Retail Hell Underground

RHUER NEEDS TELEMARKETING ADVICE

From Humor Me:

I am getting harassed by illegal telemarketers. How do I know they are illegal? I can't stop the fuckers from calling!

I'm already registered with the National Do Not Call list, and they are still calling. If they start with an automated message, they are required to give you a key punch option (i.e. "press 3 to opt out of this service") to stop getting the calls. They don't do that. Since I have to resort to actually TALKING to them, I keep TELLING them I am on the DO NOT CALL list, and they just hang up in my ear, only to be called back again.

I called my phone company and asked them what I can do, and all they wanted to do was sell me more services... of course. I haven't got the money. When I lived in CT, AT&T gave me a month's free caller ID to finally get the phone number so I could report the number to the Do No Call registry and they finally shut them down. No such luck here. I'd have to pay another $10/month. Definitely not in my budget right now.

Is it within my "right" as an unsolicited, illegally-contacted custy to get rude to the telemarketers?

They obviously know they are in the wrong because they hang up as soon as I tell them I'm on the Do Not Call list and they are not removing me from said list.

How would you handle it without adding caller ID to track them?

They are "Card Member Services looking to lower my interest rates. I must be less than $3000 in debt and be a member in good standing." If they knew my credit rating, they wouldn't even be calling!

--Humor Me

Funny Signage

From Humor Me.

Awesome Signage

From Humor Me.

 

Restaurant Name Fail

I knew a Mr. Dick once, bit of a large fellow.

From Humor_Me

 

Holiday Parking Lot Maddness

Humor Me here again.

You are going to hear a lot about my local "bulls-eye" simply because its the closest place I can hobble to, but I'm sure this applies to a lot of parking lots this time of year.

SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

There are a lot of shoppers, and even though I happen to live in a warm climate, a significant portion of the United States (and the northern hemisphere) is dealing with cold weather, snow, and rain. Therefore, the parking lot may be SLIPPERY. Small children, the elderly, and yes, the disabled have a harder time dealing with this type of footing. If you happen to see some asshat using it as their own personal racecourse, you might want to flash your lights or honk your horn as long as you don't think you'll get into some sort of physical altercation or worse yet, shot.

And while I'm here, I'll mention a stellar family I saw. They came from across the parking lot, grabbed a cart from the far corner, and I thought "Yes! They are going to save some poor slave some work!"... until I saw what they actually did.

The mother let one child taller than the cart climb in while the other kid pushed and hard as she could. When the cart ran out of energy about 50' from the doors, the kid got out and they let the cart go to roll into the middle of the main drive so they could walk in and get another cart....

*facepalm*

Yes, I pushed it out of the way on my way home.

--Humor Me

 

 

Kind Custy Encounter At The Bullseye

From Humor Me:

I had to hobble over to the Bullseye to pick up a prescription, and as I was waiting, another lady sat down next to me with a cart about a quarter full of stuff.

I also noticed she had a cane with her.

I said, "Somebody's been Christmas shopping!" She told me that she shops a little at a time due to her health.

I told her that my Christmas shopping was easy. I pick up the phone and say, "Sorry, no Christmas presents, you know I'm broke, but I love you anyway!" I also told her my son was coming and I was going to feed him for Christmas. Just then my name was called, so I got up and went to the counter.

As I turned to leave, the lady came up to me and stuffed a $20 bill in my hand.

Secret Santa: "For your kids." :-D

Me: 8-O "No, really, we're all poor. They understand."

SS: "Take it. Its my chance to play Santa."

Me: "Thank you, but you really don't have to."

SS: "Have a Merry Christmas!"

Me: Thank you! I just did! THANK YOU!"

For a lady with a cane she moved awfully fast and I didn't get a chance to give her a huge hug.

--Humor Me

 

Shopping With Animals At Wally World

From Humor Me:

And here I go screaming ONE MORE TIME about Wal-Fart and their ridiculous policy about letting every animal under the sun in the store as a "service animal."

I officially boycott them for several reasons, but the picture I found on People of Wal-Mart with the Kangaroo/Wallaby pretty much the last straw.

For those of you who are newer, I am disabled and train my own mobility service dogs. I recently had to retire my 3yo mix breed due to her not adjusting to big city life, and my adorable, little Labrador due to her only reaching 45lbs. Not nearly big enough to being a weight-bearing dog.

I am now in the process of training a Golden Retriever/German Shepherd(?) mix that is doing VERY well! I just got her 2 weeks ago and she is a very smart puppy. Service dogs need to be taken out and socialized and taught to obey in all sorts of various situations including shopping, restaurants, on the bus, etc., but I'll be DAMNED if I want to run into a SKUNK or a fucking kangaroo/wallaby! They are NOT, nor will they EVER be a SERVICE animal! Those are the ONLY animals that are supposed to be allowed in a store (other than a pet store) especially one that carries FOOD!

Service dogs are trained, vaccinated, and regularly bathed to make sure that they are as socially acceptable and as healthy as possible. Its bad enough we have people taking PETS into stores claiming their cute little purse rat is a service dog just because they can't stand to leave it at home and it isn't properly socialized, but when you start bringing the whole fucking ZOO to the store you open up yourself to all sorts of lawsuits. What happens if your purse rat attacks my service dog? Can you really pay the $20,000-$50,000 to replace the dog for loss of use? Its not just vet bills ASSHOLE.

--Humor Me

 

The Desire To Help Never Leaves

From Humor Me:

No, I haven't found a job yet, but when you have been in retail as long as I have, and you have that built in "Can I help you?" gene, you just can't stop yourself when you see someone who looks totally lost.

So I was in "the Bullseye" last week getting some stuff because its the only store I can get to by foot. Granted it still takes me 30 to 45 minutes even though its 100 yards to the corner of the parking lot and then diagonally across, but its the best I can do.

I was getting some basics like milk and bread because I was completely out and couldn't make cereal or a sandwich without them, when I see a lady looking lost.

ME: *mentally thinking "I'm going to pay for this"...* "Having trouble? I used to work retail. You know you can use one of those red phones *points to phone on post RIGHT THERE* and they can tell you right where to find something."

CRUSTY: "Oh, they never can tell you where to go. I'm looking for ice cube trays and drain boards."

ME: "Well, I could probably figure it out, I know about where they keep stuff in general. Let's look."

*believe me. If I hadn't been in a mobility cart, I wouldn't have even considered it*

We are wandering up and down the aisles and I find stuff like the cooking utensils.

ME: "You'd think they would be right in here. Are you sure you don't want to call? There's another box right over here."

*points to another red box about 10' away*

CRUSTY: "No. They probably don't have what I'm looking for anyway!"

*I turn the cart around*

ME: "Let me get a better look at the other end of the aisles."

"Oh Look! Here are the drainboards!"

Crusty proceeds to look at every single drainboard deciding it was too expensive or didn't point the right way, and as she looked at each one, would toss it back at the shelf!

I would go back and straighten it up behind her, all the while resisting the urge to bash her over the head with each one.

Mind you, I don't even WORK THERE!

CRUSTY: "I only came here because I got a $10 gift card. I saw ice cube trays at Wal-Mart, but I didn't like the shade of blue... it was too dark."

I'm thinking, "The ICE CUBE TRAYS WERE TOO DARK?!!! Who the fuck sees ice cube trays? They sit in your fucking freezer all the time making fucking ICE! Unless that's where you keep the eyeballs of the people you have killed, you fucking anal-retentive bitch!

*smiles sweetly*

ME: "Well, sorry I couldn't help you. Good luck!"

*Drives to the next aisle, grabs grapefruit spoons and proceeds to dig out my eyeballs so I can't spot another lost crusty*

-- Humor Me

 

Newest RHUer

Humor Me (Formally Pharmacy Psycho) is now a grandma!

This is Riley Ann

To Asha & Alex (Humor Me's daughter and soon-to-be SIL)

November 25th
12:53pmEDT
6lbs.12oz.
20"

Mom & Dad are doing fine.

Dad gets 2 weeks off from manager of Yuletide Shrub Store to stay home, so he missed Black Friday! YAY!

--Humor Me

Failbook Retail Hell Funnies

Sent from Humor Me.

 

"Commands" Every Hellspawn Should Know

From Humor Me (Pharmacy_Psycho):

Having had dogs since I was in my teens, and children half my life, I thought I would preach to the choir and try to let every parent know what things every child should know by age 3.

These are basic, easy-to-understand commands (yes! commands!) that children should be able to understand and do without question. They are meant for the child's safety and the parent's and retail slave's sanity.

You'll note that they are very close to the commands taught to dogs, but a well-behaved dog is as welcome as a well-behaved child. 

SIT (down) - That's sit in the shopping cart in the area designed for children.

Twenty-five years ago they didn't have carts designed for multiple, small children shaped like cars, etc. so you had to put your kid in the basket.

If your kid is 8 years old, unless s/he's got some physical disability, s/he can walk and let the younger ones ride. If you have more than the cart allows, you need counseling in birth control (multiples don't count unless you are Octomom).

STAY (where I can see you) - That goes for all of the older siblings up to teenagers.

If you have teenagers with cell phones, great! You can set up a calling network that says, "I'm headed to the check-out. We leave in 15 minutes. If you aren't there, you'd better hope someone else is willing to come and get you."

COME (here) - That means NOW! Not strolling through the aisles touching everything on the way.

LEAVE IT - I'm not buying it, so put it right back down where you found it and keep your (paws) off of it.

QUIET - Self explanatory.

POTTY BREAK - Take one before you leave the house and before you head to the check-out, especially if you have been shopping for a long period of time. Used disposable diapers go in the TRASH in the restroom.

Not in the bottom of the cart in the parking lot.

WANT A TREAT? - This is good for children starting to get fidgety.

Toasted oats (Cheerios), baby carrots, fish crackers, and other small finger foods are good.  Stealing them off the shelf is NOT good.

Bringing a favorite small toy is also a good idea. You can bring a shoelace and tie it to the cart so it doesn't get lost. Taking items from the shelf so your kid can play with it is NOT acceptable. We are likely to hear your kid scream bloody murder when you dump it at the register in the end.

Feel free to print this off and share it with your entitled crusty friends or drop them anonymously in your local shopping center carts.

I have no desire to win copyright royalties, just to see better behaved children.

--Humor Me

 

 

RHU DISCUSSION: Coping With Bad Service

Humor Me (Pharmacy Psycho):

I must apologize to the cab driver whose head I bit off today.

I wasn't planning on it, I didn't mean to, it just popped out. If you knew me, you'd know I'm the type that usually handles stuff by talking calmly and explaining why I'm upset about the situation. Not reaming out the low man who happens to be in front of me. They don't deserve it.

A little background: Since I moved here to AZ,I have been dealing with my medical issues from scratch. Because I haven't been able to get a job with my old company (hiring freeze) I had to stop the payments on my truck and the insurance. Its just sitting there (waiting for repossession). That means I have to take state sponsored taxis to get to my medical appointments.

On more than one occasion, I have had to call multiple times to get my ride. Even ones that were scheduled days ahead and had conformation codes. Today would be one of those days.

I waited an hour for my ride which never showed. Heaven help me if I'M not the one ready 15 minutes ahead of schedule though!

I called the company and they said they would put me on a "priority call" and send someone right out. It would take 15 minutes.

An hour later, I called again. Apparently I went into the wrong system. It would be another 15 minutes.

Forty-five minutes later, I gave up, came in, and was on "ignore" (hold) when the cab driver finally knocked on my door!

That's like getting into the bath tub just when the electrician or cable guy shows up.

I was so pissed off, when he asked if I called for a cab, I screamed at him "YEAH! TWO GODDAMN HOURS AGO!" (so totally not like me. It didn't help that Surrido went into doorbell mode and wouldn't SHUT THE FUCK UP!)

He said loudly, "Ya know what? I'm not going to take you." I screamed, "GOOD, BECAUSE I"M NOT GOING! I"M ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR COMPANY NOW", and I SLAMMED the door.

I immediately regretted yelling at the driver of course, because I knew it wasn't his fault, but all that anger and frustration had reached it's boiling point. I sat down and cried for about 5 minutes since my connection with the company had broken.

When I finally reached someone at the taxi company, they offered to let me make a complaint on the driver which I refused to do, but I did let them know that a two hour delay with a conformation code was just a little excessive.

I think I'm a very patient person, but to be an hour and a half late for an appointment is ludicrous. They are the ones who have the contract with the city to cover the low-income medical transport.

The person asked if I wanted to file a complaint on the cab driver, and I said, "No, if anything, I want you to apologize to him for me because he didn't deserve to be yelled at for something that wasn't his fault." They had his driver number and promised to do so.

I really feel horrible for what I did and I hope the apology gets through and helps. In the mean time, one of the office workers where I am going for physical therapy is going to follow up and look into this problem from a provider's standpoint.

I'm sure I'm not the only one having this problem, and if the State is paying for all this You have to wonder how many other people are missing appointments or are getting there late.

Have any of you ever lost it on another Retail Slave that didn't really deserve it? How did you handle it?

--Humor Me (Pharmacy Psycho)

 

 

Message to Custys and Their Hell Spawn

Its CFslave here again.

The other day at work was like we hosted the national hellspawn conference.

First of all, attention all custys!!! If you have no intention of buying your spawn that toy,candy, cereal, etc. DON'T LET THEM CARRY IT AROUND THE WHOLE STORE, because if you wait to checkout to take it away, us slaves and other custys don't wanna hear screaming from your hell spawn.

Second don't call me a bitch because I tell you that your spawn could get hurt by standing on our conveyor belts, (get his ass down, people's food goes there).

Third when your spawn warns you that it has to go the bathroom and you ignore its cries, don't act shocked that it pissed itself and now a poor slave has clean up your spawn's waste.

Fourth stop sending your spawn's into the bathroom alone, they trash it almost every time.

And lastly, if your spawn walks up to one of our slaves because its lost, when we page you, bring your ass up to the front ASAP, we have other things to do instead of babysitting your demon seed!

--CFslave

Pharmacy Psycho: Shopping with Pets

From Pharmacy-Psycho:

Alright, I've had it. Its hard enough to go into a store without having to worry about whether or not my SERVICE DOG will be refused, but now Wal-Fart is letting ANYTHING in with four legs! A fucking SKUNK??? Gimmie a goddamn break! When I worked at the pet store we had a pair of tame skunks, a tame squirrel, and a sugar glider come in to visit. But this was a PET STORE!!! You expect to see animals there!

I don't care how much your PET critter means to you, QUIT BRINGING IT TO THE FUCKING STORE!

If YOUR pet critter decided it didn't like my SERVICE DOG and decided to make a disturbance, I could actually press charges for harassing a service dog. You bet your sweet ass I'd do it in a heartbeat too.

We do our best to train our dogs to be safe in public situations, but FOR FUCK'S SAKE, what are we supposed to do when we encounter this shit? You can only train a dog for so many encounters, and the dog KEEPS learning, but I'll be damned if I have to train my dog to stay away from your pet "whatever" because you can't leave it at home.

I haven't seen it in person yet because I'm refusing to shop at Wal-Shit until I know my service dog is safe. Heaven knows the kind of germs left behind, because as PETS, they probably don't keep their animals up on all the shots or keep it as clean as a working animal. &*^@^)&^*%^&$$%#@!!!

--Pharmacy_psycho

 

Pharmacy Psycho: Escaping Retail

I'm FRRREEEEE!!!!

Yes, I finally quit the pharmacy.

I leave July 2nd to move to the blistering summers of AZ. No more freezing my arthritic body parts off in the winter... WOO HOO!

The cost of living there is much cheaper and they are more pet-friendly. It's not the dogs I'm concerned about, but my cat.

I did place one of my cats with a friend because he was never really happy with the dogs around. I also don't think he would handle the 3000 mile trip very well. He has a great home though and I've been promised updates.

The pharmacy chain currently has a hiring freeze, but if I don't drive, don't buy TP or toothpaste, and don't bathe, I can afford life until I get a job again. At least I should be able to live on food stamps. *le sigh*

I also changed my RHU name to Humor Me to match my blog. I don't know when I'll be able to update or stop in again, but I will be thinking about all of you and hope to have some "interesting" tales when I get computer access again.

Much Love,

--Humor Me

(formerly Pharmacy_psycho)

 

Pharmacy Psycho: Creepy Side of Landscaping

My very first job I had was when I was 18, moved to Indiana, and was working for a landscape company. I didn't have a car or a driver's license and I lived in a studio apartment right downtown. It was cheap and I could bicycle just about everywhere I needed to go. My building super was the best, and I absolutely loved him. He watched out for all his tenants.

I had actually bicycled clear to the north side of town to interview for this job. I didn't have a phone, so they had to call my fiance to let me know I got it. I was thrilled because I was working right downtown and could either walk or bike to my job.

For the most part it wasn't that bad. I got to work outside with a great supervisor and spend the day in the parks watching the people go by while I did my work. Three things convinced me that it was time to quit:

One day at the end of the shift when everybody got together to find out where to meet up for the next day, we found out that our two notorious smokers had been hauled off to the hospital in an ambulance. It turns out that these rocket scientists had decided to overdose on drugs while on the job! Smooth move. They were fired.

Another time I had been working at the library clearing trash and weeding and watering the big cement flower pots. The day had started out cool, so I had worn a down vest my best friend made for me. I was told by my supervisor it was no problem to leave my jacket with the security guard there while I finished. When I went back later to pick it up, the guard held it back and said, "What will you give me for it?" *LEER* I turned around and walked away and waited till my fiance came to pick me up. Both of us went back and he handed it right over. I didn't take it laying down though. I reported him to the library and got him removed from from the library, if not his job. I hate creepy old men!

I finally decided it was time to get out when I was cleaning up one of the parks one day. Every morning when we got to work, our supervisor would assign us a section of the downtown park to clean. I was used to this and had no problem with it. When I went to clean the trash out from one of the park benches, I said hello to the guy who was sitting on the bench. He kinda grunted back at me, which I really didn't think much of, except he didn't move his foot when I went to pull a paper bag out from under it. I looked up to ask him if he could please move, and there he is FONDLING HIMSELF right in my face! SHIT! GROSS! This was 20 years before the common cell phone, so I just backed up in disgust. I found the security guard in the nearest building and he came out and told the guy to fuck off.

That was enough for me. I was getting married shortly, so I gave my 2 week's notice. Loved the job, hated the jerks.

--Pharmacy_psycho

Pharmacy Psycho: Custy Embarrassments

Okay, we have ranted, raved, screamed and bitched about customers, so why not make ourselves laugh with truly humorous situations?

I'll go first...

When I was working at K-Mart *mufflefrump* years ago, back when they had a lumber department (Home Care Center), I was pregnant with my first child. We carried, lumber, tools, concrete, sand, paneling, some furniture, and had just started getting into kitchen and bath set-ups when I finally left.

Now I had a horse and lived on a small farm and pretty much could still do most of my own stuff right up until the end, so I saw no problem in shifting bags of concrete and sand, so long as I didn't actually have to lift them... like into the back of someone's truck. I could get them off the pallet and onto a flatbed cart with no trouble.

One day an elderly gentleman comes to the back door to buy some concrete. I offer to help because he looks like he could use it. Nope. He wouldn't hear of it. I was pregnant and shouldn't be doing all that stuff. *eye roll* Okay, you go right on ahead and I'll just stand back and watch since its policy that if the back door is open, someone has to be in the back watching it.

He reaches for the first bag of concrete and I notice his drawers are starting to droop. Now this is back when guys didn't walk around with them around their ankles, so I was getting a little worried. He grabs the next bag of concrete, and it's starting to get serious! He grabs the third bag of concrete and... (8-O I turned around and faced a little bit while the guy got his pants back up :-D

Then, after I cashed him out, he had to load it in his car...

First bag of concrete....

Second bag of con.... (8-O

I couldn't help myself. I busted up laughing and had to walk to the other end of the department and watch from a distance. LOL!

Still the funniest thing that ever happened when I was working!

--Pharmacy_psycho

  

Pharmacy_pyscho's First Demon Spawn

Oh. My. GOD! It finally happened.

The whole inattentive parent/daemon spawn scenario.

I was refilling balloons and fronting the store when a little boy about 6 asked if he could pet my dog. Standard response, "Sorry, she's working."

"But-but, can I pet her?"

"No, sweetheart, if she is playing with you, she's not working for me."

[insert whining here]

I went to help a customer, and out of the corner of my eye, I see the little brat putting one of the Hellmark sticker packages away.

When I went to check, it had been opened, and ONE sticker was missing! We have to damage it out. (Pictured below)

I grabbed another balloon to fill, and as I was walking by to hang it back up, I saw where he was pulling a pile of these hideously, ugly punchballs off the hooks. He looks up and says, "I'm just looking for one I like."

I went and hung up the balloon, and came back by to see if he had put them away... of course not!

When I walked out from filling the next bunch of balloons, I can see him STANDING ON THE SHELF, and MOM ISN'T PAYING ATTENTION! I was just waiting to see if the little monster was going to fall off and crack his fucking head open.

As I was helping another customer, I heard the mom, "Come over here, please."

"NO! You come over here!"

Now if that had been my child, I would have hauled his smart little ass out to the car and had a discussion about who the parent was and how I was supposed to be treated. I didn't happen to see who went to whom.

When I was finally done with my customer, I went over to start rehanging all the punchballs. In the process, I found where a pair of junior swimming goggles was missing from it's packaging. >:-E

As the cashier was checking out, she asked me for help with the check machine because it refused to read her check. We ended up having to key it all in by hand, and the whole time the little brat is telling us that HE can fix the machine.

At least mom caught him before he walked off with a handful of "penny candy" (which hasn't cost a penny since I was in grade school) that was 3/$1.

If I ever see them again, I'm going to make sure a manager helps them. People like that just burn me.

I also got to play "personal shopper."

A lady came in looking for some stuff, and we were out of the scouring powder, but she didn't like the selection of Combos we had on sale. Well, la-dee-da!

I suggested she try the next largest store which is a half-hour drive. The picture showed the ones we had available, but she didn't want the pretzel kind, she wanted the cracker kind. Just because the ad says "Combos", doesn't mean all stores have all kinds.

At least she had a small list, or it would have taken longer. I don't mind helping, but we have a very small store, and can't carry every variety of everything all the time.

On a side note, its been freakin' HOT and humid here. I live on the 2nd floor with no AC and only one working fan right now. I think Kane is going to melt like a chocolate bar. I wish I was working every day to keep cool.

I hope you all are keeping cool too.

--Pharmacy_psycho

  

Rude Custy Parking

Were they trying to make a drive-thru? Where are the police or meter maids when you need them? Someone needs to have their drives license taken away.

Pic from Pharmacy_psycho.

Surrido Makes It On I Has A Hot Dog

From Pharmacy_pyscho who is one proud momma, her girl Surrido made it on to the blog I Has A Hot Dog. PP writes:

This was taken right before Valentine's Day. I put her in a "sit/stay with distractions" (the balloons). This was before I got her mobility harness back from being altered which is why she isn't wearing it. She still came to work with me to learn the routine and practice staying in place. She was very good about the balloons and doesn't even flinch when I blow one out!

Congrats Surrido! We Love the "Up" reference, though we suspect Surrido is hoping the balloons will lift her UP so she can escape Retail Hell.