Retail Hell Underground

Happy Valentines Day RHU: NC Tony's Customer Contract

So I've decided not to save the Slaves Wish List just for the holidays. I got struck with inspiration, and I'm not waiting 10 months to post it.

How many of you had to sign some kind of "contract" when taking your jobs? *counts hands* Some sort of code of conduct about how you would conduct yourself during the hours you're on the clock. How many of you wish customers also had to sign a similar code of conduct about how they would conduct themselves while they are in your store shopping (or eating if you work in a restaurant)? *counts hands* Ok, Burger Bitch, you don't need to raise both hands, I'm only counting you once. Well then allow me to present what every customer would have to read and sign before being allowed in your store...

THE CUSTOMER CODE OF CONDUCT:

I, the customer agree to abide by the following rules while shopping in your establishment.

1) If, the store employs a greeter who's sole job it is to welcome me to MegaMart, I will acknowledge their greeting, even if I just smile and nod at them. I will not ignore them as if they weren't even there.

2) If I require assistance on the sales floor, I will find a store associate and ask them "Excuse me, can you please tell me where [item] is?" or "Could you please tell me where [item] is?" or some variation thereof. I will not just walk up to an associate and bark out a one word exclamation of what I need. Nor will I whistle, snap my fingers or grumble "Doesn't anybody WORK around here?" to get their attention. I will not demand their help either.

2a) Likewise if an employee comes up to me and asks me if I need help, I will either use one of the above polite requests for help, or simply say "No thank you".

2b) I will accept that I do not know more than the employees. After all they work here, and know the way the store works better than I do.

2c) I will not insult their level of intelligence for working here. I understand that this may have been the only job they were able to get at the time, and that just like me they have bills to pay.

3) If the store is out of an item, I will not accuse employees of hiding more of said item in the back. I will accept that the store is out of said item, and either look for it elsewhere, or politely ask if an employee knows when the store is getting any more in, and return at a later time to get the item.

4) I will control my children and keep an eye on them. I will not allow them to handle valuable and/or fragile merchandise. I will not let them run around screaming like banshees, bothering other customers. I will not expect the employees to watch my children.

4a) I will not give my child a toy to play with from the toy section just to keep them quiet while I am shopping and then not buy it for them.

5) I will not open boxes of merchandise to see the contents and then take an unopened box.

6) If I do not want an item, I will not leave it on a random shelf, I will put it back where I found it.

6a) Likewise I will not just drop clothing items on the floor if it's not what I want.

7) I will not leave my trash on a random shelf. I will wait until I can find a garbage can.

8) I will not mistake the fitting room for a bathroom.

8a) If I do not want the clothes I have just tried them on I will leave them with the fitting room attendant, I will not dump the clothes on the floor.

9) In the bathroom I will use the toilets for their intended use and not spread my waste all over the walls and floor. If the toilet should overflow, I will find and employee and let them know so the mess can be cleaned up.

10) When making a return I will make sure I have the receipt, or some other proof of purchase. I will also make

sure I am within the allotted return time (ie: 7 days, 10 days, 90 days, etc). I will not throw a fit and threaten to "take my business elsewhere" or state that I "spend a lot of money here" and should therefore get my way.

10a) I will make sure I am returning something that the store sells. Not something that your competitor sells.

11) When checking out I will end my cell phone call long enough to complete the transaction.

11a) If I am paying in cash I will have my wallet in hand and will place the money in the cashiers hand.

11b) I will carry a wallet or purse and will not hand the cashier money out of my bra/underwear.

11c) I will not use a $100 bill to pay for a $5 order (especially not first thing in the morning).

11d) If I am using a credit/debit card, I will make sure I know my PIN, and how to use the card scanner.

11e) If I am using EBT/WIC, I will make sure I am buying only EBT/WIC approved items.
 
11f) If I am using coupons (either regular coupons or special store coupons) I will let the cashier know BEFORE they start ringing up the sale. I will not demand discounts I am not entitled to.

11g) If an item rings up for the wrong price I will politely point it out and not accuse the cashier (or the store) of trying to rip me off.

12) I will not act like I am entitled to special treatment. I will not threaten, abuse, admonish, augur, blackmail, bluster, browbeat, bully, caution, comminate, cow, enforce, flex muscles at, forebode, forewarn, fulminate, growl, intimidate, look daggers at, make threats to, menace, portend, presage, pressurize, push around, scare, scowl, shake fist at, snarl, spook, terrorize, torment, or walk heavy to get my way.

12a) I understand that sometimes mistakes happen and will not hold it against the employee.

13) I understand that the employees do not set the prices for items.

13a) I understand that the employees are only doing what they are being told to by their managers, who are being told to do by corporate.

14) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I TRY TO STEAL ANYTHING FROM THE STORE. I understand that doing so will result in legal actions being taken against me.

I have read and understood the above rules and further understand that breaking any of the above rules will result in a $10 annoyance fee added to my total for each rule broken.

Signed,
[Customer]


So, as usual, I ask you my fellow RHUers, what did I leave out?

--NC Tony

Coming soon: customer contracts for restaurants, your managers, other (asshole) employees and whatever other jobs you can think of that need contracts like this.

RHU ADVICE: How Do I Get More Hours?

From Captain No-Babies

Hello Again RHU, I wanted to ask advice on getting more hours at work. This year, corporate had my manager hire RIDICULOUS amounts of people for the holidays as seasonal workers, but my manager doesn't know how to let people go when their time is up.

This means that there's about 15 people on the schedule, when we normally are running on about 8 people. This wasn't a HUGE deal in December, because I was still about to get about 15 hours a week, which is normal for me, but now that it's January, I've been getting 4 hours a week after being there for over 2 1/2 years, which is longer than any of the other sales associates. In fact, I'm getting the same number of hours as the seasonal workers, untrained workers, and lazy workers are getting.

My manager constantly raves about how great I am and how hard I work, as does the district manager, and I've had multiple compliments to corporate from customers, yet I'm being treated like trash with my hours. My manager also just accepted a girl transferred into our store, even though our sister store in the same complex desperately wants her, and we barely have enough hours as is. I'm not too worried about getting hours for the rest of my winter break, because I go back to school in a couple weeks, but I am very worried about the summer.

I know that over the summer I'd like at least 20 hours a week, but full time would be really nice, however, the corporate policy is that only managers and assistant managers can be full time, and supervisors can have up to 29.5 hours, while associates can have up to 19.5 hours.

I don't want to leave my store, because as much as I complain about it, my co-workers aren't as terrible as some of the ones that I read about and I do enjoy my job.

Should I apply everywhere I can, and tell my manager if I get something and then either quit or work two part time jobs, or should I tell my manager up front that I need more hours, and I'd really like to move up in the company so I can get more hours and see what she can do for me? 

Thanks for the advice in advance!

May all your customers be nice, 

--Captain No-Babies

Retail Hell Survival Tool

 

6 Things To Be Thankful For In Retail Hell

Hello RHU! 

It's the Crankie Cashier and I am back to work... just in time for Black Friday too yayyyy :/. Anyway work has been kind of fun recently and as much as I bitch to anyone who will hold still long enough (sorry Dad and roommates) I do have a lot to be thankful for. So I figured I would make a list.

1. Boss Lady, the supervisor of my department. She constantly goes out of her way to make life easier for us cashiers. She fixes computer problems, schedules (not at all part of her job) problems between people, and still manages to put up with all the personalities in the front end. She has our backs and we know it. She is one of the main reasons i have held off on getting another job, because well, managers are usually assholes.

2. The coworkers who do not have sticks up their asses and do their jobs. They make horribly boring stretches of work amusing with jokes and bouncy balls. They make amusing faces when old men touch your ass. Not to mention the hours of drunk jokes. Yes we all piss each other off, but for the most part we are in hell together so we might as well make the best of it.

3. The regulars. Yup they are weird, and sometimes smell odd. And stare at my boobs... a lot. But they are usually in a good mood and willing to wait patiently while i fix problems for them (like the old ladies in diner dash). Not to mention I can swear around them. Sometimes it just feels really good to drop a good swear word in the middle of a shift.

4. My managers, when I say no discount they back me up (usually). So in your face you cheap bastards.

5. Idiots, yeah they are annoying, but they make for good stories and are good for a laugh.

6. Polite people... there is a special place in heaven for these people.

Tis all for now, I am sure I will be back to my usual bitching soon. Good luck with the Christmas Crazies.

--The Crankie Cashier

How Retail Slaves Survive the Holidays

NC Tony's Retail Slave Wish List 2011

After all the positive feedback I got from last year's list, I decided to make another one for this year. I promised it, so here it is, the Retail Slaves Wish List 2011. This is by no means a complete list, so let me know what I may have forgotten.

Baby pictures: For those of you who don't (yet)/don't want to have children, you can now have wallet sized pictures of adorable babies to carry around. Why? For the next entitled idiot that threatens to get you fired!

Crusty: I don't like the way I was treated, I want to talk to your supervisor. I'm going to get you fired.

You (pulling out baby pictures): Could you do me a favor?

Crusty: What?

You (showing her pictures of adorable babies): Could you explain to my son(s)/daughter(s) [insert appropriate guilt trip such as baby needs an operation, why they won't be getting any presents this birthday/Christmas, basic needs like food and shelter]?

Those of you with children simply need to carry around pictures of your kids when they were babies, even if they are old enough to have jobs and families themselves. If you look too old to have young children simply refer to the angel faced cherubs in the pictures as your grandchildren. Available in boys and girls (mix and match for multiple children to heap on the guilt).

Fake smile: Does your face hurt from having to paste on a fake smile for every entitled asshole that comes through your line? Are you sick and tired of having to grin and bear it when some dickhead yells and screams at you for upholding company policy? Does your jaw ache from having to smile while some fuckface tears into you because you can't do the impossible? Now simply wear a fake smile over your own grimace of anger while your eyes convey all the hate necessary. Available in all skin tones for men and women.

Spawn B-Gone: Hate screaming, unruly children? Of course you do! Now with Spawn-B-Gone you don't have to deal with them. Developed by scientists, Spawn-B-Gone is a odorless gas that flows through the vents into the store and harmlessly puts small children (newborn-toddlers) to sleep. Older children (4 and up) will feel lethargic and listless, and less likely to get into shit. The effects wear off as soon as the children are out in the parking lot. Note: Spawn B-Gone does not actually make small children disappear.

Trash magnet: So there you are cleaning up, and you find an empty Starbucks cup stuck on a shelf. There's a garbage can five feet away. Ever wish you could find the responsible party? The trash magnet (an odorless spray that coats the customers clothes when they enter the store) will force their own trash to stick to their clothes unless it's deposited in an appropriate trash receptacle.

1,001 Ways To Get Revenge: This is more for your coworkers and managers who are out to get you, or prefer to throw you under the bus to save their own ass. 1,001 sneaky, devious, underhanded ways to get revenge on them that can never be tracked back to you. From simple things like keying their car, to kidnapping their pets for ransom. Also going to extreme measures like putting them on the mailing list for the Westboro Baptist Church or hiring an ex-con to rob their house while they're at work. Also available: 1,001 Ways To Get Revenge: Corporate Edition.

Terry Everton and Burger Bitch's Big Book of Insults: Tired of calling someone an asshole or a stupid bitch? Let RHU's experts in new curse words give you the arsenal to unleash as soon as Fuckneck McCockknuckle's back is turned. Let that dicktooth know exactly what you think of them, even if you can't say it to their face. Also good for the coworkers described above.

How to Be Condescending and Get Away With It: Along with the Big Book of Insults, this book gives you scathing ways to tell customers and asshole coworkers to fuck off and die without actually saying "Fuck off and die". Now you can let customers and idiot coworkers know exactly how you feel about them without getting in trouble for it. Now you can insult customers intelligence, upbringing, education level, and even their looks right to their face without them being any the wiser that they've been insulted. Special index: 20 ways to flip someone off right in front of their face. Includes the old favorites of scratching your face, adjusting your glasses, and new sneakier techniques of careful hand adjustment so that your middle finger is always pointed at the customer (but not so they'd notice).

Closing Time Stun Doors: It's two minutes to close, and here comes some asshole who decided to wait until the last minute to come shopping. They promise to be "real quick" but you know that "real quick" turns into you staying a half hour past closing time. Well now, anywhere between ten and two minutes to close the doors go into stun gun mode. With all the voltage of a police tazer, anyone waiting until the last minute to come in "real quick" will get a real quick jolt of 50,000 volts (customers exiting will not be affected). Can also be adjusted to stun anyone other than an employee trying to get in before the store officially opens.

Trapdoors at closed registers: Don't you hate it when your register is closed and some brain dead cockslap comes up and dumps their shit on your register despite the CLOSED sign? Well a simple push of a button will render your line closed again as a trapdoor opens under their feet. For those of you who don't want to hurt anyone, the space under the trapdoor can be equipped with a mattress, and an escape staircase that lets out in the parking lot.

Coffee Call-Back: Hate it when coffee customers yell at you for screwing up their orders, when it's their fault because they weren't specific? Now with Coffee Call-Back you can nip this annoying problem in the bud. Coffee Call-Back records the customer's order, and will play it back as soon as the customer complains that you screwed up their order. The crusty then has two choices: take the drink that they ordered, or pay half the cost of the drink to have it remade. Deluxe model comes with video playback.

Hounds: So you've made the announcement that your store is closing in 15, 10, 5 minutes. The Stun Doors have kept out the riffraff, and now the store is closed. Final announcement; "Ladies and gentlemen, we are now closed, please take your final purchases to the nearest register or we will release the hounds. Thank you for shopping at The Big Fancy." Hounds will be trained only to chase but not attack custys unless they're provoked. Hounds will also be trained not to attack retail slaves.

Baseball bat clue-by-fours: Now there's no need to carry around a unwieldy piece of wood. All new clue-by-fours have been turned into easy to carry baseball bats. Still with the same ability to knock sense into even the dumbest customer.

Real life censor/mute: Tired of customers calling you a stupid asshole or (even worse) a dumb cunt? Well with the real life censor their insults get turned into grade school insults that make them sound stupid. How funny would it be to hear "stupid asshole" turned into "stupid airnose"? "I can't fucking believe how fucking stupid and incompetent you are" becomes, "I can't fudgecicle believe how Frosted Flakes stupid and inclockable you are... wait, what the french toast did I just say?" For those more severe insults (being called a cunt, or having your race or sexual orientation insulted) the real life censor simply bleeps out the words. Can also be adjusted to mute the crustys voice altogether.

So there you have it thirteen brand new items that if they existed would make our lives so much easier.

-NC Tony

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE TONY'S 2010 LIST!

 

 

RHU Black Friday Message

Black Friday Slaves of Discount Rat Hell,

May your custys be nice and your coworkers and managers on their best behavior. If it gets too much, take that break you never take, hide out in the stockroom for deep breathing meditation or Black Friday Bitchfest 2011. Play Angry Birds. Medicate yourself with chocolate, leftover pumpkin pie, or a gallon of coffee and 500 cigarettes. Just remember, no matter how bad Retail Hell gets, it's not who you are and it's not coming home with you. So it can just fuck right off! And you can have a good laugh about it later with coworkers and friends.

Stay strong RHUers and keep those Retail Balls at the ready.

--Freddy

 

T-Shirt Sponge: Pre-Black Friday Coupon Hell and Surving the Corporate Machine

Hello and happy The-Apocalypse-Still-Hasn't-Come-and-Killed-us-All-Yet to you all!!
 
I've been working a lot of 3am and 4am shifts lately, doing signage and markdowns, so I generally leave before the customers even get in the store. So not a whole lot of stories to share. Although today I got to change the Supermodelquins :D That was interesting. It was kind of like Wheel of Fortune for me - I enjoyed it, but gratuitous swearing must be involved. I've never called a hunk of plastic BIGGER THAN ME 'whore' so many times. 
 
I did get to tell some custys to suck it a few weeks ago when we had our one day 40% off sale for cardholders. I didn't work the sale, but I worked the day before, and everyone wanted special treatment. One lady surmised the situation nicely.

Idiot: "Can I use this 40% off coupon?"

Me: "No, that's for tomorrow only."

Idiot: "Oh...well can you hold [useless bag of crap] until tomorrow?"

Me: "No, we're not doing any holds until tomorrow, that wouldn't be fair to the other customers.

Idiot: "Oh....well can you check?"  

*This is where I ask my manager over the radio for the customer's sake. Manager says no.*

Idiot: "Oh...well will your manager just give me the 40% off today?"

Me: "WTHAKLFID?!?$^&% - No. The sale is tomorrow."

Idiot: "Oh...well can you call her up here and ask her?"

Me: "No. She's not going to break the rules just for you."

>.> I was so flabbergasted that the only appropriate word was 'flabbergasted'.  

That shit went on all day. Not my goddamn fault you're too stupid to read a coupon.  

We also have a new store manager, and I like the guy, he's nice and pretty damn efficient, but he's just a little too.....corporate for me. Tell me if this makes sense to you folks....

I come in the other day and the head cashier and I are chatting up policies and she tells me "You know about the rule where if a customer is disputing a price within $10, you can just change it for them, right?" Yeah, I know. Not my favorite policy, but saves us time looking for the sign to tell them they're wrong. Lately I've been doing signage, so I KNOW which signs say what and I don't have to resort to that since I can tell them I know they're wrong.

"Well, NewSM is REALLY enforcing that with everyone."

Ok NBD.

"Also, if they bring you a coupon that's expired, they're telling us to just go ahead and put it through..."

Umm....so we're gonna take the hit cuz illiterate dumbfucks dunno what fucking day it is? Alright....

"And, if they don't have a receipt, we're just doing the return for them."

Whaaaa? We have a whole policy on that, store credit in the mail, and we're just chucking it off the balcony??

"And, since we're the only store that does short breaks (a couple minutes for every few hours you work), and they're kind of a priveledge, they're starting to do away with those too."

Exsqueeze me? I know that our extra breaks are just that, extra, they're not mandated by law, and when it comes to the legal ones, our company is good about it, but I like that fact that my company cares enough about its employees to say "Ya know, maybe they need to sit for 10 minutes after being screamed at for 3 hours". It's not a lot, but it's extremely welcome and pretty revitalizing when you've got people roaring in your face, and it's something we're accostomed to.

So I know corporations aren't generally genuine, but I liked my company for the fact that at least it PRETENDED to be genuine. The managers didn't have to always be on top of us about email capture or credit cards because corporate wasn't constantly on their back about upping meaningless numbers. But when everything starts shifting corporate and becoming a number to the people that can't see us, when WE start becoming numbers, I feel uncomfortable. What do you guys think? Who's in the camp of "Suck it up and get used to it, cuz that's how the world works" and who's in the camp of "Don't become a faceless zombie working for the machine!"??
 
I work midnight on Black Friday, and the week before Christmas our stores are open 24/7, so I'll see you guys soon!

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

A Customer Contract

 

From Drugstore Diva:

After a hellish week at work, I have decided to write up the Customer Contract, rules for custys to agree on before visiting any retail establishment.

I the custy of [insert your store name here] agree to follow these rules while shopping:

 

 

I will bring my money into the store with me.

I will read the tags thoroughly to make sure I am purchasing the right item for that price.

I will control my children if they are with me.

I will not let my children play in the aisles.

I will replace any item I do not wish to purchase to the shelf where I found it.

I will not joke "It must be free" when an item does not scan.

I will not use my cell phone while in the checkout line.

I will not try to get non-approved foods with my WIC checks.

I will not blame the cashier when my bank declines my credit/debit card.

I will not hold up the line while I search the contents of my pocket/purse for just one more penny.

I will not blame the cashier because I forgot to give him/her my coupons.

I will not expect the cashier to read my mind and will speak my needs.

I will say please and thank you.

I will smile.

This list is in no way an exhaustive list, and management (or any employee) has the right to add as many rules as they wish.

--Drug Store Diva

Good Customer Service Pays Off

Hey, Stuck On Orange with a quick update.

Last week while covering returns, a man came in with an issue on his lawnmower he bought earlier this year. It won't start, and the service center he went to said there's nothing wrong with it.

So, I proceeded to get all his information and called the manufacturer. After about 20 minutes, we found out that particular service center has given customer's the runaround before. They put a work order in- and sent him to a different service center.

He thanked me profusely, and even called the management to commend me. Since then, hes been in the store 4 or 5 times, and makes it a point to thank me again.

Warm fuzzies to all,

--Stuck On Orange

 

Preference For Wasting Time At Work

 

Retail Hell Survival Laugh of the Day: Piggy Custy Leaves Present in Ice Cream Freezer

Hi there! It's Bakery Slave...

So there I was, with my Ice Cream Vendor (the ICV if you will) taking stock and chatting pleasantly...and what do I find nestled between the Lemon Granita and Blood Orange Gelato...

Me: Is this, what I think this is?

ICV: What is that? A Rag?

Me: Eww...it's a sock...

Thats right some classy lady thought it alright to peel of one of her nude geriatric, knee-high nylons and throw it into my ice cream freezer.

And you know what?

I don't even care, because we got some really good laughs out of it...

Me: So, is this how I get a discount now on ice cream? Start stripping by the displays?

ICV: I don't know, depends....was that for me or are you seeing other Suppliers behind my back???

Me: If that was the case you would've found my thong, because the delivery guy from "Smeopolitan" is a freaking dream...

ICV: That hurts, I thought we had something special...

Sometimes, you just have to laugh. :P

--Bakery Slave

 

Don't Go Into Retail Hell Without It

 

Best Complaint Jar Ever

Crenshaw Grocery Training

 

 

RHUer Needs Advice: Stay or Quit?

LaughingBarista again and this time I'm looking for some advice.

I just read through Damsel in this Dress's post and it reminded me that I, too, need the advice of my fellow slaves.

I've been working for the same famous donut shop who used to use John Goodman in its commercials (I don't know why they don't use him anymore--he's awesome!) for five years now. I used to only work there on my breaks from school but since I graduated last December, I've been working there full-time. I was promoted to assistant manager in February and while I really enjoy the people I work with (minus Jane and one or two other employees that I rarely, if ever work with) I am beginning to feel as if I am unappreciated and stressed.

Two days a week I work without the manager and am manager so she can have her days off. I am fine with this (even though it can be stressful at times) and even make an effort of staying late on my last day before my days off to get extra things done for the manager. I will clean the store from top to bottom, clean our office, the bathrooms, the windows and doors. I spend my own gas money picking up coins and things of that nature from the bank so she doesn't have to do it on my days off. I respond to emails and do the inventory when needed. Basically, I do all of the crap that she hates doing.

However, whenever I return from my days off all I hear is how much she hates taking her days off because she feels that I don't do a good enough job. She never says "Oh, thank you for doing this" but rather, she says "How could you forget to do thsi?!" or "You did this wrong."

I'm human and I can forget things at times and with my plate as full as it is, had I had a reminder from her I would have done it. Unfortunately, she won't do that and just expects me to read her mind (sounds like most of our customers).

I am stressed because I deal with a lot more crap now but only get paid $1.50 more than I did when I started five years ago. This stress has creeped a bit into my customer service because I've noticed that I'm way less patient than I was when all I did was deal with customers. All I want to do is keep good times (in the drive-thru) and get their stuff made as quickly as possible so I have extra time to get all of my other crap done.

This has been noticed by the manager who has pulled me aside and told me that I need to work on being more tolerant of rude customers (you know, the bullshit of the customer is always right and yaddayaddayadda). Since she told me this a few months ago I've been making a conscious effort of doing this and it has been noticed by everyone else BUT the manager who still claims that I am just as impatient as I was before I made the effort to try and work on everything. She went as far as telling the owner of the store this. I wouldn't have been so upset had he pulled me aside privately. Instead,  he called me out on it in front of everyone (he called a "meeting" and talked about not calling out rude customers and the manager said that I absolutely had to hear this and the owner made a point of only making eye contact with me the ENTIRE time).

What got me recently was that last week I had THREE people call out for the same day for different reasons. I called her to ask her what she thought I should do. I never asked her to come in (in fact, I told her that I wouldn't let her come in because that was her only day off with her husband) and I only wanted her opinion. She went on a ten minute rant to me about how she doesn't want me calling her on her days off anymore because it's causing issues between her and her husband (apparently he doesn't like when she answers my calls which are always about things that I need her approval on).

She then called me on both of her days off this week to see what was up. She even told me that if I need anything, to call her. I don't understand how she can tell me not to call her but then tell me that she wants me to call her if I need her.

I've asked her if there's anything going on (she used to be much nicer, friendlier and all-around more appreciative) and she keeps denying it and saying that everything's great. I don't believe her but I can't make her tell me something that she doesn't want to share.

I start my masters in a few weeks and because of that my shedule is not only being cut back a day but it's also getting cut back by a few hours each day (no more opening and no more ten to twelve hour shifts). I am happy with this but I'm not sure if I'm happy enough to stay there.

However, I do not have another job lined up and while I have a bit of money saved up where I could stand to not have a job for a few months and be good on all of my bills, it's not enough to get by for the next year (if I couldn't find a job). Plus, I have never worked while taking classes and I've also never taken any gradaute level classes before. I don't know if I'll be able to handle both at the same time (although, I may be able to handle it very well and I just don't know it).

What would you guys do if you were me? Would youy stay there until you found another job, would you quit or would you stay there and suck it up? If you would quit, would you go the two weeks notice route or would you quit on the spot and leave it at that?

I really appreciate any and all of the advice you guys can give me!

--LaughingBarista

 

Queer Geek's Custy Mantra for Apologizing

 

From Queer Geek:

In my line of work, I often have to apologize for things which are out of my control.  Saying I’m sorry to custys seems to be a like a broken record so I thought I would list a few of them for your enjoyment. 

I’m sorry for…see how easily it rolls off your tongue when you don’t mean it?

 

I’m sorry that you called our company and couldn’t get anyone on the line especially when your call wasn’t during normal business hours.  I’m sorry that no one was available at 3:00 a.m. in the morning.

*

I apologize that we turned down your NAT return especially when we never sold that product and that it was used beyond anyone’s recognition.

*

I’m sorry that everyone is watching you like a hawk especially when your picture is on every America’s Most Wanted List and you’ve got a felony record longer than most repeat offenders.  Of course it is not your fault that you’ve decided to come back to the same place you’ve been arrested several times before.

*

I’m sorry that your (insert relation here) was caught shoplifting and now is in custody.  Even though videotaped evidence and being caught red handed with the goods I’m sure the courts will sway in their favor.

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I apologize your package is going to arrive late.  I guess we should blame God for deciding to have a natural disaster in your area during the time of the delivery.

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I’m sorry we had to evacuate the store in the middle of your shopping time because we were in the middle of a natural disaster.  Dying is not that important when you’re in the middle of a sale.

*

I apologize for the homeless sleeping across the street.  We purposely put them for decoration because we want to reduce the beauty of our store.

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I’m sorry that we had to get law enforcement involved especially when you threatened our workers with bodily injury if we didn’t do what you said.

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I apologize that we could not accommodate your high maintenance personality with requests for limo service, champagne and Godiva chocolates, free merchandise, private jets to fly your packages to your residences, or treat you like royalty even though half of your luxury purchases you bought are used and returned by you.  We were not trained to deal with your entitled presence.

*

I’m sorry that we can’t close the business down for one day so that a pseudo-reality celebrity like yourself can have a free shopping day for themselves.  We just don’t know how to treat famous people.

*

I apologize for ruining your holiday event because you decided to order stuff last minute and didn’t realize that the postal service will have delays in deliveries.  Yes, its our fault we could not make miracles happen.

*

I’m sorry we are not perfect.  Yes, accidents will happen.  Mistakes will be made due to human error so I’m sorry that we broke the illusion that we were perfect!

--Queer Geek

 

9 Rules For Using Private Viewing Booths

Hola!  Meri Face here. 

I work at an adult store which unfortunately has viewing booths.  The list that follows is something that I wish I could make every booth creeper sign, as they are all based on these things having happened repeatedly.

Rules of the Viewing Booths:

1)  I don't want to touch, see, or be within 10 feet of your penis.  So don't ask.

2)  I don't want you to touch, see, or be within 10 feet of any part of my body.  So don't ask.

3)  I'm not interested in your creepy ass outside of work either.  So don't ask.

4)  If you come out to get more not-money, for the love of sweet Zombie Jesus, have your pants on and zipped.

5)  Don't leave your used napkins, tissues, rags, empty lube containers, condoms, cock rings, socks, undershirts, or underwear on the floor.  There's a trashcan back there in the middle of the room.  Use it.

6)  Per company policy, for liability reasons, it is men only in the booths.  While I might personally find this discriminatory, I'm not going to get fired for letting your wife or girlfriend back there.  Crudely offering to show me your wife or girlfriend's vulva will not  change that.

7)  Don't piss on the floor, in the trashcan, or anywhere else back there for that matter.

8)  Those no smoking signs on all the walls and in every booth?  Those mean NO GODDAMN SMOKING.

9)  If you think your question is going to be offensive, it is.  So don't ask.

I'll wrap this up with a short horror story:

Once an older man came in to use the booths.  He was wearing skin-tight, sheer-enough-to-see-the-details-of-his-underwear, red shorts.  He kept his money in his sock. 

To get it out, he put his foot up on the counter, bulge facing me.

--Meri Face out

 

Bodega Cats: NYC Grocery Market Protectors

 

 

Hellmart Slave Outsmarts Manager Who Insisted She Break Company Rules For An Illegal Return

Hellmart Slave did a move here that possibly saved her job. I can't tell you how many stories I've posted on RHU where Walmart slaves lost their jobs after breaking rules at the instance of a manager. She knew what would happen if she did the return and handled the situation professionally :

I recently went back to work at HellMart andI am a Deli associate for Hellmart, call me LadyBelle because that's just who I am. This is a story from years ago when I worked Service desk.

A custy brought in a VCR with no box or receipt. As per policy, we sent them to electronics to get an ok for the return. The electronics associate returned with the customer and explained that the model number proved that the VCR was at least three years old, well past the 90 day return limit, and they wouldn't take the merchandise.

I agreed and thanked the associate (they are associates not employees, afterall aren't we all friends not slaves *gag*)

I turned to the custy and stated, we could not return the item. Lo and Behold, ,,the custy used the magic words "I want to talk to a manager"

Of course the manager that came up was a sorry excuse who hated me, so she tole me to push the customer return through without a valid UPC and she would just ok it.

I trusted the "b" as far as I could throw her (though she was a tiny little thing), so I smiled sweetly and said "Ok, but I think this is an illegal transaction, so I refuse to have my numbers associated with it."

I logged out of the register with two keystrokes and backed about four steps away.

The manager turned a funny color and huffed at me, but she knew darn well it was against policy, so she could only say so much, and I wasn't being insubordinate, just smiling my best "f you" smile.

She glowered, but came around to our side of the service desk and signed in doing the return as an unknown UPC.

Funny thing is that manager has  been gone for years.

Gee, wonder if she made too many people mad, or just learned because she has boobs, the world doesn't revolve around her.

And since others have about pet peeves, I thought I would chime in about the deli counter:

Customer: I want roast beef. Make it the cheapest you have.

Slice roast beef.

Customer: wahhhh, this is all fatty and gristle, wahhhh.

Fantasy: Well no shirt sherlock, you asked for the cheapest crap.  It's cheap for a reason.

Reality: Yes, that is our cheapest cut. I can slice you top stuff, but it will be x more per pound.

--Ladybelle