Retail Hell Underground

Annoying Shit Crustys Say

From Bitterbookaddict:

 

ME: Hi, how are you.

CRUSTY: I’M ONLY LOOKING!

(I know you’re only looking but I’m only being polite, please be polite back)

*    *    *

ME: Hi, how are you?

CRUSTY: (doesn’t even acknowledge my existence)

*    *    *

(This happens all the time when I’ve been super nice to a crusty that comes in needing some random book desperately and they need it NOW. I’ve looked everywhere, called other stores, checked online sites and even called publishers)

ME: I’m afraid it seems that we don’t have it at the moment at this location but you can try to.......

CRUSTY: (interrupts me) Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m not in that much of a hurry.

(Could have fooled me, WTF?!?!?!?)

*    *    *

(There used to be a restaurant on the level above that closed recently so this has happened at least 5 times a shift)

I’m in the middle of serving someone else when somebody yells at me from the door.

CRUSTY: Is the restaurant up stairs really closed??

(No, we’re just kidding, GOT YA........ The elevator is not only not active there are two racks of postcards and books in front of it, same goes for every staircase in the building)

ME: (I have to be rude to the customer I’m already serving and deal with the yeller) Yes, it moved to *other location*

CRUSTY: Where is that?

(Seriously, I’m helping someone else, be polite and wait for fu***** 5 seconds)

ME: It’s next door to *well known local place*

CRUSTY: Where is that?

ME: Do you know where *bar* used to be?

CRUSTY: Yeah

ME: It’s there.

CRUSTY: (walks away without saying thank you or anything)(or says, I’m sorry I’m from out of town)

*    *    *

There is a Tourist information centre on the second floor in the summer but the sign hangs on the house all year. So when tourists come in and ask for the tourist centre and get mad at me for deceiving them. I don’t own the store, I want the sign down but it’s not my decision. I get really tired of telling people where to eat dinner or lunch or giving directions to sights around the city.

*    *    *

CRUSTY: Hi, I’m looking for a book written by some guy.....

(No shit Sherlock, this is a bookstore could you narrow it down a bit??)

ME: Ok, do you have the title of the book or the authors’ name?

CRUSTY: No, can’t you look it up in your computer.

ME: not without a title or authors’ name. Do you know if it’s new and what genre it’s in?

CRUSTY: No, you guys don’t anything!!

(Gets mad at me for not knowing anything and being stupid)

 *    *    *

Another version of this is:

CRUSTY: I’m looking for the book that was on *local TV show about books*

ME: Do you remember the name of the book or author?

CRUSTY: No, it was on about 30min. Ago didn’t you see it?

(No I didn’t see it I was working)

ME: no I’m afraid I didn’t, do you remember anything about the book?

CRUSTY: (gets mad at me because I don’t watch TV at work)

*    *    *

CRUSTY: walks to the register while on the phone, doesn’t engage me just keeps talking on the phone.

ME: (I have the rule that if someone is on the phone I don’t talk to him and if there are other people waiting I serve them before the talker)

I handle the transaction as no one was waiting.

CRUSTY: gets his product, receipt and everything in a bag. Still stands there talking on the phone not moving, 5 minutes later he ask if I put a gift sticker on his book.

ME: no, you didn’t ask for one.

CRUSTY: You’re supposed to offer, I shouldn’t have to ask.

ME: (I put a gift sticker on the book) Well even if i had you were on the phone and according to company rules I should have waited until the call was over to serve you.

(He still got mad at me for not offering him a gift sticker, he didn’t hear me when I tried because he was on the phone but it’s still my fault)

*    *    *

ME: Would you like to keep the receipt?

CRUSTY: Sorry???

ME: would you ..........

CRUSTY: yes. (stares at it for a few seconds, can you throw this away for me/ leaves it on the counter)

ME: (STOP WASTING PAPER!!!!)

*    *    *

(where I’m from we use Good day and not Hi, how are you to greet people)

ME: Good day

CRUSTY: Good EVENING!!

*    *    *

(I work inside, it’s always bright for me and I know social conventions say that after 6 we change from good day to good evening but as I say; I’m inside and I don’t have my eye on the clock)

CRUSTY: Is this marked down?

ME: No, I’m afraid not

(if it doesn’t have a sticker on it advertising a lower price then no, it isn’t marked down!!)

 

--Bitterbookaddict

 

Happy Valentines Day RHU: NC Tony's Customer Contract

So I've decided not to save the Slaves Wish List just for the holidays. I got struck with inspiration, and I'm not waiting 10 months to post it.

How many of you had to sign some kind of "contract" when taking your jobs? *counts hands* Some sort of code of conduct about how you would conduct yourself during the hours you're on the clock. How many of you wish customers also had to sign a similar code of conduct about how they would conduct themselves while they are in your store shopping (or eating if you work in a restaurant)? *counts hands* Ok, Burger Bitch, you don't need to raise both hands, I'm only counting you once. Well then allow me to present what every customer would have to read and sign before being allowed in your store...

THE CUSTOMER CODE OF CONDUCT:

I, the customer agree to abide by the following rules while shopping in your establishment.

1) If, the store employs a greeter who's sole job it is to welcome me to MegaMart, I will acknowledge their greeting, even if I just smile and nod at them. I will not ignore them as if they weren't even there.

2) If I require assistance on the sales floor, I will find a store associate and ask them "Excuse me, can you please tell me where [item] is?" or "Could you please tell me where [item] is?" or some variation thereof. I will not just walk up to an associate and bark out a one word exclamation of what I need. Nor will I whistle, snap my fingers or grumble "Doesn't anybody WORK around here?" to get their attention. I will not demand their help either.

2a) Likewise if an employee comes up to me and asks me if I need help, I will either use one of the above polite requests for help, or simply say "No thank you".

2b) I will accept that I do not know more than the employees. After all they work here, and know the way the store works better than I do.

2c) I will not insult their level of intelligence for working here. I understand that this may have been the only job they were able to get at the time, and that just like me they have bills to pay.

3) If the store is out of an item, I will not accuse employees of hiding more of said item in the back. I will accept that the store is out of said item, and either look for it elsewhere, or politely ask if an employee knows when the store is getting any more in, and return at a later time to get the item.

4) I will control my children and keep an eye on them. I will not allow them to handle valuable and/or fragile merchandise. I will not let them run around screaming like banshees, bothering other customers. I will not expect the employees to watch my children.

4a) I will not give my child a toy to play with from the toy section just to keep them quiet while I am shopping and then not buy it for them.

5) I will not open boxes of merchandise to see the contents and then take an unopened box.

6) If I do not want an item, I will not leave it on a random shelf, I will put it back where I found it.

6a) Likewise I will not just drop clothing items on the floor if it's not what I want.

7) I will not leave my trash on a random shelf. I will wait until I can find a garbage can.

8) I will not mistake the fitting room for a bathroom.

8a) If I do not want the clothes I have just tried them on I will leave them with the fitting room attendant, I will not dump the clothes on the floor.

9) In the bathroom I will use the toilets for their intended use and not spread my waste all over the walls and floor. If the toilet should overflow, I will find and employee and let them know so the mess can be cleaned up.

10) When making a return I will make sure I have the receipt, or some other proof of purchase. I will also make

sure I am within the allotted return time (ie: 7 days, 10 days, 90 days, etc). I will not throw a fit and threaten to "take my business elsewhere" or state that I "spend a lot of money here" and should therefore get my way.

10a) I will make sure I am returning something that the store sells. Not something that your competitor sells.

11) When checking out I will end my cell phone call long enough to complete the transaction.

11a) If I am paying in cash I will have my wallet in hand and will place the money in the cashiers hand.

11b) I will carry a wallet or purse and will not hand the cashier money out of my bra/underwear.

11c) I will not use a $100 bill to pay for a $5 order (especially not first thing in the morning).

11d) If I am using a credit/debit card, I will make sure I know my PIN, and how to use the card scanner.

11e) If I am using EBT/WIC, I will make sure I am buying only EBT/WIC approved items.
 
11f) If I am using coupons (either regular coupons or special store coupons) I will let the cashier know BEFORE they start ringing up the sale. I will not demand discounts I am not entitled to.

11g) If an item rings up for the wrong price I will politely point it out and not accuse the cashier (or the store) of trying to rip me off.

12) I will not act like I am entitled to special treatment. I will not threaten, abuse, admonish, augur, blackmail, bluster, browbeat, bully, caution, comminate, cow, enforce, flex muscles at, forebode, forewarn, fulminate, growl, intimidate, look daggers at, make threats to, menace, portend, presage, pressurize, push around, scare, scowl, shake fist at, snarl, spook, terrorize, torment, or walk heavy to get my way.

12a) I understand that sometimes mistakes happen and will not hold it against the employee.

13) I understand that the employees do not set the prices for items.

13a) I understand that the employees are only doing what they are being told to by their managers, who are being told to do by corporate.

14) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I TRY TO STEAL ANYTHING FROM THE STORE. I understand that doing so will result in legal actions being taken against me.

I have read and understood the above rules and further understand that breaking any of the above rules will result in a $10 annoyance fee added to my total for each rule broken.

Signed,
[Customer]


So, as usual, I ask you my fellow RHUers, what did I leave out?

--NC Tony

Coming soon: customer contracts for restaurants, your managers, other (asshole) employees and whatever other jobs you can think of that need contracts like this.

Cell Phone Store Hell: Facebook Dangers, Discount Rats, Ignorant Custys

From Cell-Circuit Chick:

I've had to change my screen name to make myself just a touch more unidentifiable, following another blogger getting found out and fired for writing about work.

On top of that, I learned all facebook contacts can't be trusted either, as a coworker of mine had a facebook friend forward her facebook statuses (which were still quite vague) to our DM! Store manager denied knowing anything to the DM, claiming to have absolutely no idea who it was and therefore couldn't punish anyone - but if our manager wasn't so awesome, there could have been trouble.

*

Now, on to my wrap up of the most memorable customers for the passed few weeks. These can also serve as general complaints, as I get these types of customers a lot - but these are just specific incidents. 

Price-Matcher 

I had a woman and her family come in one night I was working. She informs me that she was just at an electronics store that just deals our phones, and something happened with the system down there when she was upgrading, so the store and our client care line told her to come up to us (a corporate location) and we'll just give her a phone. No, no, no. 

I inform her that I can *not* do that and I'm sorry client care told her that (I won't call her out for lying on that, as client care does lie quite a bit ..) but I will check her acc. I find out they cancelled her upgrade from the electronic store so it's like it never happened and so when she came up to us, I just would have to re do the upgrade and she pays the fees, etc. 

Here's where it goes wrong. Down at the dealer, they were offering the phone for $50 - as a dealer, they have the luxury of changing prices. At our store which is a corporate location, the phone was $89. She loses it when I tell her this, demanding the phone for $50. I tell her it's not possible, we don't price match. She starts going on, threatening to cancel her other phones, and then becomes even more pissed when I still won't budge at her threats. She also informs me that she doesn't want to pay this fee and that fee as well. 

I tell her she has no choice but to pay all of these fees and if she doesn't, then she isn't getting the phone.  Once she realized she wasn't going to get her way, she left the store in a huff. Sorry, we're not going to pay for some dealers mistakes, especially when they have *nothing* to do with us.

*    *    *

My second one I'll try to keep short as I think I went a bit over with the last one. Custys who don't understand that you need ID to sign a contract !

I have had multiple customers try and give me health cards, student ID, etc. thinking this was valid government photo ID. No ! A valid government ID will say the province name on it, have your photo, a master number, and will specify whether it's an ID or a drivers license. 

And they don't understand that I need the physical card. A couple became irate at me last week because I wouldn't allow them to open a contract without the proper ID. They tried to give me a master number from the ID without the physical card and the SIN without the card for that as well. Yeah, uh no.

*    *    *

Last but not least - if you remember a few months back, I wrote about a crazy custy who flipped out and then we had banned from the mall. A couple of weeks ago he tried to come in to our store and my coworker told him that he wasn't welcome here and he was going to call security if he didn't leave, now. I can't believe this guy had the gall to try and come back ! 

--Cell-Circuit Chick

Karma Catches Up To Discount Rat

From Captain No-Babies:

Hey guys, it's me again! I know I haven't submitted for a while, I was away at college all fall and avoiding the hell that is retail. However, now that I've been back for my (VERY) long winter break, I'm dealing with all of it. 

I have a short story of a custy who got what they deserved.

I've had a growing population of people who don't understand that I am NOT their personal shopper, and that I truly do NOT enjoy scanning each item for them to tell them it is just the $1.99 marked on the bright orange sticker on the tag!

I had one lady fill up three mesh shopping bags of clothes, and I expected her to spend about $500 or so, but then she had me scan each item individually, and then she kept taking things on and off.

She complained that a dress that was originally about $40 was coming up $9.99, and that was before her 25% off coupon. But then when I said I couldn't lower the prices any more because she was getting a really fantastic deal, she told me to wait and she called her husband (on her brand new iPhone, no less) and I guess he told her it was a great deal, so she had me wait about 10 minutes while she went and grabbed about 10 more of the dresses.

I was getting frustrated with her attitude, but I figured it would be worth the big sale. Finally, she had decided what she wanted to get, so I rung everything up, and she only spent about $80, and left me with a mountain of clothes to put back.

I was so frustrated, because we could have really used a big sale so that my hours wouldn't be cut later in the week because we aren't making our figures.

The good news: she stormed back in about a half hour later, claiming that she lost her iPhone at the register, and when we couldn't find it, she threw a hissy fit because she had no idea where it was.

May all your customers be nice, 

--Captain No-Babies

Extreme Couponer Gets Told By Awesome Manager

From LaserSpawn:

OMG! Sunday, a few hours after posting the story about the NATs on Facebook, I got called in to work.

Around 8pm, I had a couponer, like the ones you see on that damn tv show, only without the cameras. She had essentially shut my register down for over an hour while my boss(who I shall call Awesome Possum) and I helped her check out.

Now Awesome Possum came up about half an hour into me checking her out to help bag. Ten minutes later, Awesome Possum tells Couponer that the next time she comes to the store, we wont be able to check her out in multiple transactions.

Couponer is all like, "I do this all the time! ASDFGHJKL;"

Awesome Possum then tells her, "We won't do it because it's not fair to the other customers in the store who are trying to check out as well as it's not fair to the employees who have to push back their breaks until they finish checking you out."

Couponer and Awesome Possum continue their "banter" for a couple more minutes until Couponer goes, "ASDFGHJKL;! These cereals arent coming up the right price!!!"

We then tell her she bought the smaller size box, which is not on sale. Awesome Possum then goes to get the size that IS on sale. 

While Awesome Possum is gone, Couponer tells me, "She was being snobby. She doesn't need to be that way."

To which I'm thinking, "She's being that way because you can't read and you're bitching us out because of it."

When she returns, Couponer is all like, "But all these cereals have the sale price!"

At this time, Awesome Possum starts bagging again. She asks Couponer if she'd like all of the cereals to be exchanged. Couponer says yes. Awesome Possum then asks if I had had a break yet, to which I reply no. She takes over, telling me to go to my break because I'd been here long enough.

When I come back from my break, Couponer was gone. (Thank you, Lady Gaga!)
I was so glad that Awesome Possum stood up to her about that because I was genuinely being nice to Couponer at first, but as we were checking her out, I found myself "playing" nice(I want to keep my job, y'know) because of her inability to read and general selfishness.

Until next time,

--LaserSpawn

Retail Hell Bookstore Memories: Custy Not Happy With Gift Receipts

Bookstore Slave with a story from my first ever job:

Holiday temp at Noble Barnes.

Hired in late August, fired January 8th, this was my joyous first experience with Customers from Hell and boy, let me tell you, I got a doozy.

A woman comes into the music department to purchase a huge frikkin pile o' crap. Eh, our task is to tell custys over the PA system "Good [morning/afternoon/evening] customers, if you don't want to wait in that big ol' line at the front of the store, I would like to let you know that there is no line whatsoever in the music department, where you can make your purchases right away!" Figuring that this was the case, I didn't raise my eyebrow at the huge pile because, hey, the less time you have to carry that monster, the better your arms feel.

I ring up everything, total her up and swipe her credit card. All goes well until the receipt prints up.

Her: Oh, and I want gift receipts for my purchase today.

My initial reaction was "Oh fucking well, too late, goodbye and have a nice day." Really? You stood there staring straight at me while I do this and only mention that you want gift recipes AFTER you pay?

But nooo. I bite my tongue and summon a manager to retrieve the transaction and explain the situation, since we lowly minions do not have that grand power. As the manager retrieves the transaction, he walks through the whole thing, getting gift receipts on small clumps of stuff from her purchase. They print out and OMFG HOW DARE THEY LOOK DIFFERENT!

She argues with the manager because the gift receipts were printed out AFTER the transaction, they have a  different format. 

The manager informs her that yes they will, in fact, work just fine. When he finally gets sick of her he simply tells her "Ma'am, they wouldn't look like this if you had requested your gift receipts during your transaction. Since you waited until after you paid, this is the format they come in. I assure you that they will work just fine."

Muttering, the woman leaves and I help the next gentleman who has been waiting quite patiently throughout this whole mess. Is that the end of it?

Hell fucking no!

The manager returns to his duties and the woman returns so quickly that I know she was waiting for him to leave. She then proceeds to stand to the side and loudly berate me for not ASKING if she wanted a gift receipt as this was OBVIOUSLY her Christmas shopping (it's mid September, and our store is set up for back-to-school sales currently).

For FIVE MINUTES.

I am attempting to ignore her, ringing the gentleman up for his medium sized purchase, hit total and she jumps in.

Her: You didn't ask HIM if he wanted a gift receipt either! You're obviously not smart enough to do your job! Sir did you want a gift receipt?

Him: Erm... no thank you... *he gives me a look like a spooked rabbit as this yapping terrier of a woman, who for some reason dragged HIM into her little vendetta, continues her tirade*

Her: You see, that's how you do your job! How can you not ask every transaction if a customer want their receipt?

Okay, I've officially snapped. I have not been browbeaten into bending over and taking it yet, so I decide I've had enough.

Me: ENOUGH!

Her: *stunned silence*

Me: Do you know what harassment is? DO YOU? It's what you're doing right now! You are harassing me, AND my customer. Now, you can either take your purchases and leave, or you can stand right there while I call the police and file harassment charges against you. It's your call.

Her: But-

Me: It's September. There was no way I could assume that you wanted Christmas presents this early. And if a cashier doesn't ask, you DO have the power to ASK me to include them BEFORE you pay. And I would have. As it is, you have what you want anyway and you're still not happy. Leave.

She spins around, enraged, and sees the manager standing in the entrance of the music section with his arms crossed.

Her: Did you hear what she said to me?!

Him: Yes.

Her: Don't you have anything to say to her about her atrocious behavior?

Him: Yes. *to me* Call the police. She obviously thinks you were bluffing about the harassment charges.

She splutters as I reach for the phone and then she flees.

The gentleman I was helping applauds.

When he leaves the manager quietly says: Next time, call a manager to deal with harpies like that. You're not paid to put up with that crap. We are. We'll take care of it for you.

God I wish I sill had managers like that. I still wish I had that kind of faith in the Manager level of authority too.

May all your customers be nice!

--Bookstore Slave

 

 

Entitled Drive-Thru Custy Wants Free Soda And Gets Told

Hi, RHUers it's StarBitchSoldier again with a tale that really had me angry, but mostly confused.

I was working drive thru in the evening like usual. I get a woman who wants a chicken sandwich. I ask which one and she tells me so I ask if it's a combo or just the sandwich she wants.

She switches back and forth between the two before asking if she can just have a refill of diet coke. I search the order screen for the button for refills because there used to be one but it had been removed from the menu.

I tell her this and she says it's ok and just take off the drink. No problem, so I give her the total and she pulls forward.

I take her card and swipe it and am met with an old Hurls Sr cup sitting on the ledge of the drive thru window.

I hand her the card and ask if it's trash. She gives me this nasty look and says to fill it. Now this cup is nasty, with old soda sticking to it and seeping in the paper under the glue. "With tap water?" I ask.

She gives me an even nastier look before snarling  "no! I want diet coke!"

EXCUSE ME BITCH. HELL NO. This entitled bitch wanted me to just give her free soda. I know it's not a lot pricewise, but like hell I will be taken advantage of by a stupid entitled crusty.

Politely, I tell her I'd need to charge her and give her the amount it would be. She continues to tell me to just fill it with diet coke because "she comes to Hurls Sr all the time and they ALWAYS do it."

What? I highly doubt, no, I know we have NEVER done that for anybody. I tell her I still can't because it is still against policy and that anyone doing that is breaking policy yada yada yada.

She CONTINUES to tell me "they always give me soda! I never had someone turn me down! Just fill it!"

I tell her "I'm sorry, but in the 2.5 years I have worked here, I have never done or seen someone do that. I run the possibility of getting fired if I do."

Then she busts out this gem. "Maybe it's just this restaurant that doesn't do it."

Inner thoughts from this: Wait, what? So you're telling me that EVERY Hurls Sr you have EVER gone to gives you free soda?

That's where most of our profit comes from! From her logic, buying a $2 cup means you get free soda FOR LIFE. Well fuck, SIGN ME UP. I'd never buy soda from the grocery store ever again then!

I stand my ground and refuse to fill it, but offer to talk to the shift leader (New But Cool Girl) in charge (who I know won't give in to this cunt) to "see if she will allow it".

I go to the break room since she's on break but I'm not fighting for this crusty bitch. I flat out tell NBCG a bitch is trying to get free soda. She starts laughing and asks what's going on so I give her a quick rundown and she laughs harder before getting a "hell no, don't give her any" out. Sweet.

So I return to the window and deliver the bad news that no, I can't give her free product. She finally accepts this after a bit more nagging and drives off sans soda.

Yeah, it was only $2 but I got to keep my dignity and not have to bend over for a cheap, entitled bitch.

May all your custys be nice,

--StarBitchSoldier.

Extreme Coupon Hell: Crazy Custy Attacks Grocery Cashier Over Expired Coupon

The Last Archimedean gets a Retail Balls Award for taking on a Crazy Custy Bitch attacking a Grocery Store Cashier:

The Last Archimedian again. This time I was a customer.

This morning, I head to my local grocery store to pick up a few essentials. I'm standing in line behind a middle-aged lady who *appears* to be normal. Little did I know...

She hands over several coupons to the cashier [who can't be a day over 17, a young girl with a slight build.] The cashier processes the coupons, rings up her items and the lady bags them.

I think I'm about to be rung through when the lady gets her receipt. She says to the cashier after a quick glance at it, "You didn't ring up all of my coupons."

The cashier says, "Yes, ma'am. This coupon is expired [placing one copon back on the counter]. I rang up all the other ones."

The lady transforms into a raging maniac instantly. "RING UP MY COUPON, BITCH!" comes out of her mouth, very loudly.

The cashier is looking scared, but she manages to say, "I can't, ma'am. This coupon is two months expired."

The lady *reaches across and GRABS the cashier by her shirt*, lifting her halfway across the counter. "I SAID RING UP MY GODDAMN COUPON, BITCH! UNDERSTAND?"

I give the lady a death glare. "Let her go, you lunatic!"

A manager comes running over, attracted by the shouting. "Put my employee down, miss!"

The lady doesn't let go. "TELL THE BITCH TO RING UP MY FUCKING COUPON!"

The manager glances at the coupon. "This is expired, miss. Now let her go!"

Still holding onto the cashier, the lady glares at the manager. "NOT UNTIL SHE RINGS UP MY MOTHERFUCKING COUPON!"

I'm getting more than a little pissed off by now, as all I want is to pay for my groceries and go home. I reach out and pry the lady's hands off the cashier [not without a bit of a struggle, as she didn't want to let go], and security -- who must have been summoned by the manager -- arrives seconds later to escort the lady and her paid-for groceries out of the store. The manager looks at me and says softly, "Thanks, pal. If I'd laid a hand on her the crazy bitch probably would have sued."

He hustles off and I say to the cashier in as soothing a voice as I can manage, "Take your time. That was absolutely insane."

The really weird thing? I look at the discarded, expired coupon. It's for *25 cents* off. The crazy lady in front of me had made a giant scene over *twenty five ruddy cents*! I'd have gladly GIVEN her a quarter if it meant she didn't hold up the line and assault the poor cashier!

May all your days be good.

-- The Last Archimedean

 

Honest Signage

Carnival Cruise Lines Offers 30% Discount To Costa Concordia Survivors

Why is it corporations think weak discounts make everything better? In this case it's unthoughtful and insulting. And even if they thought a discount could help their image - why not do something bold like 80% off? But these greedy douchebags would never do that because at 30% the company can still make money off the people they didn't kill the first time around...disgusting. I wonder if any passengers have accepted the 30% offer....

--Freddy

Here's the story from HuffPo a few days ago:

The owners of Costa Concordia have offered survivors of the tragedy a 30 per cent discount off future cruises.

The gesture – which has been branded “insulting” - comes as the firm battles to stave off lawsuits that are likely to cost it hundreds of millions of pounds.

Brian Page, who made it into one of the lifeboats, told the Telegraph: “It is a ridiculous and insulting offer.

“I’m very disappointed in them. They are not accepting their responsibilities at all.”

The 63-year-old retired accountant from Southampton added: “Our only backup is separate legal action.”

More than 100 passengers are believed to be preparing to sue the owners of the ship.

As the firm tries to limit the damage from impending lawsuits, it has also been reported passengers are receiving phone calls asking if they need counselling, information about how to claim for lost valuables and offering full refunds for the doomed voyage.

Costa Cruises is owned by an American-based company, Carnival Group, and the class action suit will see survivors seeking a minimum of £100,000 each, it has been reported.

Divers searching the wreck of the liner discovered another body this weekend, bringing the total dead to 13.

According to the Civil Protection Authority, Italian divers made the discovery on Sunday afternoon.

The body, that of a woman, was located on deck seven of the vessel’s hull around 10m below the water line. She was wearing a life-jacket.

Twenty people are still missing and only eight of the thirteen bodies discovered so far have been identified.

via www.huffingtonpost.co.uk

Store Unsure About Low Prices

Hilarious Text-to-Movie Animation of Walmart's Worst Custy

True story, this really happened. --Walmart's Bitch

 

 

So true in all forms of Retail Hell...I had this at The Big Fancy as well...what can you do but laugh about it at the end of the day! --Freddy

 

 

Half-Naked Shoppers Line Up For Free Clothes At Desigual In Madrid

From Huff Po:

Well, here's one clearance sale promotion with a twist. A naked twist.

Desigual, the Spanish clothing store, kicked off their January sale in Madrid today with a very, uh, cheeky gimmick: The first one hundred semi-nude shoppers were allowed free clothes.

Here's how it works, according to the store's website:

• You get up early in the morning (just to be one of the first 100 to arrive) and head to your Desigual Store in Madrid, Preciados. (*).
• You strip down to your underwear… and in you go!
• Doors open at 9.00 am.
• You look around, try some clothes on, check yourself out in the mirror and choose your favourite Desigual outfit (one top and one bottom).
• You go to the cash desk and don't pay a penny! We'll just remove the alarms from your clothing!

And it looks like Spaniards bellied up to the challenge, gamely queuing up in panties, bras and briefs to await their free garb. The semi-nude sale will also reportedly be coming to Desigual's San Francisco store, so gird your loins, Californians.

Lucky shoppers in skivvies earned one free top and one free bottom, which we're guessing they covered up in immediately.

Check out the pics below from the Madrid store's opening -- the low temperature today in the capital city was 34 degrees Farenheit. Brr!

via www.huffingtonpost.com

Outlet Mall Hell: The Brazilian Custy

From Outlet Mall Slave:

Brazil in da house

I live in the mouse ear wearing tourist capital of the world complete with two mind-bendingly scary outlet malls. Tourists from across the world flock to this city in hopes of meeting Mickey Mouse and buying everything and anything American in sight.

I work at one of the Brazilian hot spots for shopping at one of these outlet malls and nothing scares me more than driving into work and seeing a bus of Brazilians.

Brazilians are their own breed of customer at the outlets. They strike fear in the hearts of my fellow slaves and make us wish we could hide under a fixture of sweatshirts. They approach the following way:

Brazilian: My frienddddd , please please.

Slave: How can I help you? *Shit pleasing smile*

Brazilian: You speakA Spanish?

Slave: No, I’m sorry,

Brazilian: You speakA Portuguese?

Slave: No, I’m sorry.

Brazilian: Random fast Spanish dialogue

Slave: *Blinking* I don’t speak Spanish

Brazilian: You have this? *Forcing a print out of various items in your hand* Have descoooont?

Slave: Yes, follow me. *shows them the item*

Brazilian: Oh, no more descooooont?

Slave: No sorry the price is marked. *walks away*

Brazilian: *Pulls out one logo sweatshirt and lets the whole wall of them fall down then walks away. *

I honestly don’t think anything scares me as much as a bus-o-Brazilians. They really need to give out a shopping guide at the airports. “Welcome to America Here’s How to Shop!”

It would make life much better for me and my fellow outlet slaves……

--Outlet Mall Slave

 

Black Friday Tales From The Mall

Well, it's officially the Holiday Shopping Season.  Shoot me now...

Black Friday was relatively painless.  No fights, no pepper spray, no police brutality - just lots of entitled custies and NATs.  I worked the closing shift (more on that in a minute), so I missed most of the "fun" but I'll share a few stories that I heard over the weekend.

Now, my store is in a mall.  And it follows mall hours. Which means that we were suppose to open 5am Black Friday.  A few of the anchor stores, however, opened at midnight, so the mall had to be open to accommodate their customers.  Apparently, the first person in line to our store got there at 11pm THANKSGIVING night.  She walked up to the gate, sat down, and waited.

(Let me mention now that we weren't having any crazy sales.  Yes, we had some really great deals, but not anything better than our normal sale prices. The only "gimmick" we had were a limited number of scratch-off tickets good towards that day's purchase.  Nothing I would have waited in line for 6 hours for.)

By the time the manager, Mamacita, and a coworker arrived at 4am, the line was halfway down the corridor and people were antsy.  From what I understand, Security was nervous so they called the police (who may have already been in the mall - not sure on that point) and the police told Mamacita that she had to open the store to let the people in.  At 4:15am - 45 minutes early.  Mamacita refused, saying she needed more staff to handle the crowd and was able to stall until 4:45 when the rest of the opening crew started showing up.

Another highlight involved the aforementioned scratch-off tickets. They ranged in amounts from $10 to $300, good Black Friday only. They were basically a coupon that we applied to the total purchase price.  Some people had a hard time with this concept, though.  

My favorite was the woman who bought a $3 lip gloss and "paid" with her $200 scratch-off, expecting to get the $197 difference back in cash.  Ummm, hell no? lol.  I wish I could tell you that she was the only one who tried this, but she was just the most ridiculous.*sigh*  

And then there was the family who tried using them on Sunday.  Why, why, why didn't you use them on Friday, the only day they were valid?  Especially when you went to all the trouble to be one the first 100 people in line?!?  I just don't understand...

My favorite stories of all though, require a bit of a side note.  You see, my company occasionally pairs with a famous designer to launch an affordable, but exclusive line. Well, we had one of those launches just last week.  My store was not one of the few to receive product from this designer line.  And the closest store to carry the line was sold out in about 40 minutes, despite strictly enforced shopping procedures and quantity limits.

So imagine my amusement on Friday, when customers would ask where the designer merchandise was located (although it wasn't funny that morning when a woman, pissed that we didn't have any and she was SOL, took it out on a coworker).  Almost every time the phone rang, it was someone asking about the designer line.  Including the phone call at 11pm, an hour and a half after we closed.  

That's all for now, since this is waaaayyy longer than I thought it would be. Stay tuned for part 2, where a NAT learns that karma is a bitch and management tries to save payroll by cutting hours.  What fun!

--Nyl

 

Do You Hear What I Hear? A Re-mixed Retail Christmas Song

From Benevolent Convenience Store Clerk:

"Said the custy bitch to vapid whore.
Do you see what I see?
Way over there in the corner, vapid whore?
Do you see what I see?
A retail slave, a retail slave!
Dead in that pool of blood with a knife in their chest?
With a growing pool of blood.
With a growing pool of blood.

Said the vapid whore to the discount rat.
Do you hear what I hear?
Cries of pain through the store, discount rat?
Do you see what I see?
A retail slave slumped over a mess of collapsed shelves.
That once held potato chips?
With a voice as big as the congealing puddle of blood?
With the smell of blood fouling up the store?

Said the discount rat to the store manager
Do you know what I know
In your convenience store, manager?
Do you know what I know?
A retail slave, a retail slave!
Has bled all over the chips!
Give me a discount, these chips are bloody!
Give me a discount, these chips are bloody!

Said the manager to his retail lemmings?
Listen to what I say
Don't do as Delusional Convenience Store Clerk has done.
Listen to what I say
The retail slave, the retail slave!
Dead over in the corner, in a pool of their own shit & blood.
They will get a pink slip, await unemployment benefits!
They will never work retail again!

The retail slave, the retail slave!
They will get a pink slip, await unemployment benefits!
They will never work retail again!"

--Benevolent Convenience Store Clerk

The Edge of Grocery Hell: Holiday Shit Show

From Then Let Them Eat Crack:

First off let me say that one of the advantages of having sold my soul to the retail gods many years ago (slightly over a decade this past summer) is that I have come to know A LOT of my custys personally and it allows me to get away with saying some things that I should probably be fired for, that and having a manager who has his own column on RHU doesn't hurt either.  

Just a few short weeks after I smarted off to one of my regulars and explained to Riferous that I actually knew her, he told me "I just assume you know everyone or I couldn't sleep at night knowing you still have a job."  

I had an asshat customer.  We have a sale that says when you buy 10 participating items, you get $5 off your order.  The items are clearly marked but as this sale always goes hand in hand with our 10 for $10 sale its apparently confusing.  I'm in my late 20's and a man probably in his 60's comes up to the service desk and throws his receipt at me (strike one) and starts swearing:

"This fu**ing stuff didn't ring up right, she charged me too much" (strike two, you only get one swear word with me)

*Smile*

"Well sir she didn't charge you anything, she scanned a barcode and the computer brought up the price but let me see what's going on."

"NO! this is Fu**ing bullsh**"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop swearing, there's no need for that kind of language."

"NO! this is..."

"Is non negotiable, you either stop swearing or you leave.  Period."

"Well I bought 7 of those buy 10 items and I didn't get the right price, its because of people like you that I lost my farm." (did he just pull a "you people" on me?)

I go on to explain that this is a common problem that there is a simple solution and I will be happy to fix it.

You should let me get three more things and just give me the difference

I would be happy to sir, and that's how we fix this and I would have explained that 5 minutes ago if you hadn't started cussing at me.

He leaves to get his things and comes back more calm and politely asks:

Do you see why I'm upset?

I do see why you're upset and you have a right to be, but you don't have a right to swear at me, I didn't make up the sale and I had no control over it.

Well, he says, WE'RE obviously from two different generations

Praying to all that is holy that I don't lose my job, I said,

That's obvious sir, I was raised with manners and I don't speak to people like that.

He left in a huff, I immediately called my store manager and when I started my story with "you're gonna get a call about what just happened" he sighed and when I told him the story he just said he'd handle it, apparently the man never called.

*    *    *    *

I know the Holidays are tough on us slaves, This time of year is like Retail Armageddon and to do my best to help I make candy every year and bring in for my fellow slaves.  

There is a small shelf next our customer service cell and I usually just put the bags of glass candy there for them to enjoy as they have time.  Tonight after all was closed up this entitled couple comes walking into the store and starts pointing to the bags (plain unlabled zip-type bags of candy) and discussing what flavors they must be.  The husband tells his wench in a condescending tone that "No dear, that one is cinnamon." I correct them because they were wrong and I wouldn't miss the opportunity to tell them they're wrong, and next thing I know the wife opens a bag and sticks her grubby little paw in and GRABS A HANDFUL!  It wasn't a dish, it was a freaking bag, do you think I spent my money and time to make candy for you God-only-knows-where-they've-been hands to go digging through?

*    *    *    *

So working in grocery I work with a lot of minors and a lot of Custys who apparently were literally raised in a barn.  I have no idea what these people's home looks like but I think the producers of Hoarders would have a field day in my town.

One day there was a "problem in the public bathroom and we called two of our male baggers up to the office to be as fair as possible with the doling out of the task.  Mr. Tommy Toughnuts who is dying to anything but real work volunteers for the job without hearing what it is so we let him have it: someone had backed up and shit in the urinal.  After he cleaned up the mess the poo jokes started:

You tired? You look Pooped.

Having a Shitty day?

Tired of coming to work and getting Shit on?

I know you have a crappy job.

Feel like no one gives a SHIT?

I swear not two hours later another one of my kids is laughing hysterically and they tell me there's another mess in the same bathroom, so I go to investigate and someone has shit their pants and taken their soiled undergarments and carried them across the bathroom and thrown them not in the trash can but on the floor literaly abutting the can.  I had to call Riferous and tell him about it and when he asked if I was kidding I said "I shit you not!"

I felt bad for my fellow slaves but it made for an entertaining day for me.

Finally.

The day after Thanksgiving is usually the best day of the year to work in food service, most of the people in the world are off terrorizing all the other retail slaves and dragging their spawn out at O'dark Thirty because their welfare checks just came in.  This year some asshat custy called the store and demanded a manager.

She proceeds to tell our new manager that she got charged for her daughters turkey and demands a refund.

"Was your daughter in line behind you?

Yes.

"Did your daughter also get charged for the turkey?"

No.

"...And you want me to refund your money?"

Well duh.

"Ma'am, I guess your daughter owes you some money, have a nice day."

Click

--Then Let Them Eat Crack

T-Shirt Sponge: Pre-Black Friday Coupon Hell and Surving the Corporate Machine

Hello and happy The-Apocalypse-Still-Hasn't-Come-and-Killed-us-All-Yet to you all!!
 
I've been working a lot of 3am and 4am shifts lately, doing signage and markdowns, so I generally leave before the customers even get in the store. So not a whole lot of stories to share. Although today I got to change the Supermodelquins :D That was interesting. It was kind of like Wheel of Fortune for me - I enjoyed it, but gratuitous swearing must be involved. I've never called a hunk of plastic BIGGER THAN ME 'whore' so many times. 
 
I did get to tell some custys to suck it a few weeks ago when we had our one day 40% off sale for cardholders. I didn't work the sale, but I worked the day before, and everyone wanted special treatment. One lady surmised the situation nicely.

Idiot: "Can I use this 40% off coupon?"

Me: "No, that's for tomorrow only."

Idiot: "Oh...well can you hold [useless bag of crap] until tomorrow?"

Me: "No, we're not doing any holds until tomorrow, that wouldn't be fair to the other customers.

Idiot: "Oh....well can you check?"  

*This is where I ask my manager over the radio for the customer's sake. Manager says no.*

Idiot: "Oh...well will your manager just give me the 40% off today?"

Me: "WTHAKLFID?!?$^&% - No. The sale is tomorrow."

Idiot: "Oh...well can you call her up here and ask her?"

Me: "No. She's not going to break the rules just for you."

>.> I was so flabbergasted that the only appropriate word was 'flabbergasted'.  

That shit went on all day. Not my goddamn fault you're too stupid to read a coupon.  

We also have a new store manager, and I like the guy, he's nice and pretty damn efficient, but he's just a little too.....corporate for me. Tell me if this makes sense to you folks....

I come in the other day and the head cashier and I are chatting up policies and she tells me "You know about the rule where if a customer is disputing a price within $10, you can just change it for them, right?" Yeah, I know. Not my favorite policy, but saves us time looking for the sign to tell them they're wrong. Lately I've been doing signage, so I KNOW which signs say what and I don't have to resort to that since I can tell them I know they're wrong.

"Well, NewSM is REALLY enforcing that with everyone."

Ok NBD.

"Also, if they bring you a coupon that's expired, they're telling us to just go ahead and put it through..."

Umm....so we're gonna take the hit cuz illiterate dumbfucks dunno what fucking day it is? Alright....

"And, if they don't have a receipt, we're just doing the return for them."

Whaaaa? We have a whole policy on that, store credit in the mail, and we're just chucking it off the balcony??

"And, since we're the only store that does short breaks (a couple minutes for every few hours you work), and they're kind of a priveledge, they're starting to do away with those too."

Exsqueeze me? I know that our extra breaks are just that, extra, they're not mandated by law, and when it comes to the legal ones, our company is good about it, but I like that fact that my company cares enough about its employees to say "Ya know, maybe they need to sit for 10 minutes after being screamed at for 3 hours". It's not a lot, but it's extremely welcome and pretty revitalizing when you've got people roaring in your face, and it's something we're accostomed to.

So I know corporations aren't generally genuine, but I liked my company for the fact that at least it PRETENDED to be genuine. The managers didn't have to always be on top of us about email capture or credit cards because corporate wasn't constantly on their back about upping meaningless numbers. But when everything starts shifting corporate and becoming a number to the people that can't see us, when WE start becoming numbers, I feel uncomfortable. What do you guys think? Who's in the camp of "Suck it up and get used to it, cuz that's how the world works" and who's in the camp of "Don't become a faceless zombie working for the machine!"??
 
I work midnight on Black Friday, and the week before Christmas our stores are open 24/7, so I'll see you guys soon!

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

Dumbass Discount Rat Encounter Over IM

Trader Jack here, again.

I was originally going to put this down as a comment to Artsy-Fartsy tale of woe but I now realize it really deserves it's own entry.

As a bit of background, though I still have many stories from my time there, I've actually now left Flowering Valleys for a consultant position with a new affiliate of a well known computer hardware manufacturer. It's a considerable step up in both pay and responsibility, and while it is still mainly sales related I'm being relied upon to also handle some of the management work load as well as administration so I'm quite pleased with it all around.

The biggest plus to the job, however, is our boss has a much stricter attitude towards pricing and custies. Essentially he sets the prices, we're given a wiggle room if the customer wants to talk discounts but not much more than that. If a customer says our prices are too high or we're not being fair with our discounts then too bad, they can go look elsewhere for their stuff cause we've got plenty of other folk willing to play by our rules.

Thus far we've had very few problems with our clientele, until last month when I finally had to enact the above mantra with a Californian custy who was thus dubbed the Braindead Beach Bum (BBB).

The following conversation takes place over IM.

Braindead Beach Bum: Heyo, Trader what's up?

Me: Good morning! How can I help?

Braindead Beach Bum: Saw you had three NIB of *item model* advertised and wanted to see if I could get a quote, then reserve them.

Me: Certainly, those are going for about $1,395 each and I can place them on reserve as soon as I have a PO.

Braindead Beach Bum: Kay, bear with me then, dude.

I leave the chat window open and run a check on BBB's company. They haven't done business with us previously thus I'm going to need to set up an account for them.

Me: Also, as I see that you're a new client, could you send me a copy of your reseller's certificate and a short list of references from companies you've worked with previously?

An hour slowly clicks by without any response. Eventually my colleague, H, tells me he's gotten a request for the same items. Unfortunately, since BBB hasn't sent the purchase order yet I can't put them on reserve so I tell H to go ahead and quote.

Me: Also, as a heads up, my colleague just got a request for those same items. I'm really going to need a PO if you want to have them held for you.

30 more minutes click by, and then finally.

Braindead Beach Bum: Hey dude, when can you ship those out?

Me: I can ship them as soon as I have a PO, along with the other aforementioned documentation.

Braindead Beach Bum: k, can you do anything about the price? That's a little steep.

Me: Well, since you're buying all three I could add a bulk discount and drop the price to $1,210 each.

Braindead Beach Bum: Mmm, still steep. I was thinking more along the lines of $500 for each.

O_O
Me: I'm sorry but we can't discount that much on new stock.

Silence descends across cyberspace again. H eventually says he's got a PO for the items (strangely his client seems okay with our asking price), but is willing to defer to me since BBB called first dibs.

Me: My colleague just got the order for those items. Again I really am going to need the same from you if you don't want them to be sold to someone else.

More time passes. H says his custy needs the items shipped today. I wait another 30 minutes and then tell him to go ahead and process his order since the lack of response would indicate BBB is no longer interested. H gets approval for the sale, I go down to help him get the items from storage, leave for lunch and come back to update the inventory. By now several hours have passed and H goes out to get packing materials for the shipment. Literally upon his return my chat window blinks.

Braindead Beach Bum: Alright well I gotta leave soon, dude so I'll send the PO now. You can still ship today can't you?

Me: *thinking 'No...you have got to be kidding me.'*

Braindead Beach Bum: Oh and I'm still not digging your price. Get them down to $500 and all is well.

Me: *thinking 'You have GOT to be kidding me.' *writes* H sold those items two hours ago. When you didn't respond I thought you weren't interested any more.

Brainead Beach Bum: What? Dude, I had other stuff to do! Why didn't you hold them like I asked you to?

Me: Didn't you get my previous messages?

Braindead Beach Bum: Well yeah, but I thought you were bluffing. I mean come on, dude, no one actually pays four digits for that model do they?

Me: *not entirely sure how to respond, not that it matters as BBB immediately leaps back in with the following*

Braindead Beach Bumb: Never mind, just tell H I need 'em and get back to me when you have a tracking number.

Me: *after a minute of reminding myself to be polite* I'm sorry but I can't do that, BBB. He got the order and the approval to sell them. Per our policy the sale is his fair and square.

Braindead Beach Bum: But I got you the PO first!

Me: How long have you actually had the PO?

Braindead Beach Bum: Since this morning. I just wanted to wait till you agreed to my price before sending it.

O_O again.

Me: Send it over now.

*He sends it and I check it out*

Me: BBB, as I told you before, I can't drop the price to this amount. Plus, as I also stated before, I need your resellers permit and a reference list to get you set up with a shipping account.

BBB: I don't have time to do all that! Can't you just check the feedback on our site and take their word for it?

Me: I'm sorry but our policy states we need those two documents to do business with you.

Braindead Beach Bum: Well that's bull***t! I need those items tomorrow!

Me: I'm sorry but they're sold. Actually as I type this, H just finished packing them up and is wheeling them out to the post office.

BBB: Trader, my company is like one of the biggest in California! You do this for me, $600 each since you aren't good for $500, shipped overnight, and I can promise you a heck of a lot of business from us in the future!

Me: I'm sorry, but I told you what we needed to hold the items for you, and what our prices were this morning. You chose to wait till it was too late so there's nothing I can do for you now.

*BBB does not respond. After several minutes I close the chat window and get on with some paperwork...until said window rudely pops back into view again.*

Braindead Beach Bum: You're actually going to do this, dude? You're really going to turn down a perfect opportunity to land a major league client and thus cut yourself off from a reliable source of six figure sales??

Me: *thinking 'Yeah right bud, you can't even handle four figures* I don't know what else to tell you. Our owner wants to make profit and we wouldn't have been able to do that at your requested price. I'll be happy to help you out if there's something else in our stock that you need.

Again I get the silent treatment as BBB no doubt tries to think of a decent come back. Ten minutes later he finally comes up with the following carefully crafted witticism:

Braindead Beach Bum: WELL F**K YOU THEN!!!! (yes he actually bolded and italicized it)

BBB signs out, I save the chat log to send to my manager in case a complaint gets lodged, and then silently break my brain over the logic of the above. Seriously, in what region is it a sensible business practice to wait on a time sensitive deal till the other side finally panics and gives in to your demands (I'm guessing that's what he was hoping would happen)? Especially considering if he had just sent the damn PO to me when he got it he could have least bought himself more time to stall and negotiate (we'd never have agreed to his asking price, but further more that's the brilliant thing about electronic documents: you can go back and edit them if changes need to be made!).

Regardless his threats aren't going to matter jack in any respect. Even if we lost a deal with him there's still every chance we can sell to another rep in his company so we haven't cut ourselves off from anything, and if he tries to dissuade his colleagues from contacting us we've got the evidence to prove he's at fault.

The only downside is, if we DO eventually manage to make a sale and sign BBB's company on as a client I don't know if I'll be able to refuse him as easily if he tries to do business with us again....ah well, tis a bridge to be crossed at a later date.

--Trader Jack

 

 

Live From Hellgreens Halloween Hell Part 2

Drug Store Diva reporting from Hellgreens Helloween Weekend!

Once again, it was crazy busy however today was not as nice as last night.  Tonight we got the piggies, the NATs, discount rats, and hellspawn.  

First off, I shouldn't be surprised to find a verbal warning (aka write up) for being 2 1/2 hours late...because I went to church.  I let last night's closing manager know, actually I asked him about mid-shift how I should let tonight's closing manager know I would be late.  He shrugged, so I asked if I should leave a note, he said "I guess so", so I left a note.   Store policy states that a call in has to have at least 2 hours notice. 

Today's manager came in at 3, I was supposed to start at 4 so she considered that one hour notice, despite me telling the manager last night.  Her reason...I didn't call her cell phone.  Why didn't I call her cell phone?  I don't have the number!  Then she basically said I can't just change my availability on a whim (which I'm not, according to my application I have no Sunday availability) and with the holidays coming up the chances of her scheduling me like that are pretty nil.  So I made the decision to look for a non-retail job and will put in my notice when something comes up.

The customers:  Hellspawn yelling for candy, discount rats wanting last week's price on candy, and the "Why don't you have this candy, tomorrow is Halloween!" custys. 

The Halloween aisle was a mess with a ton of opened and empty costume packages, we even found makeup smeared on one of the shelves.

I worked 6 hours with an excruciating backache, hoping it subsides by tomorrow's shift....when I'll be working dressed as a Hogwarts student.

--Drug Store Diva