Retail Hell Underground

Donut Burgers: Great Idea or Greasy Sugary Mess?

Do you want one?

From Huffpo:

A little bit of Paula Deen is headed our way!

Sinfully decadent donuts (some of which seem to draw inspiration from the queen of butter) are popping up in Southern California thanks to Devilicious Donuts, which will be offering cheeseburger donuts, sushi donuts, blueberry donuts, and -- yes -- even vegan donuts at a restaurant set to open in Mission Viejo, Calif.

"No one does this in Orange County," owner Omar Amin said to the OC Register.

The shop will open at 28601 Marguerite Parkway, Mission Viejo.

Destined For Markdown

 

 

Hot Dog Pizza Crust: Hot Seller or Discontinue?

U.K. Pizza Hut is offering Hot Dog stuffed crust pizzas. Would you order one?

 

 

Half Full Glass: Hot Seller or Markdown?

What say you RHU? Do you want to buy a glass you can't fill up? They are 12 bucks by Half Full.

 

 

Grocery Store Candy Bouquets: Hot Seller or Markdown?

What say you RHU? FAIL or WIN? I couldn't decide how to post this because I do love me some Hershey's and M&M's but 20 bucks seems seriously overpriced! And you know the store (Alberstons in this case) pulled the items from their stock which probably cost them all of a few bucks and as shoppers we all know the prices of those candy bars. Is it an extreme mark up for a fun novelty gift?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jack In The Box's Bacon Shake: Add To The Menu or Discontinue?

I love me some bacon, but not sure about this!

From HuffPo:

Tired of going to the trouble of making your own bacon milkshakes at home? You're in luck -- as long as you don't live in the Northeast or Midwest. Eater reports that Jack in the Box, which has 2100 locations in 19 states, is adding a bacon milkshake to its menu for as part of its new "Marry Bacon" ad campaign.

The ad for the Jack in the Box bacon milkshake includes the important disclaimer that the beverage's stay on the menu will be "as limited as limited can be," and encourages would-be shake drinkers to act fast.

A Jack In The Box spokesperson told the Huffington Post, "The shake is not listed on our menus in the restaurants, so it’s more of a 'secret item' that people can order. Each restaurant is getting a very limited quantity, so we don’t know how long they will last."

After looking into the nutritional information on the bacon milkshake, we can't help but feeling relieved it won't be around forever. According to the Jack in the Box website, which lists the bacon shake as a beverage rather than a dessert, a "regular" 16 oz bacon shake weighs in at 773 calories and 40 grams and fat. A 24 oz large, meanwhile, add a whopping 1081 calories and 54 grams of fat to your meal.

We couldn't find any other examples of major chains serving bacon milkshakes in the past. But Denny's has been serving a bacon sundae since April, so Jack in the Box isn't the first chain to hop on the bacon dessert bandwagon.

via www.huffingtonpost.com

 

Here's one man's Bacon Shake testament:

 

 

Truthful Kardashian Signage

Doogie Doo Game: Hot Seller or Markdown?

 

From Bookstore Slave:

Dear god, who thinks of this "shit"? Yes, it's a game where your little hellspawn feed a toy dog play-dough rolls, squeeze a hand pump according to a dice roll and the dog eventually shits it out. Your child "wins" if they collect more "dog shit" than their friends. PLEASE tell me you would never EVER let your children THINK of collecting dog shit, much less buy this fucking game!

May all your hellspawn never get a "whiff" of this new toy...

--Bookstore Slave

 

Glam Tampons: Hot Seller or Markdown?

Ladies and gentlemen, I, Bookstore Slave, have never, ever, imagined that this day would come. I have included a slightly blurry but altogether REAL picture taken at my local Hell Mart.

"Punk Glam Tampons: Limited Edition Designer Series"

I shall now quote one of my favorite web comedians...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

I understand that it's nice to have feminine products that don't LOOK like feminine products, especially since they can be located in your purse along with your wallet, ID and check book, but for the love of god that time of the month is NOT a Glam worthy event that needs to drew attention to it.

PUNK GLAM worthy event to be exact. Like Punk Glam is more awesome than regular old run of the mill Glam even when applied to feminine products and biohazardous fluids? 

And no, I can't altogether blame the people who would buy it, because... yes... if it doesn't look like a tampon then it's less embarrassing to have to carry around with you. Oh no. I'm yelling at the designers who made this Piece Of Shit. Want to know why? I'll tell you.

What this picture does not give justice to is the fact that they SPARKLE like a pansy ass stripper vampire! YES! They sparkle! They have GLITTER embedded in the plastic!

Here's an AWESOME IDEA! Let's glue rhinestones and metal studs to the applicator on our next Punk Glam release! That's a money making idea right? RIGHT?! (Hint: WRONG!)

I shall now cower in a corner and think of happier things.

--Bookstore Slave

 

 

T-shirt For Water Boarding Lovers

I took this picture at a local gas station. The same one that had (before I purchased them :3) Backstreet Boys t-shirts. Who is in charge of this stuff?

--Aunty

 

Book Smell Spray: Hot Seller or Markdown?

Fragrance for your e-readers? While it looks like a joke, the folks at Smell of Books.com are dead serious and call their new tech-cessory product "Aerosol E-Book Enhancer." With Eau to cats and Classic Musty, they may need to rethink their fragrances - How about some chocolate, beer, new car smell, or fresh baked bread? Would you buy a can of fragrance for your e-reader?

 

Forget Shake Weight and Free Flexor, Here's Come's Jimmy Kimmel's Tug Toner

Now that's the way to work out!

 

 

 

Starbucks Coffee-Stained T-Shirt For $85: Hot Seller or Markdown?

So Starbucks jumped into bed with a few lesser-known fashion designers and let them spill coffee at a retail price of $85. Will you spill the cash to buy one?

From Yahoo:

Starbucks is celebrating their 40th birthday, and to commemorate they’ve asked Alexander Wang, Sophie Theallet, and Billy Reid, the recipients of the past three annual CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund awards, to design limited edition t-shirts for the brand. The tees are currently available at StarbucksStore.com and select Nordstrom locations for a very pricey $85. Do they not realize it's a recession? We can't even spend $85 on our close friends for their birthdays, so why would we give it to Starbucks for theirs?

All of the tees incorporate the company logos and Alexander Wang decided to do so with a coffee stain design that bleeds into the Starbucks Siren. Funny? Slightly. But we think the joke is on you if you spend $85 to wear a designer coffee stain that promotes Starbucks.

The other thing that makes us sad is that Starbucks tries to act like they did some great thing by selecting Vogue Fashion Fund award winners to make these t-shirts. The Vogue Fashion Fund gives annual grants to support emerging designers. But Alexander Wang is now a well established, successful designer and NONE of the proceeds of these expensive t-shirts go to anything other than Starbucks.

Well, Happy birthday, Starbucks, but consider our skim latte your birthday gift. Maybe we'll even spill it on ourselves for free.

via shine.yahoo.com

Ben and Jerry's New Schweddy Balls: Hot Seller or About To Be Discontinued?

Would you eat Ben and Jerry's Schweddy Balls? Perhaps you've already had them in your mouth? What do you think RHU? Are these Schweddy Balls tasty like Chef's chocolatey ones? Or are these balls about to be sent packing to the 99 cent store?

The Huffington Post wants to see those balls squashed:

Ice cream and SNL enthusiasts were atwitter yesterday with the news that Ben & Jerry's was releasing Schweddy Balls ice cream. HuffPost Food just couldn't resist those schweddy balls, so we got our hands on a pint (okay, four actually). The flavor is a vanilla base with two kinds of balls: chocolate covered rum balls and chocolate covered milk balls.

Molly Shannon may have told Pete Schweddy that he had some beautiful balls, but our taste testers were decidedly more mixed:

• "Disappointed for all the hype."


• "Disappointing. Essentially just vanilla ice cream with some Whoppers in it. Not the flavor explosion I would expect out of Schweddy Balls."


• "Good vanilla ice cream, as is standard from Ben & Jerry, but I didn't think there were enough balls in the ice cream. Even when you open the carton, you can see, like, a single ball, and that's it."


• "The quality of the malt balls itself is pretty great -- they're crunchy and contrast nicely with the ice cream. Schweddy Balls suffers from the unfortunate problem of un-ballsyness. There just aren't enough balls to go around. Sad.


• "The flavor isn't nearly as exciting as the name. Not nearly as rummy as I expected, and the texture of the balls was a little on the soft side."


• "The ice cream itself is nice and vanilla-beany, but no hint of rum as described. Not enough balls for an ice cream whose main selling point is ballage, but the rum ball I tried was nice and rummy."


• "Not enough balls! And the freezing of a malt ball is sort of a weird texture."


• "It would be better if there were more balls."

Final grade: C. Sadly, maybe we can resist those Schweddy Balls after all.

Alec Baldwin is obviously proud to become part of an elite few who receive the honor of a Ben & Jerry's tribute flavor, and we're sure Molly Shannon, Anna Gasteyer and rest of "SNL" are too. They join fellow funny people Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon and Monty Python.

WATCH: The original sketch

 

Gelli Baff: Hot Seller or Markdown?

From Erika. This shit looks fun and toxic at the same time. It turns water into a jelly like goo and then magically back to water again. Will every child and kinky couple in a America want to try it?

 

 

 

 

Scary Welcome Birds Destined For Markdown

Posted by Calindy on Facebook: So here's a "Future Markdown" item. It's supposed to be a set of lil birds with parts of them made out of red vines and leaves and berries, but honestly it looks like they're littel zombie birds with all their littel birdie insides falling out. come to think of it, I kinda want one now for eh sheer zombie-awesomeness potential.

 

Jesus Cross Destined For Markdown

WTF??? Perhaps they forgot a dot and meant $2.50?

 

Sky Mall's The Zombie of Montclaire Moors

Oh yeah, I want a whole yard full of them. But I think he looks a little too mental patient like, I'd have to zombie him up a bit with blood and flesh wounds. And how about a zombie girl?

Sky Mall's Zombie of Montclaire Moors is $99.95 (ouch!)

 

Let's hope for a Zombie of Montclair Moors Markdown in November! =D

Instant Eye Lift - Hot Seller or Markdown?

 

 Creepy eyes? In some examples the women looked like they were at the begining stages of an allergy attack.

 

 

The Hoffsicle: Hot Seller or Markdown?

Do you all want to lick The Hoff? David Hasselhoff thinks so. And so does Del Monte! They've just come out with a smoothie flavored popsicle shaped like his image. What do you guys think? Is it headed for nationwide distrubution? or will it be sent packing to the dollar stores? I have to say, if they came infused with vodka or whiskey, I would definetly lick a Hoffsicle. Either way you'll enjoy his hilariously cheesy promotional video.