This story was originally posted on: January 15, 2011
So I just found this site a couple of weeks ago and I’m in love! I didn’t realize so many people shared the same “love” for custys that I do.
Anyway, I work at a very “smart” pet store and we’re always having to try to bust the myth that goldfish can live quite happily in a bowl. There are so many tactics to try to convince a customer to buy a proper set-up but it just doesn’t work sometimes. One of my favourite lines is:
Custy: “My goldfish lived a really long time in a little bowl!”
Me: “Oh, really? How long did he live?”
Custy: “6 months!!”
Me: “You do know that goldfish can live 20 years or more with proper care, right?”
Custy: “No they don’t! Mine never lived that long!”
Because I have nothing better to do with my day than tell you bullshit lies about goldfish, right?
Then there’s the people who take it even further. They’ll threaten to buy their gold fish from the competitor fish store down the street. Like your $2 purchase would have really made a difference to us. And go ahead, go to the other store. They won’t sell you one either. Just yesterday I had to deal with this.
Angry custy 1: “I’d like to buy a goldfish!”
AC1: “Oh just a small little thing.”
Me: “And I assume there’s no sort of filtration?”
AC1: “Nope, just a little bowl. I’ve had goldfish in there before and they lived a really long time.”
“I’m sorry, but we can’t and won’t sell goldfish to a bowl. It’s really not a good home for them because they get quite large and are extremely messy. It’s pretty much like living in a toilet.”
AC1: “Are you fucking serious?”
Now this guy looks at me like he’s ready to slaughter the hell out of me. At this point I’m tweaking because I absolutely hate confrontation, but when it has to do with a living, breathing creature I won’t back down.
AC1: “I’m want THAT goldfish!” (points to a goldfish already 3 inches long) Douched
Me: “We can’t sell goldfish to bowls, I’m really sorry.”
AC1: “What the fuck. This is bullshit. *summons his hellspawn who at this point are traumatizing the hamsters by banging on the glass* Come on guys. This lady won’t sell us a GOLDFISH. Lets go to *other pet store who won’t sell you one either, smartass* and buy one of THEIRS.”
Me: “Okay, bye!”
It’s not like we get some sick, twisted pleasure out of denying you fish. If we truly believed your set-up was suitable for a fish, we’d have sold you one in a heartbeat. I don’t even like to sell bettas to bowls, but we have to. Goldfish though, definitely not. I tell you once, I’m not going to change my mind even if you swear or raise your voice. Not gonna happen, and you’re just going to leave angry and looking like a fool. Another woman thought yelling at me and making me feel stupid would get me to magically change my mind. Nope, sorry.
Angry custy 2:
AC2: “How long can a goldfish live for in a bowl?”
Me: “Well, probably around six months, but-“
AC2: “Okay, I’ll get two goldfish!!”
Me: “Actually, we can’t actually sell goldfish to bowls, sorry.”
AC2: “So then WHY DID YOU TELL ME THEY COULD LIVE IN A BOWL?!”
Me: “Well I started to say why they couldn’t; they just get way too big and are extremely dirty fish. Most goldfish should reach a minimum of 6-8 inches and live about 20 years.”
AC2: “Well that’s insane! It’s JUST a fish! You don’t know what you’re talking about!! I WANT A GOLDFISH! I’m going to go to *one of two other fish stores nearby*. *turns to hellspawn* KIDSLET’SGONOWWWWRAWRAWRAWR.”
As she was hauling ass out of there for looking like a heartless freak, a meek little woman and her son came up behind me needing help with the hamsters. They’d seen the whole thing and looked speechless.
Custy: “Hi, um, I need help, please? But I’m nice!”
And she was SO nice. It was her son’s birthday and she wanted to get him a hamster and everything she needed to make it happy. I showed her a huge cage and toys and stuff for it and she got it all. I then found them the sweetest hamster we had and he just loved it and they were extremely friendly and grateful!
When you come into a pet store, a place FULL of animal lovers, do not have the gall to say you want a goldfish bowl JUST FOR DECORATION. That’s a one-way ticket to “get-the-fuck-out-of-my-store!!”
Oh yeah, I think I’ll have a child. But just for decoration. I’ll put him in a box and of course he’ll grow up strong and healthy!
Anyway, that’s it for now. I can almost guarantee I’ll be dealing with more crazy custys soon, so until then, RHU!
I’ve gotta deal with a lot of fish issues, so for now I’ll just call myself Fissue?