Retail Hell Underground

Four Crustys In Four Hours, A Miserable Record

I'm too tired to think of a name right now so just call me Exhausted Aussie. I work at a fairly small supermarket that belongs to one of the largest chains in Australia. Between what happened at the store around the corner from mine last night, and what happened at my store tonight, I'm almost wishing I could just quit. Unfortunately, bills must be paid.

On Thursday night, the supermarket around the corner from where I was working was robbed by a man with a sawn-off shotgun, at 10.50, just ten minutes before they closed. No one was hurt, thankfully, but the man did get away and still hasn't been found. I was working when it happened and I have to say, I'm really glad that all we got were 4 bogans flashing people in the carpark.

So now (and for at least a week) we get a security guard at night. We close at midnight so it kind of makes me feel a little better but somehow I don't think he could do much if we do get held up. Thankfully nothing like that happened tonight but I'm closing Saturday and Sunday so I'm just hoping it stays that way.

Of course just because we weren't held up doesn't mean we didn't have our share of crustys.

First custy (Angry Ticket Man), came up to the service desk with a suspended sale, handed it to me and asked for $35 cash out. Angry Ticket Man didn't say anything else so naturally I just assumed that the other register must have been low in cash. I put the transaction through, gave him the cash out and waited for him to leave. Instead he stared at me and says "Where are my tickets?"

Apparently he had asked for two tickets at the first register and was sent to me as they can only be sold at the service desk. I explained that I hadn't realised he wanted any tickets and said I'd ring them through. Then explained it again as he didn't seem to understand.

Finally I scan the tickets and gave him the total.

To which Angry Ticket Man said "Can't you just do one transaction. I don't want to be charged a fee again."

It took ages but I finally got him to understand that the only way to do that would be to refund everything and put it all through again. Of course if his bank charges a fee for each transaction, that would probably just cost him more.

And of course I can't refund a cash out anyway. So either way it would still wind up as two transactions. Angry Ticket Man grumpily paid for the tickets (using the cash out as his card was declined when he tried to use it again) and left. Still pissed off, of course.

I'm really not sure why he thought the original $42.75 transaction (6.75 + $35 cash out) would include $30 worth of tickets.

Anyway, another hour or so of watching the self checkouts, and I see three people in their early twenties come in. Immediately I get the feeling that they aren't exactly upstanding citizens, so when they headed down the health and beauty aisle, I went and played with the drink fridge nearby so that I could watch them. Sure enough, one of the girls picked up a box of hair dye and as they walked towards the opposite end of the aisle it "magically" disappeared from the girl's hand. I keep an eye on them and tell the security guard that they are shoplifters.

What's funny, though, is that what made them put the dye down was actually the Duty Manager. He walked past the NATs, checking the aisles for out of place stock and, feeling guilty, they assumed he was watching them and promptly dropped the hair dye on the end of an aisle. DM picked it up to put it back where it belonged, and one of the girls got pissed and accused DM of following them (which just confused him) then they all stalked out of the shop. I checked their bags as the left but couldn't see anything.

Of course they probably went straight to another store. Bad night to try shoplifting in this town though, considering we're all a bit jumpy, worrying about another robbery occuring.

A short while later, yet another crusty (Bad Mum) was at the service desk and, as I walked up, clearly asked her son what type of cigarettes he wanted. As he went to walk away, I said I'd need to see his ID as he looked under 25 (looked under 18 actually). Bad Mum got extremely defensive and said that she was buying them so I had to sell the cigs to her. Then said she would just go buy them from somewhere else if I didn't. As I explained that it is illegal to sell or provide tobacco products to people under 18, her son told me to shut up and they both walked into the store to buy other stuff.

DM came up to ask me what had happened but, as I was explaining, they both came back to the front of the store and went to put their drinks through the self checkouts. Overhearing what we were talking about, Bad Mum told us that she's "37 years old, and his mum and its none of our damn business if she wants to buy cigarettes and share them with her son."

The idiot then got pissed off at the self checkout as she couldn't seem to figure out the whole scan-an-item-and-place-it-in-the-bagging-area process. Three items and I had to explain after each that they needed to be placed in the bagging area. I guess she didn't understand that what needs to happen for one item needs to happen for the other. Of course, Bad Mum got more angry with each word I said. They both stormed out swearing.

The last grumpy custy (Yoghurt Man) of the night started off reasonable but changed quickly. He came through my register 15 mins before closing time. Everything seemed to go fine, he paid and I continued to serve the other custys lined up.

However, instead of leaving, Yoghurt Man stood and stared at his receipt. He was patient and waited until the last custy had gone, then calmly claimed that the yoghurt was supposed to be $5 not $6.30. DM went to check the price and once again the man waited fairly patiently. When DM came back with the ticket, he told me that the $5 yoghurt was actually next to the one the man bought but, as the ticket was very close to the $6.30 yoghurt, I should just refund the extra $1.30.

I turned to explain it to the Yoghurt Man and got as far as "The yoghurt is actually $6.30, but…" before he got angry and started talking over me saying that we "have to give it to him for $5 because the ticket said $5."

The idiot wouldn't let me say another word, just kept talking over me. DM finally got him to partially listen to him, but the crusty was still arguing as I walked to the service desk to do the refund.

After he'd finally left Peter said that the whole time I refunding the yoghurt, the man was still complaining. DM kept trying to explain that there was no problem and he would get the refund, but the crusty just responded that, "It was our problem."

Thankfully by that point we were closing and I got to leave. And the kicker, I actually only worked for four hours tonight! So thats one set of crustys for each hour. Please just let the next two nights go more smoothly! For me and all the other retail slaves stuck working.

OK. End of rant. Its late and I'm going to bed.

--Exhausted Aussie

Discount Rat In Ice Cream Hell

Well, RHU, I never thought I'd use "Ice Cream" and "Hell" in the same sentence, but I guess there's a first time for everything.

You probably don’t remember me—I went by “RHU Noob” in my previous (and first) post about my bygone days with Anorexic Bagel Lady at Dunk’s. In light of recent events, I think I’d like to change my name to “Dairy Tard.” (I know, “Dairy Fairy” is more cutsey and rhymes, but let’s face it—I’m no dainty maid and there is not enough Red Bull in the world to ever give me wings.) So Dairy Tard I am. And this tard needs a bit of guidance.

I’ve been waitressing and scooping ice cream at Buster’s Clover Street Diner and Ice Cream Bar (name has been heavily reworked, obviously) for three years now. It’s a far cry from being in Retail Hell—as far as dead-end jobs go, I consider myself spoiled rotten to work here. As the name implies, this is an independent, mom-and-pop restaurant with a local, cushy, homey feel to it. It’s old, but reasonably well-kept. The man in charge and the owner is (surprise, surprise) none other than Buster himself, who stays at the diner for the majority of his day, every day, mostly just sitting at the counter and yucking it up with the regulars.

He’s a great guy to work for, I must say; I’d rather have no other boss. In one sentence, Buster is the shining symbol of everything opposite to corporate douchebaggery. He’s fair, considerate, personable in a rough-around-the-edges way, and genuinely gives a damn about who’s working for him and how they’re doing. Oh, yeah, and he possesses a functioning backbone, yet has no qualms about taking orders or even scooping ice creams when we get slammed. It’s just that sometimes, he can be a bit too hands-off for my liking. This incident that happened yesterday really highlighted this.

Okay. So, it’s about 3:00 on a beautiful Friday afternoon, and a 20- or 30-something Indian (this becomes important later) lady talking on an iPhone and toting a boy of about three or four approaches one of the ice cream windows.

Indian Lady: “How much for a small soft serve?”

Me: “$2.41 with the tax.”

(If this seems a little high, just remember that they don’t call us Tax-achusetts for nothing.)

Indian Lady: “So two would be about $4.80?”

Me: “Yup, $4.82.”

Please note that the menu is literally right next to this woman. I don’t get annoyed when I see customers counting their cash when asking about prices—I’d rather tell them up front how much they’d be paying than make them something they don’t even have enough for. However, I see that Indian Lady is holding a credit card.

Indian Lady: “Okay, can I have two small vanilla soft serves in cups, and one with banana and caramel?”

No problem—done in about one minute.

Indian Lady’s adorable little boy: “I wanna drink, I wanna drink!”

*Indian Lady smiles at me in that nice “oh, you know kids” sort of way.*

Indian Lady: “Okay, tell her what you want.”

Little boy: “Apple juice!”

Me: “Sure!”

Two seconds later:

Me: “Okay, that comes to $8.35, please.”

Indian Lady: “That can’t be right.”

Me: “The soft serves are $2.41 apiece, the apple juice was $1.80 plus tax, and the toppings are $0.75 each.”

Indian Lady: “The toppings are $.075 each?”

Yes, ma’am, and it’s clearly written on the board right next to you, so please stop acting like you're surprised.

Me: “Yes.”

Indian Lady: “So you charged me $1.50 just for bananas and caramel?”

Me: “Yes. All toppings are $0.75 each.”

And apparently, those were the words that hit the bitch switch.

Indian Lady: “That’s ridiculous! I am not paying $1.50 for that!”

Me: “You have to pay for it. I just saw you eat some of it.”

Indian Lady: “Take it back, I’m not paying for it!”

Me: “I can’t.”

Indian Lady: “Why are you charging me $1.50 for toppings? That's ridiculous! At the other ice cream places, they charge me $.75 and they give me bananas and caramel! I get all the toppings for $.75!”

BULL TO THE FUCKING SHIT, LADY. At that comment, I actually had to put in a conscious effort to refrain from smiling. Unfortunately, I’m not exactly articulate when you stick a hostile person in front of me.

Me: “Well, we charge per topping here.”

Indian Lady: “Well, that’s insane. I don’t want this at all if you’re going to charge me $1.50 for toppings.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t set the prices. You still have to pay for it.”

Indian Lady: “I can go to another ice cream place right now and they’ll give me bananas and caramel for $0.75!”

Me: “You can do that, but you’ll still have to pay for this.”

Indian Lady (giving up): “I’m going to another ice cream place. I don’t want any of this.”

*Puts all three items back on inside counter.* At this point, her little boy grabs for his ice cream and begins to cry.

Me: “Okay.”

Indian Lady: “I’m really going to another ice cream place.”

Me: “Okay.”

IL *sarcastically*: “Great customer service!”

Me: “Have a nice day.” *Closes window.*

So, I hurry over to Buster at the counter and tell him what happened. His first question: “Was she Indian?”

Me *lights up*: “Yes! Did you see her?”

Buster: “No. That’s very typical of the Indians.”

And he proceeds to matter-of-factly explain to me that Indians, in general, tend to be cheapskates and will not hesitate to haggle with you. That was the point of his talk. Not a single question was raised about the woman or the incident in general. So, I mean, I suppose I shouldn’t really care if my boss doesn’t care…but still.

I’m very glad that this cheap bitch decided to pick a fight with me. Buster has hired a lot of new kids for the summer (15- or 16-year-olds, mostly) and for many of them, this is their first job…let alone their first job dealing with the public. I’m almost certain that most of them would have caved to the demands of this greedy bloodsucker out of pure fright, and that really bothers me. I’d love to tell them how to handle this sort of thing (especially seeing as where it’s a problem our boss tends to ignore, as it is fortunately uncommon), but I feel I can’t do this adequately if I don’t really know myself.

That’s why I’ve come to you awesome lot of tried, seasoned, thick-skinned bastards for help. I was not trying to be rude to this woman, but I wanted to let her know who was in charge and that I would not lower the price for her. What would you do in my place? What did I do well and poorly? And, just for the hell of it, what kind of ice cream do you like?

--Dairy Tard

Callous Custy Wants Discount

Hello RHUfull fellas.

First off: I've been damned and chained to the same small phone retail store for a little over two years, It's your typical local big-name-company store which everyone knows, I'm very familiar with the people who come in and out and I'm on first name basis with some customers even. Now, we're located on a somewhat poor side of town, and most costumers come from a near-by ghetto and spend money they shouldn't be spending on phones that they don't need and can hardly afford.

This small phone store -as most phone stores in my country- is basically a franchise spot for a bigger telecom's EVIL GREEDY CORPORATION OF DOOM called Movistar (local brand name for Spain's own Telefonica, big name). Now there's something called "The movistar club" which is something some users subscribe to, in order to get points awarded to them every time they pay their phone rents and plans and such; these points can later on be traded in or used as part of a payment for a new phone. I'm sure this thing isn't new and you guys probably have that on your country.

Now, a few nights ago, two really ugly ham beasts came into the store late at night, just before closing (someone always does that). They were browsing the display counters for a few seconds and then this one with the most casual of tones, looked at me straight in the eyes and calmly said:

"You know, my mom just died, right? Aaaand I was wondering if I had the death certificate... I could go to the central and claim her Movistar club points for a new phone! Right?"

Really? You just buried the woman who gave birth to you and your most urgent concern is using her death certificate to get a discount of around 20% on a Blackberry you're likely unable to afford with or without the discount anyway?

I was silent for a few seconds until I politely told her that it was very unlikely. She left the store right then with obvious disappointment all over her face and voice..

From Venezuela, with love.

--RHUer

Discount Rats Demand Coupon Discount On Sale Items

Hello all, you can call me... er... ChocNightmare! :D And unfortunately this happened this afternoon.

We have this voucher at the minute that s £3 off when you spend £10. It can't be used on items on offer. A man and a women, both in the 40's come and ring up £11.03 but 2 of their items are on offer. Without the items on offer it came to £7.40. So in my nicest polite voice I say...

Me: Sorry I can't accept this cause you have only spent £7.40 on eligible items.

Man (speaking with attitude now and being rude): Well the till says I've spent £11.03

Me: Yes but 2 of the items are on offer so it can't be used.

Man: Well have you even tried scanning the voucher?

Me: No cau-

Man: Well scan it and see if it works!!

Me (now speaking in a slightly more blunt and annoyed tone): I can't cause you're not eligible for the offer.

Man: (Grabs voucher and points as he reads it as if I'm 5) It says nothing about offers on the back at all "(reads first 2 lines off back of voucher)"

Me: (Gets voucher back): "Voucher can not be used in conjunction with any other offer."

Man: I'M NOT USING IT IN CONJUNCTION!

At this point the women gives a £20 note to be done with it. I give them the change, but he ordered an ice cream so I go to scoop it.

Man: Admit it, you should have given me the discount.

Me: No I shouldn't.

Man: Well I'll remember and ask next time I'm in cause I've had it at this store before.

Me (finally snaps): You do that.

Man: Well there's no need to get snippy with me!!

Me: Excuuuuuuuuuuse me!!

Man: What's your name?

Me: (Smiles and shows badge) ChocNightmare.

How obnoxious can you get!!! Grrrr.

He was clearly using the fact that I look and sound younger than my actual age of 18 and was tying to intimidate me!

I mean, that happens quite a lot really and it's so annoying cause I'm actually a trained keyholder and Senior Sales Assistant, so no matter my age, I know what I'm talking about. Well afterwards I felt bad for my manager cause if he complains the store gets £100 knocked off our takings.

So I tell my manager and when I got to "You do that," she burst out laughing and goes, "Oh ChocNightmare, I can't leave you for 2 minutes." Then I told her that he had told me not to get snippy with him, and she goes "He actually said that to you?! After the way he spoke to you!"

We had a good laugh afterwards and said that I can deal with the District Manager if he phones while she's not there, and try not to upset anyone else, but my faith in humanity has decreased a little.

May all your customers be able to read,

--ChocNightmare

Dumbass Discount Rat Fails In Her Mission

CSRawr here. It's been awhile since I last shared any stories, despite having some really laughable experiences. This one though, had me chuckling twice over, for a couple of reasons.

My company has a rewards program, which many companies do. We send out coupons to the patrons that have enough points on their accounts to qualify for said coupons. Plain and simple, if you don't have the account, you don't get the coupons. We also have a shipping promotion for qualifying orders of $79 and up. Keep that in mind, it will come back shortly.

As I answered questions from the underlings (Work-at-Home Tier 1, aka the first line of CSRs with the company) in their chat room, I had a chat question pop up about a lady who wanted a discount on a stuffed toy, and wanted free shipping as well, because she was (allegedly) going in for her second knee surgery in 5 months, and was apparently a "long time committed and loyal customer of [company]." That set off alarm bells in my head, from when I was a Tier 1 agent myself and had a Discount Rat to deal with who called constantly trying to get her way.

I explained that unless the custy's order qualified for the promo, and the promo wasn't being applied, or their rewards coupon was still valid and not working, there wasn't any discounts we could give. Needless to say, the discount rat was not happy and demanded to speak with a supervisor. Lucky me was the only supervisor on the phones at the time. I had to take the call, per protocol, and this is how it went down:

Discount Rat: I only have $X in my account. My name is [Discount Rat], I've been a loyal customer for years. I want a discount and free shipping. I'm going in for knee surgery, and I want a discount. (repeat ad nauseum)

Me: *looking up DR and trying not to laugh, because I know exactly who she is, from past dealings with her* I'll try and see what I can find, but our shipping promo starts at $79.

Discount Rat: Forget that. *hangs up*

And not even five minutes later, I get a message in the underling chat saying that Discount Rat is asking for my name so she can complain that I was mean to her and wouldn't give her a discount. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at my station and laughing my head off, while my supervisor is also laughing after I tell her who I just got off the call with.

May all your custies be sane, and not discount rats!

--CSRawr

One Realtor's Cheesy Gift With Purchase

Pizza Shop Gives Out Discount to Gun Owners Who Flash Their Weapon Inside Store

From Gawker: Flash a piece, get some cheap pizza.

That's the motto of a pizza shop owner from Virginia Beach who recently started handing out discounts to gun owners, provided they bring their weapon into the restaurant.

Or, failing that, their concealed weapons permit.

Jay Laze of All Around Pizzas and Deli says he was inspired to offer gun owners a 15% discount on pizza after learning of a Utah frozen yogurt shop that had done the same.

"I thought it was a great idea and I was wondering why nobody here was doing it," he told NewsChannel3. "It should be happening all around the country."

Though he intend the offer to last only a limited time, the overwhelming response had convinced him to consider making it a permanent feature.

Laze told the Associated Press that some 80 percent of all customers have come in carrying a weapon. One customer even brought in his AK-47.

"It's part of our rights as Americans and everybody should be entitled to the option if they want to," said patron Brendan Kelly, "so it's nice to have an incentive."

[screengrab via WTKR]

via gawker.com

Hellspawn Encounter In Hellmart Gets An Employee Injured, Bad Parents Throw Tantrum

From: Karebear

I have a story about a hellspawn. Luckily, not one of mine!

I was with Tank, who was in the market for a new TV. Not entirely sure why, the one he has works fine, but... boys and their toys. We've been to many different stores, just looking at what was available, but this story takes place a Hellmart.

While Tank was doing his talking thing with the employee, there was another family about 5 feet down from us looking at a smaller TV. With them, was a 8-9 year old boy who was throwing around a baseball (could of been a softball, I don't know my sports very well, just know it was a ball used in either baseball or softball.) Thing is, he was throwing it at the wall and catching it. They were at the end of the row of TVs, just where there was about a foot of extra wall left over. Parents, of course, wasn't doing anything to stop them.

The employee was a younger girl, no bigger than me (and I stand at a whole 5'0.) She excused herself from our group and went up to the family and said, "I'm sorry, could you please have your son stop throwing the ball? We don't want anything to break."

Mother was having none of it and yelled, "Mind your own business. Jimmy (named changed cause I don't remember it) is doing nothing wrong."

Employee: "Ma'am, he could break a TV and you would be held responsible and have to pay for the damage."

Mother: "Bullshit, that's illegal. Get the fuck out of my face before I have you fired for harassing me and my family."

Employee looked a little stunned, well okay, very stunned. Jimmy (the boy) just laughed and threw the ball some more. Just as the employee turned around (later, we learned to go call her manager) the boy threw the ball so hard, missed it, and nailed the employee right in the head. It wasn't enough to knock her out, but she did have the stunned/dizzy look to her.

I rushed over to help the poor girl out, Tank went over and ripped the ball out of the boy's hand (with much yelling from the mother saying he was trying to steal her son's items), and my son ran to the electronics desk yelling, "SOMEONE'S BEEN HURT!!!!" I was able to see him from where the employee was now sitting on the ground and there were, as luck would have it, another coworker there talking to his manager.

The mother was screaming her head because Tank "was stealing their belongings." She also started demanding discounts because she was "being harassed and bullied." Her husband was no better and demanded Tank be booted from the store for "landing his hands on his precious son, who did nothing wrong, what so ever." (Tank didn't touch the boy, at all, just grabbed the ball that the boy barely had a grip on.) And the kid... he was laughing his ass off for nailing some poor girl in the head.

However, we were able to get the truth out to the manager and the family was escorted out of the store. The girl employee kept saying she was fine, just was a little shocked, but had a nice size bump on her head. The manager had called an ambulance for her though, but we didn't stick around for them to arrive and head the verdict. My kids were complaining about being hungry and wanting lunch. The employee was thanking us for helping her and we wished her the best of luck. Tank even said he might return next week to buy a TV from her (because he liked the one we saw and was within his budget.)

On our way out, my son asks, "Is that why I can't bring toys into the store?"

Yes, dear, it's part of the reason, but even if you did bring in a toy, I wouldn't be stupid enough to let you throw it around.

--Karebear

Burger Restaurant Gives Discounts for Being Nice, Great Smiles, Best Butt, and Best Looking

Restaurant Gives Discount For Well Behaved Kids

What an awesome idea! What do you guys think? Is this a way to get some bad parents to take responsibility when their kids turn into hellspawn?

 

Discount Rats Go Crazy For Best Buy Coupon

From Huff Po: If you ever see a Best Buy coupon that is too good to be true, it very well might be.

The electronics retailer recently promoted a very simple internet coupon: get $50 off of your purchase of $100 or more if you pay with a Mastercard, according to the Consumerist. The coupon had some restrictions -- you could not use it to buy iPods and certain TVs -- but there was no limit on how many coupons a customer could use.

Naturally, bargain hunters everywhere went nuts. One shopper scored over $2,500 worth of Amazon cards with the deal, according to the Consumerist. Another customer used the coupon to buy $1,600 worth of gift cards, a shopper wrote on Slickdeals’ website.

It apparently didn't take long for Best Buy to catch on to the error. Some customers were reportedly told at the cash register that their coupons were not valid.

Rather than take a cut in profits in exchange for issuing such a poorly written coupon, Best Buy decided to reissue its coupon, changing the promotion entirely. The company made the promotion valid for only one day, for one purchase, excluding all gift cards. Best Buy also limited the deal to one offer per coupon, per household.

Best Buy did not immediately respond to The Huffington Post's request for comment.

... And here is what Best Buy wrote on its website:

The $50 Master Card Bonus – Save $50 When you Spend $100 In-Store and Pay With Any Master Card (valid 1/21/13-1/27/13) Promotional Offer was sent out with incorrect product inclusions, product exclusions, single product call out and end date. An ad correction is available in our retail stores, where you can see a Sales Consultant or Customer Service for any questions or to view a list of the included and excluded products.

We apologize for any confusion or inconvenience this may have caused.

 

Best Buy is not the first retailer, big or small, that has had to pay for over-promising on online deals.

After Cyber Monday, Toys 'R' Us, Kohl's and other online stores alienated many bargain seekers whose orders were ultimately canceled because the retailers' systems could not handle the rush of traffic.

A small bakery in Reading, England, was completely overwhelmed with orders after a Groupon deal offered a 75 percent discount on 12 cupcakes. The baker was forced to make 102,000 cupcakes, NBC News reports.

Best Buy’s big flop comes just weeks after the retailer got showered with praise for letting a customer keep five extra iPads it sent by mistake in exchange for her honesty.

(h/t Business Insider)

via www.huffingtonpost.com

 

Crustomer (To The Tune Of “Jingle Bells”)

Crustomer

By Dweazzle
To the tune of “Jingle Bells”

Dashing through the mall,
Get the fuck out of my way!
I’ve got shopping to do,
And I don’t want to pay!

You’ll give me discount rate,
Or I swear that I will sue,
“The Customer is God, you jerk!”
I’ll scream till I am blue!

(Chorus)

Crustomer, Crustomer,
I am never wrong!
All you slaves best do my will,
Or you won’t work here for long!

Coupons don’t expire,
No matter what they say,
Not good since ’92?
Use it anyway!

Managers, come here!
I want this asshole fired!
Been shopping here for forty years,
He’s obv’ously a liar!

(Chorus)

You can’t mean what you said,
There’s no way I’m gonna leave,
Face is turning red,
Your skull I’m gonna cleave!

Throw stuff on the floor,
I’m getting what I want,
Tantrums worked when I was four,
Entitlement I flaunt!

(Chorus)

Escorted to the door,
Haven’t heard the last of me!
Push you to the floor,
Now all my stuff is free!

Get me corporate now,
You won’t work again,
I’ll make sure you’re unemployed,
For telling me “No, Ma’am!”

(Chorus)

Cops are drawing nigh,
Can you see that you are screwed,
Arrest him, he’s the guy,
Told me I was rude!

No, I’ve done no wrong,
Why’re you taking me?
Stop smiling, you retail jerk
I’ll be back, just wait and see!

(Chorus)

Black Friday Custys From Hell: Bloodsucking Mother and Daughter Torment Walgreens Store

From Hellgreens_Slave: 

So all has been well at the Hellgreens.. I was promoted to Assistant Store Manager in June 2010 so I've been super busy! I hope you had a great turkey day - with my seniority I get to have xmas eve, xmas day off, new years eve & new years day off so I had to work thanksgiving which worked out cos I got to wear my turkey hat which kept all the crustys in good spirit because when they're mad & want to yell at a manager & then see my turkey hat they just started laughing LOL!

But I do have some unfortunate news:

Being with Hellgreens for eight years - the last 2 1/2ish of being a manager I've seen some crazies in my day (and I'm only 25! LOL) Some crustys never come back (yay!), others are regulars that are just a bit crazy and then there's this: 

Now, after bouncing around different stores for a few months I was placed in my current store in July 2010. As the manager somehow I manage my staff, Cosmetics & Cafe W SWIS departments, the rest of the store and take care of accounts payable as well as having to deal with the insane people of this town I'm stuck in.. it's not so bad being only a 30 min commute and I try to tell myself it could always get worse until it did. This area is mostly normal, middle-class working people but is about 10 minutes from a super-rich area so we get a random mix of customers and most of my regulars are super awesome.. some even found out my bday and chipped in to get me a card and a small gift each year! It's really awesome having nice customers - nicer than any town I've worked in - for the most part. 

But today I want to share my newest horror crustys.. a mother & daughter duo. 

Now these 2 put my usual crazies to shame!!! So they first came in (to my knowledge since according to some employees that were in the store before I got transfered in these women used to come in all the time & then disappeared until about a week ago!)

And so it begins... I got paged to the photo area for a refund.

The mother greets me with a "Hello sweetie how are you?"

And I processed her refund like any other - during which a girl about my age came up for help on the kiosk. The mother turned to her & asked if we were sisters or mother & daughter (wtf? I'm 25 and have no kids!!! and this girl & I didn't look anything alike!) lol.

So anyways the two women spent about 4 hours harassing my staff with every last insane request. (oh get more from the back - this package looks weird.... where is this? that?) She took three of my employees and made them wait on her hand & foot throughout the store until I quickly broke that up.

So then she started randomly singing songs to some random lady.. grabbed another customer & put her arms around the woman & got nose-to-nose with her while asking her really personal questions until the woman shook her off. She even dropped a bottle of nail polish all over our newly waxed floors and over her daughter's pants.

My photo tech filled me in that the day before (when I was off) they had come in & spent hours harassing everyone, had called him a jerk, had told our Hallmark lady she needed anger management and flipped on people for not saying, "Yes ma'am, No ma'am" to her, SMFH.

Finally she was ready to be rung up. OH LORD. She made my cashier ring her $600 worth of crap up in separate transactions.. and then inquired about a movie that's official release date was in 2 days. Now when a movie is set to release on a Tuesday we put it on display starting Sunday with a sign up saying "this may not be sold until XXXXXX date" and no one ever argues except this crusty.

She wanted that damn movie and wouldn't accept that when it's scanned the register tells us "ITEM MAY NOT BE SOLD UNTIL XX DATE" so of course I get paged up front - now I had four registers going and about 40 people in lines/shopping around up front.

I get to the register they're at & she's screaming at my cashier over the stupid movie. I tell her that the official release date isn't until the date on the sign right by them on the shelf behind the register & that there's no override function for it & that she'd have to come back & that we'd gladly hold a copy for her if she'd like.

Of course she didn't accept this & then her face got all red, her breathing all heavy, cheeks puffed out and then she started to cry like a baby who has a wet diaper - through tears & sobs this 70something y/o lady started to cry hysterically while gasping out a "but Hellgreens_Slave, baby, doll, sweetheart I need this movie for a little girl... wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Ok. People that know me know that I DO NOT tolerate "bullshit crying" from anyone over the age of 10. If you're crying over a death in the family, a tragedy, a super sad movie.. ok I can relate & understand but crying because the movie can't be legally sold for another few days is just ridiculous & if the powers were vested in me I'd give her something to actually cry about. SMH so I turned to her & said, "Ma'am the movie cannot be sold until XX date, there's no override for this & crying is NOT going to change that," and calmly walked away to the office to laugh my ass off.

So, a few days went by & I thought we were in the clear - until about 0900 today. All I know is I was working in an aisle one minute & the next hearing "Hellgreens_Slave where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?!?!?!?!" in that all too familiar voice.

I attempted to hide in the pharmacy for a bit but that plan got foiled when I got paged up front for some codes - and then got stuck with her for ten minutes.. all the while she had a disposable camera & was trying to get me to let her take my picture until I literally had to pawn her off on one of the employees so I could duck out & take refuge in the office.

Luckily, they left after only an hour. The weird part is the daughter seems so normal & polite.. said hello, asked how my turkey day was, and thanked me for helping her find something.... except my co-manager told me the daughter told him his pants are too low in the back - which is odd since he wears a belt so obviously she just checks him out (kinda gross cos she's like 40 and he's 19.)

The mother wanted a train set which one of the guys had to get a ladder out to get off a deck - they're stacked up with one faced forwards - well she didn't want the one on the top of the pile nor the one in the front - he had to pull 36 of the them down for one in the middle that she wanted & then she ended up not even buying it.

Then, she walked around wearing a holiday hat she never ended up buying, either. She made my beauty advisor wait on her hand & foot and kept trying to shove that damn camera in my employee's faced.

AHHH! What's worse is I can deal with the occasional angry customer but this monster of a crusty will never stop coming in & thinks it's perfectly fine to harass my staff because she spends like $1,000+ a week in our store, HAHAHA.

I can't wait to find a reason to ban her! Which, sadly, corporate will probably find out about & will punish me for.

ARGG. Can it get worse?

I hope not. 

--Hellgreens_Slave

Black Friday Walmart Custy Attacks Other Custys For Their Shopping Carts, Gets Tazered By Cops and Looses Her Black Friday Loot

So I’m not sure what this qualifies as, but it made me giggle.

Foofy Sparklepants LOVES her some Black Friday. She went around our giant retailers and managed to make it out without getting anyone trampled this year (A different story for a different day) and with a couple of funny stories.

At Bullseye, they had this sale they didn’t advertise. One of those ‘Hey! You made it! You braved the crowds and didn’t die! Here’s an awesome sale JUST FOR YOU!’ things.

It was a home speaker set that was something like $398.98 that was marked down to $40. She grabbed one for herself and then another for a lady behind her. That’s when this old bitch began punching her in the ribcage to make her let them go. Foofy elbowed her in the eye and ran down the aisle with the other lady following her, using the boxes as battering rams to move people out of the way.

And then at Hellmart, there was one custy who would physically attack people to be able to rifle through their carts and run. She’d punch them or kick them or scratch them… anything to move them from their carts long enough to grab and go.

That’s when they called the police on her.

As was told to me (since I was smart enough to sit at home all day and not go out into the world of crazies) the cops showed up and got to the lady and tazed her. They tried getting her in the neck, but she moved around and they got her in the face. The lady got tazed in the FACE! She fell to the ground and peed on herself and everything, and by this time, a large circle had formed around the cop and the woman. Everyone knew she was getting taken out of there, and her cart was up for grabs.

No one moved a muscle. No one dared make the first move. It got quiet in the area, and the only thing you heard was a loud, shrill voice.

Foofy: (To a friend) GET MY CART!!!!!

Foofy ran into the center of the circle after the cop got the woman up, grabbed the woman’s cart of ill-gotten gains and ran off with it to the sporting goods section with her friend to divide the plunder.

Regardless of it all, it made me laugh.

--Terah

 

 

Black Friday LOL: Funniest Customer Lines Ever

Hi Womens Retail Slave here writing to you after all that mess we call Black Friday.

I had a pretty easy going day, which really scared the hell out of me. However like always there are a few people who live in a dream land and have expectations that cannot be met ever.

So climb down from your pedestal and I'll try to meet you half way. Put on that fake smile and grit them teeth.  Much like many stores out there we had doorbusters and free gifts, and coupons, and all that jazz.

Here are some doozies I heard this Black Friday and Saturday.

-"Can you hold one of the free gifts for me, I'll be in around 3pm. Its way to early to shop."

-"I work in the mall. You can give me your discount.*WINK WINK*" <--no

-"What do you mean you're out of the doorbusters? That's bait and switch. I am a lawyer. I'm going to sue you for false advertising."

-"Since you're out of doorbusters, can I get this twice as expensive item at the same price?"

-"I want you to hold these, I'm going to see what your competitor has to offer. Oh, I still want them at the price that ends in 30 mins"

-"I'm shopping with my family of 6 with includes 4 children under 8. So that means I get 6 free gifts right?"

-"I can't believe I had to wait outside in the cold for you to open!!" <-- this was the top dumb comment since we are INSIDE A MALL

-"Why did the store across the way close?" Where is it?" What were their Black Friday sales?" 

-"Why isn't xxxx store open. I really wanted to shop there."

-"So I have a 20% off coupon. If I use it on stuff that's 80%, it should be free."

-"I found this on a 50% off rack. Is it on sale?"

-"I found this on a 50% off rack. How much is it?"

-"The tag said it was $40, but I found it on a 50% off rack. How much will it be with the discount?"

-"Oh you poor thing had to be here at 2am. Who would come shopping at 2am?" <--- um, you. You came shopping at 2am.

-"How could you already be out of the free gift its only 8am. You only opened 2 hours ago" <---um no we opened 8 hours ago

-"I was here 6 hours ago during your doorbuster sale. I want more at the same price."

-"If I return my free gift, how much money can I get?"

-"Can I return my free gift and get something different?"

-"This doorbuster was on sale for $10 but the tag said $40. So I should get $40 back on my return"

-"This rack said 40% off ALL COATS IN THE WHOLE STORE. Does that mean just this rack?"

-"So ALL COATS? What about this one? What about this coat? What about this one? What about this one?" <---- isn't that the webster's dictionary definition of insanity?

-"Blah blah, I hate this store, you never do anything right. Are you hiring? I should work here to get a discount" <-----wait, what? You hate us, but want to work here?

-"I can't believe you were closed yesterday. I came here and all the lights were off and the doors were locked to the mall" <--- did the empty ass parking lot NOT tell you something?

-"I deserve another free gift since I was upset by (not telling me merry Christmas vs happy holiday)(you didn't thank me sincerely enough)(I had to wait in a line)(my card declining)(my lack of social skills when interacting with another customer who wants the same item)(store lighting/temperature/music choices)(the smell of your store/my allergy to perfume that you sell/other people wearing perfume)(the act of bending over to get something off shelf)(walk from my car to your store)" Seriously. No seriously.

All in all I had a fairly fun day. Most crustys were nice enough, some were a little bat-ass crazy due to lack of sleep or sunlight.

I did have 1 crusty derailed my whole happy train with one comment. But she's a whole catagory of beeeotch that I won't go into detail, since I can't mask the comment that she made or the backhanded apology that I gave back to her. That's all for now, I am truly counting down the days until Xmas and the breath of fresh air called January where vacation is all new and reset and exciting!

Good luck and God speed to those fellow retailer's out there.

P.S what is happened to the youth of society. I have gotten more phone #-less job applications in the last 2 months than I have ever in the 15+ years I have worked in retail. Also booty-shorts, tube tops, facial gang tattoos, cell phone dependent, pajamas, and scuzzy flip flop feet are not acceptable EVER for job application pick up, drop off, job interview or onboarding EVER. More stories about applications and the people that turn them in later!!

--Womens Retail Slave