This is MuSicko. Apologies in advance, this is a long one...
I'd like to rant about customers who just ignore what I say, or are heinously unobservant. I'm a cashier and barista at a bakery-cafe, and I actually love my job. But I gotta let off some steam...
Valued Cuntstomers, just because I'm loosely following a script doesn't mean you get to shut off your brain. I'm just trying to help you get the best experience, I really am.
Me: "Is that for here or to go?"
Me: "HOPEFULLY IT'S 'TO GO' SO I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID FACE, DIPSHIT. I mean uh, did you say that was to go?"
Me: "Would you like chips, apple, or bread as your included side?"
Idiot: "Can I have a salad instead?"
Me: "BITCH OMG REALLY. DID I SAY YOU COULD HAVE A DAMN SALAD. I mean, ahem, sorry sir those cost extra, and are entrees. Therefore, you still get to pick chips apple or bread."
Idiot: "No, can I get a box instead?"
Me: "OPEN YOUR EARS FUCKWIT. I mean, yes you sure can!"
Me: "Hi! How ar..."
Idiot: "Lemonade. No ice this time for goodness sake."
Me: UM WOW YOU SHOULD SAY HI BACK TO ME UNLESS YOU ARE AN ALIEN WHO NEVER LEARNED HUMAN SOCIAL NORMS. Oops, meant to say, will that be all?"
Me: "Would you like a drink with that?"
Me: "Okay! Your total is $x.xx"
Idiot: *after everything is rung up* "Hey, you didn't give me a drink cup."
Me: "HEY YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A BLOWJOB BUT CONSIDERING I NEVER ASKED, I CAN'T REALLY GET MAD ABOUT IT, DUMBASS. Er, I mean let's ring you up again, so sorry."
Me: "Would you like me to slice that thick or thin?"
Idiot: "I want the rye bread on the second shelf."
Me: "Yes ma'am. Thick or thin rye?"
Idiot: "It's the rye one that's second to left."
Me: "You betcha! How shall I cut it for you, thick or thin?"
Idiot: "Are you even listening? It's the rye, third from the right, second shelf."
Me: WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR BODY SLICED THICK OR THIN? NOBODY WILL EVER FIND THE PIECES HAHAHA I mean, um, how about I slice the rye thin."
Me: "Would you like cream cheese or butter with your bagel?"
Me: "Okay, here is your bagel!" :D
Idiot: "This is supposed to come with cream cheese."
Me: "YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE. NO CREAM CHEESE FOR YOU. PLEASE DIE IN A FIRE. I mean, sorry about that, I'll ring you right up!"
Idiot: *snottily* Where's my soy vanilla cappuccino?
Me: "OH I'M SORRY I WAS JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE THE FOAM AROUSES ME. I'M NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF MAKING IT OR ANYTHING YOU IMPATIENT BITCH. I mean, here you go!" :D
I think it's time for a pleasant story now.
Dude: *on phone* "Yeah bro it was sweet can I get a bagel with butter and she goes yeah man one medium soda and dude it was awesome. Can't believe you missed it. Anyways blah blah blah..."
Me: "Uh... I'm sorry I don't think I caught that. What kind of bagel?"
Dude: "So bro she goes like plain bagel and I'm like whoa sorry anyway blah blah blah..."
Me "...for here? To go?"
Dude: *hands me cash and wanders off blabbing*
Me: *sighs, gets his bagel to go*
Some time later, he is hovering in my peripheral vision trying to get my attention while I'm with another customer. Usually this body language means they want to complain, demand extra napkins that are RIGHT BEHIND THEM, etc. I'm annoyed at him already for rudely being on the phone during his transaction, and also for hovering like a mosquito in my space. Once I finish with my current custy, I turn to him without my usual smile and snap, "Can I HELP you sir?"
He looks at his toes and says, "Yeah I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. It wasn't cool for me to be on the phone... I'm really sorry."
I could've kissed him right then, it was so sweet of him to actually recognize his rudeness and correct it. I also felt sheepish for snapping. I told him that I really appreciated that, and now he's one of my favorite regulars.
Thanks for letting me rant! I feel better now.