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CLICK HERE TO SEE TONY'S 2010 LIST!
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From NC Tony: While I am still working on the Slaves Wish List 2011, I've also been working on this. A letter I'm sure a lot of you wish you could fire off to the corporate headquarters of your shitty job.
--NC Tony
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From NC Tony: With all the posts about Hellspawn, I figured everyone would appreciate this article. Interview with the reporter is above.
Article from CNN.com:
CNN Editor's note: LZ Granderson writes a weekly column for CNN.com. He has just been named Journalist of the Year by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association. He is a senior writer and columnist for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com, and a a 2010 nominee and the 2009 winner of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation award for online journalism. Follow him on Twitter: @locs_n_laughs
Grand Rapids, Michigan (CNN) -- If you're the kind of parent who allows your 5-year-old to run rampant in public places like restaurants, I have what could be some rather disturbing news for you.
I do not love your child.
The rest of the country does not love your child either.
And the reason why we're staring at you every other bite is not because we're acknowledging some sort of mutual understanding that kids will be kids but rather we want to kill you for letting your brat ruin our dinner.
Or our plane ride.
Or trip to the grocery store.
Or the other adult-oriented establishments you've unilaterally decided will serve as an extension of your toddler's playpen because you lack the fortitude to properly discipline them, in public and at home.
And we know you don't discipline them at home because you don't possess "the look." If you had "the look," you wouldn't need to say "sit down" a thousand times.
If you had "the look," you wouldn't need to say much of anything at all. But this nonverbal cue needs to be introduced early and reinforced diligently with consequences for transgressions, just like potty training. And whenever a kid throws a temper tantrum in the middle of the shopping mall it's just as bad as his soiling his pants to spite his parents, and it stinks just as much.
If you had 'the look,' you wouldn't need to say 'sit down' a thousand times.I have seen a small child slap her mother in the face with an open hand, only to be met with "Honey, don't hit Mommy." I have seen kids tell their parents "Shut up" and "Leave me alone" at the top of their lungs -- and they are not put in check. I shake my head knowing it's only going to get worse from here.
If I'm sounding a bit judgmental, I assure you I am not alone in my judgment.
Remember that couple that was kicked off an AirTran flight for being unable to control their 3-year-old back in 2007? The child threw a tantrum, refused to get in her seat and delayed the flight by 15 minutes. In a subsequent interview with "Good Morning America," the mother talked about how much more understanding the passengers were compared to the crew that removed the family. That may be true -- but I'm also willing to bet plenty of passengers were happy to have a much quieter flight. An AirTran spokesperson estimated 95% of the 9,000 e-mails the airline received were supportive of taking the family off the plane, according to MSNBC
Responding to complaints about crying babies keeping people awake, Malaysia Airlines decided to ban infants from first class in some of its flights.
I don't know about you but I would gladly support an airline or restaurant that didn't make someone else's yelling, screaming, kicking offspring my problem.
And there are kid-free cruises and resorts for a reason.
Children are wonderful but they are not the center of the universe. The sooner their parents make them understand that, the better off we all will be.
This is the part of child-rearing people don't like to discuss, because socially, it's not OK to dislike kids. The ugly truth is it's the spineless parents who parade their undisciplined children around like royalty that make people dislike kids.
Parents who expect complete strangers to just deal with it are not doing anyone, including their children, any favors. They are actually making things worse. Not only are their children allowed to interrupt social events and settings when they are young, but they often grow into disruptive forces in the classrooms later. And nobody likes them for that.
I covered education for years and one of the biggest complaints from teachers was about the amount of time they spent disciplining students. Their threats were empty because parents sided with their kids. And, of course, the use of corporal punishment in the classroom is seriously frowned upon, and even punished.
Spanking is not a cure, and should not be the first resort, but I don't think it should automatically be taken off the table when dealing with small kids. We're so preoccupied with protecting children from disappointment and discomfort that we're inadvertently excusing them from growing up.
A young child slapping his or her parent's hand away in defiance is not cute, it's disrespectful. In my house, growing up, that would have earned much more than "the look" from my mother.
If I sound a bit old-school, I am. If I'm coming across as a bit of an ogre, so be it.
As a parent, I can empathize with how difficult raising children can be. There are challenges, especially within the framework of divorce, when parental guilt can sometimes blur what should be the best decision.
But I don't believe making a child's wishes top priority is a demonstration of love. Nor do I believe I, or the rest of the world, should act as a surrogate parents for somebody's bad-ass kids.
You wanted them, deal with them.
via www.cnn.com
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NC Tony here with a short but funny story of instant karma biting someone in the ass.
Now, there have been various submissions here about idiots and shopping carts (mainly people being so fucking lazy they can't be bothered to walk five feet to put their cart in a corral and instead just leave it in the middle of the parking space where it either takes up a space or rolls off and hits someones car), but what I saw the other day may be the best form of revenge ever.
I had just pulled into Wal-Mart and as per usual there was a full parking lot, I pull into a spot and directly in front of me is an SUV, to the right of the SUV is a woman loading her bags into her car (her car was facing out, meaning she wouldn't have to back out of the space), and when she's done, she leaves the cart and gets in her car.
Now the parking lot is on a slight angle, so the cart leans with the slope, resting against the drivers side of the SUV in front of me, just as the owner comes back. He looks at the cart, and the woman in the car next to him (she's still getting herself adjusted), takes the cart like he's going to put it in the corral (which is two spots away to his right, my left), and instead parks the cart in front of her car, gets in his SUV and drives off!
The look on her face was classic, I really wish my phone had a camera, I would have loved to get video of this for you guys! You wanna talk about a WTF look, this was it! I got a good laugh out of it, and the woman now had to get out of her car, move the cart, and even then she put it NEXT TO the corral, instead of in the corral (an extra two steps), all the time looking pissed off that someone dared to call her on her rudeness! As I walked into Wal-Mart, still chuckling to myself, all I could think was "Serves you right! I wonder if Freddy will give a Retail Balls award to this guy, whoever he may be?"(ABSOLUTELY!!)
--NC Tony
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Hey all, NC Tony here. I've been meaning to submit these for a while, but a family emergency kept me busy for the past couple of weeks.
Anyway, here are three stories from the past that I wanted to share with you, in chronological order.
Restaurant Hell:
The oddly named Bleeker Street Bagelry (oddly named because it was in Downtown Charleston, SC, on King Street) where I was a server is where our first story takes place.
One day I'm waiting on an elderly couple, I had just walked up to the table and was doing my usual greeting. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice movement.
Thinking it's another server, I glance up ready to move out of the way, as it turns out it was a friend of mine who worked a couple blocks away coming in to pick up a to-go order. "Oh, hey." I say, as I move to let him pass, and turn my attention back to my table.
A few minutes later (after I dropped off their food) the manager (who for some reason hated me) calls me off to the side and tells me that my table complained because I "stopped taking their order to talk to my friend".
WTF? I had gotten as far as "Hi, my name is NC Tony, how are you folks doing today? (notice my friend, move so he can get by) Oh, hey. (turn back to the table) What can I get you folks to drink?"
I said all of two words to my friend, moving so he could get by me, and turned my attention back to my table. Sure, maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but it's not like I turned away from the table and said "Hey, man, how are you? How's everything going, did you get that problem with your car fixed? Is the party still on tomorrow night? Did you hear about Joe and what happened with him and his girlfriend last week? They broke up."
I tried to defend myself, but he kept cutting me off and told me not to let it happen again.
I quit a month later and moved onto...
Bookstore Hell:
I've mentioned in the past how I worked at a calendar store, from November to February. The calendar store was the satellite location to a Waldenbooks. Both were in the lobby of a hotel (opposite ends of the building).
Many of the employees who started with the store were called in a couple of weeks early to help with stocking (yes, we were paid), moving small bookshelves and setting up window displays. The store actually opened in the summer, and since it was right next to the hotel doors that led to the outside, we kept the store doors opened to let the air in (since the central heating and air hadn't been turned on yet).
The door was blocked by a big sign that read COMING SOON in big green letters with the actual date underneath. In order to get in, you literally had to squeeze past and move the sign.
So a week before we open, we're taking a break sitting around bullshitting. Keep in mind the door is blocked by the COMING SOON sign, several shelves are still empty, the window displays are half done, the registers have just been hooked up, empty boxes are flattened in a neat pile between the registers and magazine racks, the magazine racks are empty, and we're sitting around on the floor in dirty jeans and t-shirts. This woman pushes past the sign, walks in and looks around at the half finished store, the group of us sitting on the floor talking and then asks the mind numbingly dumb question...
Guess what she said?
Go on, guess.
If you guessed "Are you open?" you get a cookie. My manager, bless her heart, didn't have the heart to flat out tell this woman she was a moron, but instead said, "No, we open in a week, just like it says on the sign you pushed past to get in."
Then the woman comes out with this gem, "Oh, I didn't see it."
You didn't see it?! The sign is five feet high, blocking the door so you have to MOVE IT to get past it, says COMING SOON in BIG BOLD GREEN LETTERS, and you didn't see it?
You may facepalm now.
And finally, from my current job,
During the holidays as you all know, stores stay open later, and sales happen pretty much every other day. This happened around mid-December.
I was scanning signs in the intimates (lingerie) department. Now of course the RF guns beep whenever we scan a sign. I'm going through in my usual pattern, scanning and beeping, and there's a lady looking around, just by mere coincidence I happen to be right behind her. I move around her and continue scanning, thinking nothing of it, it happens all the time, I politely say excuse me, move around the custy and continue my work.
A few moments later we're on opposite sides of another fixture, again, I pay it no mind, I'm used to working around customers, I move around the fixture and am again standing next to her.
Then I get this, "I'm nervous, I feel like you're following me. You're scaring me."
Now, other than saying "Excuse me" to her just a few moments ago, I had barely even glanced at her. To me she was just another faceless custy. I was actually stunned for a moment.
Finally I said, "I'm sorry if you feel that way, but I'm not following you. I'm just doing my job, and just by coincidence we happened to cross paths."
She quickly left, and I again shrugged it off.
I'm not a scary looking guy (at least I don't think so), nor am I physically imposing, so I don't know what scared her about me. I did see her talking to one of the managers as I continued to scan, pointing at me.
The manager never came to talk to me, so I suppose she just assured the woman that I was doing my job, and was not in fact following her, and was not a threat.
Either that or promised to talk to me later to ease this woman's mind. I know it's not very exciting, but it was just weird. Usually when I'm scanning around customers there's usually the joke of "Let's get this now before they raise the prices!" or questions of "Is the price going down, is it going on sale tomorrow?" Never any complaints of feeling like they're being followed, and being scared of me.
Anyway, that's all for now.
--NC Tony
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This is another one from the Missus. As stated before she works at the photo lab at Wally World.
One of her last customers of the day was using one of the do-it-yourself instant photo machines. If you've never used of one of the machines it basically walks you through the process. This guy had trouble finishing up the process (which it shows you how to do about 4 or 5 times). She said he also was looking more and more nervous as the process went on.
That's not the Wow part. As my wife was looking through the pictures most of them featured a naked woman in various poses. Some of them showing off all her goods, some of them were borderline pornography (as in, if she had been turned just so...).
The basic decency rules are no nipples and nothing south of the waist.
In the end she was only allowed to give him 16 of the 39 pictures he made. He then asked her if there was anywhere else where he could get the remaining 23 pictures printed. She assured him that no one else would be willing to print them.
The kicker?
The machines are all facing the main aisle of the store where a Kinnect demo unit is set up and who wants to stop and try out the Kinnect?
That's right... kids.
This guy couldn't figure out how to use the machine, and was using a machine that at any given moment a little kid could have walked by and seen the pornographic pictures he was printing out.
Some people.
--NC Tony
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What the hell ever happened to common courtesy? I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it just pisses me off that words like "please" and "thank you" have all but disappeared from the English language... ESPECIALLY in retail! Is it so fucking hard to add an extra word or two to your daily interactions with other human beings? That is, if you can get off your fucking cell phone long enough to talk to the flesh and blood people around you.
Over the last three or four days I have seen people grunt their way through transactions in retail, fast food, and at the help desk. Cases in point:
At the gas station a few days ago, customer in line in front of me: "$18 on 8." (puts the money down and walks out without waiting for the cashier to confirm it).
Cashier: He can wait. What can I do for you?
Me: Can I get $20 on six please?
Cashier: Sure thing.
Me: Thanks.
See? Was that so fucking hard?
At Barnes and Noble, there was the typical "I'm looking for a book, it's by this guy, it's got a blue cover" custy there, and then there was me. "I'm looking for "And Another Thing", it's the sixth book in the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series."
Help desk (types it into the computer): Yep, we've got it, follow me.
(Takes me to the book.)
Me: Sweet. Thanks.
And last night at KFC:
After I ordered there was the customer behind me.
KFC slave: Hi, how are you?
Guy: (grunts something)
KFC slave: Is this going to be here or --?
Guy: No... to go.
KFC slave: What can I get for you?
Guy: Gimmie 20 hot wings.
Really? He grunted "Gimmie 20 hot wings." Whatever happened to "Can I have an order of hot wings?" or "I'd like an order of hot wings"? I would have said something, but this guy was built like a fucking tank. Easily a foot taller than me (and I'm close to six feet), and shoulders like a linebacker. But seriously, how much effort does it take to be nice and add a couple extra words to your interaction with people? Especially people handling your food.
I know you, my fellow RHUers, take the time to be pleasant, smile, say "Please" and "Thank you" to the retail slaves who get treated like shit by every other asshole customer that tromps through their workplace everyday.
Just needed to vent.
--NC Tony
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I know that the self-scan registers are a bone of contention here.
I also know that despite the fact that the thing talks to you and has on-screen directions people still have no idea how to use the fucking things, but what I saw last night takes the cake.
I was making a late night run because we were out of a few essentials. I head up to the self-scans figuring I could still get in and out quickly.
No such fucking luck.
There are four self scans and they all have lines. And of course there is one rude bitch who has a cart full of shit way over the 20 items limit. I chose the shortest line with only one person, thinking it won't be so bad.
Again, no such fucking luck.
The dingbat couple in front of me hit the debit card button... and then try to put cash in the machine.
*facepalm*
Look around, nope, other registers still being used. Instead of looking at the screen (and the button that says "Cancel payment"), they had to call the cashier over to hit the button for them.
Then they hit the "cash" button, and put in half the amount in cash, then they wanted to put the rest of the money on their debit card. So they had to call the poor cashier over again.
By this time, another register was clear, so I grabbed my shit and headed over there. In the time it took these morons to split their payment between cash and debit, I scanned all my stuff through and was out the door.
If you need to split your payment like that, use a regular cashier! That's what they're there for! (Mrs. NC reminded me "That would make sense!")
How many times do we have to say it: IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE SELF-SCAN THEN DON'T FUCKING USE IT! I swear, every time I go to Wal-Mart my faith in humanity slips a little bit.
It doesn't help that when I pulled in, a cart was in a parking space, literally two feet away from the cart corral.
--NC Tony
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So this story comes from Mrs. NC.
She was at work when this woman comes up with four cocoa butter swivel sticks (they're kind of like lip balm).
Apparently the items in question were 2 for $3 at Target (she works at Wal-Fart).
My wife knows this because the woman said this about 57,000 times.
Over and over and over and over again.
My wife had rung her up by this point and the woman again stated "I said those were 2 for $3 at Target!"
Mrs. NC: Ma'am, I have no control over the price, whatever the price on our display is, is how much they are. Do you want me to price match?
Picky Bitch: Well isn't that what you people do here?
Mrs. NC: Well, yes, but only if you have the print ad so we can compare it.
She said that other Wal-Farts gave her the price match without the print ad.
Mind you at this point the sale was rung up and the woman had not yet paid.
My wife offered to cancel the transaction, to which picky bitch replied, "Well no, I still need them."
And then the words that every retail slave dreads "What's your name?" and then asked to speak to a manager at customer service.
So the woman paid and went up to the customer service desk.
All over a $1.37 difference.
I don't know what happened after that and no one came to talk to my wife, so I'm hoping they told her to STFU and GTFO.
--NC Tony
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Found by NC Tony. Maybe they can offer services to Retail Slaves!
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NC Tony here with "Things I Wish We Really Had". This stems from the wish list of pretty much every retail slave.
These gifts will be good all year round.
Spines: These will be given out to all managers who side with the asshole customer instead of the sales associate who is only following orders, only to have the asshole manager ignore company policy and give the asshole customer what they want.
Managers who already have spines will be upgraded to a set of balls of steel.
Cell Phone Killers: These will be installed in cash registers. When a customer is within five feet of the register the signal will start to break up, if they have not gotten the clue, then at two feet the signal cuts out altogether dropping the call, no matter what carrier you have. There is no app for that.
Age Specific Pacifiers: For hellspawn of course. If parents don't bother to bring something to keep their kids occupied, then depending on the age of the child, something is given to them to keep them from running around, destroying the store and annoying the other customers. Something cheap, it might break when they get it home, but while they're in the store it'll keep them from being hellspawn. Well behaved children will be given something cool.
Shopping Carts: But not just any shopping carts, well behaved customers will find their shopping carts run nice and smooth.
Rude, nasty customers will find that their carts are always wobbly, at least one wheel spins around like there's a windstorm going on three inches above the ground, the cart leans to either the left or right, and every now and then lets out an ear splitting squeal. How will this work? Remote controls carried by all store personnel, it looks like a car remote (or built into your name tag). Simply aim it at a cart and hit the button when a customer turns into a crusty.
AI Alarm Systems: This will be a voice activated system that will let security know exactly what the customer looks like when a theft is suspected. It will be available in a variety of voices, all of which are loud and obnoxious. They will work hand in hand with the new AI security cameras that track suspicious customers, so not every customer who's merchandise was accidentally not deactivated is accused of theft.
AI Security Cameras: As stated above, these will track suspicious customers who may turn out to be NATs. They will also watch for customers who put stuff back wherever, or place their empty cups, soda cans and other trash on shelves instead of in garbage cans. It will also call them out:
"Hey, Vinnie Slobarino! There's a garbage can three feet to your right/left/behind you! Use it!"
"Is that where you got that? No? Then put it back where you found it!"
AI Cash Registers: Along with the ability to kill cell phone signals registers will also do what cashiers can't do... talk back. When customers start arguing prices, or just being a general pain in the ass the register will speak up!
"Yes, ma'am, I know the pants are 50% off, it'll be taken off at the end of the sale, now shut up and let the employee get back to work."
"Hey, slow down there flash! Keep your coupons until the END of the transaction, s/he's only got two hands."
"The money goes in the cashiers hand, not on the counter."
"Hey stupid, don't put the money on the belt!"
"Hey stupid, don't put your kid on the belt, this is a department/grocery store, not an amusement park ride!"
They can also scan ID's to let you know if they're real or fake.
Clue By Fours: Whenever a customer starts acting like a grade A douche, the sales associate can take this stick and whack the customer in the head. It will knock a little common sense into the customer to make them realize that they're being an idiot, and in most cases shut them up so the rest of the sale goes smoothly.
Mandatory sales floor work for corporate: Black Friday. All regular sales associates get the day off to spend with their families. Also every weekend in December and the week after Christmas.
Alternate versions will be made for those who work in phone sales/tech support (if a customer swears at you three times the call is automatically terminated) and food service (the register/server's order book will record each order so when the customer argues "That's not what I ordered" you can play back their order to prove to them that it is in fact exactly what they ordered).
So... what'd I miss?
--NC Tony
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Hey Retail Slaves! I'm Freddy, Crypt Keeper of RHU! Retail Hell Underground Blog is for anyone slaving away in a service related position who wants to rant, tell their story, blow off steam, or just have a chuckle about the insanity of working in the 10th Circle of Hell! I'm also the author of Retail Hell, the funny memoir about life as a handbag sales associate at an upscale department store!




















