Questions! So many questions!
Our Amish barbecue stand has added a new item to their menu: turkey kielbasa sausage. They already sell turkey-based meatloaf, ham, and bacon. These products are hideously awful. But apparently the very special snowflakes who are our customers in this upscale farmers market prefer food made from white meat turkey, and not meat which actually taste good because it is made from pigs!
Seriously, turkey scrapple? My Amish grandparents are turning in their graves.
So today the barbecue stand had a banner saying “Try our new turkey kielbasa!” And here are some of the questions which I heard while I was passing by at various times during the day.
“What is the difference between pork kielbasa and turkey kielbasa?”
“What does the turkey kielbasa taste like?”
“Why do they call it turkey kielbasa?”
“What part of the body is a kielbasa? Is it the neck?”
At closing time, I went to the barbecue stand to pick up a rotisserie turkey breast that I’d ordered earlier in the day. I struck a pose and said, using my whiniest, most grating soccer-mom voice:
“What is this turkey made of? Does it have pork in it? Was it cured with nitrates? Is it hormone free?” … and continued asking questions until I was pelted with leftover dinner rolls by the waitstaff.
Long time, no post. We've been super busy at the store (grocery store next to a beach, send help and/or a mercy shot of your choice) but I've got some stories!
Okay, first is an old one but I remembered it while surfing through the site. Around Christmas time, we were again super busy and of course, there were religious pamphlets. Now, there were only a few (that we found in the store at least) and of course, our store doesn't allow soliciting but we all know how that goes....
Anyway, so I'm at my register and I just had to do a price correction so I need to do a document validation. Normally we have some paper at our registers to help with this but mine was gone. So I'm looking around and viola! I see some paper right next to my check reader, kinda tucked away behind a left behind sales flyer. I grab it and use that to run the validation, noting at the time how delicate it felt but I didn't think anymore of it until later when the line finally died down and I could see what it was.
Generic Christian pamphlet basically. What's hilarious though is one of my coworkers came over, a smile threatening to split her face and told me this:
When I was diving around to find the paper, she'd noticed a male customer watching me rather pointedly and kept an eye out for me just in case. When my face lit up at the sight of the paper, so did his; only his face fell very sharply when he saw me ram the paper through the check reader and he kinda stumbled out the store with a horribly confused and kind of insulted look on his face. According to her, it was like I had literally chewed the pamphlet and spat it back into his face. We shared a laugh, then got back to work since the lines picked up again.
Like a lot of grocery stores, we handle transactions from Eastern Assembly (name changed to protect the innocent) and most of the time, it's no problem. Typically we just have to remind customers to check this box, fill out that line, yes we need to see id, etc. Well, yesterday a customer came up to pick up some money. No problem! Just fill out this form and we're good to go!
They do and I'm ready to do my part, but.......there's no transaction number. I literally can't do a thing without that number. I give the customer the form back and let them know exactly that. They fluster, irritated, and call the person sending them money to ask for the number. Person on the phone freaking *snaps* and starts yelling about how that's so stupid, it makes no sense, I don't really need that number I'm just being a hard-ass, etc. The phone's on speaker so I, my coworker, and some other customers can hear all of this *clearly*.
I outright tell the in person customer that I literally can't do anything without that number. Right as I say this, the person on the phone snaps "They've never needed it before!" and I freaking swear, it's all I can do to not laugh. We literally *can not* do anything without that number. It's like owning a car but not having the keys. Instead I just tell the in person customer again that I can't do anything without that number and they finally tell the person on the phone to stop stalling and just get the damn number.
I helpfully say that it's on the receipt, which I guess the customer on the phone heard because they went quiet, then started off again on a new spree. Apparently they might have tossed the receipt. Well, that's a bitch. The customer with me rolls their eyes, gives me an 'I'm so sorry about this' look and proceeds to snap back at the phone customer to just try and find the damn receipt. Finally the on phone customer mumbles something about 'house' then hangs up. The customer with me rolls their eyes again and moves on with their transaction after apologizing for the phone call.
After several minutes, the person calls back and grumps out the needed number. I do my part with the form and I'm just trying to figure this out. The transaction number is the emphasized number one thing about these transactions, right beneath the 'Eastern Assembly will NEVER call' part. It's the one thing they always stress to us about emphasizing to the customers and why we're supposed to make sure they keep their receipt before they leave the store. And this is not a small amount of money for this transaction. Even if we didn't need the number, we probably would have for this transaction as a security measure alone.
The customer in store apologizes again at the end and grumbles to me about how the person on the phone 'just didn't want to drive back home and find the damn thing'.
And this is getting long so last bit:
What the shit is with customers and rotten produce?
Like, I've got too many stories to properly lay out about all the times customers have come through my line with damaged and/or outright rotten produce and they chirpily offer to take it back for me while they go get fresh stuff. It's not just produce either, that's just the most common one. I nearly had to tackle a guy once to get back a carton of moldy juice from him (bit our fault, bit of a customer's; the juice had clearly been opened and we didn't find it in time to properly damage it out) that he was literally going to take back to our juice bar to replace with a good one.
The nice part of me is thinking 'Oh, okay there's clearly waste bins in the produce section. They just mean that they're going to toss it for me! Nice of them, but we need to document the loss'. The cynical part is thinking, 'Hell to the Fuck No. They're just going to dump this nasty crap right on top of the good produce and grab fresh stuff without a care'.
Considering how sloppily some customers have their produce in the cart, I'm more likely to believe the second one.
Oh! And seriously, last one, I can't forget Lotto Guy!
He's basically harmless but annoying because he buys upwards of $50's worth of scratch tickets, but he only wants specific numbers. Sometimes only odd, sometimes only even, sometimes something else (like three cards ending in '2', or cards that start with '4' and have three digits). It kind of depends on which card he won money off of last or which card he *didn't* win money off of or what his 'system' tells him to get that day. He's a fun guy, just again, annoying to serve, especially because management doesn't like us messing up the card rolls like we'd have to to get Lotto Guy all the tickets he wants.