I'll just be brutally honest: I loathe working when Big A is off. I loathe it. He's not the most intelligent of people, frankly, but he's a hell of a lot smarter than most of the department managers, which isn't saying much considering that I'm entirely sure one of the requirements for becoming a member of management is complete and utter incompetence. Plus he gets a bit of a pass because he's still fairly new, but I digress.
The point is that I like working with Big A. And when he's off, we get stuck with Luis the Fucktastic Wonder. Oh my god, he's a fucking idiot. Fucktastic is the department head for produce, which is on the other end of the store and pretty much removed from garden operations. So he has absolutely no idea what's going on to begin with.
Monday night, I closed the garden. Granted, I wasn't scheduled to be alone, but Fucktastic sent the other two girls over to pull back to school and set up autumnals. So it was just me and D in the department. I was on register, D was watching the gate, since company policy is that we are supposed to have a people greeter on every entrance to watch for shoplifters. D isn't a people greeter, but management only schedules a couple of them in the evenings and garden doesn't seem to be on the list of priorities for one.
Now, I got in at 4 pm, and at 5 D needed to go on break, since he'd been there four hours with no break yet. Since he was on the door, I paged management to call the department so I could get someone to cover for D's break. Fucktastic called me, and this conversation ensued:
Fucktastic: We don't have enough door greeters in tonight.
Bitch Goddess: I know that, it's why D took over the door when Becca left, but he needs to go on break and I'm the only other person back here.
Fucktastic: Well, go ahead and send him on break.
Bitch Goddess: I still need someone to cover the door, can you send someone over from another department?
Fucktastic: Can't you handle it? It's only fifteen minutes.
What I wanted to say was, “No, you dumb fuck, I can't handle it alone. I haven't been able to do any of the ninety thousand other things I need to get done because store policy requires me to be chained to the register before 7 pm. Now you want me to watch for shoplifters, despite the fact that I can't fucking do shit about them anyway because I'm an hourly associate, and asset protection doesn't seem to give a shit about responding to calls?”
Unfortunately, because I need this stupid job, I swallowed my pride and said, “Yes, Fucktastic, I suppose I can.”
Fast-forward to a bit before 7, D has just gone to lunch, and I was milling around waiting to close the register so I can go on my fifteen and shovel some food down before I finally get to do the rest of the work I need to do. Awesome T came over at quarter til to tell me to close down early and go on break while he locked the gate for us (only management can lock the gate and they usually make us keep it open for an hour after we shut down the register) and then do what I need to do.
After my break, I put stock away and started on the watering around 7:30. Now, watering takes an hour or so with two people, and I was on my own, so I just wanted to focus on getting it done before my shift ended at 8:30. At a quarter to 8, I was finishing up the first half of the job when Fucktastic came out and started asking me where my coworkers were. D was about to leave, CG and Lady A were in back to school, and Skinny M wasn't on the garden schedule that night, he was cashiering. So I told him I was alone. He told the front manager over the walkie that I was watering and walked away, only to come back ten minutes later to tell me that they REALLY needed me up front for the last half hour of my shift:
Bitch Goddess: I really need to finish watering, the notes from our plant guy say that he's not sure that our closers have been doing it lately.
Bitch Goddess: Can you at least send CG or Lady A over to finish, since they're both here until ten?
Fucktastic: Lady A is on the front end right now too, and I need her back in school stuff when she's done, but I'll tell CG to get it done when she gets a chance.
Bitch Goddess: … Okay, fine. I'm going.
I just didn't feel like arguing with him any longer; I wasn't making any headway and he is dumb as a bag of rocks anyway. So I spent the last half hour of my shift on register.
The kicker? They didn't even actually need me, it wasn't busy, and I spent most of that thirty minutes standing there contemplating how long it would take the cops to figure it out if I were to smash Fucktastic's head in with a shovel.
Then I left Big A a note begging him not to subject me to Fucktastic's special brand of dumb fuckery and left for my two days off.
--Bitch Goddess of the Gardens