pick up and place back on the racks and shelves your ever so widening ass got them from.

I would also like to thank you for trying to pull the ink tags off of the clothes you are trying on so my dumb ass gets ink all over MY clothes and hands (you retard they are there for a reason).

Further more THANK YOU SO MUCH for bringing YOUR BITCH OF A TEENAGE DAUGHTER WITH YOU (who takes after you in the eating department) to try on clothes she cant fit into! If there is anything else you need help with you can KISS MY ASS!

All of my best, YOU ASSHOLES!

Diary of a Fed Up Retail Slut

From fed up Retail Slut, Shana:

June 27:


So I am at work at The Big P today and I'm cleaning out the fitting room... This water retaining sea cow sees that I'm cleaning it out and what does this BARN DWELLER do..... yep you guessed it she left her size 10 clothes (most of them hung inside out and clearly the wrong size) hanging in the stall. If I could have punched her in the head when she walked out I would have!! But I went to my happy place and no one got hurt! And has anyone noticed ALL of the pregnant women walking around? I counted one day. I was working a 5 hour shift and I swear there were 45 women that were pregnant! Was the winter that long?

June 29:

I HATE THOSE NASTY PEOPLE THAT TRY ON SWIM SUITS AND LEAVE THEIR DNA BEHIND!!

July 3:

Why in God's name do people bring their kids into a department store and let them scream at the top of their lungs the whole time they are shopping? Are they def and just cant hear it? Because I know all the stores in the mall can hear it. I HATE RETAIL!! My life is like death and customers are the spawn of Saran! And if I hear one more person ask "Do you work here" as I am pulling all of the cloths they have just tried on in the fitting room I am going to slap them so hard they will lose the taste in their mouth!

July 5:

OMG... Did the pig farm let out on the 4th?? There were soooooo many nasty slobs in my store that I wanted to SLAM my head in a fitting room door!!!!! To top it off there were these three plump (and I use that word just to be nice) WOMEN shopping in the juniors department and they broke the zippers on most of the cloths they tried on. I wonder if they have fun house mirrors in their house that make them look smaller than they are? Please god (Freddy, Caroline or Jason) tell me that there is more to life than picking up after the trailer trash that shop at my store!

July 10:

Have I mentioned lately that I HATE RETAIL!! It wouldn't be so bad if we could have customers take a short quiz before they were allowed to come in the store. You know a multiple choice. Like for instance:

1. After trying on clothes I should...

A. ...throw them on the floor for the poor ass that's working here to pick up after me.
B. ...hang them on hangers inside out and leave them in the stall.
C. ...not give a shit because it's not my job to pick them up or put them away.
D. ...do none of the above and return them all to the Fitting Room Attendant just as I took them in: Folded or hanging neatly from their hangars.


I think our lives would be so much easier if we could implement this. Could you just imagine the retail data base of white trash, camel toe slobs that would be banned from stores because they failed this test!! THAT WOULD BE SWEET!!!

July 18:

So here we are once again... the Barn Dwelling Water Retaining Sea Cow has hit again!! I wish I could get it through her thick skull that no matter what, she will not be fitting into a juniors size seven EVER! How can I explain this... Well it's like trying to suck a WATERMELON through a GARDEN HOSE!! Plus the slob once again hung all of her cloths inside out and on the floor!!! I think she calls to see if I'm working just so she can piss me off!!

Thanks for sharing your Retail Hell Shana! We feel your pain in oh so many ways! Stick a hangar up our asses we are done! Hang in there girl and we hope to hear more adventures- perhaps something on how to harpoon a Barn Dwelling Water Retaining Sea Cow...