I don't go to church, because I don't believe the total value of my person should be based on what building I go to for a few hours 2-3 times a week.
That being said, this is my favorite thing to say to the religious nuts, "You follow the bible to the letter? Doesn't it say that if even one person in your city doesn't believe in God, you have to raze the whole place and kill everyone?"
My last religious freak, who had been ranting about gays going to hell, said, "Oh, that's the Old Testament. Jesus said to not worry about that."
My response: "Oh. Isn't Sodom and Gomorrah in the Old Testament, too?"
He stormed off. How dare I use the Bible to prove him wrong, apparently.
--Terah, The Gas Slave
No, you probably shouldn’t take selfies when standing in close proximity to large vehicles that are hurtling toward you. Gawker points us to a new video posted this week by someone named Jared Michael, who says that he recently “tried to take a selfie while a train passed a ‘safe’ distance behind.” The trouble was that he was still close enough to the tracks for the train’s conductor to reach out with his foot and kick him in the face. The results are predictably hilarious.
“I guess I was still too close and got kicked in the head,” Michael writes. “I messed up.”
What makes this video truly funny is Michael’s reaction to getting kicked in the head. Instead of saying “Ow!” or “What was I thinking standing so close to a moving train?” he happily exclaims, “Wow! I got kicked in the head! I think I got that on film!”
The full video of this epic moment of stupidity follows below. For Michael’s sake, we hope he doesn’t try to up the ante for his next video by trying to snap selfies on airport runways
I don't play the music loud at our store, but I have a pretty eclectic selection of music to choose from and sometimes I get tired of playing well written folk/rock music.
Once I put on Nina Simone, a singer who gets classified as jazz, but is near unclassifiable (bluesy, r&b-ish, jazz-like) and the best cover artist besides Patti Smith.
This one woman had a near meltdown; covering her ears and proclaiming, "This is awful!" She was whining loudly so that every other patron could hear, all the while trying to catch my eyes for sympathy even though I was the one who chose the CD out of a store half-filled with CDs.
It was a complete overreaction. Nina Simone is not offensive in anyway. AT ALL.
It's such a faux pas to complain about the music being played at an independent music store, but it happens every so often. Even once when I was playing Dylan. Not even mumbling late Dylan, just-gone-electric Dylan. If you want to hear drivel, please go to a store where they have designed their music to be as inoffensive and nondescript as possible, which, to the workers, is generally the most offensive music of all.
Also, just because we sell Beiber and Cyrus, does not mean we've listened to it, or have studied the lyrics in detail. It also does not mean that we don't fear for the next generation (like every other generation has done since the beginning of time/music) and hope that this isn't the level of taste that they are going to bring into the future.
I have never once left a job on bad terms before, but I have also never had a job that was this fucking awful.
I went in to find out that a coworker, whom I've literally only ever spoken to twice (I don't even know her last name), is telling people that she hates me and that she wants to rip me out. I found out later that she knows and hates one of my friends, so that means she hates me too, I guess. I'm so sick of that High School drama bullshit. So that was a piss off.
Then I had a guy bring up a pair of shoes that were nearly $200 and he tells me that the person in shoes told him that they were $19.99. I told him that it was only the clearance shoes that were on for $19.99.
He starts screaming at me and says, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF FUCKING IDIOTS THEY HAVE WORKING HERE!"
I just said, "Apparently the same kind that they have shopping here." He ended up throwing the shoes on the ground, like a manchild having a tantrum.
Shortly after, a guy was short twenty five cents and told me "You can cover it. That's good customer service!" I told him that it wasn't my fault that he didn't have any money, and he demanded to speak to a manager. Said manager told me that I should have just let him go. That's just ridiculous.
I straight out said, "No wonder Tears is closing down so many stores. Maybe I should come through with $50 worth of shit and get it all for free."
So on my way out the door, I decided, "Fuck my last two shifts," and threw my name tag on my manager's desk and left.
FUCK YOU TEARS. I AM DONE.
I start my new job on Monday.
From: BORDERline Personality
While working at a Tears Hardware Store during the summer, we had a crazy fan display set up at main entrance.
I mean, this display should have been impossible to ignore! Everyone that walked through the front door was subjected to an aisle of crossfire wind blowing for approximately one hundred feet that would sweep your hair straight back and make it stay that way with no styling gel needed.
A customer walked through all that, then faced me at the paint counter and asks, "Do you have any fans?"
I told him, "I have few people that liked me, but I wouldn’t call them FANS," then walked away.
He should have considered himself lucky that I didn't answer with the first thing that came to my mind... "The fountains of Oblivious-topia are delightful this time of year, aren't they?"
Some time ago I was in line behind a customer (this was at a farm supply store) who had just purchased a lawn tractor. She wasn't happy because it "didn't work." No details or anything, just "it doesn't work."
What was even more annoying was the way in which she conveyed her disappointment. She kept saying, over and over again, "What are you going to do to regain my trust? You have lost my trust and I just don't know if I can trust you again."
The cashier tried to tell the woman her options, but she would just repeat her lost trust nonsense. She didn't want to return the tractor because she didn't trust the company enough, but she didn't want to keep it either.
What the purple polka-dotted fuck are they supposed to do, then? Give you another lawn tractor? Well, why not. They're only $5,000.00.
They can take it out of someone's paycheck because HOW DARE THEY VIOLATE YOUR SACRED TRUST.
Don't you just love it when people accuse us of ruining their child's vacation/birthday/Christmas/whatever because we won't break company policy for them?
Just once wouldn't you love to tell them; "You're showing up after closing hours/asking for something we don't have/asking for something we can't do, are swearing at me/insulting me/calling me stupid, and I'm the one ruining your vacation/birthday party/Christmas/whatever?"
Then smack them in the head with a clue by four.
--Son Of Thrognar