I forget who did it, but a stand-up comic once put forth the theory that crazy mutterers have ESP. They're actually having a conversation with ANOTHER crazy mutterer thousands of miles away.
Crazy Mutterer #1: "Damn bastards cain't tell a Navy man how to drink! Ah bin' drinkin' since ah wuz FIVE!"
Crazy Mutterer #2: "Yer LYIN'! You wuz never in the Navy!"
--Joe the Cigar Guy