Retail Hell Underground

Retail Slave Escapes From Wal-Mart

We've been giving out Retail Balls Awards to Slaves who have told customers, but it also takes balls to up and quit your Retail Hell job. Former Wal-Mart Retail Slave Michelle in New Jersey sent us this message:

"UMM [[clears throat]] May I announce that I finally got the balls to QUIT! Haha! And the muthafuckers are crying for me back!!! Psssh! Nevaaaaa! You can keep all the BS and customer attitudes...well....Thanks for pure HELL (of course) that added up to 2 years 4 months and 15 days....urgh."

Urgh indeed! It does take balls to quit when you've had enough. Congrats Michelle! We wish you greener pastures and a Retail Hell-Free future. Godzilla is happy for you too:

Costco Customer Gets Told

This week's Retail Balls Award is going to a Costco Slave in California. We're not mentioning her name cause we don't want her getting shit...

My day at work walking in the Costco warehouse started like this:

Member: "HEY, HELLO!!!" (Very loud and annoying)

Me: *I had no clue they were talking to me.*

Member: "HELLO!!! HELLO!!! HELLOOOO!" (Even more annoying and loud)

Me: *keeps walking no idea they mean me and if they do I don't respond to that*
Member: HEY!!!! COSTCO PERSON!!!!

Me: *turns around with dirty look on face*

Member: Where are the garden hoses?

Me: *Thinking*.... Are you kidding me? You call me "Costco Person" from way across the friggen warehouse and you want me to direct you to the right area? Go fuck yourself.

I picked an aisle and gave him specific instructions....for the wrong way...on the other side of the store.....hahaha...Member Person...

This is a most excellent demonstration of how to get back at a pissy, rude-ass customer. Sending them the wrong way never fails! Well done!

Customer Gets Told by Correction

Sometimes simply correcting a Stupid Customer is a fantastic way to pump up those Retail Balls. Retail Whore Winona sent us this little gem:

Once upon a time I had an irate man and his "Boy, I wish I didn't have to be part of this" wife who was crawling down my neck because of a mis-signed item.

He was pissed because even though I was going to GIVE him the mis-signed frame for the WRONG price, I wouldn't let him go back and get MORE. He wanted to get the rest of them.

I repeatedly said no.  He repeatedly said, "That's not right."

I can't remember the whole interaction word for word, but at some point he asked me to call the manager, which I did.

While waiting on the MOD to show up the guy yelled at me, "We wouldn't have to be going through all of THIS if you had just answered my question."

"What, exactly, was your question?" I asked him.

"Well.  Just.  This isn't right!"

"Sir," I said to him, "That wasn't a question, that was a statement, but if you have an actual question for me I'll be glad to try and answer it for you."

He turned red and started sputtering like a bad engine.

His wife smiled sweetly at me, took the bag, took her husband by the arm and drug him out before the manager ever got there.

I won that round at least.

We love this Winona! Corrective humiliation is the best! And your Retail Balls shine brightly!
Remember Slaves, if you have Told a customer, we want to give you a Retail Balls Award by posting it on RHU! Send us your story: submit@retailhellunderground.com

Customer at Store Photo Lab Gets Told

This week's Retail Balls Award goes to Retail Slave Kris in Minnesota:

Dumb Asses at the Bullseye Photo Lab

Dumb Ass: The kiosk won't read my CD.

Me: OK, let's take a look. Well, your disk is severely scratched and the kiosk will not be able to read it.

DA: MAKE IT WORK NOW!

Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry but the disk is damaged and will not work.

DA: I DON'T CARE, FUCKING MAKE IT WORK.

ME: It is not going to work, see the big scratches across the disk. There is nothing I can do.

DA: I want your FUCKING manager.

ME: Ma'am, I am the manager and if I was fucking right now, I would not be able to help you. I'm not taking that language and you can leave now, have a nice day."

Yaaaaaay! Way to fucking go, Kris! We love your Photo Lab Balls!

Target Shoe Hell Revealed: Piggy Shopper Invasion

This bold Retail Hell Underground photo essay comes to us from Retailicious Target Slave MK:

Personal Inner Circle of Shoe Hell

"These pictures were taken on Mother's Day, aka Ego-Tripping Bitches Fucking Up My Shoe Department/Softlines Day.

Due to lots of call-ins from high school kids who I KNOW sure as hell weren't calling in to spend time with their respective mothers, we were very short staffed on the floor.

After finishing pulls, backing up, cleaning up spill after spill, etc, our mid-day zones just hadn't happened, but I didn't think it could be "that bad." HA! Just kidding!! I know how those Piggy Shoppers work, they can friggin smell it on you when you're short staffed, and they go out of their way to make your life even shittier!!

So you can imagine my "shock" when I randomly walk by the seasonal aisle to find that MYSTERIOUSLY, all my shoes have abandoned their baskets and found their way into heaps on the floor. Not only that, but the other aisles were FUBAR as well.

In the next picture, please note that aside from one backwards facing shoe, one aisle has absolutely no display shoes left on the shelves, but interestingly enough there is a fucking fast food cup roosting on my displayer.

I would like to add that the next aisle over has a courtesy phone with a trash can underneath. Hmm.

Anyway, we get cracking on picking up after these PIGGY "GUESTS" and we're getting ready to move on to another department when I happen to hear lots of loud, annoying bickering coming from the other end of my now perfectly zoned shoes.

Again, to my "surprise", I find a mother-daughter tag team, ripping box after box off the shelf, shoving shoes into random spots where they CLEARLY did not belong, and leaving heaps of nasty shoes all over the floor.

So what am I supposed to do, go up to them and ask them to stop?

Actually, I've done that before, but I figured it would be a lot more satisfying to belly-crawl through infants and take a cellphone picture around the corner to send into RHU!! There they are, caught in the act like dirty animals:

In this next picture is just a sample of the mess the nasty swine left for us:

All in all, Mother's Day sucked hard. I hope all my fellow Slaves are doing well, I feel your pain! Just remember, the customer may always be right, but the guest is always wrong, and most of them our total fucking pigs from hell!"

Thanks for your Inner Circle Shoe Hell undercover work MK! We bow down to you for doing a belly-crawl to get a true underground picture!  You have some Kick-Ass Retail Balls!

Discount Shoe Store Customer Gets Told

This week's Retail Balls Award goes to Kendra Wilson in Vancouver, British Columbia. She writes:

I used to work at a retail discount shoe store (tgipt - thank God it's past tense) and almost every day there would be a horde of people coming through the store knocking crap over making my job a living hell. That's just in the regular section of the store, never mind the clearance. Holy hell the clearance....

Anyways, one day, when I was close to quitting, a woman came in with a troop of children. Had to have been twelve of the little punters. As soon as they entered the store they fanned out in practically a military formation intent on upsetting my carefully constructed displays and organized stacks of shoe boxes.

After about twenty minutes of literally running after these spawnlings cleaning up the chaos left in their path I had had enough.

I stepped into the main aisle of the store, lifted my index finger accusingly and yelled, "You! Childbearing female! Restrain your progeny or there shall be dire consequences!"

She stared at me like a lamb stares at the axe, gathered her flock and left shortly afterwards. It was a good day.

We love that Kendra! Especially, that you used the word "progeny!" Well done. You get a special Elocutionist Retail Balls Award!

Remember Slaves, if you have Told a Customer, we want to hear about it! Send us your story: submit@retailhellunderground.com  For those of you who have sent in stories, they will be appearing shortly.

Crying Bitch Customer Gets Told

The Wal-Mart story from a few days ago, inspired us at Retail Hell Underground to pay tribute to Retail Slaves who stand up to rotten customers. Thus we give you:The Retail Balls Award. If you tell a customer off, we want to know about it!!! There are no actual Retail Balls prizes yet, cause we are just punk-ass Retail Slaves, but you never know what the future holds. For now, the prize is sharing your retail war story with the world! Our very first RHU Retail Balls Award goes to Megan Tollison, a Retail Whore in Oklahoma. Congrats Megan. Great job! Here is her story:

So, I was scanning the pages of your wonderful blog and a story about my wasted 3 years at Hobby Lobby dealing with fucking crazy bitch soccer moms and grandmothers came to mind, and I must share it.

It was a day when I was the only cashier up front, because it was slow.

A woman came up and said, "I need to exchange this," or some shit and I said, "That's fine. You can leave it right here while you go look around."

So, her old wrinkled ass walked off, and then like 58,495,845 fucking people came up and I had to call like 4 more checkers.

Well, she came back up to the front, stood off to the side and went, "Uh....I need to exchange this. I was here first."

I said, "Actually, you have to go to the end of the line and wait.

Of course this caused her fucking head to spin off into another dimension. She asked me to call the manager to the front, and so I did so I could have someone to hold me back from slicing both her tits off.

I continued to check the other customers out, and then the manager got up there and she STARTED FUCKING CRYING!

I wanted to fucking kill her.

So, what did the manager do?

Told me to let her to go through ahead of everyone else.

So....the customer gave me that, "See bitch? I was right" look.

As soon as the manager walked off, I said under my breath but just loud enough for her to hear, "You are getting your way because you cried like a little bitch."

Before she could get a word out, I was done and I said, "Have a nice day!"

Megan, you have some awesome Retail Balls and we at RHU salute you!

If any of you Retail Slaves out there have Told a Customer - we want to hear it and maybe we'll give you a Retail Balls Award and post here on RHU! Send us your story on Myspace or to retailhell@flash.net