RHU Slave: "I understand. It's very difficult to accessorize Army surplus."
Returner: "Yo man, 'dis don't fit."
RHU Slave: "You should really check the size BEFORE you boost things, son."
--Joe the Cigar Guy
1) Women belong in the kitchen!
- Yes sir, that's where all the knives are stored. *smile and stare them straight in the eyes*
- Yes sir, that's where we prepare the food. Coincidentally, it's also where many deadly chemicals are stored... under the sink.
- Well, sir, you obviously don't know what to do with one in the bedroom!
2) That's too heavy for a woman to carry!
- Oh no sir, I'm plenty strong enough. See, I believe blunt force trauma is the way to go. Stab a guy and he still comes after you. Bust a man's kneecaps and he's out of the fight.
- It's okay, we all know your penis is too small to belong to a real man. What? You can't take a joke?
4) Do you know who I am?
- No, but chances are I've already met three of whomever you tried to come up with.
5) I'm [insert higher up in company here]!
- Congratulations on your sex change since yesterday!
- Wait, weren't you [insert different ethnicity here] last week?
- And you've dyed your hair a time or two. I've seen you as a redhead, a brunette and a blonde in the last six months.
- Oh yeah, and your eye color changed too. Wow. That surgery must have cost a boatload, and you don't even have any scars!
- So, tell me truthfully, do you honestly want me to go on or do you just want to give up your scam and pay for your items? I can call the cops and report you for fraud too if you like.